Just found out daughter is pregnant - what do we do?

[minimees]

I've just found out my daughter is 7 weeks pregnant, she wants to keep the baby as she has Endometriosis which can affect her fertility.
This pregnancy was unplanned and she lives at home with me and her dad, we both work and own our own home and never claimed a benefit in our life.

We have no idea what she is entitled to benefits wise as a single mum and I'm hoping you can put me in the right direction.

Also, do we need to go to the doctors first to get proof that she is pregnant? Please help we have no idea

I was wondering this myself. What's the feckless oaf who impregnated her going to do about it?

OP has had advice from several posters that the alternative to quitting is a risk assessment so that the pregnancy is not at risk while she’s at work. If safety was the only concern then now she knows, she can advise DD accordingly.

The worst thing she can do is give up work and start a life on benefits. There is a benefit trap for single parents in the uk.
she’s entitled to be kept safe at work and maternity leave and pay . Then she’ll have a job to return to after maternity leave.

How do you know he’s a feckless oaf. OP hasn’t said a single word about him. And given some of the awful comments concentrating on benefits it’s likely she won’t be back. Well done everyone.

She needs a risk assessment at work and to stay in work. I don't think she'll be entitled to benefits if she gives her job up now, it doesn't get paid to people who chose not to work, pregnant or not. She could claim after the child is born but that will take a couple of months so she'd be left with no money to buy what's needed in preparation or to get through the first couple of months.

Your post really has a feel that you just now found out and that you yourself are a supportive parent. Are you panicking a bit?

1. Go get folic acid, right now.
2. Try to relax so you don't stress your daughter more. Calm down, have a cup of tea. It will be all ok.
3. Only afterwards you can support your daughter in making decisions and plans.

I worked in a similar role when I found out I was pregnant, was actually kicked in the stomach a week before finding out. I told them straight away and was risk assessed and moved into a safer role. I'd suggest telling her employer ASAP but also staying as she will be entitled to paid maternity leave. Once the baby is here she will be entitled to UC and child benefit. But for now start folic acid asap and getting a booking in appointment with the midwife. Other than that congratulations, I started my family in a similar situation, we've been married 20 years now, have three children and a very happy to life. ❤️

She will be entitled to universal credit for her and the baby

I thought she was going to be much younger. Unless she is particularly young for her age, I don't think you need to do anything initially excpet support her. She needs to decide / figure things out for herself, look into benefits if appropriate, deal with work etc. She needs to go to the GP and tell them she's pregnant, she will be referred to the midwife and things start from there. It's an exciting time for you all but she's going to be a mum, and will need to take on that responsibility - with help if needed from you and her dad.

And even more are assuming that OP is suggesting DD give up her job. It’s very clear that the family have no idea what’s available in terms of support and if the only concern is DD’s safety in the workplace while pregnant, knowing that she’s entitled to risk assessment and protection for her baby will probably solve that problem. So many people just jumping to the ‘benefit scrounger’ option despite OP saying they have never claimed benefits in their lives.

Sorry but as someone who wants their own family but can’t afford it despite working full time, it’s so frustrating to see this type of thing

She’s actually working at the moment but OP says there are safety concerns around the pregnancy at work so she was thinking of quitting. There doesn’t seem to be any awareness of the entitlement to risk assessment and protection for DD, so hopefully if OP reads the posts that will make a difference.

If she's old enough to get pregnant she should be old enough to take the lead on this. If you step in here and micromanage the whole thing there's a risk that she will "learn" that she is not capable and you will end up doing most of the parenting.

I'd be encouraging her to do her own research here, with some support from you but the majority has to come from her own initiative.

Congratulations and well done to her for keeping the baby! You have no idea what my friend who has endo went through, to get pregnant. But in fairness, she also left it a bit late.

What type of thing ? What do you see as wrong with what OP has said ? DD is working and earning. Will be entitled to some sort of maternity pay, depending on how long she’s worked and if the only concern about her working was the safety of the pregnancy, now OP has been advised about the requirement for a risk assessment and appropriate protection there should be no problem about her continuing to work. The family have never claimed benefits so it follows that they may not have the first clue about what else is available in terms of protections at work, so have assumed that DD would have to quit.

Tell her not to give up work if they can’t provide safe work environment she may be entitled to medical suspension on full pay

So your not pro choice then?
Shes not the first young women to get pregnant unexpectedly and she wont be the last nobody should be forced to terminate a pregnancy because the circumstances are less than ideal

I would rather our tax money went to the daughter of the OP, than to illegal or legal ones who are on benefits. I am sure many would agree.

Personally, I’ll be devastated if my DD gets pregnant by/at 19. HOWEVER, that’s not to say that a 19yr old cannot be a brilliant mother and then go on to get her life back on track once their child has grown up.

Perhaps I’m biased as my brother became a father at 19 and I saw how it applied screeching brakes to his trajectory; having said that though, it did also have some minor, positive effects…. Now that his son is an adult (late 20s), my brother has found that as he’s late 40s, it’s incredibly, incredibly difficult to rejoin the career-world as due to his age, he cannot compete with men 20 years younger. I expect it’s similar for women his age. Something to think about

Oh, yes, of course. An unplanned pregnancy for two teens is so mature and well thought out.

What else do you suggest
Forcing her to have am abortion she doesnt want?

Firstly, id suggest that she goes to her employer to request a change to her responsibilities so she is not in harms way to protect the baby. Ideally keep working as she wont get maternity pay if she leaves this early.

Secondly she needs to go dr. Get matb1 form. Apply for benefit. She probably wont get any until the baby is born, but she will get free dental and prescriptions at the moment.

If she wants to move out then it is time to apply for social housing, if space is tight then overcrowding can be cited. Spcial housing is hard to get and i wouldnt rely on it. Look privately as well.

Thats the point its not planned but short of dragging her off to have an abortion
They will just have to make the best of the situation.

Just to be clear as well, jobseekers wont immediatly pay her anything is she ups and leaves the job. Its not a good course of action and the benefits wont be much especially if she lives with you and hasnt got bills under her name to pay such as council tax and rent

Are you happy for her to continue living with you or do you want her to find her own place?