anyone else pregnant with loads of kids already?? feelin bit judged ngl

[Chattymum23]

hi all not sure if i should post this but here goes

i’m 8+4 with baby no.5 (all boys 😅) n tbh i feel like everyone thinks i’m a joke. haven’t even told half the fam cos i know what they’ll say. last time i told my mum i was preg she rolled her eyes n said “again?” 😔

i know it’s not ideal but it’s happened now n i just want to be happy bout it. i love my kids loads even if life’s a bit hectic

i’m knackered n got sickness bad but still doin school runs n sortin all the meals n tantrums. nursery called again yday bout my 4yo n i just cried in the loo after

anyone else got a biggish family n feel like ppl look down on you? not after a row just want to feel a bit less alone

What kind of ruddy question is that? I'm responding to the taxpayer is king comments.

I had 3 with a mixture of ADHD and ASD. I'm well aware of how hard it is and my youngest is 18, trust me there is no light at the end of the tunnel, it's easier when they're younger and at school. I'd go back to aged 9 tomorrow.

Plus don't know until you go through it and 9/10 you usually find an undiagnosed parent attached to those kids.

If this poster is for real.

I don't think anyone judge on the basis of someone having 5 children. If you are wealthy, and have a big house nobody would bat an eyelid. I think it's the fact that you're getting benefits for them that irks people.

A friend of mine is pregnant with her fifth, and people really do judge. It's just hard to understand why anyone would do that these days. I have 2 and while they keep me VERY busy i can still squeeze in a bit of time for myself, run a business etc. The friend in question though can afford a good lifestyle for herself and their kids on just her husbands income, and she seems to enjoy spending all her time doing kid stuff. She will be a good parent to 5, whereas I don't think I would be. If you've got the financial resources, space and time to look after 5 then why not.

A really rude and bullying comment.

It’s possible to earn a good wage as a cleaner.

Not sure what is up with Mumsnet today, it’s not even Saturday yet!

They're not adopted 😳

They haven't chosen anything?

When you are expecting the state to fund your lifestyle, which you are, then don’t be surprised when those people have an opinion. Hint… it’s not going to be a positive one.
This has to be a wind up post.. is anyone actually that naive?

Enjoy your kids and your pregnancy. You are lucky to have a big family.

My wonderful nanny had 8 and she told my mum (her DIL) that once they had more than three the rest of the family no longer invited them to things etc and there were comments. That always makes me feel so sad for my nanny as she was a lovely lady.

If you can support 5 kids and provide them with a loving, financially secure upbringing, good for you.

No offense to cleaners as all jobs are vital and contribute to society. I do wonder how this wage pays for a home and 5 kids. Are the dads contributing hugely?

I guess that’s true which to me raises the question of how you adequately clothe and feed six children on part time low wages. However free school meals etc aren’t limited to two children. For me I wasn’t willing to reduce what we are able to do and the life I could provide my two children for the sake of a third as it would have had a significant impact on our quality of life. I guess everyone has different views but in reality I question how good a quality of life you can offer to six children under these circumstance and so often it’s people who already seem to find juggling the children they already have and are late to school with the wrong kit etc who keep accidentally having extra children. Harsh I know but I’ve worked in many deprived areas and have seen it over and over. There are very few large families where both parents are in professional careers and a disproportionate number of large single parent families on very low incomes with multiple children.

"It's no one else's business."

It kind of is though, when it's being bankrolled by those same people's taxes. That's what people are judging rather than the amount. One of my cousins has only two children but has never had any intention of funding them herself, that's everyone else's job. I judge her in the same way I judge the OP. I don't judge some of the mothers who have also posted on this thread with 5+ children but are not taxpayer supported.

OP is being judged for her life choices apart from the amount of children she has and while it's very neat and tidy to label it as no-one else's business, that's not the world we live in.

To be honest, I think and hope this is just a dog whistle post and isn't real. If not then I don't think there's anything wrong with suggesting an abortion in this particular case. Isn't this just why women campaigned so hard to make it legal?

Oh come on! I get that you're trying to be nice but people will absolutely judge someone who has got pregnant five times with a partner they don't even live with (assuming the children have the same father) and without the financial means to support the children. Children don't ask to be born and it is an inherently selfish thing to do.

I hate to say it but people like OP (if she is genuine) are the reason why big families are stigmatised. She has been completely irresponsible in getting pregnant again and not even attempting to properly support herself and her family. It is so crap for society and for the children. These children will have less time, energy and money spent on them than than most children and will consequently disadvantaged. They have one parent living with them and five children splitting her attention five ways.

So no, I don't think good on her for making the family she wants. I think that she has selfishly created a family that will now be heavily reliant on the state and the children will probably endure a childhood of struggle and hardship.

I’m one of 5 and I ABSOLUTELY love it. Love having 4 siblings, they’re one of my greatest treasures.
People will judge but so what? You shouldn’t care what anyone thinks, it’s your life.

i’m 8+4 with baby no.5 (all boys 😅) n tbh i feel like everyone thinks i’m a joke. haven’t even told half the fam cos i know what they’ll say. last time i told my mum i was preg she rolled her eyes n said “again?” 😔

A paragraph from the OP, which may or may not be a Friday fake filler.

Just a snipet, no real information or context in it. Nothing to say why they feel she's a joke....we only have one side here, not even DC ages.

Cleaning, 5 hours a day if charging a decent rate could pull in around £100 a day in my area... which soon adds up.

I'd imagine it would be minus tax/insurance If OP does do a self assessment though.

I would judge tbh and that’s not even taking into account if you can afford all these children. I don’t think I’ve met anyone that can give full care to 5 children, especially as a single parent.
You have no idea what is around the corner. What happens if one of your older children gets seriously unwell when you’ve got a newborn baby? It does happen and happened to someone I know, coincidentally with 5 children. She was having to divide her time between a paediatric oncology ward and taking care of her newborn. Neither child would’ve been getting the care they needed, let alone taking into account her other 3 children.

Finances might be better, but people were casting aspersions that with 5 children you can't possibly give them the 1-1 attention they deserve and how unfair that is. That doesn't change with having more money.

What would happen in that scenario if you had two children then

A lot of people doing cleaning are paid cash and it's under the tax radar unless there is a paper trail.

You said 'so not sure why people are frothing'. That implies that you think it is acceptable to create DC that will live in poverty. The second part of my post wasn't directed at you but to OP, who has another thread running as she is struggling with the DC she has. I'm not going to play the 'who has it harder game'. Your primary school experience was 10 years ahead of mine. But given that you have said that there is no light at the end of the tunnel, is it really wise to advise her to have more DC? I agree that the OP may not be real but have taken her at face value, given she may need advice.

I haven’t read the full thread, but am a bit confused by some of the messages criticising the OP for receiving benefits. Isn’t a single mother of young children who works around school hours exactly the type of person benefits are meant for? Surely it doesn’t mean she will be on them for the rest of her life. I don’t really see anything wrong with claiming benefits one is legally entitled to. I would feel different if the OP didn’t work at all. (And no, I’m not on benefits, I have a good professional job and have always worked full time.)

OP: congratulations on your pregnancy! If you feel that your family is now complete, you could have a chat with your midwife about contraception options and what might suit you already during the pregnancy. It’s probably easier to get it sorted in advance rather than after the birth.

Well there is a two child benefit cap so you and the ‘low income’ family would be in exactly the same position if you had a third.

Except the extra children will presumably get free school meals so it IS costing the tax payer more.

Of course that changes with money. Money makes almost everything easier, which means more free time. Not to mention that more mundane stuff can be outsourced, buying even more time.

Highly unlikely, the current FSM cap is £7000 a year in earnings. If a family was only earning £7k a year, without any exemptions such as LCWRA, their UC would be heavily capped anyway and certainly in the case of someone with 5 children, would be unliveable.

didn’t realise this place was only for posh mums with husbands n perfect lives

it is

There a massive demographic problem with low birth rate and too many old people that need to be supported. I say good on you.