In-laws away 2 weeks after due date

[anotheronettc]

Need some advice as I feel pretty lost and stressed. My due date is 14th June, we have just sold our house and will be moving around the time of baby being born or in July. We already have a two and four year old. I have no family, literally none, they are in a cult (as crazy as that sounds). I have friends but they all have very small kids with no spare rooms etc. my in laws have said that they have booked a three week trip to America two weeks after the due date. With my last baby I was two weeks late. They had my eldest son was 2 year old was born just for a couple of days. They weren’t around after that to see much of the new baby as they were in London for their daughter’s wedding fair enough. With my first my MIL decided to go to a festival two days before my induction date knowing she’d have to quarantine if she caught covid there which she did and didn’t meet my firstborn for two weeks. No apology or anything. When my second was born they said they were off to London for a gig on the due date weekend so I spent that whole weekend trying my best not to panic as we had no one around but luckily I was late.

anyway I just feel really shit and like I need to find someone people who can be around. And I’m struggling knowing I won’t have any support after the baby is here and we are possibly trying to move.

to add another layer. They don’t help us on a regular basis which I have accepted .. they will have them if we are going away for a night or big things like that but not like one afternoon a week etc. I don’t mind that but I do feel sad that they don’t seek a relationship with the kids.

they are however giving us some money to help us move into our new house. And I’m so grateful for that but I wish I didn’t feel like I have to beg for help and feel like I can’t express that I wish they were here in case I’m late with this baby because they are lending us money.

im just finding it all so hard at the moment and thinking I’ve made a bad choice in growing my family even more.

You're the one choosing to have another child when you already have little ones, knowing full well that you have no outside support. You're the one choosing to move home around your due date. You need to take some responsibility for your own choices here OP.

You could book an au pair so that you have childcare in place ready for the birth and to help with the children after the birth. Your husband can also take time off work to look after his children and run the house whilst you recover. Friends will also help out. You have many options and you've already had a lot of help.

You’re right… and first birth I meant. Second birth home birth went wrong not like I need to explain that to you. And yes they were good when my first was born I suppose not sure what happened but excuse me for forgetting that after nearly four years. I am actually always looking for the good in them and try desperately to arrange things were they can see them, where they don’t have to do much ,I.e we take them out for lunch. But weird to scrawl through someone’s posts .. but glad you have the time.

Respectfully how do you know I planned this? How do you know I have a choice in when I move? How do you know that my in laws didn’t push for this place for us ? You know very little.

@anotheronettcI’m not a boomer but I’m also not so self entitled that I would complain about a set of grandparents who actually do provide child care, along with financial help, just because they dare book a holiday for themselves.
And as for not expecting your DH to be moving boxes around you whilst you are breast feeding, why on earth not?

Your username is a bit of a clue...

These are the same PILS who encouraged you to go on a trip to Italy for five days with DH whilst they looked after your little one?

Absolute bastards!

So kind and generous

Oh.

Your head?

Sorry but there’s being responsible for your kids - but your kids at some point need to take responsibility for themselves and the choices they make. The in laws don’t owe you free child care - they’re entitled to use their time as they want and live their lives. Your sense of entitlement is baffling

Well you’re quite happy for the grandparents lives to be fucked up by your birthing plans.

for the record, I am not a boomer and I would hate for anyone to have it as hard as we did. We raised 3 children and not once did a grandparent ever have them overnight. They’re now 18 to 25 and dh and I have still only had a handful of nights away without them.

But, respectfully, they already give you support, and you’re expecting them to plan a 3 week trip around you. When would you prefer they go? August at double the cost? Or May, well before your due date? Or did you want them to put it off for next year?

they’ve raised their children, why can they not have a fucking holiday before they’re too old to enjoy it?

OP, you are getting a really hard time here. I find it astonishing that your in-laws actually asked your due date then booked their holiday then! When they know you would need help with the eldest two. It’s what families do, help in these situations. I assume they could have gone on holiday at any other time? Crazy. For one very important occasion, you are not being entitled at all.

Practically, please ask friends. When I had little ones, while working full time, I would absolutely have still helped in this situation! It’s what good friends are there for. Don’t worry about asking.

When did they book the holiday? Before they knew another child was on the way? Maybe they aren’t up for extended childcare whilst you have another child. You have made your choices and they are making theirs.

Should they just plan their whole lives around your reproductive cycle? What would make you happy and what did you discuss with them?

Jeeeze OP.... im certianly no boomer im 35 😅 but I do think your being OTT in responses here. If you expected help with dc for birth of your third you should have made that clear. My parents travel alot and have a home abroad so if i need/want them to help i specifically ask. If they can help they will but if they tell me they were planning a trip at that time thats fine. I cant expect them to be around waiting for me to read my mind!!

Sorry, OP, that’s untrue.

You’ve clearly been TTC the third since not long after this post.

Respectfully you know nothing about them so if you’re thinking that perhaps they rarely do things like
this then you’re sorely mistaken. And good for them that’s why I don’t expect regular help from them.

Karen is a disgusting misogynistic slur to use. Regardless of your feelings.

So if you dont expect regular help did you not make it clear you needed their help this time?

You’re right.. I miscarrried and tried again. But are you sure you know the exact circumstances of how I got pregnant this time. You shouldn’t assume you know anything and I was here for advice on what to do with my kids so respectfully can you take your venom elsewhere

Wow, you are honestly rewriting history at every turn here OP. Such bullshit.

i am a bit surprised that you described a home birth that went wrong as “amazing” if im honest.

Thank upu.. and yes they holiday throughout the year and are both retired. I literally just want someone to have my kids when I go into labour and I will look after elsewhere. They asked when my due date was for the reason they know full well we need help. They aren’t dumb. Anyway, it will be fine I’m just determined to be a better mother and grandmother if I’m lucky enough to become one x

choosing to have a third child without asking if they will give practical support around the birth is the mistake here, no idea about you mil but my parents have holidays booked for the next 2 years.

when my dc have kids (fairly sure will be soon) we will be grandparents not childcare providers, thankfully distance is our favour!

I’m not a boomer either. You are coming across as really entitled and it’s not really a mystery why ILS might have withdrawn some of the support they previously gave. Especially given the nasty misogynistic post you have had deleted.