Just found out daughter is pregnant - what do we do?

[minimees]

I've just found out my daughter is 7 weeks pregnant, she wants to keep the baby as she has Endometriosis which can affect her fertility.
This pregnancy was unplanned and she lives at home with me and her dad, we both work and own our own home and never claimed a benefit in our life.

We have no idea what she is entitled to benefits wise as a single mum and I'm hoping you can put me in the right direction.

Also, do we need to go to the doctors first to get proof that she is pregnant? Please help we have no idea

She needs to tell her employer that she is pregnant, so that they can do a risk assessment ASAP. They should take measures to ensure her safety.

Unfortunately, it's pretty unlikely that a 19YO single mother will be earning enough to support herself and a baby. And it's also unlikely that the baby's father will pay sufficient in maintenance to make it possible for mother and child to live without state support.

I'm glad that there is financial support for women in OP's niece's situation, so that children don't have to grow up in poverty.

We dont normalise it
Nobody thinks brining a baby up on benefits a a fantastic idea but ultimateley women have to mske the choice that is right for them not the choice others think they should make.

You’re looking down your nose at people receiving benefits. You are insinuating you are superior because you are a “tax payer”.

These are your words:

“If she is going on benefits while the dad buggers off, taxpayers obviously feel cheesed off”

I reiterate, all different kinds of people are entitled to benefits for a reason. If you don’t like it then take it up with the government.

You don’t get to pick and choose which benefits are okay to receive and which aren’t.

How exactly ? Sending them off to
special homes to have their illegitimate babies and then forcing adoption? Do we really want to make this an issue again like it was in the past ? I don’t think anyone wants to go back to that. It’s cruel.

yeah... ideally if they could sort out consequences of their choices so we, taxpayers, weren't forced to pay for these choices.

It's very telling that OP's question was what and how she should claim.

No need to give up her job. Her work can do a risk assessment. I worked with really distressed people when pregnant under a RA. Try to keep her in her job.

Ok. I am not sure why you want to drag PIP into this when I didn't say anything about it.

I think having a baby in this situation- if the DD goes on benefits- is a stupid, unwise and selfish decision, yes. Though most of the blame lies with the dad.

And I am afraid I do think people who plan babies carefully are superior to those who don't. You are right there.
I imagine many people do, otherwise we would all be having ten babies each.

Benefits calculator here https://www.turn2us.org.uk/

I am “dragging” PIP into this to make you aware that tax payers can also be recipients of benefits. As I work and pay tax, but also receive benefits.

Just like the OP’s daughter is working and paying tax.

You are referring to yourself as a “tax payer” being cheesed off as if you personally are funding people on benefits. When in reality a hell of a lot of people who receive benefits are tax payers themselves or they been in the past!

It just makes your statement look really uneducated and snobby.

I am well aware. The OP's DD is contemplating quitting, at 19, if OP is to be believed. She shouldn't quit.

I doubt she has paid a lot of tax in the past, and it is all too easy for young teen mums to get stuck on benefits. I am not sure what is snobby about this, but we will have to agree to disagree.

Absolutely ensure she doesn’t quit her job now. She’ll be able to have a risk assessment with her managers and be put in a role that is safe for her. She’ll then be entitled to maternity pay.

Firstly, congratulations to your daughter. She says she wants to keep it but still most likely will need your support. Assuming that her employer do risk assessment and are able to offer her a suitable role, what are her plans after the baby is born? Have you discussed this - especially around housing and whether she can stay with you indefinitely. You say she is on her own but does the father know? And has he had the opportunity to offer support in some way? He might just surprised her. I fell pregnant at 17 and was lucky to have to full support of my boyfriend. Nearly 30 years and 4 more children later we are still together. I will be very honest and say the early years were incredibly hard, we bought our first house when I was 18 (it was a hovel in a terrible area) but we were always utterly determined to do our best. We both worked and supported each other through studying at different times. We both now have professional jobs and all of our children have trades or degrees (or are in the process of getting them). I am sharing as not every young pregnancy ends in single mums on benefits. Your daughter already has a job that reuires determination and resilience which are skills that can be applied to many things. Good luck to her (and you).

Oh it’s incredibly snobby.

It’s entirely reasonable and sensible to suggest OP’s daughter shouldn't quit her job without knowing her maternity pay rights. It’s the way you’re wording your comments. They’re snobby patronising stereotypes about young, working class mums, when you have very little context into this young woman’s life.

But yes, happy to agree to disagree 👍🏼

Even if she keeps her job, she will be eligible for benefits including for childcare due to how low paying her job is.

Is she with her boyfriend or was this a ONS?

Do they have any plans to live together and can they afford to- ie rent a small flat?

She is an adult so it's not automatically down to you to sort out this.

She should tell her bosses straight away, they will do a risk assessment and should take her out of those situations - I stopped working with the child in our mainstream school that likes throwing furniture around immediately after I told my boss.

She will want the wage with a baby to prepare for!

I'm sure it's a shock to you OP, kudos for being supportive from the off.

Her situation is that she has a choice whether to have a baby or not.

If this was back in the day when abortions were surgical, dangerous, illegal or stigmatised then yes the taxpayer should be picking up the tab. Now am abortion is a pill women have choice, and the taxpayer shouldn't have to fund that choice.

Her body, her choice, her responsibility.

Of course they should make the choice that is right for them and the consequences of that choice need to be theirs.

With choice comes responsibility.

Because she's unlikely to become pregnant again. Why shouldn't she?

Yes she needs to speak to her employer as soon as she feels comfortable and ask for a health and safety assessment.

She may be entitled to mat pay from her job.

GP if she's especially worried / taking medication that might need to be changed / vomiting a lot, if not self refer to the midwives.

She needs folic acid and vit D tablets - it may be possible to buy the NHS branded version from a sure start / children's centre but they're pretty available in supermarkets/ chemists.

At 7 weeks she's still at high risk of miscarriage. In a few weeks time you'll need to start thinking about what support you're able to offer - are you offering childcare? You don't have to, but worth being clear so she can plan.

You might check the list of less safe foods (pate, raw fish, soft cheeses etc) and avoid them / have alternatives available if you all eat together.

There's a qualifying period for SMP used to calculate how much you're paid - it makes sense for her to work out when this period is and to work as much overtime as possible during it to maximise her SMP.

She may not want to go back into the same job after she's had the baby but that's a decision to make much later on. For now she's financially best off staying employed until as late in her pregnancy as is safe.

Wow this thread has taken a nasty turn. If she wants the baby she should have it. As a society we provide benefits to help and support people. Suggesting not getting an abortion is selfish is pretty abhorrent.

I have never received any benefits, not even child allowance. That doesn’t make me a better person than others. In fact I would say that people who are working as care assistants or in a supermarket and probably in receipt of benefits, contribute far more to society than I do.

Hope your daughter is well OP and wishing her the best of luck.

Well this is only true if you have a decent job or an ex paying a lot of maintenance 🤷‍♀️

Surviving on minimum wage with no maintenance coming in you absolutely would need to claim UC.

When I had my dd (20 years ago now) I claimed tax credits and child benefit. I also moved back in with my mum and went back to work part time when dd was 6 months old.

If this was my dd I would get her to really think about the reality of having a baby so young and without a partner.

Op, are you going to answer if your daughter is in a loving stable relationship? I would imagine the doctors would put her in touch with counselling if she needs it.