anyone else pregnant with loads of kids already?? feelin bit judged ngl

[Chattymum23]

hi all not sure if i should post this but here goes

i’m 8+4 with baby no.5 (all boys 😅) n tbh i feel like everyone thinks i’m a joke. haven’t even told half the fam cos i know what they’ll say. last time i told my mum i was preg she rolled her eyes n said “again?” 😔

i know it’s not ideal but it’s happened now n i just want to be happy bout it. i love my kids loads even if life’s a bit hectic

i’m knackered n got sickness bad but still doin school runs n sortin all the meals n tantrums. nursery called again yday bout my 4yo n i just cried in the loo after

anyone else got a biggish family n feel like ppl look down on you? not after a row just want to feel a bit less alone

Your clearly somthing too and I know which I'd rather be

@NiceCoincidence It’s ridiculous in the OP’s position to have more dc full stop. No money means poverty doesn’t it. Less money to go round and more mouths to feed and then all the other expenses dc bring. Obviously there are benefits - probably housing, fsm, lots of freebies that others pay for. No child benefit but that’s not the only benefit for families in the uk. Why the op doesn’t have higher standards for herself and dc is beyond me. Why no contraception?

The 2 of them don't live together, so technically (not saying they're doing this but it's a possibility) if it is the same father, each could be claiming 2 children lives with them both, meaning full rate UC etc for both parents.

For god’s sake, start using contraception.

Thank goodness you and your bad choice are paying your own way and never have to use government facilities.

There is a difference between having a planned fifth baby when you are in a stable relationship and have the financial means to support child vs having an unplanned pregnancy when you don't even live with the baby daddy and don't have the financial means to independently support your family (op does work part time I'm going on a limb thst no one is able to support a big family on a low part time salary). I highly suspect that people are more judgemental about the apparent carelessness and irresponsibility of unplanned pregnancy in your situation than the large family size per se.

this is pretty sad ngl

Is this not a wind up. Because ( I’m not judging have as many kids as you can support.) However I doubt anyone writes how the OP does. Like a remake of my fair lady.

We need furutre generation that will work though to pay the tax!

I know plenty of people who write like the OP does.

A few scrolls of my local towns Facebook page - most write like the OP. And have several kids.

Please ignore all the nasty comments, this is what I hate about MN far too much tearing down than supporting.

No it’s not ideal and I can see why your family or friends might think it’s a bad idea. I have no idea on your personal situation re partner, if children are all from same man, why you don’t live together, contraception etc..

If I was your friend and giving you honest advice I’d be asking why did you have an accident, I know not everyone is the same, but I have 3 children, every one planned and the only contraception I used was condoms and on 5 occasions in 30 years the MAP. I will admit I do raise an eyebrow and wonder what’s going on in someone’s head when they regularly get unexpectedly pregnant. The few women I know IRL I understand because I know them and sadly it’s because they just don’t think about consequences usually. I’m not saying that’s you, I do know women who things like the coil and other contraceptives have just failed them. But I’d be suggesting you need to really think long and hard how you keep getting here.

Next I’d be asking what your going to do about managing. Maybe I’d help you work out a plan, if you wanted to.

What the father going to do about supporting you? Maybe depending on him whether or not you want to be tied to him.

But ultimately I’d be telling you to vent as much as you want but be prepared for people not to be sympathetic or supportive. I’m be making it clear I won’t be offering advice if I know your never going to take it but happily lend a shoulder to cry on as long as it’s not all the time.

Both my parents are from very big and extremely poor families, many of my extended family are the same so no judgement here, but I have had similar conversations ( see above comments) with a few, but ultimately I’m very much a things will work out if you work hard enough.

My (now grown up) ‘bad choice’ and I both pay taxes and work in healthcare, contributing to society. I very much doubt that OP and her overgrowing family are doing much except for draining taxpayer money to be perfectly frank

Congratulations on your pregnancy, @Chattymum23 - I hope your morning sickness goes away quickly.

I have a lifelong friend who has 6 kids. And she was one of 6 kids, too.
Sadly, both she and her mum suffer from mental illness and untreated at that.
Does that mean I don’t love them? I adore them.
When my friend’s daughters were about 14, 15 & 16, they moved into a flat of their own - they couldn’t take the atmosphere at home any longer. Their father, also my lifelong friend, worked long hours in a factory to pay everybody’s rent and bills.
All the kids are thriving today and they have a semi-decent relationship with their mother.
One of the daughters has 6 or 7 (8?) children of her own - I believe she married quite well.
I only tell you this because it’s the only instance of “6 kids” I know.
I wish you happy bedlam and healthy children and a successful birth.
Don’t let the heavies get you down.
Sending love. ❤️

I read the first few pages and it's just ridiculous. Whatever the reasons for OP having babies, the bullshit being spewed is not it.
Anyone listening the general news would know it's nonsense too, which makes posters sound more stupid than they're saying the OP is.

The nation could run on your self satisfaction alone so thank you for your service.

She’s not on benefits. She works part-time around the school run so can obviously afford 5 children.

Self satisfaction but at the same time keep calling their own child a 'bad choice" 🤦‍♀️🤣

I didn’t call my child a bad choice - that would be @Ghanit. I was simply replying to them ironically.

DD was a brilliant, very much planned and very expensive (££££ on IVF!) choice!

Ah, I see. OP's children are bad choices because she made them for free. Gotcha.

How expensive exactly should a person be to be considered good enough to you? Is it an exact figure, or within a range?

Ridiculous. If it makes you feel better by bullying a pregnant mother on mumsnet than you are a horrible person who deserves nothing anyway. Claiming benefits ISNT illegal so get off your high horse. And my hospital stays were covered by the taxes I pay. Sorry but that's the way it is, nothing illegal happening there. Maybe you need to move to a third world country where people starve to death, it might make you feel better.

Different for everyone, personally I chose not to have mine until I was in a solid relationship, financially stable, working and both parents about etc. Luckily that's what I got and while there young hubby provides for us and once school starts I will go back to work again

If you're still reading @Chattymum23 the best thing you can do is to try to get these boy's fathers involved in their lives.

It doesn't matter how many children anyone has if they can a) afford them and b) provide the right kind of parenting which should be a stable home, ideally with 2 parents.

Sadly there is a lot of evidence that boys brought up without a father in their lives do less well educationally and are more likely to get involved in bad 'stuff'.

Obviously, there are exceptions and , sadly, some mums are widowed.

You've not said if your 4 boys have the same father and if there is a a Dad figure in their lives. But will you be able to involve the new baby's father in their life?

In a world where AI, robotics and rapidly changing technologies will leave the employment landscape completely unpredictable, I think it's crazy to have so many kids. A huge chunk of jobs currently done by those who received a less favourable education will be gone. In the immediate future the ability of government to support the poor will decrease too, as there will be less tax payers and more unemployment. World wars will lead to increased migration, competition for work and resources, and likely civil unrest in the UK. Only those with significant inherited wealth will do well. I think the UK will see poverty previously unimaginable, and that's likely what you are birthing your child into.

Half the working people these day also claim universal credit as a top up too though 🤣 so what is that poster in about 🤣🤣

I have a friend who works at an SEN school, is a single mum. She receives maintenence, a wage and is then topped up by universal credit.

A quick Google says In January 2025, there were 2.7 million people claiming Universal Credit in the UK who were also employed, representing 37% of all Universal Credit claimants