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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

In-laws away 2 weeks after due date

187 replies

anotheronettc · 08/04/2026 17:50

Need some advice as I feel pretty lost and stressed. My due date is 14th June, we have just sold our house and will be moving around the time of baby being born or in July. We already have a two and four year old. I have no family, literally none, they are in a cult (as crazy as that sounds). I have friends but they all have very small kids with no spare rooms etc. my in laws have said that they have booked a three week trip to America two weeks after the due date. With my last baby I was two weeks late. They had my eldest son was 2 year old was born just for a couple of days. They weren’t around after that to see much of the new baby as they were in London for their daughter’s wedding fair enough. With my first my MIL decided to go to a festival two days before my induction date knowing she’d have to quarantine if she caught covid there which she did and didn’t meet my firstborn for two weeks. No apology or anything. When my second was born they said they were off to London for a gig on the due date weekend so I spent that whole weekend trying my best not to panic as we had no one around but luckily I was late.

anyway I just feel really shit and like I need to find someone people who can be around. And I’m struggling knowing I won’t have any support after the baby is here and we are possibly trying to move.

to add another layer. They don’t help us on a regular basis which I have accepted .. they will have them if we are going away for a night or big things like that but not like one afternoon a week etc. I don’t mind that but I do feel sad that they don’t seek a relationship with the kids.

they are however giving us some money to help us move into our new house. And I’m so grateful for that but I wish I didn’t feel like I have to beg for help and feel like I can’t express that I wish they were here in case I’m late with this baby because they are lending us money.

im just finding it all so hard at the moment and thinking I’ve made a bad choice in growing my family even more.

OP posts:
PoshLady90 · 08/04/2026 17:52

Kindly, many grandparents live their lives and dont want to be on call for childcare. It is their choice. Did they say they would help/support?

Knowing how much input they give now, did you expect more help with baby #3 than what you get now?

Orangemintcream · 08/04/2026 17:53

Honestly I think you sound a bit entitled.

Lots of people don’t have regular help and presumably you have a husband to help you for the 2 weeks after the baby is born unless he’s not taking any paternity leave or something ?

Twasasurprise · 08/04/2026 17:53

Where will your husband be?

Fends · 08/04/2026 17:54

You chose to have a third and move house, just as they can choose to live their lives! Your husband will need to care for the kids should you have no other childcare.

Surely you didn’t just expect them to take on regular weekly childcare?

MissMoneyFairy · 08/04/2026 17:55

Is your partner taking time off to help when baby is here, are your other two at nursery.

Tuinton · 08/04/2026 17:55

We have two sets of grandparents and get no help at all really. I mean this kindly but I wonder if you need to adjust your expectations. Lots of us are doing this with 0 extended family support.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/04/2026 17:55

Weird moaning about your in laws when your own family are in a cult…

Growing your family more isn’t a bad choice but it is your choice, they don’t owe you their time. It’s normal to be stressed about what’s to come but you didn’t bank on their help (or you certainly shouldn’t have) when you got pregnant with baby number 3 as you already knew what they were like the last 2 times, and you will get through this. They might get closer to the kids as they get older, not everyone is good with the baby and toddler stages. Friends will still help in emergencies, try and put a couple on stand by just incase. Hopefully baby number 3 will come earlier than the last one did

Lostworlds · 08/04/2026 17:56

Sorry you’re finding it all really stressful, maybe have a backup plan of who can watch the children whilst you’re having your baby but I would expect your dh to go home that night and care for the others. Sadly this is common, they are entitled to live their lives they way they want to. It’s upsetting that they don’t want to be more involved but it is their choice.

The house move timing isn’t ideal, seems like a lot all happening at once. Is your husband taking time off to help?

Blimms · 08/04/2026 17:56

Why won’t you have any support? You have a partner.

socks1107 · 08/04/2026 17:56

In all honesty they didn’t choose to have your 3rd baby, you did and you have to plan for that. They don’t have to factor you in, nice if they do but not mandatory.

harriethoyle · 08/04/2026 17:57

If you haven’t asked them to be around and help, you can’t moan when they’re not 🤷🏻‍♀️

canklesmctacotits · 08/04/2026 17:58

Why can't your husband stay with the two elder ones? Why isn't he giving you support?

HeddaGarbled · 08/04/2026 18:01

they will have them if we are going away for a night or big things like that but not like one afternoon a week etc. I don’t mind that but I do feel sad that they don’t seek a relationship with the kids

Oh, this sort of thing really annoys me: grandparents are allowed to have “relationships” with their grandchildren which are not dependent on them providing weekly free child-care.

Xmasallergies · 08/04/2026 18:03

You will be okay, you just need to plan knowing they won’t be around. Will the others be in nursery? Or will your husband be around? If you’re really stressed you could hire a babysitter for a few hours a day to help.

TheScenicWay · 08/04/2026 18:03

It sounds tough op. Yeah, we know everyone is entitled to live their lives but honestly, I hope I’m there to help out my dcs when they need me just like my family are. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a bit of help. Let’s see if in laws expect help when they get older.
Unfortunately, there isn’t anything you can do. You may have to have your baby with just your midwife. Let them know your situation and see if there’s anything they can an offer.

MammaTo · 08/04/2026 18:06

That sounds super tough. People are entitled to do whatever they want with their time, especially in retirement, but I don’t think making themselves available while you had the new baby is too much of an ask. Especially if it’s a one off.

anotheronettc · 08/04/2026 18:07

Of course my husband will support. Its just the literal .. I need my kids to physically go somewhere during birth so my husband doesn’t miss the birth and can support me during birth. Re the move, was due to happen in Feb but things fell through. And I can’t picture my husband moving boxes while I breast feed and try and look after the two. I rarely ask for help, maybe they have stayed at their grandparents once this year. Yet they have their other grandkids on a weekly basis and travel to London to help them .. let them stay for 5 months with them to help with new born care.. so yeah maybe wild of me to hope they’d be here around the due date

OP posts:
Tuinton · 08/04/2026 18:08

anotheronettc · 08/04/2026 18:07

Of course my husband will support. Its just the literal .. I need my kids to physically go somewhere during birth so my husband doesn’t miss the birth and can support me during birth. Re the move, was due to happen in Feb but things fell through. And I can’t picture my husband moving boxes while I breast feed and try and look after the two. I rarely ask for help, maybe they have stayed at their grandparents once this year. Yet they have their other grandkids on a weekly basis and travel to London to help them .. let them stay for 5 months with them to help with new born care.. so yeah maybe wild of me to hope they’d be here around the due date

On a practical note, get Packers as well as movers. We've done this every time we've moved and it's a godsend.

anotheronettc · 08/04/2026 18:09

TheScenicWay · 08/04/2026 18:03

It sounds tough op. Yeah, we know everyone is entitled to live their lives but honestly, I hope I’m there to help out my dcs when they need me just like my family are. I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a bit of help. Let’s see if in laws expect help when they get older.
Unfortunately, there isn’t anything you can do. You may have to have your baby with just your midwife. Let them know your situation and see if there’s anything they can an offer.

Exactly.. my MIL always jokes that she’s coming to live with us when she’s a lot older that’s why she’s helping us buy the house and wants to host Christmas there. We are very generous with them and have always gone above and beyond to organise having them over I am just a little confused I can’t imagine choosing to risk my grandchild’s birth but hey maybe as we get older we are less bothered

OP posts:
anotheronettc · 08/04/2026 18:09

Tuinton · 08/04/2026 18:08

On a practical note, get Packers as well as movers. We've done this every time we've moved and it's a godsend.

Good idea

OP posts:
Blushingm · 08/04/2026 18:10

Sorry but your kids are your responsibility. The in laws have their lives and may not want the commitment or responsibility.

You chose another baby and you chose to move house. They can’t be at your beck and call

anotheronettc · 08/04/2026 18:10

ToKittyornottoKitty · 08/04/2026 17:55

Weird moaning about your in laws when your own family are in a cult…

Growing your family more isn’t a bad choice but it is your choice, they don’t owe you their time. It’s normal to be stressed about what’s to come but you didn’t bank on their help (or you certainly shouldn’t have) when you got pregnant with baby number 3 as you already knew what they were like the last 2 times, and you will get through this. They might get closer to the kids as they get older, not everyone is good with the baby and toddler stages. Friends will still help in emergencies, try and put a couple on stand by just incase. Hopefully baby number 3 will come earlier than the last one did

Yeah I get that. I think because I had such a rough family experience I always thought other families were always like there for their family. It’s been a hard lesson

OP posts:
Catcatcatcatcat · 08/04/2026 18:10

Surely one of your friends will have the DC overnight if baby arrives when you need childcare?

anotheronettc · 08/04/2026 18:15

Catcatcatcatcat · 08/04/2026 18:10

Surely one of your friends will have the DC overnight if baby arrives when you need childcare?

I’m sure they can, it’s harder as the only two i could ask have tiny kids themselves and jobs but hope it will work out

OP posts:
WestieThames · 08/04/2026 18:16

I think some of the comments here are a bit mean. Yes of course they’re entitled to their own lives, but from the sound of things your fear is baby arriving late so what do you do with your current dc as husband will be with you. I don’t have an answer, other than I guess checking with friends if they can help, keeping them in nursery or school if falls on that day and asking grandparents to look after them if baby arrives before their holiday. I’m not sure how people give birth without family support?! I’m sure you won’t be the first or last to go through it, just must seem a lot of additional planning needed at an already stressful time

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