Just found out im pregnant at 15, what do I do?

[jazminemarie]

I just recently found out im pregnant and im 15, i genuinely don’t know what to do im really really scared about everything. I don’t know if I should even keep it. I don’t know if I should tell anyone and if I do how do I tell them? Especially my dad?? I’m really nervous and I feel so stupid and dumb for it even happening. The worst part is I don’t even know who the dad would be… please try not to be judgmental im genuinely really worried.

and yes im expecting to be judged and name called…

I knew of three people who got pregnant as teenagers (14,16 and 17) and not one of them regretted terminating.

Its also important to remember that at your age you haven’t been preparing your body to build a baby. You haven’t had extra folate or you may have drank alcohol. It’s important to see the health services to ensure you get the right diet if you want to keep the baby to minimise the chances of a baby with special needs or other challenges.

I strongly advise that you do not keep the pregnancy. You have years and years ahead of you in which you can have a baby. But once you're a mum, you're a mum for the rest of your life.

You could have a baby at 30 instead if you wanted, and it would give you15 more years to experience life without the tie of having to be totally responsible for a child.

Do you have a friend whose mum you trust? Talk to your friend and confide in her mum. I’d absolutely be there for one of my daughter’s friends and help her to get whatever support she needed.

I second an appointment with your GP or with BPAS. It can be hard to get a GP appointment in some places, but you can often request an appointment online if you don’t want to talk to the receptionist. But if it’s hard to get a GP appointment, I’d go straight to BPAS or whoever supports women in your area.

Often they share space with your local sexual health clinic, so if you can’t find anything on the BPAS website, then google your nearest sexual health clinic and see if they offer pregnancy services.

BPAS also offer pills by post, but I don’t know if they’d want to see you first because of your age.

https://www.bpas.org

@jazminemarie at 4 weeks you have the option to take the pills at home and go through what will feel like a heavy period. Do you have a trusted Friend who could stay with you?

I became a mum at 19 and even then it was very difficult, my son was born prematurely and although I loved him immediately I did struggle to adapt from teenager sleeping till 11 at weekends to waking up at 5 am.

I also work in a secondary school and would not judge any girl in your situation. I would worry about you though, how s your self esteem? Do you end up having sex with boys because you want to be loved and feel close to someone?

Please talk to a teacher or counsellor at school or a GP.

My life worked out OK in the end and I had my daughter at 25 (much easier with a supportive partner) but I look back on that time and I did struggle and was often lonely.

I hope you have someone there for you, even a good Friend to support you.

Oh bless you. You’ve been so brave coming on here. People are rightly concerned about you, especially because you seem to have had sex with a few guys in a very short period of time. Are you ok about that? I’m not trying to shame you. It’s just sometimes you can feel pressured or feel like you have to do it or you do it to be liked, stuff like that.

I do hope you find someone, who can support you. Maybe there is a nice teacher. It might be an art teacher or something, who you can confide in. Or one of your friend’s mums. If my dd told me this was happening to one of her friends, I would support her.

@jazminemarie no judgement from me, just a big virtual hug. It sounds as if you’ve had a rough time in the past if only your dad is around and this could be why you’ve had a number of partners. After you’ve followed some of the advice from previous posters it might be helpful to you to talk to somebody in strict confidence to help you understand what’s been happening in your life to date. Your GP may be able to help you with this. Hope everything works out for you.

Sending you good wishes. After you take the first step, things will start to feel a little easier. Just think about what you can do today/ tomorrow, and take one step at a time.

After you have decided what to do, ie might be a good idea to sort out some long acting contraception (injection or implant) from your GP or Brook clinic.

Your partners don't have to know about it; get them to use condoms for STI protection.

Not judging you at all but I do worry about your safety.

I had a termination at when I was 19. It’s not pleasant, no one is going to tell you it is.

But I can definitely say that it is a hell of a lot easier than childbirth and raising a child to 18.

Please go to your GP on Monday and get this sorted. And whilst you’re there, discuss contraception options.

Dont be ashamed, no one is going to judge you, we all have sex and most of us have found ourselves unexpectedly pregnant or had close calls at some point in our lives.

@D0RA that's a very helpful and clear response.
OP, sending a hug.

Get rid of it and stop sleeping with multiple people.

Get your education finished and make a good life for yourself. And make sure you have good protection. Don't rely on boys using condoms.

I was pregnant young, whilst being single, and I was worried about my dad and judgmental nan finding out. My dad rolled his eyes, called me stupid, and then went to Asda and bought me a weeks worth of groceries, which he continued to do every week until I met DH.

My nan was actually happy to be a great-grandma.

You know your dad, we don't, but most dads I know would be initially shocked and angry, but once over the shock, they would be supportive.

At four weeks you have time in your side which is really positive whatever decision you ultimately make.

Is there a pastoral manager at school or safeguarding person you can speak to? They really will be the best people outside of family to get you in touch with support and advice services.

If you do decide to go ahead you need to be prepared for the fact that there will be a lot of involvement from various agencies. Both you and your unborn child will be allocated social workers and there will be meetings involving you, your family, the social workers and the family of baby's dad when his ID is determined. You should be able to stay at school for as long as you are happy and it's safe to do so (school will put a risk assessment in place). When you have the baby you will be able to take time off and when you are ready to learn there is funding called Care to Learn to help pay for childcare so you can finish your education.

Having said all that, and despite knowing young mums who have made it work, this will impact your life permanently if you go ahead. Give some thought to who you will be able to rely on for physical and emotional support for year to come, how your living situation will be affected, your education and social life. Also, and I say this to be realistic, not negative, there is no guarantee for any woman that a pregnancy will result in a healthy baby and that's hard enough to deal with as an adult with a job, home and secure relationship.

I wish you all the best whatever you decide x

Lots of women will have made a mistake and got pregnant when they didn't want to. I did in my 30s, so can't really judge a 15 year old doing the same.
Contact bpas, sure you can do over the weekend as well. I took pills and they were not that bad, yes it was scary but more like a heavy period.

Is there someone at school you trust to talk to? A counsellor or some pastoral support?
Try not to think about other people’s perceptions of your current situation, just focus on what you need to do for yourself, whatever your decision is.

Having a baby at 15/16 with no support or stable partner is also going to be very hard mentally. Honestly if I knew you I’d be advising to abort the baby and focus on making a good life for yourself before you decide to settle down and have children.

OP I think you should try and tell your dad. You might be panicking and over-thinking what his reaction will be like.

Talk to your dad. You need some real-life support.

Can you narrow down who the father might be?

I think pregnancy is scary no matter what age.

You’re going to be ok. But you really need to make some drastic changes in your life.

Lots of hugs.
If you were my daughter, I would want to support you. If she had a friend who felt alone, I would also want her to feel she could come to me.
I bet your teachers will surprise you.

But your first step is to go to the drs. The sooner the better.

Good luck and I hope you keep asking for help on here for as long as you need to.

There’s already lots of good advice on here, and I don’t have anything significant to add, but wanted to let you know you're not alone, even though we can’t physically, so many of us here are sending you gentle hugs and support. I hope you find someone soon IRL who you can trust, and who can help you x

Oh darling girl I’m so sorry you find yourself alone in this situation, so many posters here have shown how they empathise with you. You have nothing to be ashamed about and you deserve real life support. I would reach out to either a school nurse or make a doctors appointment, you can ask for a female GP as I think k others have said.

i would say that having children is a really difficult thing, it really needs lots of other family support to help and I would try and think very carefully about whether now is the right time. You do have options here, getting professional help would assist you in making the right choice for you.

lots of love to you.

Just as everyone else has said - get medical advice & support ASAP. You've no reason to feel embarrassed, loads of women have made a mistake at some point in their life, some will have ended up with an accidental pregnancy even if most get away with it.
Also, if you can think of anyone you could go to irl? Teacher (even if not currently teaching you - just any of them that you trust), sports coach (past or present), mum of a friend, neighbour, anyone like that?
I dont think it really matters who the father is, assuming he's ages with you: it was a casual thing and his opinion isn't really relevant to your choices.

OP I think you should book a GP apt. If you want to continue the pregnancy then everyone will find out anyway. If you don’t (which sounds sensible in your situation) then it’s easier to do that sooner.

either way - there can be health implications and you need to be in the system now and getting support and check ups.

If you’ve slept with a few people I’d also suggest an sti test? You can also request counselling and other MH support if you are going to have a termination as it’s not taken lightly.

we're all here to help and advise. We’ve all done silly things at some point. But you do need to look after yourself ❤️

Do you have any friends that you could speak to their mum? To help you get the medical support you need? Or a children's centre or social worker if you won't talk to school.

First of all, absolutely NO-ONE on here is going to judge you or call you names. There but for the grace of god go many of us. Sometimes it's down to nothing more than luck who ends up accidentally pregnant and who doesn't. There aren't many young women who can honestly say they never took a stupid risk with their birth control, or never had a situation where sex took them by surprise and they were unprepared. Especially at your age.

It's great that you are only around four weeks or so, because you have plenty of time to really think this through and look into your options. But don't waste loads of time by sticking your head in the sand because those options get fewer and harder the more time goes by.

I'd really suggest confiding in a teacher, or perhaps a good friend's mum, if you can think of one who seems friendly and approachable? Please don't worry about being judged. I bet they will really surprise you about how kind and understanding they can be, but hey, if they do seem a bit judgemental it's still part of the school's job to make sure you get the support you need. And you say they judge you already, right? So what do you have to lose? Nothing!

Even if it's a teacher you don't know well personally, if there one who is young and female and has a reputation for being kind and approachable, then pick her. I can pretty much guarantee you in a school full of female teachers there will be at least one or two who have needed to get a termination, or found themselves with an unplanned baby. I promise. Teachers are fallible human beings too.

If you can't think of anyone there will be someone at school who is in charge of pastoral care, so find out who that is and go to them. This is the kind of thing they are there for.

You can also google your local British Pregnancy Advisory Service for their nearest drop in centre where you can speak to a professional who will meet young people like you every day and be able to talk you through everything you need to know.

@jazminemarie only needs to try to do this if she decides to proceed with the pregnancy - which like many others on here I hope she chooses not to because even with supportive parents picking up a lot of the slack, a pregnancy and rearing a child is not an easy option and will limit @jazminemarie‘s life chances , experiences and future to a huge degree.

Jazmine, you are very early on in your pregnancy which is positive as it means you do have time to do some hard thinking about what you want, and need, to do, but you do need to make a decision quite quickly because the longer you delay the more your options are limited, and the harder they get.