pregnant with twins, considering termination. please help.

[moaninhore]

I have 3 wonderful children and a wonderful dh.
he didn't want any more children and now we are 10 weeks pregnant with twins. as time as gone on I realise how serious he is about not wanting them and I am now seriously thinking about aborting to save our marriage. I don't hate him as he is just being honest and I would not want to resent him forever.
I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has been in this position or who has known of anyone who has.
thanks.

How are you?

Been following thread and just wanted to wish you and dh a good counselling session today.
Hope you can come to a decision together.

i have friends who had
1 child - desperately wanted, years of trying.
1 year later had IVF, had twins
the following year she got pg accidentally. TRIPLETS!!

They had 6 under 5.

their house is crazy, mad, busy, cramped, loud. they are skint. we LOVE going there. full of children, fun, laughter, love.

don't be scared
you'll manage. it'll be hard, but just imagine when you are old, all those children and grandchildren around to visit you. You will never be lonely. i have 2 DDs and our family is complete (though you never know what might happen...) but i do wonder if i will regret not having more when i am old. Financially, emotionally we couldn't handle more, but you know life is what happens when you're busy making plans.

i've had a termination and I'm not eaten up by guilt over it - I always said I would never have one but I did - because I felt it was the right thing for everyone at the time. But I have to ask, how come you have got to 10 weeks? Have you been putting off making an appointment or did you not know? Because if you have been putting it off then I think that says you don't really want it - because for me, the day I found out, I was in the doctors

wow, well I'm still very touched by the continued messages of support and advice, thankyou (peachy you are lovely)

we had our session today, I was very anxious but dh was very keen.

Dh started talking, it took him a good long while to mention the pregnancy, pam (so so lovely) wanted to know all about us and our childhood and everything major that we had ever experienced together.. so it took a long time.
she managed to get a very good piture of us very quickly.
I had been expecting to spend most of the session weighing up pros and cons and discussing the pregnancy, but we didn't at all. She knew how we both felt about it and without any hesitation, as matter of factly as she could, told dh that I will not be having an abortion, and if I did our marriage would be over.
It was the first time he has heard anybody say that and he didn't argue it for one second. that was it, there was no discussion.

She raised some very valid points as to why dh was feeling so scared about 2 more babies, all based on his experiences as a child (I won't bore you with the details...unless anyone wants to know?!) and ade him realise that his fears we not relevant to our lives now.
anyway I could go on and on about it because she was so fantastic, we will see her weekly for a while. very expensive but money very well spent.

an hour or so after our session we were sat in the car in town with the kids in the back and it hit dh like a ton of bricks, he absolutely crumbled and cried like a baby, in the highstreet. It was hard to see him in pain but I was so relieved. I think it was such a shock to realise that his past is affecting him negatively now, and also shocked at the idea that I am not going to have an abortion.

we havnt really talked since, he took some space and he is now reading to the kids.

I think it is going to be a hard few months, but I know for sure that I have been blessed with twins and we will love them and care for them with all our hearts and I will never, ever regret my decision to keep them, and nor will he.

(sorry to waffle on)

Oh Moanin, am so glad you have come to the decision that you wanted and I'm sure your twins will be a wonderful addition to your family. I hope everything goes well for you. Best wishes.

Glad to hear that the session went will (all be it very hard for your DH).

It probably will take him time to come to terms with it, certainly it took my exH a long time to come round - but by the time DS3 was born he was absolutely besotted with him - and although we've since split (other issues other than the pg were the root cause) he still adores all of his children.

That was such a moving post Moaninhore. Just wish you, dh and your family all the best. And God bless for Pam

Glad to hear you have had a better day

I read your thread yesterday and was really touched by it. Today its brought tears to my eyes to see how far you've come. I've got 4, 6 and under, and its great. Completely managable. I can imagine having another (we live in a flat, basic but large car). Its hard work, but thats all it is. Relentless, hard work. But the baby years are over soon enough and you have a lifetime of noise, laughter and love.

I really wish you all the very best

Good luck. I am sure you have made the right decision. I have twins who are now 11. Just wait until you see them both in the scan. It can be very comical. One of mine was lying with his hands behind his back and the other was kicking him ! Twins have a wonderful relationship. I really really hope it all works out for you. Jenny.

oh moanin im so glad to hear that uve decided to keep your babies, good luck to you and i hope everythung works out well for you xxxx

oh i am so pleased

Now that brings a tear to my eye

I'm so pleased that you have come to this point, you sound more relaxed and less anxious already. Want to wish you all the best for the future. btw my friend had twins recently, they had 2 already - she makes it look easy!!!

Hi moaninhore. I fell pregnant unexpectedly and I thought that I wanted a termination. I thought it was the best thing all round as we had 3 other children, ages 5, 3 and 1. I went to the family planning place to discuss it and I hated every second of it, of the conversation, of explaining why I wanted to do it, of listening to what would happen. I had a scan and they told me it was a twin pregnancy. I left the clinic there and then. Twins felt special, and it was the excuse I needed not to do it.

We would have had 5 children under 6, with only DP working and on a modest wage, but I absolutely realised that I hadn't wanted to do it all along.

At my 12 week scan, there was only baby, I had had a 'vanishing twin'.

I continued with the pregnancy and we now have a gorgeous 1 year old. It is hard. Some days it's really hard, but I think if I had gone ahead with the termination - assuming that it was the right thing for us - I never would have forgiven myself.

It is a hugwe desicion and from what you have already written I don't think for a second that a termination is what you really want.

Be strong, make the right decision for you, not just everyone else.

Sorry I've just read your last post!

Well congratulations to you both

A really thought-provoking thread.

Lots of people have made the same point... to give your DH as much space as possible for a while (which you yourself said you were doing). I imagine that will give him some time to work things out in his head.

Good luck with your pregnancy!

So pleased to hear things are a bit brighter for you. It sounds like you have a really caring and understanding relationship with your dh. Best of luck with everything.

Congratulations to you both and good luck to all of you! I really hope it will work out well.

feeling a bit like I could burst.... but keeping a lid on my excitement for dh.

I have just re-read every post on here, I can honestly say that this thread has helped me work out what to do.

I am so touched by the heart felt messages and genuine care and concern shown to me through my computer screen.

I've seen the power of mn before, but now I've felt it!

thankyou thankyou xx

dh slept downstairs last night didn't want to talk, or be near me...

just now he popped in to give me a cuddle.. this is going to be so tough.