Just found out im pregnant at 15, what do I do?

[jazminemarie]

I just recently found out im pregnant and im 15, i genuinely don’t know what to do im really really scared about everything. I don’t know if I should even keep it. I don’t know if I should tell anyone and if I do how do I tell them? Especially my dad?? I’m really nervous and I feel so stupid and dumb for it even happening. The worst part is I don’t even know who the dad would be… please try not to be judgmental im genuinely really worried.

and yes im expecting to be judged and name called…

There is no upside to having a baby at 15, OP. Even people who had their babies very young will tell you that.

You might find it hard, emotionally, to have the pills. But that choice, at this time, is the easiest this situation will ever get.

Have a look and see if there is a sexual health advice service for young people near you. They can help you with this decision, and they can help you stay safe in the future.

Don’t worry. Go to a pharmacy and ask to speak to pharmacist then ask them to help you get an appointment with a doctor. You are only 4 weeks it will be easy to terminate. Mentally you’ll be ok. There’s nothing to be afraid of. You’ll be ok.

Is there a counsellor at your school you could talk to? A nurse at the GP surgery you're familiar with? If you decide to terminate, the earlier the better, the guilt gets harder the older the fetus is and going in to the clinic is just a bigger process with general anaesthetic and such, you can take the pills at home, I believe they can post them to you but as you're not sure exactly how many weeks you are they'll probably want to scan you to check. I'm not sure if anyone here has already mentioned Marie Stopes, they offer advice too and you can see info about the process which may help it not be so scary. Best wishes, you'll be okay whatever you decide.

You need to tell someone as you need support. You are not dumb or stupid. The fact you have asked for help here proves that. You have taken the first step, is there a teacher you trust? A friend's parent that can help you . Even be with you when you tell your parents? School counsellor? . Its ok to be scared, thats a normal reaction. You will be ok but its going to a a hard few months/weeks

I've had both and I would say the surgery was harder mentally personally.

@CactusPeach - yes, just to emphasise that there are people at school that she can talk to. There are designated members of staff with enhanced training. Their names and room numbers will be on posters in the corridor. She could also do this through her FT or PSHE teacher.
I just want to underline for anyone else as well, that a student can get immediate help and support from specially trained staff, totally non judgemental.
Please do this, @jazminemarie .

Sending you a hug, OP. If you were my daughter, I would be suggesting a termination, though of course it's entirely your decision. I don't personally think becoming a mother at 15/16 is something any parent wants for their child in an ideal world, but if you did want to keep the baby then of course you would need lots of support. As others have said, if you decide to terminate at this stage nobody else needs to know if you don't want them to, but real life support is crucial regardless.

I have been a confidante for several of my daughters friends over the years and am always very happy to help when asked (and never mention anything to their parents if they ask me not to). If you have any teachers or maybe friends' mums you trust, that might be a start? Once you've made your decision, please do look into reliable contraception. And keep posting if it helps, there are lots of lovely supportive people on here. 💐💐

Your so young with a life ahead of you, I'd seriously consider termination at this early age.
But tell your dad either way. He can support you and go to whatever appointment you decide to use. Either way you will have some upset and trama with this so you will need someone to talk through things. The outside world does not need to know and you could carry on life like normal without judgement, but your dad loves you and him wanting to make sure you are ok will trump any upset he feels personally.

Best of luck, whichever path you decide to take x

He wont be pleased. But that does not mean he wont support and hemp you,

There is no upside to having a baby at 15, OP. Even people who had their babies very young will tell you that.

Generally I'd agree with that.

However, My son has an old school friend who did exactly that. Took a degree, got her teaching qualification & 20+ years later is a head teacher in a primary school.

But she had the support of parents, one of whom took early retirement, to care for her child while she went to university & completed her education. Not everyone has parents who are willing or able to do that.

@jazminemarie Please don't feel ashamed or judged.

I guess you first need to decide what you want to do and working this out would be easier if you had someone in real life to confide in, even a trusted friend of the same age.

If you don't want a baby, at 4 week along it would be pills to abort rather than anything more intrusive., and if you really don't feel able to tell your dad, could call your GP and say you want an urgent appt with a female GP? Maybe get a friend to come with you? At 15 years old they could prescribe the tablets and keep it confidential (i.e not tell your dad) as long as are satisfied you understand and can make considered decisions . Google Gillick competency.

Keep posting here if it helps xxx

Speak to your parents. They may be shocked but they love you. My cousin had a baby at 15, she had supportive parents and grandparents. She told our grandparents first as she was scared how her parents would react. They helped tell her parents. She kept the baby and is a teacher now and her child has a good job and things turned out well after the inital shock. She was able to still go to college so it is not the end of the world, obviously not ideal but I just wanted to assure you that it doesn't mean the end of your life if you have the support. I wish you well. Talk things through and think things through carefully based on your own circumstances.

Posting to give you a very unmimsnetty hug. It’ll be ok, whatever you decide to do. Im glad you have choices and landed up here. There is good advice to be had.

If you don't want to be pregnant then that's a real option, and you don't have to tell anyone except the health professionals unless you want to, now or later on. They will help you organise better contraception as well.

If you decide to continue the pregnancy, which will be the default outcome if you choose to do nothing, then you do need to tell someone because it won't just be about you - choosing to keep a pregnancy means choosing to do the best for that potential child and you will need antenatal vitamins, preferably now so get folic acid from the shop, and health and social care input.

The choice is yours and you should make the decision which feels right for you.

I had a baby at 16, and if I could go back in time I would 100% not have done that, I love my child but the fact I was a teenage mum meant I kissed goodbye to a career, buying a home, having the girly holidays I wanted and just generally being free! It is HARD work being a young mum.

please tell someone, anyone, a GP or your friends mum. Someone who could help you and maybe help talk to your dad. While he won’t be pleased I am sure he will just want to help you and ensure your safety.

I really feel for you, I know how hard that decision is, but think through your long term plan too - a baby tagging along will change a lot of your options.

This is a really good suggestion, OP.

When I was 14 my friend found out she was pregnant and she told my mum. She was too far gone for an abortion but my mum helped her tell her parents and gave her bundles of support with no judgement.

Honey, you say you have slept with quite a few men
this is usually a sign of an unhappy home life or abuse - you need help too unpack this , why is your self esteem so low , how are you able to sleep with them all with out your dad worrying you are missing from home ?

where is your mum ?
you can get an abortion without your dad finding out but id not recommend this

how many tests have you done ?

No I really wouldn’t “tell one of the boys she is sleeping with”. They aren’t committed relationships, they aren’t mature adults, they haven’t been exclusive. There is no telling how they may handle that with their maturity level and ego involved. They could spread the information around school, it could get out, she could be humiliated or ostracised. She needs to seek the advice of an adult or professional here.

Is there a sexual health clinic near you? You could ring them, they’d be able to advice on next steps.

In your shoes I would think seriously about having a termination.

Its okay to be pregnant, i guess you need to get everyone on board or as much people as you can because you are very young. I think your parents might start off disappointed but they will come around. Always be honest.

I know it’s not popular but you have heard this for a good reason. A termination is a very real loss and some people really struggle with that.

Some will call your pregnancy an “it” and tell you you’ll ruin your life if you continue with your pregnancy. Some, like me, will be that other voice and tell you of family who got pregnant around your age and it worked out for them; or of friends who adopted and are the most amazing parents to a child born in a situation like yours where the mother loved their baby and just didn’t feel able to be parent at that time.

You have to follow your own heart here. Not anyone else’s. They don’t all agree, for starters! Someone upthread said you’ve got 3 choices, and you have. And they’re YOURS to make, not anyone else’s.

For what it’s worth I wouldn’t judge you for getting pregnant. I come from a family of teachers who I know wouldn’t either. But I understand the shame that is attached to it, especially at a young age. Hold your head up high though. You’re a valuable and important person, your life is just very different now.

Just make sure it’s YOUR choice. No one else has to live with whatever you choose, only you. So don’t do it for anyone else because you think it’s expected or you. Life is too short for that. Above all be so kind with yourself.

https://lifecharity.org.uk/

Could you write your Dad a letter? Or speak to the Mum of one of your friends? It’s so important you have support

As the mum of a 15 year old girl I wish I could give you a big hug and help you. Please speak to someone you trust, it doesn’t always have to be a female. Sending you good wishes and hope you’re ok 🩷

I am a mum to a 14 year old girl if this happens I would want her to have an abortion. It is too young. I mentioned the school nurse service before - if you google “school nurse” and the area you are in eg, “Oxford” you can find their details. They have phone lines and you can also chat on text. Hopefully your area has similar. This is to give you extra support alongside GP appt. They can support you afterwards as well and maybe work towards safer sexual health. I know many girls your age are sexually exploited. If this is the case then please talk to someone and they will help you get the help that you need.