Facing criticism/judgement over baby no.6

[Loudhouse6]

hi, are there any ladies here who have experienced judgement or criticism for the size of their family? How did you deal with people judging your families size?

me and my husband have been together 20 years. We have five children together 18,8,7,5&2 we are expecting our last baby later in the year. We had our first child when we were 18&20. No one believed we would last being so young but we proved everyone wrong. When we became more financially stable we had our second and subsequent children.

I’m so anxious at the thought of announcing because we’ve already taken a lot of criticism from friends, family and even strangers when it came to babies 4+5.

to give some context we both work full time running our own business which means we’re financially independent and are sensible with money. Working together means we are more than able to juggle work and kids without relying on childcare.

We don’t rely on friends or family to take care of our children and our oldest child who is soon to turn 19 is not asked to baby sit or take responsibility for her younger siblings in any way. I have heard of older siblings becoming like second parents but this is absolutely not the case with us. We may have a babysitter once or twice a year so me and my husband’s life is literally raising our children and work.

giving all of the above I don’t understand why we have been judged so harshly when we are hard working parents who don’t depend on anyone for any sort of support. All of our children are well cared for and loved. We make sure we have one on one time with our children whether it’s activities or a trip out and we also do activities as a whole family.

my brother has said some very derogatory things to me in the past about how many children I have and it makes me wonder if other people think the same way of me too.

sorry for the ramble it’s just we’re a big happy family and I don’t want our joy spoiled. How did you ladies cope with the criticism?

Child benefit is based off individual income not combined household income. So each person can earn 59,999 each and still be entitled to child benefit. That practically 120,000 grand a year combined. I live in an affordable countryside area of the uk, I have no rent or mortgage to pay and we live comfortably.

I save for most things on a monthly basis. I don’t really buy toys or things for my children throughout the year but come Christmas and birthdays they do get s lot of money spent on them. I’m able to do this by saving in affordable amounts each month.

I pay all my direct debits monthly of course and then the remaining cash is split into affordable monthly amounts e.g car, clothes, birthday, Xmas, days out, food, holiday etc. the cash goes into a budget binder. Some months I may not need to spend on clothes for example or the birthdays but I still put a set amount away every month into those categories so when I do need it it’s there saved.

for instance three of my children needed new school shoes and trainers recently, all at the same time. I didn’t have to worry about finding the money because I’ve been putting at least 150 pounds away each month into the clothing pouch. If I didn’t do it that way and just paid out over 300 pounds in one month it would impact the whole months budget and mean we would have to sacrifice something.. Budget binding/cash stuffing I find really helps in managing a large family.

We also try to save a couple hundred pounds into a saving account most months. It works for us and my children don’t go without like some assume and most of their stuff is bought new but you always have some things you can pass down when you have a big family. And as I mentioned in earlier posts me and my husband spend little to nothing on ourselves.

im not against people spending on themselves each to their own but sometimes people underestimate how much spending on themselves costs. The nails, the lashes and expensive clothing or that expensive hobby or lots of social days out with friends, it all adds up. If I spent that on myself I wouldn’t be able to afford to do all my kids activities and days out. my kids have some expensive clothing but I don’t buy expensive for myself unless it’s birthdays and Christmas. This is plays a part in how we can afford a big family.

the money I save each month into a savings account is for my kids future. It really isn’t as complicated and some in this thread tried to make it. I’ve been managing my finances from a young age. A lot seem to think it’s not possible but it is. I guess where you live plays a big factor too and I have no rent or mortgage now either. If you live in an expensive part of the country like London for example the houses prices are going to be much higher than where I live.

i also have a monthly financial planner at the start of every month so we know what and where our money is going on. I sometimes think people mindlessly tap their card and spend more than they realise. I don’t do that. The Starbucks or costa coffees etc they all add up over the course of a year and if people watched their finances as closely as I do they would get a shock at just how much they spend on certain things

Child benefit is based off individual income not combined household income. So each person can earn 59,999 each and still be entitled to child benefit. That practically 120,000 grand a year combined. I live in an affordable area of the uk, I have no rent or mortgage to pay and we live comfortably.

I save for most things on a monthly basis. I don’t really buy toys or things for my children throughout the year but come Christmas and birthdays they do get quite a bit of money spent on them. I’m able to do this by saving in affordable amounts each month.

I pay all my direct debits monthly of course and then the remaining cash is split into affordable monthly amounts e.g car, clothes, birthday, Xmas, days out, food, holiday etc. the cash goes into a budget binder. Some months I may not need to spend on clothes for example or the birthdays but I still put a set amount away every month into those categories so when I do need it it’s there saved.

for instance three of my children needed new school shoes and trainers all at the same time. I didn’t have to worry about finding the money because I’ve been putting at least 150 pounds away each month for a couple of months now. If I didn’t do it that way and just paid out over 300 pounds in one month it would impact the whole months budget. Budget binding/cash stuffing I find really helps in managing a large family.

We also try to save a couple hundred pounds into a saving account most months. It works for us and my children don’t go without like some assume and most of their stuff is bought new but you always have some things you can pass down when you have a big family. And as I mentioned before me and my husband spend little to nothing on ourselves.

im not against people spending on themselves each to their own but sometimes people underestimate how much spending on themselves costs. The nails, the lashes and expensive clothing etc. it all adds up. If I spent that on myself I wouldn’t be able to afford to to all my kids activities and days out. my kids have some expensive clothing but I don’t buy expensive for myself unless it’s birthdays and Christmas.

the money I save each month is for my kids future. It really isn’t as complicated and some in this thread tried to make it. I’ve been managing my finances from a young age. A lot seem to think it’s not possible but it is. I guess where you live plays a big factor. If you live in an expensive part of the country like London for example it’s

You’re absolutely right. As I’ve explained more than once how I budget and work out my finances every month means my children never go without. They can have the more expensive things especially at birthdays and Christmas. I save all year round and come their birthday they get treated well. But at the same time there has to be some balance and they can’t expect everything given to them on a plate and outside of birthday and Christmas we don’t spend on toys and gadgets. They really appreciate their birthdays and Christmas

me and my husband don’t spend on ourselves apart from Xmas and birthdays and I don’t spend lots of money on having my nails done or designer labels etc for myself. As i feel it would be taking away from my children. We manage perfectly fine.

what people don’t realise is how much they actually spend on certain things. The costa coffees or the nails every month. If they monitored their finances as strictly as I do they would get a shock at how much they spend. And I’m not against people spending on themselves, their money do as they please. Im just not bothered about myself. I also don’t use contactless payments much. For me personally having cash I’m more mindful of what I’m spending my money on. Contactless you can tap away and not realise how much you’ve spent, you then look in the bank a few days later and get a shock. That’s just me personally but it all plays a part in how I manage to provide for my family.

Honestly? This comes across as quite self righteous. We all budget, OP. Our combined household income is several multiples of yours - but I don’t spend on “coffee or nails” as I’m just not into those: but rather than have loads of kids, I save on them and budget for an elite independent education for our son and all the opportunities he might wish to pursue.

I personally wouldn’t want my son still living with me at 19, unwilling or unable to break independently into the world on his own. I would regard that as a failing in my duty as a parent.

Just because we have fewer kids, doesn’t mean we’re vacuous consumerists, pampering ourselves at every cut and turn.

Child benefit is not a claimant's income only calculated benefit! Your entitlement is according to the joint income of you and your partner: see the gov.uk explanation here. If someone is claiming CB and failing to report their resident partner's income they are committing benefit fraud and liable to repay with penalties and possible criminal charges.

Are you for real you wouldn’t want your son living at home when he’s only 19 lol? I mean come on what do you expect them to be doing at 19 exactly? She’s barely left college for god sake. She’s still got a few weeks before she does her finally exams and you would expect your kid to be out your house by then? When they still no established. She’s in higher education. Ya see piglet if you looked at statistics most 19 year olds in the uk 70 to 80% are in fact still at home living with parents. So does that mean. 70/80% of parents have failed? Give me a break. If she had moved out at 16 or even now at 19 most would be saying she’s left cos she can’t stand a house full of children but because she’s happy you will pick at absolutely anything. Both her and long term boyfriend are working and when she’s fully established and their ready to live together they will but I find it very sad you want to push your kids out into the world so quickly. It’s not a race to hoy your kids out into the world and be done with them you know? Kids are for life not till their 18. But you do you piglet.

However you want to read it piglet. What I was trying to say is I choose to not spend on my self so my children have everything. Some people spend on themselves and that’s fine but that’s not me. Managing finances tot a small family is not the same for a big family. And I was explaining if I did spend lots of money on stuff for myself I wouldn’t be able to afford a big family. Some people don’t realise how much they spend and that’s why the can’t see how it’s possible to afford a big family. My husband used to spend a fortune on costa coffees spending over 250 quid a year. We cut certain things like that out our budget to save money. Self righteous my arse. Jog on piglet

I never said it was a claimants income only calculated benefit. I said both can be earning under 60,000 each and still qualify.

. For 2026/2027 tax year, a couple can still claim child benefit if the highest earners individual adjusted net income is 60,000 or less. The benefit is tapered for earners between 60,000 and 80,000, with full repayment required if the highest earner exceeds 80,000. The charge is based on TWO individuals income , not combined income!

Jog on piglet.

Superb defence of your position. Well done. 👏

What about the economic pressure ?
What about the current housing crisis?
Our nhs services are being stretched beyond capacity?
For the 2025/26 academic and financial year, the UK government spends approximately £11 to £12 k per child annually for combined state schooling and NHS healthcare. Times that by 6.
What the previous poster is saying is that unless the OP is paying for private education and has private health insurance for each child , the cost of raising a child exceeds that of what the OP is paying in tax based on the average salary. Unless OP is paying more than 72 k * a year in TAX . This puts the OP in the top 1–2% of UK earners.
What about environmental footprint?
This country can't even produce enough food to be self sufficient. Higher footprint is contributing to climate change which is directly affecting our crops. Experts believe there wont be enough crops to support the world population in years to come. Many plants that we rely on are facing a crisis.
The costs to live will be massively increasing in the future and the pressure also contributes to deforestation due to agricultural expansion.
You talk about how society needs more people but failed to address any of these concerns

ONS projections caught the news headline because we about to hit more deaths than birth in UK and only population increase will be due to immigration.

BBC:More UK deaths than births expected every year from now on, ONS projects

This comes with economic drag to it.

2026, roughly 136 out of 237 countries and dependent territories have fertility rates below the population replacement level of 2.1 children per woman. Rest predicted not to be far off by 2100 it is projected that only six countries (e.g., Somalia, Chad, Niger) will have fertility rates exceeding 2.1.

Population decline built in now - with large proportion of the births left being last sections of population booms being in fertile years currently.

Poster with enviable economic situation has number of kids they want putting their money there - instead of jet set holidays or bigger house - and a MN a parenting site finds fault.

There since last last century been at least 20% of women who don't end up have kids - that's only slightly increased in % over the years - reason fertlity rates are down is family size had dropped in UK. Biggest way to increase fertility reseach seem to show is make it easier for existing parents - persuably ones who enjoy it - to have number of kids they want. Main factor is economic it's why only kids are on the % increase but social pressure also there -the whole how dare you have more than two kids thing.

Climate change and NHS are bigger problems than parents with any number of kids and have been building for decades.

I have a very different world view to you @Loudhouse6 and very different beliefs so I’m conscious that we would do things very differently because of that. Neither of us is doing life right or wrong we are just different. So I guess I’m just very interested in a curious not a judgmental way - what the large family brings to your life?

I have a family member who has a very large family and I’d never be in a place to ask her the question but from the outside looking it, it was extremely clear that she absolutely loved the baby stage and that played a big part in having a lot of children.

The bit where I would be judgemental as anyone should be judgemental was she was incredibly attached to the newborn and the previous child who would have been the baby up until the minute that changed very much got pushed aside as the new baby came along in a way I would not have said was typical.

I would imagine that experience would have been incredibly difficult for such a young child to process. To have this beyond normal amazing attachment to your mother that drops to well, well below normal over night.

I don’t believe either one of us is doing life better. I understand most are one and done or maybe two and done. I’m totally aware that big families are rare these days. Some people don’t want any kids and that’s totally fine, people should not be judged for how they choose to live especially if the children are raised properly with love and respect. Live and let live

I mentioned in a previous comment that the baby stage isn’t my favorite part of raising children, like it seems for your relative. I know some people say ‘they must love the baby stage’ or ‘she must love being pregnant’ but for me personally pregnancy isn’t enjoyable, and the newborn stage is only 6 weeks. I mentioned in a comment that I enjoy the older years more. You’re able to see their little personalities and temperaments grow.

it seems odd to me that someone would bring another child into the world knowing the commitment that brings just because they wanted to experience pregnancy again or the baby stage again. Maybe some women are addicted to the pregnancy/baby stage (if that’s possible) but it isn’t the case for me.

also my children don’t get less love and attention because the newborn arrived. I was fully aware that the other children needed to feel included and were never pushed out to make way for their baby sibling. My 7&8 year old adore their 2 year old sibling and show no jealously towards them, which to me means they must feel secure with the time and attention and love I give them.

none of my children know I’m pregnant yet as we have had some losses and I’m still in the early stages of pregnancy but it wasn’t long ago some of children asked if we would have anymore and I asked how they would feel if we did. Their responses were positive. That’s all that really matters. As long as they’re loved, cared and provided for.

No child is going to turn round to their parent and say "no we don't want another sibling" are they?

Just a late night mistake. I knew a lot of large families, since that was the norm in the 50-60s. Seven wasn't as many as others had, though four was the norm in those days.

Thank you though, for proving that people who came from small families can still be rude and nasty.

Glad you were "PerfectOnce" because it had to be a LONG time ago.

They certainly do later on all of mine would’ve liked to have been only children ideally, or to keep the youngest child and themselves without the other siblings in between

I think you need to be secure in your choices and not worry about other’s opinions. Sadly there are people who cannot tolerate or understand that others make different choices and are happy with them.

I would never choose to have so many children but that doesn’t give me the right or wish to judge others who do. In particular, I don’t see why it would be any of my business, especially where the parents in question are working to support their family and the children are well looked after.

You sound like a great mother and I wish you congratulations on your pregnancy and every good wish for your future health and happiness.

@Loudhouse6 I ove you use of envelopes for budgeting! I came from a family of five and they used the envelope system for everything. My DH and I used it too, until the younger one hit 18. Then we just used it for things like "climbing trips", "casino trips", vacations. Now we have stopped altogether.

I also used to use a notebook that I recorded every bill into. Medical, dental, credit cards, utilities...if it was a bill, it got recorded. Did that for about 35 years, then chucked it when the monthly bills got smaller. Actually, that's not true. I just got tired of doing it so said, "WTH" and stopped.

I keep thinking we should go back to it.

Wishing you a successful pregnancy and birth! Congratulations again!