anyone else pregnant with loads of kids already?? feelin bit judged ngl

[Chattymum23]

hi all not sure if i should post this but here goes

i’m 8+4 with baby no.5 (all boys 😅) n tbh i feel like everyone thinks i’m a joke. haven’t even told half the fam cos i know what they’ll say. last time i told my mum i was preg she rolled her eyes n said “again?” 😔

i know it’s not ideal but it’s happened now n i just want to be happy bout it. i love my kids loads even if life’s a bit hectic

i’m knackered n got sickness bad but still doin school runs n sortin all the meals n tantrums. nursery called again yday bout my 4yo n i just cried in the loo after

anyone else got a biggish family n feel like ppl look down on you? not after a row just want to feel a bit less alone

It's not posh or even judgemental to suggest you don't have children if you don't have the financial/emotional/practical ability to support them all. There can't honestly be many people around you who aren't at least a bit judgemental about this?

So am I judging you for having lots of kids? Not at all. Am I judging you for the way you've gone about it? God, yes. Definitely.

So what do you hope she takes from your judgement? to get an abortion?

I don’t look down on anyone who has loads of kids, but after the first one (maybe 2) I don’t want to hear anyone moaning about it.

Anyone who has that many children in this day and age in the UK does it because they want to. So cope 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would have LOVED a third baby. But it's not sustainable to have a big family on 2 full time wages because of the amount of tax we pay... for people on benefits to have 5 kids!

looking at your username am I right in guessing you are 23?

Remember your pregnancy hormones will be all over the place at the moment so no wonder you are more teary.

At the actual end the day, when your kids are asleep;
Do they know they are loved ?
Do they feel safe?
Are they clean?
Are their tummies full?

If yes to the above ignore the judgements. Parenting is hard enough without that additional pressure.

You have options OP. And then get your contraception locked down. The implant or the coil are good. Think of the four kids you already have.

Congratulations!

It's no one else's business. Some people will judge whatever you do: no children/only child = selfish/ more than 3 = too many/ too young/ too old/ sahm = lazy/ working mum = what's the point in having them if you're gonna palm them off on someone else... You get the picture!

If you're happy and able to provide what they need then sod everyone else.

FWIW relatives of mine have 5, they had a lovely upbringing and all are successful and well rounded young adults now.

Keep telling yourself that, and stick to two children then.

I get sick of this narrative that as long as you love your kids, that is all that counts. No, it’s not, it costs money to raise a kid and give them a good chance in life. Spitting out kids like smarties while living on benefits, pushing them further under the poverty line with every hungry new mouth you birth, creates poverty that blights their lives. Loving them isn’t going to erase the harm that poverty does.

Single mum of 5, yes I would judge. It's not fair on the kids or the taxpayer. Hectic and poor isn't how I would want to raise my kids, certainly not 5 of them.
As a mum of 3 boys, I wish you luck with 5.
Don't expect a pat on the back for being irresponsible. If you're old enough to make 5 of them, you're old enough to hold your head high and own your choices.

Look, I know you mean well, but where does the OP sound “amazing”? Unfortunately I think this situation is a bit beyond being remedied by batch cooking.

You asked!
The thing is, that’s a lot of kids given you live alone and work part time and didn’t plan this last one! Hence why people would judge you!

I have one, we both work and have good earnings yet he gets everything he needs and I still find it hard work! People will wonder how you can provide for all of these children properly as I can’t see that you earn that much. Does their dad provide for them and are you and they all happy? If so, carry on and ignore.

I wouldn’t judge anyone for having 5 kids but I would judge someone who acted like they couldn’t help it and moaning about it.

Its like when men moan and act dumbfounded that a woman is pregnant, even though they had sex with her without a condom.

I am not having a dig but I do think you’re irresponsible (more so towards your current kids) to have a baby with a man you don’t even live with.

I do judge people who put their own wants before their kids needs.
It does seem that that’s what happening here.

I’m sorry OP if posts were judgemental. Please ignore them and congratulations on your pregnancy.

I think it was probably posted as a wind up thread.

I'm nearly certain it was. And it had the desired effect.

I would have loved to have 5 children (I dreamed of 6 actually) but couldn't have managed a big family while working full time and I needed to work full time to help keep us fed, clothed and housed.

I know a couple with 6 children who both work full time but they're an exceptional partnership with a supportive extended family. I think it would be very tough unless you have that kind of situation.

This! Why doesn’t the dad live with you? So you can claim benefits separately??

Your attitude is shockingly flippant. My husband and I waited to have a child until we were sure we could afford it, people like you make a mockery of parenthood.

"My view is unless they pay for your life or look after your children they don't get an opinion (or I don't have to listen to it or care)
Enjoy your family- by the time baby 5 comes you will be too busy to take notice and care haha"

So as a taxpayer I get to have an opinion? Or do I only get an opinion if it's one you agree with, and I have to be nice and supportive of where my taxes go?

I think a lot of the time when people judge big families it's because they're projecting their feelings about how they personally would cope with that many children. It's a reflection on them, not you.

Children don't need a huge amount to grow up happy. They need food, shelter, clothes and some toys and, above all, to be raised with love, kindness, firm boundaries and respect. It sounds like you care deeply about your children and are able to provide for them.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. A new baby is a cause for joy ❤️

I always wanted a big family too, but we stopped at two because we couldn't afford any more. Unfortunately, because DH is working, we weren't entitled to subsidised housing, benefits (over child benefit), or any other financial support. Shame, as I would have loved four or five.

Fake post surely. Interesting syntax and spelling - but each post written out perfectly adhering to the style.

And when you're a pensioner OP's children will be paying taxes which support your pension, healthcare and the rest, so what's the problem?

I feel really embarrassed reading this. We have 5 and I never realised that's how others see us. My 20 year old is at uni doing her honours, my younger ones go to any extra curriculars they want. We put away savings for them each month. They always have what they need and often things they want. My 2nd eldest does run the younger ones in on her way to school sometimes but it's because she wants extra money, its a 5 min job which she normally gets between a fiver and a tenner for!

If you can’t afford to finance 5 children then yes, I would judge a bit. My husband and I delayed starting a family until we felt we could afford it, and then stopped after two DCs. Sometimes I think a third child would have been lovely, but the cost of a third was a big factor in this decision. We do not take any benefits and have always worked.

I completely understand that many people need government financial support through no fault of their own and am glad they get this support. But I do judge those who are reliant on the state because they have more kids than they can afford (with the exemption of women whose partners leave and fail to pay support, or those who are hit with unexpected problems with health, job losses, etc).