anyone else pregnant with loads of kids already?? feelin bit judged ngl

[Chattymum23]

hi all not sure if i should post this but here goes

i’m 8+4 with baby no.5 (all boys 😅) n tbh i feel like everyone thinks i’m a joke. haven’t even told half the fam cos i know what they’ll say. last time i told my mum i was preg she rolled her eyes n said “again?” 😔

i know it’s not ideal but it’s happened now n i just want to be happy bout it. i love my kids loads even if life’s a bit hectic

i’m knackered n got sickness bad but still doin school runs n sortin all the meals n tantrums. nursery called again yday bout my 4yo n i just cried in the loo after

anyone else got a biggish family n feel like ppl look down on you? not after a row just want to feel a bit less alone

I think people think things are hard no matter what, so when people have more they think it’s nuts. I have 3 and mums of 1 or 2 are constantly saying dunno how you deal with 3 ! In the same way I look at 4 or 5 and think bloody hell how do they cope!

as long as you are happy to have 5 and can provide and love them all, that’s all that matters! X

Many surgeons and solicitors would struggle to support 5 children. Does OP own the cleaning company? Maybe OP has family money or there is some other financial factor she hasnt divulged.

If not, it is beyond irresponsible and selfish to knowingly set out on this path.
What an example to set. Does OP have learning difficulties?. Shameless and feckless.

Is this thread a wind-up?

God what awful and unkind comments on here!! Why the hell is anyone mentioning a termination or other options? Where the hell does the OP suggest not wanting the baby? Wow can’t believe some of the comments on here. Also, sod the grammar police, you write how you write and I read and understood it perfectly.

It’s worth pointing out that there isn’t a child benefits cap on 2 children. You can claim child benefit for any number of children (albeit it’s a small amount). It’s other benefits that you may not be entitled to after 2 children- namely universal credit.
I think a lot of people get confused by the wording.

I was being a tad flippant. A lot on here will only admit to perfection anyway. As it is, wow, big news. Some people rely on benefits. She’s going to go away and have an abotion because MNetters don’t approve? Nope. So what is the point of venting anger here?

I'm pregnant with our 4th and final baby.

I am very happy with our decision to have 4.

All the best OP, I hope you enjoy your pregnancy.

Hay OP, I’m 1/6 kids and from what you say in this post I was in a similar situation to your kids growing up. There was pros and cons and there were times when I would wish I was an only child (all kids with siblings think this at some point tho lol). I am now an adult and I am so glad I have a big family. As long as you love your kids there’s no issue. I have 2 and am pregnant with my 3ed, my brother and SIL have 6. We both have a decent amount of money but to be honest neither of us actually spend that much on them. Tend to prefer taking them places vs getting them things, because buying them things often results in squabbling lol. It’s not about money, as long as the basics are covered you can give kids a wonderful childhood on a budget. To be honest I didn’t really notice how poor we were as children till I was older, I was fed, warm and happy with my second hand toys.

You’re probably going to get a bit of a hard time on here, so don’t let it get you down. People will judge you, and I’m really sorry your mum reacted like that to your last pregnancy. I am happy for you!! People will say stuff like “oh you can’t give each kid enough attention” ect. But that’s BS. I wish I could have more kids, but my DH says three is the limit 🙄, so I just have my nieces and nephews round all the time. I hope you feel less shitty and your pregnancy gets easier.

I'm also a mum of 5 sons and yes, I got all the comments - 'are you trying for girl'? And 'Don't you have a tv'? Honestly, it's water off a ducks back! Other people's opinions really don't matter 🤷‍♀️ I loved having a big family and they've all grown up into lovely kind, considerate men 🥰

Well I think that depends on how you look at benefits.

"I don’t really see anything wrong with claiming benefits one is legally entitled to."

I see benefits as a safety net, there to prop you up temporarily if things go wrong. Apparently that's not right and it's perfectly reasonable to see them as a lifestyle choice. I don't have any issue with a genuine need for benefits. I don't believe making continuous poor life choices when there are other options constitutes a genuine need. I suppose that's a different argument for a different thread but it is relevant here because it's clearly part of the basis on which the OP is being judged.

Or they may be workshy bums who are taking from the system!

OP, where in the UK are you?

I don’t think we actually disagree on this. The OP’s username made me assume she is in her early twenties, so she should have decades to work full time when her children are older (as long as she sorts out her contraception needs, obviously).

Never understand the judgment. If you’re happy, if your kids are loved and properly looked after and you can afford another, then it’s no one’s business. I’d have loved more than two kids - five would have been great - but I had multiple miscarriages. Would have peed me off no end to be judged if I’d managed to have the 4 or 5 I’d wanted.

Just ignore the judgey people and good luck with your pregnancy.

The OP left you all to it on page 2.

Thanks for taking the time to make such a valuable contribution on page 10.
You must feel amazing.

Oh, stop it! There are are countless worshy bums taking from the system right now who are healthy to work but they spend time on Mumsnet judging and recruiting fetus to be future workshy bums! ironic and sarcastic

If your home is filled with love and laughter and you want this child, and if you can financially support yourself and all of your children have as many as you like.

If you are financially compromised you should really start using contraception and hopefully you don't expect the tax payer to fund your family.

Really? You don't understand the judgement even though the huge majority has given ten pages explaining what they're judging? Also explaining what makes it other people's business?

People should not be rude to you as it won't achieve anything.
But,specially if you are posting on a forum, you have to accept different points of view, not just a pat on your back

• why is your mum rolling her eyes saying 'again'
• yout partner doesn't even lives with you (how does this works in terms of his presence in your kids lives? Or is it because of the benefits?)
• you work part time as a cleaner (it's usually not a high paid job, but we cant be sure)
• your comments says 'it's not easy but they have food and a roof'. Which indicates is just about/tight financially
• are these kids sharing rooms? Will they ever have privacy specially when they hit teenage years?

Yes, a lot of people have a lot of kids, specially older generations. But in this day and age with all the contraception and information available...an acident is not an excuse (as you clearly said it wasn't planned).
Also if you are on your 20s you easily have at least another 10 years...which means a lot of opportunities for 'acidents'.

Also, with regards to you claiming benefits, you should be. Claim what you can, the rich are dodging their taxes so I have always claimed everything I can. My mum claimed at some points as well. Me and my siblings have definitely paid it back in tax, probably significantly more. I’m sure your kids will too.

I had five under 4.5 years (two sets of twins) and I took some snide remarks too! I just laughed it off. Just enjoy your life.

I must have missed what makes it other peoples business too...

People are judging because they love to look down on other people. This woman having one or ten children will have no direct impact on anyone on this forum.

Probability suggests that OP's children won't earn enough to be net contributors in terms of tax. Most people aren't and these children already have disadvantages in life that may well statistically impact their earning potential.

Mmmm, isn't the issue not so much the count of kids, and more your child:resource ratio?

If you have 6 kids but palatial resources, massive house, holidays, clubs, endlessly stocked food cupboards, available parents, then crack on.

But your resources sound already stretched. I think that's the issue in adding any more in.

Adding more kids, directly reduces the food/time/money available for the existing ones, doesn't it.

I suppose they're you're target market aren't they, OP. Do the existing kids want another sibling and the stretch on their existing quality of life that will bring?

I hear all those posters saying you had big families and how fun it was, lovely. But life's not much fun if you're poor, hungry, no money for birthday parties or time for bedtime stories.

If you can provide a quality of life for a 5th child, do yo thing.

I've often wondered how may tax payers it takes to keep just one "workshy bum".
As in what they're entitled to, lock stock and barrel.