anyone else pregnant with loads of kids already?? feelin bit judged ngl

[Chattymum23]

hi all not sure if i should post this but here goes

i’m 8+4 with baby no.5 (all boys 😅) n tbh i feel like everyone thinks i’m a joke. haven’t even told half the fam cos i know what they’ll say. last time i told my mum i was preg she rolled her eyes n said “again?” 😔

i know it’s not ideal but it’s happened now n i just want to be happy bout it. i love my kids loads even if life’s a bit hectic

i’m knackered n got sickness bad but still doin school runs n sortin all the meals n tantrums. nursery called again yday bout my 4yo n i just cried in the loo after

anyone else got a biggish family n feel like ppl look down on you? not after a row just want to feel a bit less alone

@Chattymum23
congratulations 🥂

I had my first when I was 18 so I know all about the judgey twats your talking about

as long as your happy and your obviously juggling work and four dc already I don’t see the issue.

many many years ago big families were the norm.

I have one older sibling who quite honestly has been an asshole to me my whole life and I always wanted more siblings so it will be fab for your dc to have a big family unit.

it will be the hormone anxiety kicking in at the moment but it will settle down.

dont give yourself a hard time and the next person that makes a wry comment about it tell them yes and your really pleased,smile and walk away from them.

too many miserable judgey people around
im sure they aren’t all perfect

heyy don't worry , i'm one of 7 children + am SO grateful and proud of all my siblings and both my parents who work so hard for us

I don’t understand why the father doesn’t live with you and his kids. Why isn’t he helping you bring them up by being there all the time? With that in mind, I would wonder why you didn’t take precautions against getting pregnant again. If you are on your own with 5 little kids, it’s objectively very difficult to give them all the attention that they need. That’s not judgement, that’s fact.

Big families always lead me to the American woman who had a child and then loads through surrogates bacuse her hubby was amillionaire. He then was arrested found to be a drugs lord and left her and their 11 kids penniless as we was put in prison!

Im not wishing that on you. It sounds like you're managing fine (many of us have felt like crying due to our kids in school) so as others have said its no biggie. Look forward to the lively big family you'll have as you age xxx

I honestly could not cope! The thought of all those sleepless nights and still having to cope with and be present for the other children. One nearly did for me and I also wanted to get back to work. People did have big families in the past, my dad was one of eight, my mum one of seven but that was duing a time when contraception was not as good as it is today and not freely avialble and women did not have the chances and opportnities they thankfully have now. Do you enjoy being a mum, and do you find it fulfilling>

i’m 8+4 with baby no.5 (all boys 😅) n tbh i feel like everyone thinks i’m a joke. haven’t even told half the fam cos i know what they’ll say. last time i told my mum i was preg she rolled her eyes n said “again?” 😔

Sounds like it's your own family that have an issue with your fecundity rather than the general public. Am assuming they know you better than anyone on here, including (what sounds like) your long-suffering mother. So they're likely to be better judges of the situation than a bunch of randos on MN.

My friend is pregnant with her 7th baby, all girls too

Most of my friends have one or two children they can afford. Both parents work hard. I would not want to be some baby machine solely for money.

I have 5, I lived in the UK when I had my 4th and 5th and people would say ridiculous things. I don't regret my 5 at all, I wanted a big family, I am the main breadwinner and I am the one who does a lot of the house work - just because I am the one who cares about how clean things are mostly. I learned how to be very organised very quickly - children in general do that to you.

One thing I noticed a lot in the UK was that there is a huge disparity between how Dads get treated and how mums get treated. I remember walking mine to school and getting outwardly frowned at and people even saying things like 'sheesh' as I walked by. But if my husband was out with them, people would tell him what a great job he was doing and praise him (insert eyeroll)!

Honestly, people are stupid and we judge entirely on what we can see. Don't let it get to you. Enjoy your big family, let go of the mess and the chaos - it is not forever. Enjoy watching your kids make friends of their siblings and just work on creating the family you want regardless of what anyone else says.

My key piece of advice for you though is look after your relationship - big families are hard on marriages. Kids come first A LOT, and my marriage got put to the back all the time and we are struggling for it now (mine are 10-18 years old now). So put time aside for each other no matter how busy or broke you are.

All the best!

What are you talking about? Where has she said she's going to get money for the baby? And this is her 5th..... the most she will get for her baby is around £15 per week child benefit ( could well be less )

I don't think anybody having a baby to gain £15 a week 🤦‍♀️

I guess this thread proved simmlar to what you experience IRL. I am in utter awe of anyone who manages more than two. My DP is one of 10 (!?!?!) I do wonder what people said to his mum when she was pregnant with kids 5+ I think it was more common historically. However having more children when you’re not financially equipped is a bit daft and you will get judgement.

He’s not the father of the other children. Guessing it’s a new ish relationship so it’s pretty normal that they wouldn’t be living together.

Genuinely curious.. what’s everyone’s perception of what the OPs living situation is actually like?
a) A Walton’s style home life with all the joys that a large family brings?
Or
b) a mum who already had 4 children, is by her own admission crying about coping, works part time on a minimum wage. Children by multiple fathers. Who don’t live together due to ‘losing benefits’
Poverty. Deprivation. Reliance on the welfare state. Little or no opportunities for those children. Just repeating the bad choices over and over again for generations.
But, all the ‘you do you hun’ and ‘Oh well, these things happen, as long as your children are loved’ posts…
Seriously?

happy to say that I am very judgy about anyone having families that they can't afford.

As a pensioner and taxpayer, I am happy to continue paying tax, and I didn't need the Wfa either, but I get quite arsey about being expected to contribute to a financial black hole.

If OP is a genuine poster (writing style makes me doubtful but who knows) then I feel quite sorry for her. In her other thread about her DS behaviour at nursery she says she can’t cope with filling out forms and didn’t know or understand what neurodivergence means.. just came across a mixture of overwhelmed/naïve/not very educated.

Well at the end of the day it is OP desicion to bring another child into the world, even if it affects her other kids negatively regarding resources and attention.
Everyone has different thresholds of what they want for their kids. Some are just happy to have a roof over their heads and food on the table. Others want to provide their own homes, extra circular activities, space etc.
I know that a lot of people here say that having big families is amazing but a lot of people here forget that OP had a big family already before this pregnancy. So what will a 5th baby add that the first 4 don't? How will another pregnancy benefit her family?
And it's like what PP said, why be a passanger in your life? Why not take control of your situation to try to improve things and to be better?
It all boils down to how ambitious parents are I guess and what sort of life they want for their kids.
Personally I want to give my kids the best possible life I can give because they are mine. But others are happy to settle with being good enough. And that is ok too

Not sure why you are posting.

You just focus on the extra money you will get with another baby . Living apart from the father so you xan claim maximum benefits as a single parent.

Gosh I wish working parents got a pay rise with each additional baby born. Sadly not. That only applies to those on benefits who get extra money after each birth.

It has no impact on my life, but obviously impacts the OP's life and more importantly, her children's.

If you come on here asking a question, expect people to give their opinions.

What extra money are you talking about? Maybe £15 a week in child benefit?

Do you really believe someone's had another baby for £15? When nappies, milk ect probably cost more for the week?

Or did you just want to bash people on benefits?

She has 4 already, the most she will get for this one is about £15

Do some research before you start wrongly assuming things about people and stating them as facts

It would be ridiculous to have multiple children for benefits in 2025, because the 2 child cap has been in effect since April 2017.
Do people really have children for an extra £17.25 per week?

@retiredpickme So yet another dc added to the melee. Probably will be high needs too. I’ve no idea why anyone thinks a 5th is a good idea. Even the rich rarely have 5 these days. Pure logistics and basic needs for ordinary families makes 5 virtually impossible, and yes, ambition for them is low.

Exactly. Several people have commented on this saying the OP is having another baby for the money. Wtf are they actually talking about? Their making themselves look stupid because a simple Google would tell them that the OP won't be getting any extra money for this baby. That £15/£17 a week will go on nappies, wipes and maybe milk

What their actually doing is just using OP as another excuse to bash people on benefits.

They don't not since 2017 the Op can only claim UC for two children she can claim child benefit for every child but it's very little

So the OP is clearly of less than average intelligence.