Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

AIBU - MIL bought carseat without consulting us

516 replies

Ivf4203 · 13/09/2025 15:45

Warning long post!

Soo i don’t know if it’s just my hormones… however i’m feeling quite frustrated with MIL. She tends to be overbearing at the best of times however I feel like this time we do really need to set boundaries. In the past she’s asked me about prams and what colours I’d be considering, I said blue or maybe black. She said blue is too common and black is boring. Hubby said I get to choose colour obviously. Anyway so we moved on from that. At dinner a couple of weeks ago, she asked us how we are with our baby list etc. We said we have an appointment to look at babygear etc as we want to see and try them in the shop particularly the prams and carseats. Yesterday she messaged us to say she bought us a carseat and that’s she sooo excited to show us. I don’t even want to see it. For me she’s crossed the line esp since she knew we’re due to check out different brands in the shop. She said it’s the best and she paid for the most expensive one available. I was upset because it’s our first baby and i feel like she’s robbing us the experience to choose what we want for our baby. Hubby called her to say thank you but we will be going to shop as planned and choose ourselves and again explaining it’s our first baby so please let us experience these things. Hubby suggested that she return the carseat but she refused. She said she’ll keep for when our baby uses her car. Since then she hasn’t been replying to hubby who’s asked how she is. I feel like we need to set the tone at this point and make sure boundaries are respected otherwise this will go on and on especially when baby arrives but AIBU to not even check out the carseat she bought?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Blueuggboots · 16/09/2025 09:18

She’s robbing your experience of choosing what you want for your baby? You are being ridiculous and hopefully it’s your hormones because you sound hard work!

CharlotteYorkMacDougal · 16/09/2025 11:17

I saw this article yesterday and thought of this thread:
https://www.theguardian.com/business/2025/sep/15/car-seats-being-sold-online-in-uk-that-risk-lives-of-children-which-finds

Obviously I know OP’s mother-in-law hasn’t bought one of the seats in the article as she bought in person and spent more but I did think it was a good reminder to make sure everyone only uses equipment they’ve checked out and are happy with for their family.

Car seats being sold online in UK that risk lives of children, Which? finds

Consumer group says uncertified car seats that put lives of children in danger are being sold by leading online retailers

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2025/sep/15/car-seats-being-sold-online-in-uk-that-risk-lives-of-children-which-finds

Ucannotbeserious · 16/09/2025 20:05

Worth remembering here that children are best to grow up with support from whole family. It was nice to read about how despite the fact you found her setting up a nursery was odd, you liked what she put in it. She’s trying. No one gets it right the whole time. The nursery shows she wants to be there to help. It’s tougher I think for the mother of the father, it is natural for you to be sensitive and natural to find less affinity with her than your mum and natural for her to not quite get it right with you. But I think you really need to decide if you have ‘moved on’ and it no longer worries you because she will use the seat in her own car and that the only thing that worries you was her not responding to hubby (as you said to those who criticised you) or whether you are wanting to see this all as a massive problem of overstepping and needing to set boundaries (as you do to those whose comments go with you). It would be such a shame to let it take over your life. Please don’t sweat the small stuff. This really is small stuff, with willingness on both sides and no setting boundaries in hard terms you can find your way. And all for the benefit of your little boy as he grows up

Realjournal123 · 16/09/2025 20:13

Yes you’re being utterly unreasonable. She seems like a lovely lady and excited about her new/ first grandchild. I imagine if she took zero interest you’d still be complaining. Seems like she can’t win with you. Wait until you’re buying expensive nappies every five minutes- bet you won’t mind her paying for those but hopefully she won’t as you’ve blown it now. BE NICE!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/09/2025 20:19

I think the MIL stepped out of the ‘excited granny’ sphere and into the ‘massively overstepping’ one when she started telling the OP what school she (MIL) would be choosing for the child, because she would be paying for it, @Realjournal123.

I am a grandma, and I really understand how exciting it is when your DIL is expecting a baby, but I knew this was not my baby - it was ds1 and his wonderful wife’s baby. Dh and I were careful not to overstep - we offered to pay for things, but left the choice of what to buy up to them.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 16/09/2025 22:20

CalmHiker · 13/09/2025 18:25

Careful, you are turning into nasty territory. No need to start a competition about how excited parents are because of the way the baby was conceived or how pregnancy is going. It has literally nothing to do with anything.

TBF, @thepariscrimefiles wad replying to this:

"I am trying to imagine how dull my life would be if I thought going to choose a car seat was ‘an experience'."

I'd say that was a snarky comment.
You've got to be pretty miserable to look down your nise at someone's joy.

NavyTurtle · 22/09/2025 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TeddySchnauzer · 22/09/2025 16:28

You sound incredibly controlling. Not just of your MIL but of your DH also. This won’t end well, sadly, unless you sort your act out OP. Genuinely.

Ivf4203 · 23/09/2025 17:51

Update for those who have been invested: MIL has emerged and kindly sent us some more presents (baby toys and breastfeeding kit) which are of course much appreciated although not sure how I’ll feed baby yet. So as DH predicted, she got over it all pretty quickly.
We’ve gone to our shop appointment and absoutely enjoyed it, realised there are loads of baby stuff we didn’t even know existed. Also finalised our baby list, MIL again tried changing our minds about the chosen pram and car seat and the colours but I think she realised her efforts on this are futile. She just messaged me to say she bought exactly what we specified on our list, which of course we are grateful for. So all’s well and just need to keep reinforcing boundaries! Tedious at times but I recognise this is a nicer problem to have as some previous posters pointed out.

OP posts:
AngelicKaty · 23/09/2025 17:56

Well done OP. I don't suppose she'll change, but at least she's learning that when you and your DH say something you mean it.

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 23/09/2025 18:04

We’ve gone to our shop appointment and absoutely enjoyed it, realised there are loads of baby stuff we didn’t even know existed

all the better to fleece you with. You need very very little for a baby. Don’t be fooled.

diddl · 23/09/2025 18:08

We’ve gone to our shop appointment and absoutely enjoyed it, realised there are loads of baby stuff we didn’t even know existed.

Glad you had a good time.

Don't be too drawn in-most probably isn't needed!

Taztoy · 23/09/2025 18:11

Ivf4203 · 23/09/2025 17:51

Update for those who have been invested: MIL has emerged and kindly sent us some more presents (baby toys and breastfeeding kit) which are of course much appreciated although not sure how I’ll feed baby yet. So as DH predicted, she got over it all pretty quickly.
We’ve gone to our shop appointment and absoutely enjoyed it, realised there are loads of baby stuff we didn’t even know existed. Also finalised our baby list, MIL again tried changing our minds about the chosen pram and car seat and the colours but I think she realised her efforts on this are futile. She just messaged me to say she bought exactly what we specified on our list, which of course we are grateful for. So all’s well and just need to keep reinforcing boundaries! Tedious at times but I recognise this is a nicer problem to have as some previous posters pointed out.

You don’t need even half of what they’re going to try to sell you!! You’re money to them.

glad it’s sorted with the MIL.

Sugargliderwombat · 23/09/2025 22:01

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 23/09/2025 18:04

We’ve gone to our shop appointment and absoutely enjoyed it, realised there are loads of baby stuff we didn’t even know existed

all the better to fleece you with. You need very very little for a baby. Don’t be fooled.

This made me chuckle - I distinctly remember buying an otter to "help babies sleep" that mimicked breathing with a mechanical belly that goes up and down and played a tune. I remember thinking 'I'm being conned here but there's a tiny shred of hope it'll work 😂'. It didn't.

dynamiccactus · 24/09/2025 17:32

AmIHumanOrAmIAYeti · 23/09/2025 18:04

We’ve gone to our shop appointment and absoutely enjoyed it, realised there are loads of baby stuff we didn’t even know existed

all the better to fleece you with. You need very very little for a baby. Don’t be fooled.

I was thinking the same thing.

But there are things that it is worth having (and having more than one of) and it occurred to me that you might need more than one car seat anyway - eg if MIL wants to take your baby out (assuming she drives).

If you have more than one car it's much easier to have two seats than have to keep swapping them over.

tinytemper66 · 24/09/2025 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page