In-laws away 2 weeks after due date

[anotheronettc]

Need some advice as I feel pretty lost and stressed. My due date is 14th June, we have just sold our house and will be moving around the time of baby being born or in July. We already have a two and four year old. I have no family, literally none, they are in a cult (as crazy as that sounds). I have friends but they all have very small kids with no spare rooms etc. my in laws have said that they have booked a three week trip to America two weeks after the due date. With my last baby I was two weeks late. They had my eldest son was 2 year old was born just for a couple of days. They weren’t around after that to see much of the new baby as they were in London for their daughter’s wedding fair enough. With my first my MIL decided to go to a festival two days before my induction date knowing she’d have to quarantine if she caught covid there which she did and didn’t meet my firstborn for two weeks. No apology or anything. When my second was born they said they were off to London for a gig on the due date weekend so I spent that whole weekend trying my best not to panic as we had no one around but luckily I was late.

anyway I just feel really shit and like I need to find someone people who can be around. And I’m struggling knowing I won’t have any support after the baby is here and we are possibly trying to move.

to add another layer. They don’t help us on a regular basis which I have accepted .. they will have them if we are going away for a night or big things like that but not like one afternoon a week etc. I don’t mind that but I do feel sad that they don’t seek a relationship with the kids.

they are however giving us some money to help us move into our new house. And I’m so grateful for that but I wish I didn’t feel like I have to beg for help and feel like I can’t express that I wish they were here in case I’m late with this baby because they are lending us money.

im just finding it all so hard at the moment and thinking I’ve made a bad choice in growing my family even more.

Totally understand. My first birth was like that, hence the resistance to induction with my second.

good luck with it all! X

Yes, I personally consider a doubling in risk of stillbirth or perinatal mortality at 42 weeks a risk too high ( while recognising that the overall numbers are low).
That is me.
Which if you reread my message is what I said. Your choice if you want to longer.

I wish my in laws were about for their grandchild’s birth and express sadness they will miss a good chunk of the first part of its life.

Gently OP, they are very likely going to be around for the birth so that DH can come with you.
And they’re only going away on holiday for 3 weeks - hardly a good chunk of the first part of its life.

I think you are just stressed out with the move and anxious about giving birth to a third child (who wouldn’t be) and so you’re looking for someone to focus your stress on.
It’s not fair to take it out on PIL when they’ve been so helpful to you.

You can tell by your posts and how offensive you’ve been to posters just how wound up you are.

Being this stressed is not good for the baby.

Your PIL are going away and getting worked up about it isn’t going to change that.

Get a plan b which will help ease some of the stress.

Then do other things to help ease the stress like getting packers and movers.

Focus on what you can control.

I mean this gently - you say you try and never ask them, and that they’re your last resort.

They may well be picking that vibe up and a pretty strong message that they’re not really wanted in your household life. Not what you necessarily mean to convey, but worth thinking about whether there are some very crossed wires.

I really wish you the very, very best of luck with it and an unMNy hug for you. I think other people can try to empathize, but it’s impossible to describe how it feels to be cut off from your family - you yearn to be loved in an unconditional way that’s rare outside of healthy parent-child relationships. But OP, the best thing about unhealthy patterns is that we get to break them; you have the chance to be the kind of mother you wish you’d had, and someday hopefully, you’ll have the chance to help your kids the way you wanted to be helped (if that’s a more involved family, then you have the choice to model that for the next generation and the one after that ♥️).

A good chunk of first part of its life? They’re only going away for 3 weeks, not 3 years.

Just arrange for a friend to have your children.

I can’t get over a woman complaining that her ILs are booking a holiday for two weeks AFTER her due date 😂. Do these people not have a life of their own? With timings and schedules and appointments and budgets and obligations and preferences? Which they have managed so they can be there with a TWO WEEK WINDOW around your due date? Or are you really suggesting that they should leave an even bigger margin….without you having asked them for any margins at all….so that your DH can be with you and dump his duties to his existing children and the house move? They’re not even your parents, they’re the dad’s parents! How many weeks would have been safe for you? Four? Does your DH get any paternity leave? Des he have annual leave?

Hi OP, this thread has been a hard read, i can see you're in a vulnerable situation here and you have my sympathy. I am estranged from my parents, and I now realise, I expected more than my PILs were willing to give. I projected my values and ideals onto them and my yearning to belong and to experience a real family's love meant i had too high hopes and i was sorely disappointed.

The prospect of having 3 kids aged 4 and under, moving house and with no or very little family support IS daunting. I think some good practical solutions have been put forward here.

I have learned not to expect anything from my MIL now after 26 years of marriage. She doesnt see our kids even though we are only 30 minutes away. Its especially sensitive as our children are adopted and are treated differently in every way. Ultimately, we have to carve our own way forward, with or without them. You have so much to look forward to and and im hoping these next few months will turn out better than you fear.

Why are you being so nasty - this poster wasn’t rude to you was she?

Start your planning now, ask your friends to find out who would be willing to help you. Get a plan on place now as you still have plenty of time ahead. The other option is to go for a home birth if you can.
You cannot expect grandparents to be at beck and call, they have their own lives. I have a DD and DGC she's talking about another, husband and I work and also she lives in the middle of nowhere and doesn't drive (neither foes her partner, who has motorbike for work). Weve told her if she wants to stay where she is then she needs to have a plan that may not include us as we can't help if we are working, or working next day if during the night or if we are away etc. She's about 35 miles from a hospital but that's her choice.