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AIBU - MIL bought carseat without consulting us

516 replies

Ivf4203 · 13/09/2025 15:45

Warning long post!

Soo i don’t know if it’s just my hormones… however i’m feeling quite frustrated with MIL. She tends to be overbearing at the best of times however I feel like this time we do really need to set boundaries. In the past she’s asked me about prams and what colours I’d be considering, I said blue or maybe black. She said blue is too common and black is boring. Hubby said I get to choose colour obviously. Anyway so we moved on from that. At dinner a couple of weeks ago, she asked us how we are with our baby list etc. We said we have an appointment to look at babygear etc as we want to see and try them in the shop particularly the prams and carseats. Yesterday she messaged us to say she bought us a carseat and that’s she sooo excited to show us. I don’t even want to see it. For me she’s crossed the line esp since she knew we’re due to check out different brands in the shop. She said it’s the best and she paid for the most expensive one available. I was upset because it’s our first baby and i feel like she’s robbing us the experience to choose what we want for our baby. Hubby called her to say thank you but we will be going to shop as planned and choose ourselves and again explaining it’s our first baby so please let us experience these things. Hubby suggested that she return the carseat but she refused. She said she’ll keep for when our baby uses her car. Since then she hasn’t been replying to hubby who’s asked how she is. I feel like we need to set the tone at this point and make sure boundaries are respected otherwise this will go on and on especially when baby arrives but AIBU to not even check out the carseat she bought?

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TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 13/09/2025 15:50

So she voiced an opinion about a colour, and bought a really decent car seat for your baby, that she's happy to keep and have in her car anyway if you want to buy your own.

Honestly, I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

She hasn't robbed you of anything.

I get setting boundries if she's overbearing, but this just seems like you're actively seeking reasons to assert yourself for the sake of it.

FuzzyWolf · 13/09/2025 15:52

Crikey, I think you need to wait until you actually have some real problems in your life and then you’ll look back and be embarrassed by your behaviour here.

user1492757084 · 13/09/2025 15:52

It was very generous of MIL to buy a car seat.
You could have visited the shop to hear all the information, measured your car and then decided whether to keep it or have it swapped for good reason for another, with MIL approval.

Fair enough to choose your own colours etc but being rude could bite you in the bum.

Filofaxforlife · 13/09/2025 15:53

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 13/09/2025 15:50

So she voiced an opinion about a colour, and bought a really decent car seat for your baby, that she's happy to keep and have in her car anyway if you want to buy your own.

Honestly, I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

She hasn't robbed you of anything.

I get setting boundries if she's overbearing, but this just seems like you're actively seeking reasons to assert yourself for the sake of it.

This. You sound ridiculous. It is her GC she is excited too. Parents in law are not a them and us. She is part of your team. Will your own parents be told they cannot spend their own money how they like unless you and your DH pre-approve the purchase?

Ivf4203 · 13/09/2025 15:54

@TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun she hasn’t because we didn’t let her! And I was ready to move on however, she’s been ignoring my husband since so clearly there’s a problem.

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Dartmoorcheffy · 13/09/2025 15:55

How about looking at it as babies first present off grandma instead of being rude and ungrateful.

Ivf4203 · 13/09/2025 15:55

Yes and my parents will ask first before buying tbh.

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Lollytea655 · 13/09/2025 15:55

Honestly, be grateful & pick your battles.

Your baby has a top of the range car seat to be used in her car, you can still buy whichever one you fancy and use that in your car.

amber763 · 13/09/2025 15:56

What are you talking about? She robbed you of the experience of buying a car seat? Youre looking for problems where there are none. Just say thanks very much and move on. Buy a different car seat if that's important to you but no need to be weird about her trying to help.

modgepodge · 13/09/2025 15:56

I get the excitement about wanting to choose your pram etc, but honestly car seats are pretty dull. As long as it is safe (by your standards) I’d be grateful!! Especially if she is going to keep it for use in her car. If it doesn’t meet your safety standards (eg forward facing at 15 months - legal but most people wouldn’t be happy about it), I think it’s acceptably to say she’s not to use it.

Ivf4203 · 13/09/2025 15:56

Lollytea655 · 13/09/2025 15:55

Honestly, be grateful & pick your battles.

Your baby has a top of the range car seat to be used in her car, you can still buy whichever one you fancy and use that in your car.

Yes agreed 100% and happy for her to keep the carseat as that’s her money but what I’m upset about is her ignoring my husband since as if waiting for an apology.

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Ivf4203 · 13/09/2025 15:58

modgepodge · 13/09/2025 15:56

I get the excitement about wanting to choose your pram etc, but honestly car seats are pretty dull. As long as it is safe (by your standards) I’d be grateful!! Especially if she is going to keep it for use in her car. If it doesn’t meet your safety standards (eg forward facing at 15 months - legal but most people wouldn’t be happy about it), I think it’s acceptably to say she’s not to use it.

Yes and honestly I thought after she said she’s keeping it for her own use that it’ll be fine however she’s ignoring my husband since and that’s what’s bothering me!

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mauvishagain · 13/09/2025 16:00

Well she's been very generous. Maybe she feels you've been rude and she would like an apology

First baby? Experiencing choosing a car seat??! Believe me, there's a lot more important "firsts" to come!

Is it her first grandchild? Maybe she's itching to be involved and just wants to help?

ColadhSamh · 13/09/2025 16:01

Your husband rang up and berated her for buying a car seat and he doesn't understand why she's ignoring him? Seems she can't do anything right so probably trying to figure out how to go forward with you both.

Ivf4203 · 13/09/2025 16:01

amber763 · 13/09/2025 15:56

What are you talking about? She robbed you of the experience of buying a car seat? Youre looking for problems where there are none. Just say thanks very much and move on. Buy a different car seat if that's important to you but no need to be weird about her trying to help.

We said thanks and we did move on after she said she’s keeping it. However she’s been ignoring my husband since.

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LittleBearPad · 13/09/2025 16:02

It’s somewhat rude to ignore the fact you have plans to sort all this out.

The car seat she’s picked may be lovely but if it doesn’t fit your pram it’s a waste of money. Is she expecting to drive your baby round lots - baby carriers are easy to move from car to car - you rarely need multiple versions.

Ignore her

fiorentina · 13/09/2025 16:02

It’s a bit odd for her to do this, especially as often you clip the car seat to a buggy and need compatible accessories. However it sounds like she’s just over excited on this occasion. I see why you want to set some boundaries though - it’s your baby after all.

ThreenagerCentral · 13/09/2025 16:02

I would love to have been ‘robbed of the experience of buying a car seat’

LittleBearPad · 13/09/2025 16:03

mauvishagain · 13/09/2025 16:00

Well she's been very generous. Maybe she feels you've been rude and she would like an apology

First baby? Experiencing choosing a car seat??! Believe me, there's a lot more important "firsts" to come!

Is it her first grandchild? Maybe she's itching to be involved and just wants to help?

It’s not generous.

JuniperandI · 13/09/2025 16:04

I have an overbearing MIL who is already trying to make Christmas plans for us when baby will be a month old, and has been trying to control certain things.

I'm getting from your post that you're more upset that she's not listening to you vs her buying a car seat? I think I'll have this issue with my MIL too, and I've already had to start putting boundaries in place for post-partum.

Ivf4203 · 13/09/2025 16:04

ColadhSamh · 13/09/2025 16:01

Your husband rang up and berated her for buying a car seat and he doesn't understand why she's ignoring him? Seems she can't do anything right so probably trying to figure out how to go forward with you both.

Excuse me what made you say he berated his mum? He was very polite, said thank you however we will go to the shop as planned and choose there. That if she wants she can return it. She refused so he said ok. He then explained as first time parents we want to choose everything especially a car seat that we need to make sure is safe for baby. He was never rude to him.

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Gassylady · 13/09/2025 16:04

Going against the grain here but i think she needs to “wind her neck in” It is your baby and you and your husband should choose the things that you want. You choose based on your preferences. Fine she can keep it for her car as long you are happy with its safety rating and she can demonstrate she can install it correctly.

Think it is good to assert boundaries. I would put money on her turning into one of those overbearing grandmothers that has a whole nursery in her house, changes the baby into clothes bought by her and thinks she is entitled to sleepovers from four weeks old.

ChristmasMiracleBaby · 13/09/2025 16:05

Bloody hell I'm desperate for someone to buy us a carseat, top of the range too.
You better apologise to mil and be greatful, it's a carseat, I'm not surprised she is ignoring you now.
You will feel pretty silly about this in the future once you realise how much of a drama you are making, or if she doesn't help out with childcare.

Ivf4203 · 13/09/2025 16:06

Gassylady · 13/09/2025 16:04

Going against the grain here but i think she needs to “wind her neck in” It is your baby and you and your husband should choose the things that you want. You choose based on your preferences. Fine she can keep it for her car as long you are happy with its safety rating and she can demonstrate she can install it correctly.

Think it is good to assert boundaries. I would put money on her turning into one of those overbearing grandmothers that has a whole nursery in her house, changes the baby into clothes bought by her and thinks she is entitled to sleepovers from four weeks old.

Omg how did you guess??? Yes she now has turned one of her bedrooms to a full nursery!! She has everything from crib, moses basket, all clothes, all of it!!

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FuzzyWolf · 13/09/2025 16:07

Ivf4203 · 13/09/2025 16:06

Omg how did you guess??? Yes she now has turned one of her bedrooms to a full nursery!! She has everything from crib, moses basket, all clothes, all of it!!

So she has kitted out her house for the baby. Weird but not uncommon. Why is it that the car seat, which she is using in her car (so may never even get used) is such an issue?