anyone else pregnant with loads of kids already?? feelin bit judged ngl

[Chattymum23]

hi all not sure if i should post this but here goes

i’m 8+4 with baby no.5 (all boys 😅) n tbh i feel like everyone thinks i’m a joke. haven’t even told half the fam cos i know what they’ll say. last time i told my mum i was preg she rolled her eyes n said “again?” 😔

i know it’s not ideal but it’s happened now n i just want to be happy bout it. i love my kids loads even if life’s a bit hectic

i’m knackered n got sickness bad but still doin school runs n sortin all the meals n tantrums. nursery called again yday bout my 4yo n i just cried in the loo after

anyone else got a biggish family n feel like ppl look down on you? not after a row just want to feel a bit less alone

I agree with this. We’ve got one child and debating having a second because we’re not sure if we can afford it even though we both work full time. It just hurts to see someone part time on low income having multiple kids and we’re struggling on with just one child cuz we don’t get any benefits except child benefit which is nice but no enough to live on.

Of course it is possible to earn a good wage as a cleaner. But the op says she is part time, working school hours only,so won't be working during school holidays, or making up hours at the weekend. So my question was how does she budget? Sorry you think that is rude or bullying , I think it is a reasonable question.

We're all entitled to care about the wellbeing of children and tax expenditure. It's everybody's business. Where do you think benefits and public services come from? Of course it has a direct impact on other people. Don't kid yourself. OP is not a self sufficient wealthy island.

Rubbish!

Who is paying for all these children? Not OP but tax payers, specifically net tax contributors. It is completely reprehensible that people can churn out as many children as they fancy without any concern for the fact that they can't afford them and need other people to foot the bill. Worst of all, it's ultimately the children that pay for the irresponsible decisions of their parents. Destined for a life of deprivation and poverty with a parent that doesn't live with the father and already has four children to bring up. When it all goes wrong and the children have issues and problems then OP will no doubt blame the government for not doing enough and make it their problem. Absolutely no personal responsibility!

Oh the faux naivete... If you've read the thread then you won't have missed it. Or you're choosing to miss it.

And yes, we do all love to look down on other people but maybe sometimes there's a reason we should?

More fool you then 😂

But it's not illegal and she's entitled to it so mind your own business
BTW I have 4 dc, both my dh & I work full time in reasonable jobs, we don't claim anything. I don't begrudge people who do.

I think from what you can sense OP there will be many people who do judge, and that’s because many people limited the number of children they have based on their financial circumstances. I’d have loved to have 3, but stopped at 2 because we both work full time and couldn’t afford another and also pay our bills, and pay tax. I suspect you’re on universal credit or some kind of benefits based on your responses, and that you won’t lose money by having another child, that’s why it’s unfair for those of us who have had to sacrifice having more children.

Is it?? 5 boys living separately from their father and now their mother is having another baby.

quite a different scenario from a child with one sibling living at home with both parents available to them all the time.

I actually am not judging the OP at all and am pleased she is excited about this new little life (I think the posts about abortion are awful) but I do think her boys are going to be missing out on some things that other children are lucky enough to be able to take for granted.

Okay even if they don’t pay it back it doesn’t matter. Even if they all go on to claim benefits it doesn’t matter. I cannot find it in me to give a fuck when I think about all the tax dodgers.

My sentiments exactly.

Predicted text would have turned the im to I’m. In fact it took 3 goes for it to accept im.

How do you plan to mamge working and odd jobs around a newborn? and the chemicals in the cleaning products?

I am judging yes - as you have said alot that makes it clear that you are not self funding the kids. the dad dosent seem to be terribly involved - will he be financially responsible for this child?

and it is that simple - uness you are not in the UK. * weeks is plenty early enough to have things dealt with

If it's costing me money then it's my business. It's also in all of our interests that children aren't being brought into the world to experience poverty and deprivation. I will judge a parent that keeps doing this and looks to make it everyone else's problem.

Unless you're in more than 'reasonable' jobs with high salaries then I suspect your household are net beneficiaries of the welfare state too. Covering the costs of four births, four lots of childcare, four education is extortionately expensive. If you genuinely pay enough tax to cover all of this and are able to care for four children properly then it's none of my business.... If however you actually can't pay your way and rely on others to fund your decisions then I'm afraid this very much becomes other people's business.

Please cite sources

I don't judge for you having children or even not being able to finance them yourself. Many people who advocate for high immigration say it needs to be done because our population will collapse otherwise. So if that's true it should be incentivised financially to have dc.

I would judge if the reason you are getting phone calls from nursery is about your 4 year olds behaviour, or him not coping in some way. That means you need to spend a lot more time and effort parenting him. You cannot do that well if you are already struggling to parent your current children but have another one.

Yes, someone asked whether the OP is 23 based on their username but nobody in their early 20s uses words like ‘cos, fam or ‘n’ instead of and’. To me it comes across as somebody older trying to sound young and uneducated.

That's what you think. Personally I think we all have a responsibility to pay our way. OP and tax dodgers included. We all should be funding ourselves and a little extra for those who genuinely can't work to fund themselves.

Your logic is like saying that those who commit GBH should be let off because some people commit murder.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.

People are judgemental about big families. I have five children and experience this.
I work full time in a professional job, i have never let being a mum hold me back of hsve wanted to rely on anyond else. . My husband is now retired but worked incredibly hard too. We claimed tax credits for a period of time ( when i was retraining ), but then didn't need to. My children have always had everything they have needed .
Life in a bigger family does impact children. It is a busy way to grow up .It doesn't have to be a negative impact. OP if you want another baby you can make it work.
I would say that the dad should contribute too though, and would say ( from experience) it will be tiring / take all of your resources to care for your lovely family.
Good luck xx

Congratulations! Crazy people are judging you on here too, but I guess it validates your point! I'd love to have 5 children!!! I was 1 of 5 and its nice to have siblings to share life with!

People will judge and I can't blame them, you're having a fifth unplanned and dad isn't even in the picture.
Yes it's selfish, hopefully your kids are getting enough support and not crammed in like sardines.
I imagine you will be getting benefits as well.

Why doesn’t the dad live with you ? Are you financially independent or reliant on benefits ? I know a woman who had 6 kids in 6 years with her husband who was having multiple affairs. She’s know set for a life on the dole.

Are you able to care for your children on your own without financial or practical support from your family @Chattymum23

I have relatives with 5 kids. They are lucky though as we're all happy to chip in with childcare so parents can work all the overtime they need when they're saving up for something which allows the kids to have a decent quality of life with days out, lots of clubs and activities, holidays abroad etc.

I would quietly think 'poor kid' if someone was popping them out one after another to live in poverty.

There’s no reason to feel embarrassed. It’s no one’s business whether you have a lot of children or not.

The issue is if parents start complaining and moaning about it, as if it couldn’t have been helped. Takes a lot of intention to create a big family when you’re in a developed country with options at your disposal.

You’re amazing!! Keep going. The population collapse will be very real for the next generation so if anything everyone else should be ashamed about the below replacement rate birth rate. Ask people what their stance is on immigration next time you’re questioned. Congratulations on the pregnancy!

Surely I depends on funds and time ?

I think it was calculated it costs about £200k now to raise one child to 18. There are economies of scale for each successive child but realistically you need to be earning £10k per year per child so you need a minimum of £50k net income a year to raise 5 children so at least a family income of about £80k and that’s before any luxuries at all - that is purely to cover the basics

Each child needs at least 30mins 1-1 time a day with a parent, free of the distractions of other children. So that’s 2.5 hours a day where you are giving each individual child your undivided attention. This can cover chatting, helping with homework etc

all this is doable but it’s tough. I wouldn’t judge anyone for doing it but I’d feel sorry for the children if they are raised in relative poverty in terms of resource and parental time because of each extra sibling that they had no choice in having if the parents can’t do the above