anyone else pregnant with loads of kids already?? feelin bit judged ngl

[Chattymum23]

hi all not sure if i should post this but here goes

i’m 8+4 with baby no.5 (all boys 😅) n tbh i feel like everyone thinks i’m a joke. haven’t even told half the fam cos i know what they’ll say. last time i told my mum i was preg she rolled her eyes n said “again?” 😔

i know it’s not ideal but it’s happened now n i just want to be happy bout it. i love my kids loads even if life’s a bit hectic

i’m knackered n got sickness bad but still doin school runs n sortin all the meals n tantrums. nursery called again yday bout my 4yo n i just cried in the loo after

anyone else got a biggish family n feel like ppl look down on you? not after a row just want to feel a bit less alone

I had 5 in six years!
They are all amazing and have each others' backs
All grown up now!

@Chattymum23 I have 3 kids and was told by the headteacher I have loads . I would have loved more but I am too old .
Regardless of how you got pregnant you are and if your happy about it that's all that matters don't worry about other people's opinions .

You are crazy and irresponsible and yes, I am judging.

I don’t think they looking down on you for having 5 kids @Chattymum23. But because you haven’t got a stable partner or finances.
It doesn’t sound like you’re making great choices for your children and really struggling as it is.

You’re alone. You can’t just keep having them without any plan on how to care and pay for them.

I'm from a large family with lot's of siblings & we were definitely judged but quite rightly, my parents didn't work & relied on the state to fund us & they were not good parents. Sadly a lot of my siblings have repeated the cycle & were grandparents before they were 40, very few work & the cycle continues. I don't care what anyone says you should not have a large family if you cannot afford it & if you cannot invest in your children e.g read with them, teach them right from wrong & how they should be contributing to society etc

I’d honestly be surprised if that turned out to be true.

Unfortunately for any future DC she can continue to having them...as can anyone..I'll add.

As in the words, or there of Cheryl Prudham..
I don't make the rules at the end of the day, if the government are going to allow me to have another child I'm gonna do that.

She's not wrong either.

I judge people who keep having babies when they live on benefits - sorry but l do. If you can support yourselves then crack on!

You are right , she didn't ask directly but is not telling family as she anticipates the response she will get .

I think it's possible to have a large family and not have people look down on you or judge you for it, but it all depends on your lifestyle and your financial and personal circumstances. Personally I never understand people who have more than three kids, four at a push, but I wouldn't necessarily judge them harshly for it.

On the other hand, if your life is chaotic, your housing situation precarious, you have physical or mental health problems, you are not in a stable relationship, or you are in a relationship that is toxic or abusive, you have no money and it's obvious that you don't cope well with the kids you've already got, but somehow these 'accidents' just keep happening to you and you take no accountability for them, just shrug and say 'well it's done now, what can I do?' then hell yes, I am judging you.

I would stop at five lovely children OP and try and make a successful life as you can for you and your family. Could your partner help out more looking after the children whilst you study?
I raised two sons alone as my husband died young. I had no money and no support, but what l did have was the conviction l wanted to give my sons the best life possible.
Now they are much older and l won't lie it was very hard going at times but l did it, and I'm proud, as are my sons.
Read what you can, listen to a huge spectrum of speakers, mix with people who have the same mindset. Never stop learning.
I felt judged by others at times, " No Dad around ? " it only made me work harder.
Good luck.

Five children; part-time cleaner salary; no dad.
Yep, I judge and presume that you're an idiot, who scrounges off the state.

I wouldn't judge the OP per se for having multiple children or even for having them on low income.

What I do find infuriating is that she seems not to see it as her responsibility to control the number of children she will have or to have any sense of agency over the situation. It's as if it's a God-ordained situation which she just has to bear.

If she was really thrilled about the pregnancy and excited for it and determined to make it work it would be one thing. As it is she sounds utterly passive and as if she's just doing it because she can't think of anything better to do with her life. Which is just a bit pathetic.

I'm 99% sure it's a wind-up anyway.

I think an extreme passing of the buck. If we look to the government to control what we do with reproduction, then we’re really in for it.

One should be able to know their limits. I don’t think benefits encourage this, personally. Even if there wasn’t social welfare payments, folks who live and have kids beyond their means have always existed, with no plan for living and providing the bare minimum to literally live, nevermind thrive.

@Runlikesomeoneleftgateopen You raised 2 dc in tough circumstances. Very different to unplanned 5. I think you also would have had sympathy and help. Bereaved families usually do - of course. With 5, and no planning or contraception, it’s not just hard, it’s obviously too much and others will have to pay benefits or step in. I’m wondering if they possibly can end up being lovely dc. They aren’t getting a great start are they?

You need to think logically about how life would be if you went through with this pregnancy.

If the Dad doesn’t even live with you the relationship can’t be that stable. How do you know he’ll stick around and support you financially and want to be in this child’s life.

Children cost a lot of money and adding another one to your family could set back the children you have even more in the future when you’re not able to provide things for them as you have another child to pay for.

Even reading this set up makes me feel
stressed. So precarious. How will you support all these people into adulthood? And relying on the state so heavily? How do you afford this? Your supermarket bills will be insane they don’t stay tiny for long. Everything is so uncertain now. The government may not remain so beneficent if Reform get in.

Loads of judgement going on here. Or very pointed questions being fired at you.

I just wanted to pop on and give you a big hug, @Chattymum23 . It sounds like it was unplanned, but you seem to have decided to go through with it- and all that a new baby brings.

So congratulations!

How about you practise your response to people who are, let's face it, just bloody rude to be commenting on your reproductive choices... the Mumsnet favourite is, 'did you mean to be so rude?' (With an expectant state 'let them squirm). Maybe try to announce it with an air of confidence... screw what they think.

Good luck - you can do this! Sounds like you're a lovely Mum already!

(Another hug for good measure)

I'm not sure this just applies to big families...

I have 2 children, they don't get much 1:1 time because they are always together! The time we do have is brief and is something mundane like a trip to the supermarket with one of them.

My house is a constant tip, it isn't right now but I always feel like I'm drowning.

They do have their own rooms but shared for ages, activity wise they are close in age so have shared interests.

I couldn't handle any more kids than 2 but some people just seem to have it all under control. I have a friend with 5 kids to 3 dad's and she's doing great, another two people have 5 kids to 2 dad's and they are also doing well. Probably better than me with 2 children to the same dad and still married!

My answer would be that yes, I do mean it.

I have 5DC our last was planned,DD is 17 now and at College and she's amazing and we all love her to bits,maybe we were lucky but our family's and friends were happy for us.

The one thing that would worry me in your circumstances is that you've said you have to make the most of it now and I think that's really sad,like pps have said you are very early on and you do have options,but if this baby is loved and wanted by you and your partner and you can manage,emotionally,physically,mentally and financially then I'd stop worrying about what your outside family(people that you didn't birth)think.

NRTFT so apologies if things have moved on. But here's my 10p

I've never had children. I've never had a partner or a situation with the financial means or social support to do so as a single mother.
If I really had wanted to be a mother I guess I could have had one and justified being on benefits for that one child. Bur 4, 5 or 7 like my neighbour? 'Single strong independent woman' Yass Queen! no dads in the picture. Her situation is an absolute mess.

All those saying , you do you, ignore the haters, I can only assume they haven't read the OP posts about how they have had child after child with no father in the picture and skint by the sounds of it. But yay I love being a mum!

I agree with everyone who has commented that it's incredibly selfish and irresponsible. For the children and also the wider society that are having to fund these lifestyles.
Oops I got pregnant again, but everyone's a snake and dissing me 🙄

Congratulations on your pregnancy, as long as you and kids are happy, housed, loved and fed, that's all that matters.

I don't think people are judging you for having 5 children, per se. They're judging you for having 5 children you can't support financially without the bill being footed by the taxpayer.

People will judge you because they are funding your children whilst having to limit the number of children they can have.