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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

pregnant with twins, considering termination. please help.

179 replies

moaninhore · 30/10/2008 13:55

I have 3 wonderful children and a wonderful dh.
he didn't want any more children and now we are 10 weeks pregnant with twins. as time as gone on I realise how serious he is about not wanting them and I am now seriously thinking about aborting to save our marriage. I don't hate him as he is just being honest and I would not want to resent him forever.
I would really appreciate advice from anyone who has been in this position or who has known of anyone who has.
thanks.

OP posts:
guyFAwkesreQuiem · 04/11/2008 09:30

moanin - he was probably still in shock yesterday at the realisation that he is going to be a daddy again (hence sleeping on the sofa).

I would say the fact that he came in to give you a cuddle is a positive thing.

Hang in there, he'll come round

PuzzleRocks · 04/11/2008 09:31

I have been lurking and haven't posted as didn't have anything to add that the wise old heads on here hadn't already covered. I just want to say i'm delighted for you that you have worked through this and wish you the best for the future. I hope you get all the love and support you need. Do keep us posted.

needmorecoffee · 04/11/2008 09:34

so pleased to hear things are looking brighter and you will be keeping the babies. I felt from your posts that that is what you really wanted to do. The counselling sounds wonderful so good luck with that and I'm sure your dh will come round more when his own issues are resolved.

SquiffyHock · 04/11/2008 09:43

Hi there, I've only just found this thread. I am pregnant with my third which was unplanned - we were very happy with two and it really was a shock. DH, in particular, was upset by it and (very gently) raised the issue of termination. I refused as I had one in my early twenties and have never really gotten over it.

Now we are over halfway through and, if anything, DH is more excited than me. I'm sure there will be days when we will want to tear our hair out but there are days like that with 2!! There will also be a gazillion moments when we will want to burst with pride and love.

Good luck moaninhore - you sound like a terrific couple and in twenty years time you'll get some sleep and pat yourselves on the back for a job well done

scattercushion · 04/11/2008 10:08

Sorry it's hard for your DH, what was the problem in his childhood? Maybe if you tell us it'll help you to support him? And also because I'm very nosy

tinkisbigandinneedofzzzzzzzzz · 04/11/2008 10:12

session sounded great so glad that you are going to keep them

shabster · 04/11/2008 10:18

Im so glad you have decided to keep them. I had twins in 1981 - we were living with my mum and dad - both out of work - more skint than we have ever been.

Make a good friend of your midwife and HV both ladies helped me so much.

Come over to the multiples thread - a lovley bunch of ladies, all with different stories and experiences. Everybody will help you.

xx

bronze · 04/11/2008 10:20

I'm so happy for you.
I'm not sure if I can put into words how I'm feeling for you but I'm sure you'll understand why.
Glad I checked back now
x

padboz · 04/11/2008 10:28

I have been lurking too - my second child was a suprise - I had a 4 month old colicy baby and PND when I concieved - I wasn't anywhere near coping with the baby we had, let alone another. We spent 3 heartbreaking days discussing termination before I realised I simply couldn't do it. My beautiful perfect happy little girl is a joy and a blessing and I wouldn't want my life any other way.

GrapefruitMoon · 04/11/2008 10:36

Didn't see your original message but just wanted to say congratulations and wish you all the best.

I knew a family growing up who had 6 children and then twins. This was in the days before scans so they didn't know it was twins until the birth!

Maybe there was less pressure on people to provide material things for their children back then... but they didn't have a whole lot of money, lived in a small 3-bed house. The parents took the smallest bedroom and they had two sets of bunkbeds in the other two bedrooms (luckily 4 boys and 4 girls!) All the children did well, several went on to university, etc.

Thomcat · 04/11/2008 10:57

moaninhore - ohhhh feel all goosepimply. Am so pleased for you. Yes it will be hard but so, so worth it. And like you say, and I said to you before, you would live with the regret of not having these babies but will never, ever regret them when they are here and bringing you love and joy and completing yur family

Now, get DH booked in for the snip

twinsareus · 04/11/2008 11:00

Hi, just discovered your thread.. I was 40 had a son of 20, my partner had 2 grown up children and did not want any more.. I had been on the pill, had periods, was tired.. I thought from working a six day week for months, went for a smear test and was told I was pregnant, sent the same day for a scan and it was twins, I was 5 months pregnant... shock was an understatement!! A complete zomby for weeks.. too late for any tests.. amnio etc.. they were born at 36 weeks 5lbs 12oz and 5lbs 8ozs, perfect beautiful little girls, the most precious gift I could have asked for , they are identical, will be 11 this month and I can never imagine life without them. They were hard work when small, no denying lack of sleep was a problem, and they fight a lot, cost lots!!But you get through and have lots of fun, Love them so much, and look back that like you if I had found out earlier I was pregnant, my partner would have been putting me through the same situation. The day those babies were put in my arms and I looked in their eyes and at their tiny bodies, so perfect, I knew it was meant to be, I loved them unconditionally for always. My little Hannah and Lucy.. my babies. I am sure you will feel the same , and even if times are hard , you will always get through. xx

DorisIsAPinkDragon · 04/11/2008 11:02

Only just found you post, but read the whole thread and it has brought tears to my eyes...

Give yur dh the space he needs and hopefully he will come round,

Good luck and I how you have a good pregnancy

Guadalupe · 04/11/2008 11:16

Moanin - My DH needed a lot of space and quiet and he was really bristly whenever we talked about it at first so I left it, only talked about it to friends which was really hard, but I felt he needed to come to terms with it in his own time. We also slept separately for a bit.

He wouldn't come to the first scan but the second one was the turning point. He said, 'oh, I can see it's a boy', not that he particularly wanted a boy but it was the first time he had been interested and things looked up from then on.

2Helenback · 04/11/2008 14:47

Moanin, so pleased for you. I'm sure that this will be the right decision for you all in the end.

My dd was the result of a planned pregnency, but Dh latertold me he'd only agreed to try as it was "what you wanted". He was an utter shit to me throughout the pregnancy, and I spent 9 months with a bag packed and my hospital notes stowed with my passport so I could leave for my mum's. I nearly did, several times. Now, 20 months after dd arrived number 2 is on the way, I am being treated very well most of the time (he is a bloke after all, rolls eyes) and dh is besotted and fab dad. He just needed to retreat to his cave and extracate his head from his arse over the issue. Glad he did in the end.

Twinsareus, you have made me go all teary with your post. Must be the hormones as I am a hard faced cow!

8oreighty · 04/11/2008 14:51

I have twins, but they are my only children. But I just wanted to say, what I'm sure you've heard already, that although it is hard in ways, it is also really lovely having twins, sounds stupid, but it's a different thing, they have eachother and there is a different dynamic. My cousin in law has just had twins and has two other children under 4. She is actually really happy...and quite a short tempered was a very accomplished career woman, kind of person. I just think people think twins are harder than they really are, they don't realise all the great bits...waffling on. I feel for you...

tkband3 · 04/11/2008 16:09

I have read your thread all the way through and tears came to my eyes when I read your post about the counselling session.

Our DD1 was 13 months when we found out I was unexpectedly pregnant again, and 14 months when we found out our unplanned baby was actually 2 babies! DH swore when the sonographer announced the news and those were the last words he spoke for a few hours. He went out for a walk as soon as we got home. I raised the subject of a termination once - he immediately dismissed the idea, which I was relieved about as I'm not sure what I would have done if he'd wanted to even discuss it. I had a relatively trouble-free pregnancy, but DH was very worried about how we were going to cope throughout - and to be honest this carried on for a good while.

A couple of weeks ago a friend said to us (I think he was trying to be funny) 'oh I laughed really hard when I found out you were having twins' and DH said 'well, I'm the one that's laughing now'. 'Why?' said the friend. 'Well because they're so lovely and I'm so lucky' said DH .

I won't deny it's been hard - and we only have 3 children - but with 20 months between them, DD1 and our (id girl) DTs are very close friends and bring us huge joy.

Best of luck with your pregnancy - and as Shabby and Ruby have said, come and join us on the multiples thread.

Jackstini · 04/11/2008 19:45

So pleased for you Moanin, what a great counselling session.
Will be hard for dh but the first realisation/admittance is a huge step so fingers crossed it gets better from hereon.
Feels ok now to say.....Congratulations!

amidaiwish · 04/11/2008 20:19

i'm loving this thread best one for ages and ages and ages xx

amidaiwish · 04/11/2008 20:19

i'm loving this thread best one for ages and ages and ages xx

amidaiwish · 04/11/2008 20:19

so great i clicked twice!

MarsLady · 05/11/2008 00:57

I'm glad you've decided to keep them and even though this is now the difficult time as your DH and you get used to what will be I wish you joy and happiness. Do pop over and see us on the multiples thread.

My DTs are babies 4 and 5 and despite being hard work at times fill me with unspeakable joy (even when I'm offering to courier them to other MNers )

ninedragons · 05/11/2008 02:44

Congratulations! I think your family will be squashed but happy. I know two families that had surprise multiples (one set of twins, one set of triplets) and they are some of the happiest people I've ever met.

I don't want to bring you down to earth with a big bump, but can I suggest that DH books himself for a vasectomy? It would not be fair to put you through this ever again.

lecohen · 05/11/2008 09:41

Just caught with this thread again...am so happy for you that you have made a decision that you are happy with.

I wish you a smooth pregnancy and continued strength xxxhugsxxx

Shiner · 05/11/2008 11:20

Congratulations for finding your way through all the emotional turmoil, I do not envy you!

My mother had twins after 3 children, and my father was always away at work (he worked at sea so away for half a year at a time). Extended family refused to help for various reasons (jealousy, old-fashioned values), and she effectively brought us all up alone. I'm sure she would agree that it's difficult, but do-able. She had an approach of assigning a baby to each of the older children to "look after". One of my elder siblings used to take "his" twin into bed with him, like a teddy bear. You may both surprise yourselves with how well you cope.

Now we are all grown up, and my parents say they built an empire!

I also have twins and must warn you about how it will be going to the supermarket: you will be besieged by grannies who INSIST on stopping you and admiring the children. "oooh! Are they TWINS?!". Hint: do not say "yes". You will be there all day.

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