Just found out daughter is pregnant - what do we do?

[minimees]

I've just found out my daughter is 7 weeks pregnant, she wants to keep the baby as she has Endometriosis which can affect her fertility.
This pregnancy was unplanned and she lives at home with me and her dad, we both work and own our own home and never claimed a benefit in our life.

We have no idea what she is entitled to benefits wise as a single mum and I'm hoping you can put me in the right direction.

Also, do we need to go to the doctors first to get proof that she is pregnant? Please help we have no idea

You don’t give up work, you tell them you’re pregnant and get a risk assessment.

Are you prepared to fund her lifestyle if she wants to give up work? Is the baby's father? Otherwise - I'm afraid she'll have to work like everyone else rather than rely on benefits.

I think the first thing, before thinking about benefits etc, is working out what maintenance the father will need to pay. If he won't do it willingly she'll need to go through CMS.

But killing it is?Grow up.

I think it’s very unusual for a parent to be absent from the career-world for 30 years, whether they’re male or female. Most parents are able to rejoin within a few years, usually when their children start school.

Pregnancies happen it doesn’t mean the mother will be on benefits forever or at all aside from maternity and child benefits. Or would you only let people earning over the threshold that aren’t eligible for child benefit have children.

It's a pretty short answer from me. If she wants to stop work and has suppprtive parents, the supportive parents suppprt her and their grandchild financially. If they don't want to do that, she stays in work, takes mat leave and returns to work afterwards.

Unless the supportive parents make her destitute, they need to house her and help her.

People can do whatever they like on the baby front afaiac, providing they are prepared to fund them.

IT is a cluster of cells. Stop with the hyperbole.

Imo, more women should opt for terminations instead of bringing children into a life of chaos, poverty, abuse and worse..

This doesn't seem to be the case with OP. I do think 19 is terribly young to have a baby, but it is far less concerning if she has solvent and loving parents to support her through a pregnancy and beyond.

So your not pro choice then?

Child benefit
Universal credit
If she gets her own place depending on how much her rent it a portion of that.
Maternity grants I'm unsure of. They used to ve them back in the day but not sure now. Congratulations and hope she has a smooth and safe pregnancy xxx

Keeping in work is important. She can then claim maternity allowance and after that when she’s ready to go back and can get the 30 hours nursery fees covered. And a brighter future with a career and work experience behind her.
Really would be reluctant to making a benefit lifestyle into an option, it’s a trap that can be hard to get out of.

Because how about the father pays for his child, rather than us tax payers? It’s very much our business.

Yes, only people who can afford kids should have kids.

Where in the UK are you OP? There are different benefits that she may be able to take advantage of, if she lives in Scotland for example, when baby arrives.

First thing I would ask her is where is she going to live? Will her salary support her and her child?

If you start looking in to all of this for her you’ll end up doing everything. She’s already defaulting to you and the baby isn’t here yet.

Let HER research universal credit and council houses. Let her buy the bloody folic acid. All this shows is that she’s not ready and doesn’t have a clue. I would say ‘It’s a world Dad and I know nothing about, we’ve always worked and paid for our own stuff.’

Surely this isn’t the path you wanted for her?

She will of course be entitled to child benefit - assuming she earns below the threshold.

but why do you automatically want/expect her to be on benefits? She is only 7 weeks pregnant! She has a job, and there is also a father somewhere who should also be providing financial support.

She is also an adult. If she can’t support herself once the baby arrives there will be plenty of signposted assistance from the various midwives she is in contact with.

But this is a pivotal time in her life - encourage her to keep working, take her maternity leave and return to work. The father should contribute: and she should also have her own source of income, her own career and her own aspirations.

I have endo. It took us nearly 10 years to have our baby, and it very nearly didn't happen at all. So I can see why she feels that way. Great advice about her work so far. My friend had a similar role and was able to spend the whole pregnancy doing office work.

It's a pity the immediate go to is what benefits she is entitled to.

She should be telling work and getting a risk assessment done.

Is the father involved? Will you end up being default mum?

That's why I'm asking what the father's doing about it, and is he going to step up after he's impregnated a young lassie?

There is no such thing as " the dole" anymore. Universal credit is provided as a top up for those on low incomes as well as the unemployed. When my dc was a child,my top up was about £10 a month.

Agreed. The immediate jump to “what benefits is she entitled to?”
Not good.

Congrats to her!

I have adenemyosis, pcos and recurrent dermoid cysts on my ovaries. At 20, I had an ovarian torsion which I had to have the majority of my ovary removed.

I had my dc in my early and mid twenties. I’m glad I had them young as now at 29, I have had more surgeries and also now cervix problems. When I was pregnant with my last son, they commented on many pelvic adhesions from previous surgeries and that if I were to have another, I’d most likely need a vertical c section insicion instead.

I have a relative with endo and she struggled with infertility and miscarriages. She did have a dc via ivf.

But it wasn’t. OP admitted she was clueless about what support DD would be entitled to and didn’t appear to know that she was entitled to a risk assessment and protection for the duration of the pregnancy. Safety appears to be the only reason DD was considering giving up the job - which is understandable. Knowing that she’s entitled to this protection is probably the difference between her quitting and losing maternity benefits, and carrying on knowing she’ll be safe. The family have never claimed benefits and it’s astonishing that OP is being treated no better than a scrounger because posters can’t be bothered to read the posts properly.

OP refers to her DD as a ' single mum", so am assuming the dad will do fuck all to support this baby, and it will be another teen mum on the benefits lifestyle.

I would be furious with my DD and not accepting congratulations, but then I too believe people should have the children they can afford. It seems a hopelessly old- fashioned view these days.

Abortion at 7 weeks is apparently killing a a' baby'though, so that seems similarly old fashioned.

The OP hasn’t said she wants DD to be on benefits - and I doubt that’s the case given that the family have never claimed themselves. The problem seems to be that the working environment is dangerous to the pregnancy and OP didn’t seem to be aware of the protections available. Assuming she can get past the intimations of benefit scrounging and has actually read what DD is entitled to by way of safeguarding, that will probably make the difference. And if they have never claimed benefits OP will likely be just as clueless about the difference between maternity pay and maternity allowance.