anyone else pregnant with loads of kids already?? feelin bit judged ngl

[Chattymum23]

hi all not sure if i should post this but here goes

i’m 8+4 with baby no.5 (all boys 😅) n tbh i feel like everyone thinks i’m a joke. haven’t even told half the fam cos i know what they’ll say. last time i told my mum i was preg she rolled her eyes n said “again?” 😔

i know it’s not ideal but it’s happened now n i just want to be happy bout it. i love my kids loads even if life’s a bit hectic

i’m knackered n got sickness bad but still doin school runs n sortin all the meals n tantrums. nursery called again yday bout my 4yo n i just cried in the loo after

anyone else got a biggish family n feel like ppl look down on you? not after a row just want to feel a bit less alone

Who is going to be paying for your child's nursery fee's? Is your partner going to pay or would you accept the free 30 hours for working parents?

So what bad choices were you talking about in your original post? As it implies you mean your child

Congrats as you want this baby

but many want babies /things but can’t afford them so don’t

I do agree with others who says why have a 5th /accidental when work part time , don’t live with the dad - assume that he’s not the dad of other 4 so wheee are they ?

if he is the dad of other 4 or even 1 of them , why isn’t he living with you ? Possibly as others said for what you will get in Benefits

what age are the other 4 ?

I was referring to OP’s excessive amount of children as a bad choice - she obviously cannot cope with or afford 5 of them!

Apart from the part-time cleaning job, I don't think the OP has clarified what income she has from other sources, ie does the father(s) of the existing children contribute, what benefits she may be claiming.

Im sorry I haven't read all 17 pages of this thread but as a long time Mumsnet user I imagine you were absolutely slated.
Posters who don't have absolutely perfect grammar get a very hard time on here. Unless you and him were both top lawyers and happily married for twenty years you'd get slated.

Congratulations and ignore any negativity

Don't think the main problem is the OP's typos/ lack of education but rather the fact that she can't afford 5 children and is a drain on tax payers. No wonder there are so many angry people when money is being wasted on the feckless.

When the country goes bankrupt the day of reckoning will be brutal. The irresponsible spongers will be first in line to suffer hardship.

This thread's content is shockingly judgemental and rude.

Do the people paying for OP’s choices, and making difficult choices themselves, deserve some kindness too?

It is the fact she is reliant on the state (ie the rest of us) then produces more and more people who are also relying on the state. What do you want us to do? Clap?

do you honestly think part time cleaning wages are enough to support five, soon to be six people without assistance from the state. I’d be very interested to see exactly how the OP’s income breaks down.

What done is done and abortion isn't for everyone so I completely respect that. Of course if you do want an abortion that's fine too. It's your choice no one else's.
I have 4DC number 4 was unplanned. It took me a long time to get my head around it. I even went to abortion clinic but couldn't do it. My head was catrophising having 4DC but my heart was saying something else. It was a shock but we got through it and it all worked out in the end, I'm so glad DC4is in our lives.
People did judge me, their reactions were different, not congratulations, how exciting
instead you must be mad isn't 3 enough and was it planned type comments. We had fewer congratulations on the birth of your new baby cards and gifts, I didn't get any flowers. I know this sounds self absorbed but it did hurt that family and friends didn't celebrate or mark the birth of DC4 like they did their older siblings.
At times during pregnancy particularly the early stages I felt a bit ashamed and was definitely worried what people thought of me.
But was even more worried about the impact on existing DC, they'd have to share a bedroom, the extra cost, less time for them. Individuallly etc
However it did all work out in the end.
In case hardly anyone has said it to you
CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PREGNANCY.
My husband had a vasectomy as soon as DC4 was born, so there were no more surprises!
So I would consider more fail safe/permanent contraception options in the future.
But please don't feel ashamed, and please, once morning sickness settles, try and enjoy your pregnancy, I regret being so upset and stressed during my 4th and final pregnancy it was a, waste of time and energy when I should have been happy.
Good luck

Have you ever looked up how many working people in the UK receive assistance from the state?

I know a family, man/woman, two children. The dad is a landscaper and works 5 days a week. Their family receives a top up from universal credit.

I know a single mum who works at an SEN school, has one child, receives maintenence from child's father.... and she receives a top up from universal credit

I know a nurse who claims to be a single mum ( lives with working partner ) and she claims universal credit as a top up too.

I know a carer with 2 soon to be 3 children and she claims UC as a top up too.

3 of those jobs are classed as proffesionals, yet all 3 are eligible to a top up from UC because their wages arnt enough.

Look at UC statistics there are MILLIONS of working families who get assistance from the government. Does everyone deserve your scorn or is it just people with low level jobs like cleaning ect you save that scorn for?

The ones who keep popping out kids they can't afford to support get my scorn, yes. Regardless of their circumstances.

You're aware that means tested benefits have been capped at two children since 2017? So whether she has 2 or 2000 kids she will still get the same amount of universal credit or child tax credit.
Shes also a cleaner working around the school runs like so many mums are, like my own mother a wonderful woman and mother was.

And as a long time Mumsnet user yes I can attest that posters who's grammar isn't word perfect get slated a LOT harsher than word perfect posters. I've seen it time and time again

So you'd really have that attitude to an SEN teacher, nurse or carer in real life 😅 I suspect you wouldn't and it's only online you feel comfortable. Almost every single family I know has a little assistance from the government.

Wonder if that scorn spreads to the working families who will be eligible for the 30 free childcare from the government? Or is that different? Coz yano, they can't afford the childcare fee's on their own?

Why would those people be free from any judgement? Everyone should have a sensible number of children, nobody should be a single parent on purpose if they can't provide on their own both parents should work before claiming.
Especially the nurse who "claims" to be single. Shame on her.

UC should not top up wages and housing benefit needs to be scrapped - not a lifestyle choice.
Wouldn't everyone fancy higher wages and no mortgage!!
People should live within their financial capabilities when it comes to kids and housing.

Did she say she was single? I know she said they're not married and don't live together but so what? that was me and my other half up until very recently and we've been a couple for ten years and had kids for together for 8. And maybe dad does work full-time so what if mum works part time round school runs? Do you know how common that was for almost every family until very recently?
Shoving the kids in daycare so both parents can be full-time lawyers but never see their children is not the pinnacle of existence and doesn't make you better than everyone else.

Although the main reason this thread went the way it did was because the ops grammar isn't great and she's probably new here so didn't realise you have to explain yourself very well to not get obliterated on here.
I actually think the way posters get such a harder time for having bad grammar is cruel, people probably assume it means the poster is young/not clever etc so leech on to destroy what they perceive as a weak target

Why does this keep getting brought up. 'It is ok to have children that you cannot meet the needs of just along as the state aren't expected to pick up the slack'. Why do you think that is ok? If the OP cannot afford to provide for her DC someone has to. If not the state then likely a food bank. Or the child goes without. We do not have infinite rescources, so when that support is given to her someone else misses out. The same with OPs time. OPs 4YO is really struggling judging by her other thread. Parenting isn’t just about the baby stage, they have needs beyond that.

I don't really care what they do or don't do for work in this case. I'm fine with low income being topped up if necessary. But if the same people, knowing they can't afford another child decide to go ahead and have one anyway then yes, my attitude would be the same. This isn't about judging who should and shouldn't be worthy of benefits, that's a different subject. It's about making lifestyle choices you can't afford. I feel the same about people who keep on getting cats/dogs they can't afford to look after, or buying an expensive house/car on finance they can't keep up with. It's stupid and irresponsible.

A friend of mine has four kids and I don't disapprove at all. I've even encouraged her to have another. However her husband is a high earner - she doesn't work but they finance their lifestyle, including private school and home help, all themselves and with left over. No issue for me. If that all fell apart for some reason and they were left requiring benefits then no, I definitely do not think she should have another child.

I'm not sure what's so hard to understand.

To be fair I do also judge on other issues that may or may not be relevant to this thread - such as multiple, absent fathers. The OP's posts do point in that direction but she hasn't actually told us what the situation is so I haven't commented on that part.

My grandparents had seven kids and were far from rich yes it was a struggle for them but every member of the family is glad their alive and enjoyed their childhood. There's an argument that people expect too much these days.

Also the op actually hasn't explained her financial situation in enough detail for people to assume all this shit about her being on the breadline. Just because dad doesn't live with them and isn't married doesn't mean they aren't a couple or that he is unemployed.
You also don't know that she doesn't own her house outright and have no mortgage or could rent from the council and have very cheap rent so more money for other stuff.

A lot of assumptions and conclusion jumping on here and yes I think it's just because the grammar isn't great

Read it again, I wasn't talking about the OP.
Everyone should plan to the best of their abilities and use the family planning tools available to us all to make sensible choices. So if the tax payer was subsidising your separate households because you failed to plan, I would judge you too. Paying for it yourselves, knock yourselves out.
My kids don't go to daycare, so why would I think that makes me better than anyone?
Too many people under the impression that free will means freedom from consequence. Have all the kids you want, live how you want, but don't expect approval from anyone else. People will judge, if you're really proud of your choices you wouldn't care.

She hasn't said enough for these conclusions to be jumped to.
She hasn't said her kids have different dads and just because they aren't married and don't live together doesn't mean he isn't in their lives he could live over the road and visit them every day for all we know.
You also don't know that they're on the breadline/lazy dole dossiers as implied on this thread just because she works part time around the school runs( like most mothers do), you have no idea what dad does for a living

You are correct, which is why I at least have made a point not to judge that part (not because I'm a reasonable person - I definitely have strong thoughts on the matter). However my assumption is that there are issues along those lines too which is why she knows she's being judged so harshly. If you don't have problems with supporting your current children and have a secure and stable home and family life you're not going to face the same judgement. @Chattymum23 knows she's being judged and she knows why, albeit she doesn't like it.