Facing criticism/judgement over baby no.6

[Loudhouse6]

hi, are there any ladies here who have experienced judgement or criticism for the size of their family? How did you deal with people judging your families size?

me and my husband have been together 20 years. We have five children together 18,8,7,5&2 we are expecting our last baby later in the year. We had our first child when we were 18&20. No one believed we would last being so young but we proved everyone wrong. When we became more financially stable we had our second and subsequent children.

I’m so anxious at the thought of announcing because we’ve already taken a lot of criticism from friends, family and even strangers when it came to babies 4+5.

to give some context we both work full time running our own business which means we’re financially independent and are sensible with money. Working together means we are more than able to juggle work and kids without relying on childcare.

We don’t rely on friends or family to take care of our children and our oldest child who is soon to turn 19 is not asked to baby sit or take responsibility for her younger siblings in any way. I have heard of older siblings becoming like second parents but this is absolutely not the case with us. We may have a babysitter once or twice a year so me and my husband’s life is literally raising our children and work.

giving all of the above I don’t understand why we have been judged so harshly when we are hard working parents who don’t depend on anyone for any sort of support. All of our children are well cared for and loved. We make sure we have one on one time with our children whether it’s activities or a trip out and we also do activities as a whole family.

my brother has said some very derogatory things to me in the past about how many children I have and it makes me wonder if other people think the same way of me too.

sorry for the ramble it’s just we’re a big happy family and I don’t want our joy spoiled. How did you ladies cope with the criticism?

Is the comment about autism really needed?

Tell you what, OP. I'm childless, unfortunately. Not through choice.

If anyone moans at you, tell them that two of your children are to make up for the childless condition of an old crone up in Scotland. They can put that in their pipe and smoke it.

From what you say, you and your husband are working hard for a living and looking after your children. I don't see that anyone could ask for more.

I mean, hats off to you for being financially secure enough to raise 6 kids! You must be absolutely raking it in!

Do I think anybody needs 6 kids? No, to be honest. Does my opinion mean anything to you? Absolutely not. It takes all sorts after all.

Are you telling me you know any families like this who don’t have multiple ADHD or autistic children?

If they have multiple children with autism that is because it is GENETIC. What was your point anyway? We are on a waiting list for my four year old to get assessed. Looking at two year plus. As if they give out diagnoses willy billy.

Willy nilly

I can tell you that I know families with autism and/or AHD who only have one or two children.

Would you be able to clarify the point that you're trying to make?

Awww, I always feel a bit jealous of big families tbh.
Enjoy x

havent read the thread but just to say I’m a 6th child! My parents had comments made about them but I’m glad they didnt care and carried on!

I just went back to work today after maternity for my 5th (didnt take maternity with this job before with the others)
Was asked today how many kids I have and I felt the judgement. Dh and I both work around each other days so no child care bills. Oldest is 16. Youngest is nearly 1. We live in a cheaper part of the country and have a mortgaged house.
Don't let them pull you down. You are obviously doing something right. Ignore them 100%

It’s none of their business. You only need to agree with your husband. People judge on all sorts of things and let them judge.

Agree generally with this and the other positive comments. I do wonder whether the children agree with the rosy picture painted. There just isn’t time in the set up for all these children to have lot of time with their parents. Maybe it isn’t a problem and the children relish being part of such a large family with obviously caring involved parents. Like many other poster I loathed being part of a large family and came to actively dislike my siblings as while not their fault I felt they took time from me. Just a thought.Maybe I just have a jealousy personality.

Have you noticed there is always a difference between how the parents view the big family or what the children think?

OP: out of curiosity did you or your husband have lots of siblings as well?

Congratulations, I think you need to learn some stock phases and shut it down. And a thicker skin, who cares if you are happy.
Some children hate being only, some love their siblings and some hate them.

What a take...

Yeah, I do judge. Because - to me - it's just deeply, deeply odd. Disregarding all the 'benefits claiming', etc. But don't you want more from life? More than to be a broodmare? Travel, see the world, experience other cultures, have more spare time, read a book in peace, be with yourself, your own person? You spent your whole adult life either pregnant, with babies/toddlers or pregnant again. That's... Demeaning to me. Akin to an animal. Like a sow.

Plus I don't believe in that 'idyllic childhood' for a second. Know a couple of people, one from a family of 6, one from 7. What their parents say, and what the kids actually experienced, are polar opposites.

Maybe some women are happy being a mother.
happy raising children, being at home, teaching their children, watching them grow up.
maybe that’s what they want in life.
just because you don’t want to do that doesn’t mean it’s wrong for someone else.

everyone is entitled to their opinion, but it doesn’t mean it’s correct. It’s an opinion not fact

I have multiple children and I wish I’d had more. Sadly that ship has now sailed for me. My children are grown up and left home now, but are still great friends and each others close surport network. I never felt I didn’t have time for them all and I don’t think they did either. Congratulations on you forth coming baby

@Thecupwith there being so many of us we are not going to be overwhelmed with caring when the time comes.

My mum was one of 6 and the caring overwhelmingly fell to her and her sister. The two brothers did fuck all and the other two sisters resented what they had to do.

So, I wouldn’t assume, if I were you.

Sorry but you have to accept this choice looks selfish and that's why people judge you. You absolutely cannot split your time in a way I'd personally see as fair between 6 children because there are only 2 of you. I think it's very selfish to have more than 3 kids as you just cannot give them the attention they need. Especially considering you work 30+ hours and your husband 80+. When do you have the time to give to your children? There's not enough hours in the week to spend enough quality time with each one. This is my opinion and obviously you disagree which is fine.

You mention you claim child benefit, which means you both earn under 80-60k. That isn't enough for such a big family, surely?? We aren't entitled to child benefit as DH is on 80k and couldn't imagine having a third as the quality of life of my other 2 would suffer.

Congratulations @Loudhouse6 , I too have 5 (all boys!!!) and am early pregnant on our 6th and final - 6 was always the plan all going well.
Like you we use no childcare to work as we both have our own individual business/s and are lucky in that we now only need to put in part time hours.
We do however have a huge village of family and friends should we ever need/want to do anything.
They all get 1 on 1 time from both of us - while learning that the world does not revolve around them.
They get hand me downs(toys/clothes/books) as well as getting new when needed as we are not a wasteful family.
They are all being brought up to be responsible for their own mess/room/bed as well as a contribution to their homes shared areas - I will not raise boys who think there is a cleaning fairy or who are incapable, as adults, of cleaning/cooking/etc.
DS1 & 2 share by choice DS3 starts off in there with them most nights but usually leaves for his own space
DS4 starts off in his own room and bed but very often ends up in with either us or DS1 or 2. Not DS3 as he claims he is mean as he takes up too much room😂
We are moving later in the year and they would all be able to have their own rooms but they won't, they like each others company. For Now!!

We too have had the odd negative comment from family/friends/strangers and while I personally couldn't give a flying fuck what anyone else thinks of the lifestyle DH and I have chosen to have I also never allow rudeness to go unchecked .
They are greeted with a facial expression that tells them exactly what I think of them and a mix of:
"What did you just say? Well how obnoxiously rude of you".
"And??????" Or "So???????"
"Did I ask for your opinion on our life choices? No, didn't think so"
"What's it got to do with you? Nothing? Didn't think so"

My Nan always says
Other peoples opinions of you are absolutely none of your business so do not allow them any of your headspace.

You have made a choice, and you don’t need to defend or justify yourself to anyone who is rude enough to criticise you.
If it’s family making comments, just tell them to stop being mean and raining on your parade, that you are delighted to be welcoming another baby, and if they don’t like it they can fuck off. If it’s a ‘ friend’ just tell them to keep their nasty comments to themselves and make a note that they are not really a friend. If it’s a stranger, a raised eyebrow and a “ that’s a very personal comment” and move on. You don’t owe any of these people an explanation.

I mean I would probably wonder if you're mad but I'd just be polite and say congratulations. People will judge but they judge over a lot of stuff. Congratulations on your pregnancy.

Congratulations @Loudhouse6 . I wouldn’t worry about what your family say. My only concern with having so many kids is what would happen if your relationship fails? A family friend had 6 kids in 6 years with her husband who left her for another woman. I suspect no normal man would want to take on a single mom of 6 , if your relationship fails .