Just found out daughter is pregnant - what do we do?

[minimees]

I've just found out my daughter is 7 weeks pregnant, she wants to keep the baby as she has Endometriosis which can affect her fertility.
This pregnancy was unplanned and she lives at home with me and her dad, we both work and own our own home and never claimed a benefit in our life.

We have no idea what she is entitled to benefits wise as a single mum and I'm hoping you can put me in the right direction.

Also, do we need to go to the doctors first to get proof that she is pregnant? Please help we have no idea

she must tell her employer she’s pregnant asap. As she will need a risk assessment if there is a risk of physical harm to her. She may need to be moved away from direct care.

She needs to tell them at work ASAP and they need to do a risk assessment. They will need to make allowances for her pregnancy and also she may well be entitled to maternity leave.

I think it's just being realistic. If she had a professional role such as teaching, law etc I absolutely wouldn't say quit. But as a care worker she simply will not earn enough to be able to cover childcare - at least not for a few years until subsidies kick in.

I wouldn't say quit work forever but for a few years unless she has an opportunity to earn enough to cover childcare or unless mum and dad can help out with free childcare.

With the nature of her job she needs to ask the manager for a risk assessment to be done to safeguard her from risks from clients behaviour, as pregnancy is a protected characteristic. They will need to find her tasks away from the risks. So she doesn't need to stop working.

If dad were involved I would say that the kindest thing you can do for her is tell her you will support her where you can, but that she needs to move out before the baby is born. My mum said to me that she would help with the baby while I was at work, but I needed to get a place of my own to live, so me and my husband (then boyfriend) got our own place and it was making of me, I was able to really grow up and into a fully fledged adult, not the half an adult I was when I wasn’t paying bills and was at uni, and didn’t rely on her for everything, I was 20 at the time.

Why is your first thought to go on benefits? Many of us parent alone and work and never need to claim anything.

It is if she is going to go after tax payer's money. The default should be that the parents pay for their own life. Not ask someone else to do that for them when from the sounds of it, neither of them have a reason not to work.

Stay in her job for goodness sake! with risk assessment in place probably she’ll do a less physical role while pregnant. 19 isn’t a disaster, especially with parental support and place to live/career. Better to have them young imo!! You sound like you’ll be a hands on granny and your grandchild will benefit from that. 💕🥰

If she can't afford a child she shouldn't have one. The tax payer shouldn't be funding a lifestyle choice.

I think the OP meant benefits in the broadest sense. If you're entitled to something, why wouldn't you take advantage of it, particularly if it's something that helps give your child the best start in life?

It's important the OP's daughter take care of herself during pregnancy, so why shouldn't she take advantage of the free NHS dental care available to pregnant and new mothers, for example? Or claim child benefit, which will also give her NI credits?

Knowing what you're eligible for, and taking it up, is not some sort of character flaw.

What?

Because it helps with our answers? OP has posted on a public forum with questions.

Perfectly reasonable question given the post is about what a single mum is entitled to claim.

None of this is any of our business! But if you don’t think it’s relevant then words fail me…

Yes this. Of course she doesn’t just quit. They will need to make reasonable adjustments for her pregnancy, which they have to do, so she needs to tell them asap so they can plan these in. She needs to check their policies re mat leave and speak to someone, probably HR, about what she’s entitled to. She also needs to let the father know if she hasn’t already, and she needs to put in a claim to CMS for child maintenance from him, he needs to support his child not just expect the State to do it. Are you happy with her remaining living with you? Even if you are, you and she may want to talk to the Council about Housing future needs.

One thing she needs to do is start taking a prenatal vitamin ASAP, or at least supplementing iron and folic acid. Folic acid is important in first trimester for neural tube development, and the iron is needed because her blood volume is increasing massively.

She should also look up a list of foods that are unsafe to eat. It might be a good idea to take her to the library and have a look at pregnancy preparation books rather than just buying one at random. I found some of them awful, but it was so helpful to have a good one. Sorry can't recommend a title as the one we ended up using was in Japanese.

This.

Is she in a stable relationship? She needs to understand what having a baby, who then becomes a child actually means.

Where will the three of them live? Can they afford to live on maternity pay and thr father wage etc

I agree she needs to get a pregnancy risk for work ASAP. 19 is young to be a mum but as she has left school and is working it shouldn’t be too hard. Are she and both together? Is he working also?

Risk assessment that should be.

Why does she want to keep the pregnancy when she’s still living with her mum and dad and no father in the picture? Thats hardly in the best interests of the poor baby. Surely not keeping it is a much better option in the long term?

It's in the first line of the OP.

OP, I think you need to have a calm discussion with your dd. Does she understand that her baby's dad could be in her life whether she likes it or not, for the next 18 years?

That she may have to co-parent, and do 50:50 even if they have very different parenting styles?

She needs to consider whether she is happy to have her social life/freedom curtailed for the next 10 years unless you will babysit on request.

She needs to understand the costs of raising a child on her own or with an unco-operative ex..

Don't misunderstand me, I've raised my ds by myself and I love the very bones of him, but being a single mum is not easy especially in the early years. I worked full time all the way through and had a decent income. It's still not easy. She needs to be sure she can cope, and you need to be honest with her about how much help you will offer, in terms of time, money & energy.

I hope it works out.

Tell her not to give the job up OP. If she’s happy to declare the pregnancy she can then ask her employer for a risk assessment - pregnancy is a protected characteristic, and there will need to be reasonable adjustment to her work environment so as not to put the pregnancy at risk.

Assuming she works for an employer and is not self employed, how long has she worked for her employer as this will affect whether she will be entitled to maternity pay or maternity allowance. For full maternity pay she will need to have worked for her employer continuously for at least 26 weeks, ending at the 15th week before the due date - this is known as the qualifying week. She must also have earned an average of £129 a week (before tax) over an eight week ‘relevant’ period. This refers to the eight week period ending on the last normal payday on or before the Saturday of the 15th week before the due date. She must be legally classed as an employee and pay tax via PAYE.

This would qualify her for 90% of average earnings with no cap for the first six weeks of maternity leave. The next 33 weeks are paid at either the statutory rate or 90% of average earnings - whichever is lower.

If the above doesn’t apply she may qualify for maternity allowance - this is paid to those who are employed but don’t qualify for full maternity pay from an employer. The amount depends on employment status and earnings - for those employed it’s 90% of average weekly earnings before tax, or £194.32 a week whichever is lower, for up to 39 weeks.

It’s a silly childish idea to think that having a child at 19, giving up your job and going on benefits is worth it because you have endometriosis