anyone else pregnant with loads of kids already?? feelin bit judged ngl

[Chattymum23]

hi all not sure if i should post this but here goes

i’m 8+4 with baby no.5 (all boys 😅) n tbh i feel like everyone thinks i’m a joke. haven’t even told half the fam cos i know what they’ll say. last time i told my mum i was preg she rolled her eyes n said “again?” 😔

i know it’s not ideal but it’s happened now n i just want to be happy bout it. i love my kids loads even if life’s a bit hectic

i’m knackered n got sickness bad but still doin school runs n sortin all the meals n tantrums. nursery called again yday bout my 4yo n i just cried in the loo after

anyone else got a biggish family n feel like ppl look down on you? not after a row just want to feel a bit less alone

Argh some of these messages are gross. The lady is clearly in need of support and a shoulder. Don’t you remember being pregnant with hormones?! Not exactly the time you want to be judged is it? Shame on you! Whether you agree with her lifestyle or not you’ve torn into someone who was already upset. What a lovely bunch! She didn’t ask for advice on money or living arrangements.. she wanted to connect with other mums with lots of children.

To the OP, if you think you can handle the challenge then I don’t see anything wrong here. I’m from a family of 5. My parents were from families of 5 and before them it was 11 and 12! I’ve had more children than my siblings (I’ve had 3) and I do feel like I’ve bitten off more than we can chew. But at the time we didn’t have a crystal ball and didn’t foresee all the health issues we were about to face.

if you have a stable roof and a stable income and you can feed and clothe your children it’s nobody else’s business.

im sorry you’ve had such scathing remarks here.. but posting on a forum of perfect mums will never make you feel good.

Influencers children is who I feel sorry for! Spitting out kids to make money off them. You sound like you enjoy being a Mum.. which is more than what could be said for most of the mums on the internet today.

God these “you go girl” “you’re a great mum” posts make me roll my eyes.how on earth do you know that? Her own family think it’s a bad idea.

Sounds very different to these recent posters set up. Self funding with a father there to help is one thing. Fifth child for an already struggling single mum father doesn’t even live with them funded by the rest of us - sorry that’s a very different proposition.

These type of posts always kick off. I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s fake and MN created themselves. I also don’t want to fund other people via my taxes but the reality is that once born, children need to be supported. It’s not their fault regarding the circumstances. Me and DH had to stop at 2 kids, we couldn’t afford any more. But I think if the love and right support is there, bigger families can thrive. We need to stop pearl clutching and encourage having villages around people, not scorn or judgement that help no one. It’s the kids who miss out. Just my two cents.

The comments are vile because the ops grammar isn't great, I've been on this site a long time and how well written a post is 100% dictates how harsh the comments will be. Sadly it seems people detect weakness in bad grammar assuming either youth or that the op isn't clever posters will then descend with unnecessarily harsh replies and assumptions like a pack of vultures.

you can see the assumptions she hasn't even said the kids have different dads and just because they aren't married and don't currently live together doesn't mean he isn't a good father figure. Just because she (like LOADS of mothers) works part time round the kids doesn't mean dad doesn't work full-time to support the kids.

I don't have a big family but I did have my first child really young so know what it's like to have people staring at you and making assumptions everywhere you go, and I have a thick skin but even then it can get annoying. I think mother's with lots of well taken care of children deserve a lot more respect than they are given

Just because he doesn't currently live with them doesn't mean he isn't an active father figure or that he doesn't work hard to support his kids. I know tons of couples who don't live together. Op hasn't said enough for all these assumptions. She also hasn't said that all her kids don't have the same dad

Molko1503. if you have a stable roof and a stable income and you can feed and clothe your children it’s nobody else’s business.

How is a part time cleaning job stable? How does a part time job afford a house big enough for 5 kids? Never mind food, clothes and other expenses.

During a cost of living crisis, I am sure many would like tips on how to make earnings stretch that far?

You don't know that she doesn't own a house outright and has no mortgage to pay or rents from the council so the rent is very low.
Some people have great aunts that die and leave them a house in their will. Rent/mortgage is most peoples biggest out goings but there's all kinds of reasons someone might not have as much of an issue with it.

And just because her and dad don't live together and aren't married doesn't mean they aren't still a couple and he doesn't help out with finances.

I only have one, but my cousin has 5. It was their choice, they are very religious (catholics) and they said they will have as many as God will give. She is still in conceiving age, for let's say 6 years or so, so she might have another one. They are surrounded with families who are having more children and I don't think she is bothered by anything. She really enjoys having a big family. Wish you all the best. I'm sure this bundle of joy will bring you so much happiness!

I stand corrected if the op is self funding owns her own property gifted by an aunt (?!) and the (non resident) father is an excellent hands on equal parent dad to his 5 sons.

This is utterly irresponsible and you know it OP. Very, very few people would be able to afford five children in this economy and it does not sound like you’re one of them. It appears your other children are already having problems that you don’t have capacity to deal with. Why should the taxpayer fund your poor decisions? You are being judged for a reason.

you're being judged because -
contraception does actually work, so you musn't be using it properly and that is irresponsible.And you aren't living with the dad - presumably because that would affect your benefits.

The more l read Mumsnet. Gransnet Quora etc. The more l think some of these posts are deliberate wind ups.

You know for a larf

Re important topics that divide and wind people up.

A lot of us still pay, or have paid in a ton in income and other taxes over the years. And so, we should have a say about what benefits are being thrown at certain people in a wider sense even if they are working

In the Sixties, people used to seriously discuss their fears about the world being overpopulated. You rarely hear that nowadays.

In fact l think the subject has been cancelled.

I rest my case

Agree semi. It’s galling to pay absolutely shed loads of tax stop at two children you can fully support then read shot like this. Hope it’s a wind up - which it probably is!

https://www.gov.uk/guidance/claiming-benefits-for-2-or-more-children

Since 2017. You're very behind the times. Being galled about paying shed loads of tax in regards to big families has been irrelevant for 8 years.

We have 5 kids. Do you know what really annoys people? That I can cope, that we can afford them, that they are brilliantly behaved, polite and wonderfully smart kids. That they have a bedroom each, and I drive a van. They hate it. I really irritate people! 😂

Children are a blessing and it sounds like you are doing a great job. Can't believe someone mentioned a termination. I wish you luck.

I think it depends … if your children are clean, clothes, fed and loved then Fair play.
mWe have someone who lives near us who has a house full of dogs that don’t see the light of day, cats who are constantly pregnant, both dads if her kids living with her, kids are obese, never been to school, swear and run around the estate like cave men and the house ALWAYS stinks of weed when you walk by…. When SHE was recently pregnant again I think most people judged…. Workmen who have been in her house have openly said it’s disgusting in there!…. It’s just sad for the children that she keeps popping them out….
however growing up my friend was one of 11 children - all loved and cared for, dad worked hard and paid a mortgage, kids were all in school and seemingly happy…

we never know what’s round the corner - I married, had one child, lived a privileged life… 3 years ago daughter was diagnosed with a chronic illness and husband buggared off… so I’m now a single mum on benefits and struggling, sad I can’t give my daughter the lifestyle she deserves!

I wouldn’t judge - you must be a much more patient person than me!
But I have been judged myself by a dad with 5 children as having only 2 children- they couldn’t have had just 2 as ‘they love children’
I just walked away!

Congrats and ignore anyone who chooses to judge 😊

The only time I can think of feeling judged for my choices is the fact I have 2 children with 2 dads - they are a decade apart and my first relationship was awful.

What I want to say is that you are probably right, people are judging and looking. The same way that I knew that people were judging and watching to see if I’d fail etc, but I think the real question is - how do you feel about it all? And what do you want for yourself?

I say this because for me, being a young mum meant that I understood why people were judging a d I made an effort to work bloody hard, make something of myself, and have my future children in different circumstances.

You don’t need to do anything now, focus on the pregnancy and the baby, but I would advise you to think about what you want from your life.

m The number of children you have is no one’s business, I’m sure if you were rich they wouldn’t say anything.

If you’re happy, everyone else can do one. I’d have loved a big family but left it too late (then i had one and realised it was too much hard work haha!!)

Your last 2 lines don't make much sense to me lol. Underpopulation / an ageing population is the issue these days, and a serious one at that

This ! I'm the same , i have 5 kids on my own ( DH died when preg with my youngest) we r very stable, children are polite. Well mannered. Top of their classes. I take them away 3 times a year. No grandparents, aunts , uncles to rely on just little old me! It really seems to trigger people 😂 Just shows it is possible. All these people saying another child i pay my taxes for, pretty sure a rule came in years back that the government only pay for 2 children? So regardless of how many kids OP has she only gets money for 2.
Maybe OP partner works full time?
I no of people who struggle with partner with only 1 child and of single mothers that have raised 3 fine boys all grown up at uni now. People online are always judging single parents as "scummy mummys" when they don't no anyone's situation.
I hope OP has thick skin and has ignored most of these negative comments. Saying she should abort a baby is unacceptable. No contraception is 100% ! I worked in a SHC before my children and you wouldn't believe actually how unreliable some contraception is 🤯 x

It's not irrelevant. They may not get more instantly, but 5 kids spread of years and years they claim for absolutely fucking ages. Not to mention the cost of public services and likely the size of council house or amount of housing benefit they will be "entitled" to, to house all those kids. And that's before we even think about the life chances of kids in families like this - the cycle tends to repeat. The ongoing cost is vast. It's not fair on the kids or the taxpayer.

Exactly dig. It’s not as simple as the two child cap that dimwits keep “helpfully” posting as some sort of gotcha.

We have not been assured by op that she is self funding and the father of all these kids is fully involved. And her own mother is aghast. So I will draw conclusions from that.