Gender disappointment

[katieelnewmum]

I'm pregnant with my second child and I'm over the moon that it's healthy after having a miscarriage earlier on in the year. However, I've already got a 3 year old boy who I'm absolutely in love with. I've always dreamed about having a girl and really wanted a girl this time around but we found out we're having a boy.

I feel awful saying this but I'm really really struggling with this. I didn't realise how much I wanted a girl until I found out we were having another boy. I'm so sad about it all the time. I get jealous of friends that have girls but especially jealous of friends who have a boy and a girl. I feel resentment towards my husband because he really wanted two boys and he's got exactly what he wants. I don't feel excited or attached to this baby any more and I feel like I can't tell anyone because I know it sounds awful and ungrateful when there are so many people who would die for what I've got. I feel myself and my husband drifting apart but I can't help but feel so sad all the time about it. He knows I feel this way but will never understand. I've also completely taken away his excitement of having a second boy which I feel awful about too.

I also will not be having any more children and it kills me knowing I'll never experience having a girl.

What can I do to make myself heal from the grief of knowing I'll never have a little girl?

The opportunity to raise a female!

Eughhhh

What is it that you think is different between having a girl or a boy?

Your poor little baby.I feel sorry for him already.
Before you reply stating that I do not know how you are feeling, how desperately you want a daughter etc, I do know exactly how you feel.
I have two sons no daughters.I almost died giving birth the first time, and was so terrified of the second birth I had to make it my last.On medical advice I agreed to having the tubal tie the second time, to be carried out during the caesarean birth.
As my first was a son I hoped so much for a daughter the next time.I awoke from the GA to be told I had another son, and then told my tubes had been tied as well so I would not have to go through this fear of giving birth again.I was told also that my baby was alive and healthy, despite being born in poor condition like my first one.
I did not see him for two days ( routine for all caesarean born babies then
My first reaction was disappointment in not having my longed for daughter and next was my decision to have the tubal tie had gone against my catholic faith.
My MIL told me I had committed a mortal sin, which twisted the screw even more.The senior midwife shook her head at me telling me what a shame you had another boy, you will never have a girl now you have had this done to you.
My now late husband was away at sea.He had wanted a daughter and never replied when the message got to him he had another son.So much for father and son bonding!
When I saw my new little boy had an instant love for him, despite the fact looked like a skinned rabbit!.He had a large scratch down one side of his face which had been caused by the forceps used to pull him out my womb where he was stuck inside my narrow pelvis.I cried because of what he had been through in order to be born.
I am now a grandmother and great grandmother, those include lovely grandughters.
I hope you get to experience the same in years to come, enjoy spoiling your future granddaughters and experience your longed for girly days with them.
Try and love your new son when he comes, and as my grandmother used to say, take what God sends you and be thankful.
Start loving him now.

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Thank you, this is so helpful. 💙

I’ve got a gay teen son. Much better than having a stroppy teenage daughter IMO. 😂

I wish people would stop shaming women when they want to talk something through.

I already do love him now thank you.

So much stigma with having boys that grow in to young men and get more stigma.
What is it with people bully from birth and man bash them when they turn 18.
Dont think that having girls your gonna have that forever bond the princess of the family play dress up.
My mother had for girls and not one of us are close to her not one of us is girly.

I had a baby boy that grow up in to a very lovely young man.
I didnt care what sex he was gonna be i was happy to have had the chance to be a mum.

I'm new to this and didn't realise that I had to press the quote botton. I've been replying to messages but looks like I've just been typing them out instead of replying directly.

I guarantee that you will love this child more than life itself. X

Well, not according to your thread?

Author Steve Biddulph wrote two separate books on raising children — one on raising boys and the other on raising girls. Both sold over a million copies. Maybe read them to answer your question.

This is very true. I am aware of this. I just had a dream that I feel I won't have now. Which I know I will come to terms with soon enough..it's just hard right now.

I think you have to try and let go of expectations- a lot of these posts build up a very specific image in their mind which may not materialise anyway.

Like posters often write that having a DD means they will be closer to their grandchildren in the future- what about the fact a good fraction of women do not ever have children and there’s a very reasonable chance that their DD won’t either. It seems unfair to put those expectations on a child who should be free to work out their own life and path without their mother having pre-conceived ideas about it.

Your boys will be their own lovely, individual people. And they still share 50% of your DNA so shared interests, values, sense of humour are just as likely as with a girl.

I never said I didn't love him.

This. And if you haven’t actually lost a baby then your post is unbelievably cruel and self-centered.

I understand completely how you feel, it's horrid. Unfortunately it's massively taboo to admit to it in the UK, you will get a lot more understanding from US-based social media groups as they're quite open about it over there. You will love this little boy fiercely and wonder how on earth you managed without him! It's also okay to be sad that you're not having a little girl too.

Very true. My rational side does know this but just needs reminding every now and then. Just kind advice is all someone who is struggling needs.

I don't need an answer. I didn't find out the sex of my child before I gave birth. I didn't care what sex they were. Was there something I should have been aware of?

Thank you. I know I will do. God I love my son now and I know I'll love this one just as much. Someone's I just need a kind and gentle reminder of this.

Me too i dont know if your son is like mine. Oh the drama when theres a new flip flop out.
The breakups from a month long going to last forever relationship.
Nights of watching romantic bl movies to get over the last boyfriend.
Honestly its fabulous.
The swag the sassyness.
Love it.

Good for you mate.

Really? Grow up fgs and stop feeling so entitled

Oh do hun orf.