anyone else pregnant with loads of kids already?? feelin bit judged ngl

[Chattymum23]

hi all not sure if i should post this but here goes

i’m 8+4 with baby no.5 (all boys 😅) n tbh i feel like everyone thinks i’m a joke. haven’t even told half the fam cos i know what they’ll say. last time i told my mum i was preg she rolled her eyes n said “again?” 😔

i know it’s not ideal but it’s happened now n i just want to be happy bout it. i love my kids loads even if life’s a bit hectic

i’m knackered n got sickness bad but still doin school runs n sortin all the meals n tantrums. nursery called again yday bout my 4yo n i just cried in the loo after

anyone else got a biggish family n feel like ppl look down on you? not after a row just want to feel a bit less alone

what is "families like this" the op only posted three vague comments about her life we really don't know that much, is it because she's a part time cleaner and not a lawyer in the city like the rest of Mumsnet claims to be? Because my mum was a part time cleaner too and I assure you I turned out fine.
You're grasping at some serious straws it's not like before 2017 when big families got thousands of benefits and most council houses have two or three bedrooms only a few even have four bedrooms and the wait list for those will be years so probably not costing any more in housing benefit than the average sized family. That's assuming her great aunt didn't die and leave her a house in the will because you never know.

I'm really not bothered about the cost of a slightly larger than average British family to public services when we have thousands of foreign nationals coming here every month costing a lot more. Please get a grip

Dimwitted is anyone that thinks just because she has five children (all boys) that she must have a massive council house. Even though most council houses only have two or three bedrooms so even if she wasn't self funding she'd get no more housing benefit than a normal sized family.

That makes choosing to have a fifth an even worse decision

By "families like this" I mean single mothers of 5 working part time round school hours (which coild mean absolutely fucking anything). Sure OP could be the exception and her part time cleaning job pays her a size figure salary but I doubt it. Sure perhaps she got a free massive house but I really doubt that too. You're deluding yourself if you think those things are a remote possibility.

Nice to know you basically mean my mother (although she had less than five kids) I assure you my life chances have been fine and I'm not stuck in a cycle of doom😉

Jeez the arrogance on this site sometimes

OP's writing style doesn't suggest any level of education. Her comments made me suspect that she's isn't managing her existing kids that well, at least not beyond feeding them and keeping them clean/clothed.

I strongly suspect there are some cognitive issues involved otherwise no sane person would decide to bring yet another baby in this situation.

Well yeah if she was a single mother of lots on purpose, then she was irresponsible too.

At least Nigel Farage will thank you for boosting the nation’s birth rate!

Maybe not. They might not be the right kind of people for Nige.

Single because our father chose to leave, as for the op just because she said they aren't married it doesn't mean they're not a couple, I know so many families that have kids and a mortgage but haven't got around to marriage yet. Whether you approve of that or not is your opinion but it's not uncommon these days.
Also families where dad lives separately but still sees the kids every day, just because they don't live together doesn't mean he doesn't just live over the road. You also can't just assume she has different "baby daddies" because she hasn't even said they have different dads.

Then your mums situation isn't the same, so I'm not sure you keep bringing it up. It's irrelevant.
And literally none of those possibilities are likely, or would make it a good idea to be a single mum of 5. It's one thing to not be married, but 5 kids without living together is downright stupid.

Agree completely. It’s sad isn’t it. She’s got her message across fine - imperfect grammar or not. Some people have dyslexia, some people didn’t have access to education and some people just didn’t get it! It doesn’t mean she’s thick. Me and two of my children are autistic - my daughter can’t do maths but she is fluent in 3 languages. My son is a maths whizz kid, but his writing is illegible. I hate to think they’d be judged in the future on things like this. I’m sure this lady has lots of wonderful qualities - being a loving mum to multiple children and still wanting more is admirable! I struggle with the 3 I have and I have so much support from my partner.

i also had one of my children youngish (21) so I also get the judgement in that respect. Young mothers can also be better mothers than the traditional ones who have ‘everything together’.

Everyone’s circumstances are different. Don’t listed to the judgey people on here OP.

Sheesh.. and they say autistic people don’t have empathy! They’ve missed a whole demographic on Mumsnet to analyse!

Why should working tax payers fund 5 kids to someone who isn't trying not to get pregnant, I'd crying in toilets and can't cope with the kids she's got and is seemingly living alone to maximise benefits paying for these kids rather the dad! How many dad's have these big families that they leave the benefit system to pay for!

Nobody should expect a back pat for this sort of lifestyle! Parents who love together and both work can't afford families that size! If phone calls from the nursery are making her cry now, what happens if the new baby makes her crack and post natal depression sets in! Will daddy finally do his duty and move in!

It's not fair on the kids that caught up in these lifestyles to back pat people that do it!

Let's be honest, these big families with dad living seperate is to make sure mum gets a council house and benefits.

Ah she's allowed to be a drain on society because her skin is the right colour, it's ok for dad to keep knocking her up and living separately because you think his skin colour meets your approval!

The foreigners that come here, come here to work because they aren't entitled to these sorts of benefits anyway. We need foreign nationals to fill the vacancies that people on benefits won't come off and fill. We have a social care crisis remember!

I’m one of 5. Life was pretty tough growing up because of lack of money and lack of individual attention. You mention people staring when you all went out to dinner together - that implies that your family didnt struggle very much financially. There was never a time when we ‘went out to dinner as a family’ because there was never any money to do so.
Many larger families DO have financial problems which in turn impacts on the lives of the children. Sometimes, loving parents are just not enough.

Where are you getting this warm, cuddly feeling from? She said a call from the nursery had her crying in toilets! She's not coping, she's certainly not funding all those kids on a part time job and she'll be out of work for a time after this one is born. People have to wake up to the consequences of advocating this lifestyle, what if post natal depression kicks in or the baby is born with complex health issues or needs! She isn't going to cope! Will daddy step up to the plate and move in? No because it'll interfere with the benefits she's no doubt getting.

These lifestyles should never be encouraged.

But that's the point, planning a child and making sure you can afford it and having a proper relationship with your dad isn't a bad choice!

The issue is - she IS pregnant. I haven’t encouraged her to go and get pregnant. I’m calling the situation now as I see it. The lady wanted someone to talk to! What is the point berating her? What’s wrong with supporting one and other and holding each other up?

Yes and an asteroid could hit the earth tomorrow. If we lived by the ‘what if’ attitude how dismal life would be.

Maybe your negative and ‘told you so’ attitude is the problem.

It’s real nice scaring a pregnant woman to death guys and making her feel absolutely terrible about her life. What is wrong with you people.

No child should be called a bad choice. And the PPs arrogance in assuming the child she has is more worthy than those of OPs is abhorrent.

The drop-in that her DD was 'expensive' was very telling about her values.

It's realistic though. Doesn't help anyone to pretend that everything always works out in the end.

You dont know that dad doesn't work full-time. Mum does work part time around the kids like a lot of mothers including foreign ones, especially foreign mum's who come from cultures where mum is expected to stay home.

I've heard we "need" immigration because the British birth rate is low. Not hard to see why when according to Mumsnet you shouldn't reproduce unless both parents are lawyers

It’s surely not controversial to meekly suggest that having multiple children on your own that you can’t support isn’t brilliant- either for you, them or society in general that has to pick up the pieces. Ops own mother thinks it’s a bad move. But no we get the “you go girl big families are great” cheerleaders 🙄.

Of course both parents don't have to be lawyers. But it is absolutely reasonable to think people should aim higher than single mum of 5 crying in the toilet. Upping the birth rate is only helpful if those being born are likely to be productive - and the stats aren't on their side.