Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

AIBU - MIL bought carseat without consulting us

516 replies

Ivf4203 · 13/09/2025 15:45

Warning long post!

Soo i don’t know if it’s just my hormones… however i’m feeling quite frustrated with MIL. She tends to be overbearing at the best of times however I feel like this time we do really need to set boundaries. In the past she’s asked me about prams and what colours I’d be considering, I said blue or maybe black. She said blue is too common and black is boring. Hubby said I get to choose colour obviously. Anyway so we moved on from that. At dinner a couple of weeks ago, she asked us how we are with our baby list etc. We said we have an appointment to look at babygear etc as we want to see and try them in the shop particularly the prams and carseats. Yesterday she messaged us to say she bought us a carseat and that’s she sooo excited to show us. I don’t even want to see it. For me she’s crossed the line esp since she knew we’re due to check out different brands in the shop. She said it’s the best and she paid for the most expensive one available. I was upset because it’s our first baby and i feel like she’s robbing us the experience to choose what we want for our baby. Hubby called her to say thank you but we will be going to shop as planned and choose ourselves and again explaining it’s our first baby so please let us experience these things. Hubby suggested that she return the carseat but she refused. She said she’ll keep for when our baby uses her car. Since then she hasn’t been replying to hubby who’s asked how she is. I feel like we need to set the tone at this point and make sure boundaries are respected otherwise this will go on and on especially when baby arrives but AIBU to not even check out the carseat she bought?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Ivf4203 · 15/09/2025 14:57

Sugargliderwombat · 15/09/2025 11:26

OP was MIL this wealthy when her boys were babies? I wonder if that's part of it.

Yes very wealthy all her life.

OP posts:
Ivf4203 · 15/09/2025 15:07

Washingupdone · 15/09/2025 13:18

Ivf4203 · Today 11:00
Thanks all for your replies. Some of you said to just accept it and say thank you and move on even though MIL was specifically told we would like to personally look at prams and car seats ourselves and that we were very excited about it

Did you invite your DMiL to go with you and make her feel included, she is going to be the DGM, isn’t she?

As she is knowingly very opinionated, no she was not invited to the baby shopping appointment. Before anyone else asks, my mum was not invited either. However both were included in other aspects. They were both included in naming baby, they got to attend some of the numerous scans I had and they are free to buy whatever they desire for baby to their hearts’ content. But, MIL was specifically asked not to get a pram or car seat because we want to choose those ourselves. We told her she can buy it if she really wants and we would be very grateful, but she has to wait so she knows exactly which ones we’re choosing. Yet she still went to get it on her own just before our appointment, and expect us to accept it with a smile.

OP posts:
Mumtobabyhavoc · 15/09/2025 15:09

Washingupdone · 15/09/2025 13:18

Ivf4203 · Today 11:00
Thanks all for your replies. Some of you said to just accept it and say thank you and move on even though MIL was specifically told we would like to personally look at prams and car seats ourselves and that we were very excited about it

Did you invite your DMiL to go with you and make her feel included, she is going to be the DGM, isn’t she?

Dear God, why should they need to??? 🤦‍♀️

FullLondonEye · 15/09/2025 15:13

@Ivf4203 You are very patient on this thread!

Ivf4203 · 15/09/2025 15:18

FullLondonEye · 15/09/2025 15:13

@Ivf4203 You are very patient on this thread!

Thank you, I try my best 😂

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 15/09/2025 15:22

jollygollygoodness · 15/09/2025 14:18

I’m sat here looking at my 11 month old son and really hoping he doesn’t end up with someone like this.

She’s probably not ignoring your Dh, she’s probably just done with you and your ungrateful attitude. You do realise she bought that for her son for his child right? Would he have been so rude to his mother if he wasn’t appeasing you?
Hopefully it’s just hormones and you’re usually a nicer person.

OP seems to be a very nice person who is very tolerent of her overbearing MIL and she has been polite throughout this thread, even to posters who have been really rude and unkind to her.

She has accepted gifts of clothes gratefully, she let her mum and her MIL be included in the choosing of a name, she didn't say anything when her MIL kitted out a brand new nursery in her home when OP was only 12 weeks' pregnant and worried about losing the baby and she didn't even say that her MIL couldn't buy the car seat. She just said that she and her DH wanted to attend the appointment to view the different travel systems and decide which one they liked best. She would then have put it on their baby list and her MIL could have bought it if she wanted. She insisted on going against their wishes and buying the one that she wanted.

deeahgwitch · 15/09/2025 15:42

Spot on @thepariscrimefiles

Hopingtobeaparent · 15/09/2025 16:44

@Ivf4203 so many posts and replies, I’ll be honest, I’ve not had time to read them all.

Essentially, I just wanted to add my weight to the ‘I think you are on the money with her behaviour, and absolutely have done the right thing’ camp. Husband sounds amazing too, he’s doing the right things too in my opinion, he sees her for how she is. That’ll really help! And for your marriage too! I’m a psychological therapist, so I see/hear of this sort of problem, and the problems that stems from it, a lot!!

Stick to your guns, keep those polite, but firm, boundaries, and don’t buckle to her sulks, that’ll not help!

All the best for baby!!

JayJayj · 15/09/2025 16:55

Washingupdone · 15/09/2025 13:18

Ivf4203 · Today 11:00
Thanks all for your replies. Some of you said to just accept it and say thank you and move on even though MIL was specifically told we would like to personally look at prams and car seats ourselves and that we were very excited about it

Did you invite your DMiL to go with you and make her feel included, she is going to be the DGM, isn’t she?

Why should she invite her? They are the ones having a baby. Why should they make her feel included? Grandma is a title not a right.

Miffylou · 15/09/2025 17:05

Odin2018 · 15/09/2025 11:56

Husband has already shown that he is supporting his wife. What's wrong with you?. I have had lovely responses from the poster as, unlike you, she is not itching to break up family and has the support of her husband. All you seem to want is a nasty battle between them. Husband is strong so grandma cant control them so, what's your problem? Just bitter and twisted unlike the poster.

What a strange person you seem to be. You accuse me and others of being bitter, twisted, showing bile etc. yet seem to be oblivious to the fact that you are the only one repeatedly hurling insults.

I note you have avoided answering my question, so I’ll try again: How is it "wishing/itching to break up a family" by expecting a man to support his wife rather than his mother about choices to be made for their baby?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/09/2025 18:13

Contrarymary30 · 15/09/2025 12:41

Most people would be delighted about receiving such lovely gifts. Is he her first grandchild ? May b e she's really trying to be involved and generous .

What about the ‘lovely gift’ of the MIL telling the OP what private school she wants to send her grandchild to, @Contrarymary30?

Spinmerightroundbaby · 15/09/2025 20:25

TeaForTheTillermanSteakForTheSun · 13/09/2025 15:50

So she voiced an opinion about a colour, and bought a really decent car seat for your baby, that she's happy to keep and have in her car anyway if you want to buy your own.

Honestly, I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill.

She hasn't robbed you of anything.

I get setting boundries if she's overbearing, but this just seems like you're actively seeking reasons to assert yourself for the sake of it.

Agree with this. She’s gifted you a car seat and an expensive one ? Who really gives a monkey’s? You sound spoilt. There are people who would be so grateful for this.

Odin2018 · 15/09/2025 23:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Odin2018 · 16/09/2025 00:04

Miffylou · 15/09/2025 17:05

What a strange person you seem to be. You accuse me and others of being bitter, twisted, showing bile etc. yet seem to be oblivious to the fact that you are the only one repeatedly hurling insults.

I note you have avoided answering my question, so I’ll try again: How is it "wishing/itching to break up a family" by expecting a man to support his wife rather than his mother about choices to be made for their baby?

Edited

Something is clearly wrong with you. I have told the poster she has a supportive husband who has put her feelings above hos mother's. Something is seriously wrong with you!

Miffylou · 16/09/2025 06:36

Odin2018 · 16/09/2025 00:04

Something is clearly wrong with you. I have told the poster she has a supportive husband who has put her feelings above hos mother's. Something is seriously wrong with you!

Still avoiding answering my question! Still refusing to explain or justify your insults. I wonder why…

Odin2018 · 16/09/2025 08:27

Miffylou · 16/09/2025 06:36

Still avoiding answering my question! Still refusing to explain or justify your insults. I wonder why…

Edited

Read my posts. Clearly something is wrong with you.

Miffylou · 16/09/2025 08:28

Odin2018 · 16/09/2025 08:27

Read my posts. Clearly something is wrong with you.

And again…

Odin2018 · 16/09/2025 08:29

Miffylou · 15/09/2025 17:05

What a strange person you seem to be. You accuse me and others of being bitter, twisted, showing bile etc. yet seem to be oblivious to the fact that you are the only one repeatedly hurling insults.

I note you have avoided answering my question, so I’ll try again: How is it "wishing/itching to break up a family" by expecting a man to support his wife rather than his mother about choices to be made for their baby?

Edited

Read my posts. Clearly something is wrong with you.

Odin2018 · 16/09/2025 08:31

Miffylou · 16/09/2025 08:28

And again…

Read my posts. Clearly something is wrong with you.

Miffylou · 16/09/2025 08:33

Odin2018 · 16/09/2025 08:31

Read my posts. Clearly something is wrong with you.

Repeating that insult ad nauseam still doesn’t answer the question…

Odin2018 · 16/09/2025 08:34

Miffylou · 16/09/2025 08:33

Repeating that insult ad nauseam still doesn’t answer the question…

Edited

Read my posts. Clearly something is wrong with you.

Miffylou · 16/09/2025 08:35

Odin2018 · 16/09/2025 08:34

Read my posts. Clearly something is wrong with you.

Yawn. Tedious person.

Odin2018 · 16/09/2025 08:36

Miffylou · 16/09/2025 08:35

Yawn. Tedious person.

Read my posts. Clearly something is wrong with you.

Miffylou · 16/09/2025 08:43

Odin2018 · 16/09/2025 08:36

Read my posts. Clearly something is wrong with you.

Shame you don’t have the honesty or integrity to admit that you accused me and others of "wishing/itching to break up a family"on the basis of no evidence whatsoever, but I don’t suppose your personality is about to undergo a transformation and I’ve got better ways to spend my day than engaging with immature, abusive people, so goodbye.

Feel free to carry on with your childish repetition to avoid answering the question, but I won’t be reading it.

Odin2018 · 16/09/2025 08:44

Miffylou · 16/09/2025 08:43

Shame you don’t have the honesty or integrity to admit that you accused me and others of "wishing/itching to break up a family"on the basis of no evidence whatsoever, but I don’t suppose your personality is about to undergo a transformation and I’ve got better ways to spend my day than engaging with immature, abusive people, so goodbye.

Feel free to carry on with your childish repetition to avoid answering the question, but I won’t be reading it.

Read my posts. Clearly something is wrong with you.

Quote
React
Add postReport