In-laws away 2 weeks after due date

[anotheronettc]

Need some advice as I feel pretty lost and stressed. My due date is 14th June, we have just sold our house and will be moving around the time of baby being born or in July. We already have a two and four year old. I have no family, literally none, they are in a cult (as crazy as that sounds). I have friends but they all have very small kids with no spare rooms etc. my in laws have said that they have booked a three week trip to America two weeks after the due date. With my last baby I was two weeks late. They had my eldest son was 2 year old was born just for a couple of days. They weren’t around after that to see much of the new baby as they were in London for their daughter’s wedding fair enough. With my first my MIL decided to go to a festival two days before my induction date knowing she’d have to quarantine if she caught covid there which she did and didn’t meet my firstborn for two weeks. No apology or anything. When my second was born they said they were off to London for a gig on the due date weekend so I spent that whole weekend trying my best not to panic as we had no one around but luckily I was late.

anyway I just feel really shit and like I need to find someone people who can be around. And I’m struggling knowing I won’t have any support after the baby is here and we are possibly trying to move.

to add another layer. They don’t help us on a regular basis which I have accepted .. they will have them if we are going away for a night or big things like that but not like one afternoon a week etc. I don’t mind that but I do feel sad that they don’t seek a relationship with the kids.

they are however giving us some money to help us move into our new house. And I’m so grateful for that but I wish I didn’t feel like I have to beg for help and feel like I can’t express that I wish they were here in case I’m late with this baby because they are lending us money.

im just finding it all so hard at the moment and thinking I’ve made a bad choice in growing my family even more.

When the picture loads you’ll see that you said your second baby’s birth was “amazing” 5 months after. And that you wanted a third, and you have clearly had some issues getting there.

Occam’s razor suggests this baby has come about the usual way, intentionally and not through some sort of magic or divine intervention. Which is fine, and lovely, and I have no venom for you. But you are winding yourself up because your in laws aren’t doing what you want them to when at no point have you spoken to them and asked!

You can paint whatever picture you like, but you can’t erase what you said in past posts.

Maybe they think booking 2 weeks after your due date is helping.

Occam’s razor? What???? Wow ok thanks to those for helpful advice I’ll start looking for packers and doula. To everyone else who has taken the chance to dig at me because they had a hard time so why shouldn’t I.. I hope you heal. Bye!

No kid should have shit grandparents but unfortunately that’s life.

You knew your family are shit and you knew DHs family are not as involved as you’d hope they’d be but yet you still chose to have 3 kids with these grandparents.

I understand why you’d want them to be involved more but you can’t complain when they are actually involved and even give you money, yet your own family don’t do anything.

You are just coming across as a bit ungrateful.

Flounced when caught out in lies. The usual.

Lower your blood pressure...

Wow.

OP you are showing posters exactly why people try and avoid you/your kids.

If you’re wondering why your PIL see their other GC more than yours, then perhaps you should reflect on whether you have anything to do with it.

That was quite the most unpleasant attack on me I’ve ever had on here.

Ah well.

I can understand how you are feeling. I hope I am there to support my dc whenever they need it and as long as I am fit and healthy.

That was particularly nasty. Shown herself up there. Poor In laws!

Sometimes MIL can feel scared she will be less wanted (although I was very clear all grandparents were equal and were equally welcome immediately after the birth, some new mums act like their mum is more important), but from what you have said, yours shouldn't feel like this. Most grandparents want to help out with the grandkids, and be helped in their old age, circle of life.
I would talk to them, and say you would like them to be more involved with the family. You can't force them, but at least you'll know you couldn't have done anything more.

It's great if grandparents help, but not a requirement of the title!

I didn’t have a hard time op, but if you think that’s the reason other posters are calling you entitled so be it.
Some people always think it’s someone else’s fault, be that other posters who call them out, or god forbid grandparents who dare to take a holiday.

Woah. Take a pause and a step back.

Very few people are mind readers. There are a lot of complaints about over bearing mother in laws.

People don’t know what you want unless you ask them. Remembering details of arrival date vs due date is pretty personal and not a level of biological tracking that many would apply to their daughter in law. You and your partner gave them due date and it sounds like they’ve blocked out time around that (despite not actually being asked to). That’s not heartless or uncaring.

Yes, it must be a daunting combination. The combo timing is more of a surprise to them than to you. You know what you’re worried about. They can only try and guess unless you tell them and ask.

So, try and put the fretting aside and channel it into constructive action. Get yourself a list (on paper, not just in your head) of stuff that needs juggling / covering and then start working out what can do. Eg. Elder child care - nursery for xyz days. Grandparent for x to x date. Gap around x that need a plan for. That narrows things down and helps you come up with a plan.

House move, packing and unpacking (you can pay for that service, do early, do late etc). Somewhere to stay over the move date if have new baby (hotel, with a friend, Airbnb, in laws house etc).

It’s manageable. When it’s swimming around your head it doesn’t feel that.

@anotheronettc Well I was 2 weeks late with no 1 and 2 weeks early with no 2. You have every chance you won’t be on due date. Most people aren’t. I think they’ve given you two weeks and could well be around to help. Afterwards it’s DH isn’t it. Or - friends! Do you not have any? Why?

It’s no wonder why her own parents don’t help out and PIL do less than what they do for the other GC.

Occam’s razor - the most likely explanation for something is likely to be the simplest one.

Ergo, how you came to be pregnant is most likely, given the available info provided by you, because you tried to. Not because you got struck by lightning or accidentally fell into a pool of semen.

Accidentally fell into a pool of semen 😂

op, i am with you. i never understood why ppl on here act as if asking grandparents to help with childcare is ‘entitled’. in many other parts of the world, it is 100% expected for gps and extended family to help and to provide the ‘village’. in a normal, caring family, gps, if in good health and retired should help, without being asked. i am astonished at how many ppl think its ok for gps to act like this.. sadly, my in laws are worse - they have never contributed one ounce of help , practical nor emotional, since having kids (nor before). not sure how they would define family. my kids will not even know they exist, considering they dont even bother to call anymore. its super sad. if a friend asked me to look after her kids whilst in labour, i would 1000% do it, and i have 2 under 3 - as i can imagine how stressful that would be. so go for it and ask your friends. my friend asked a neighbour to have his daughter while his wife gave birth to the second. people with kids will empathise and will help you out. dont listen to the bitter ol ppl on here, gosh they sound like my mil..

Or their actual adult child capable of fathering 3 children could engage some brain cells and have the discussion rather than expecting OP to.

Sorry OP, it's tough going. While I don't normally say grandparents have to help, it must smart a little when they're helping other grandchildren more.

Sounds odd, and am not 100% sure how it works, but can you afford a temporary live in nanny to help when the baby is on his/her way? There are some that can come in an emergency but costs more, of course. Not sure if worth looking around to see what is available?

All the best with the baby and the move. Hopefully when in your new home, unpacked you can look back and say phew, got through it!

That was a really nasty comment OP.

It's lovely when grandparents do help out, but unfortunately you can't make anyone do anything and you do have to respect their choices.
It's disappointing I know, however I did raise eyebrows a bit at the comment stating you can't see your husband moving boxes while you breastfeed and look after the kids. Why can't your husband empty a box and look after the kids? Can the kids not help?