Gender disappointment - tell me good things about having a little brother for an older sister?

[annabelfr]

This is a VERY wanted IVF baby, so I feel pathetic being disappointed about having a boy when a healthy baby is everything we wanted for over a year, and obviously knew all along that it’s a 50/50 chance of boy or girl.

I found out today (via a Blue or Pink gender test) that it’s a boy. We’ve already got a little girl who will be around 4 at the time of birth, and I loved having a little girl. I also feel like two sisters will always be closer than bro sis. I’m worried about being the paternal grandparents as they always seem to be less favoured than maternal (in some cases understandably so, a freshly postpartum mum will want her own mum around and visitors like paternal grandparents only much later, same with her confiding in her own mum more, trusting own mum more with childcare etc).

any positive thoughts on a big sis, little bro combination, or on generally having a son?

Mine was extreme. Once the sonographer said boy I actually completely shut down and walked out, i refused to take the pictures they had printed off at the scan place. I then actually phoned my dm and said the pregnancy was a mistake and i didn't think i could go through with it and i felt my life was over and i felt trapped with a child i would never love.

I have a 13 year old son, and a 10 year old daughter. Boys are most defiantly easier! Their both so different too, it's great watching them grow into two very different people.

For me it was strange because i didn't realise i would have that reaction before being told. At first i thought i would get pregnant and have a son and would be great but as soon as i actually got pregnant and got told this was indeed a boy my brain just said no i cant accept that. I cant fully explain the massive change.

You’re very lucky for IVF to have worked. Just be grateful you’re pregnant and carrying well so far. Some of us aren’t that lucky to even have one baby, or have ever been pregnant.

How awful for your baby boy

From personal experience and from watching my friends and family members relationships, I think the kind of mother and mother-in-law you are will largely dictate what kind of relationship you have with a future DIL and grandkids.

Just relax. Enjoy your little boy, who you will absolutely adore when he arrives, and stop writing his future before he's even here. Things can become self fulfilling prophecies if you're not careful.

I don't really understand this. Although you can't help how you feel obviously.

I had a girl then a boy 5 years apart, both IVF babies. They are both an absolute joy. They are so close.

My daughter was 4 when my son was born. I was a bit surprised he was a boy (identical pregnancy feelings/cravings/sickness) so just assumed it was a girl. And I had the what do I do with a boy! I know how girls tick etc. but honestly I can’t imagine it any other way, little boys are so lovely, he is so close to his sister they love each other to pieces. There’s no competition or comparison. There’s less ‘sharing’ and conflict over things. Honestly it’s a surprise but a fab one

@disappointedfoxi know what you mean, I went through several rounds of IVF hoping for a baby, any healthy baby, boy or girl. If anything I was more concerned about a big age gap of 4+ years than the gender. And suddenly when I got pregnant I realised that all along id been visualising two sisters, super close (just like my mum and aunt are), mum and daughter, girlie things, being close to my teenage girl, then my grown up girl and helping her mother her own babies, two sisters confiding in each other for everything, having similar interests, being built in best friends. And the gender test just crushed me. Since finding out I’m pregnant I haven’t really thought the age gap is too big at all

I have a younger sister I'm not close to, but have a few close male friends 🤷🏻 you can't predict these things.
Hope you raise them to be less sexist than previous generations - men not bothering with their family because it's wife work (and the wife rightly has her own family to think of) it's just a bit shit, isn't it. Taking the initiative and not being a doormat are attractive qualities in a human.

boys are wonderful - i have three 😍they are the cutest, cuddliest toddlers, and even now mine are all preteens they still come and sit on my lap and snuggle up. They also have very varied interests - not just stereotypical ‘boy’ things. They’re individuals.

I’m also an older sister to a younger brother. I used to boss him about, dress him up, generally treat him like a doll, and fight his corner fiercely. The tables have turned somewhat as he’s now a 6ft 2 expert in his field and I get to go to him for advice and help 😁

Having two girls doesn't mean they'll necessarily get on or have the same interests. You don't get to choose the people your children are or become.
They might be incredibly close or they might hate each other or somewhere in between the two. When he's older your son might marry and care's see you or stay living at home forever. Or something in between...

I havre a daughter and then a son

It has been great

They are individuals and they get on well

Im sure he will get over it, given he is a foetus and unlikely to read mumsnet.

I've got several children. Boys and girls.

Boys are bloody brilliant. Congratulations!

4 year age gap actually sounds perfect and she will probably love helping with the baby, so sweet!

How many weeks are you op? Could you do a 4d scan and see his face? Im considering that as i feel seeing his face will make him feel real and not just a construct in my head and i will end up falling madly in love with him.

I haven't read the whole thread but just came on to say, I come from a v female heavy family and also only had female DGC. Then my DD was pregnant with a boy and I was secretly a bit disappointed.

Well he's 6 now and the love of my life. He's adorable and so easy natured, funny and loveable, so much easier than girls! I assure you OP, you'll love him to bits

I have a little brother (he's 45) and he's pretty good!

@disappointedfoxso this is the other thing 😄 I’m 7 weeks pregnant and it’s the DNA blood test that showed boy. There’s a small risk that the sample is contaminated with male DNA, even if there’s no male DNA in my blood. However the chance is low given that the blood was taken at a professional lab rather than an at home kit. Yep, I was that keen to hear I was having another girl that I went for an extra blood test at extra cost so early.

the upside to this is that I’ve got pretty much 80% of my pregnancy to get used to this fact.

how many weeks are you?

That’s terrible. I have no time for people who complain about the gender of their baby, I find it very distasteful.

Oh thats excellent that they can do it so early although not to worry you i am on a group for gender blood tests and a lot of them have been wrong so keep that in mind.

Im 28 weeks and have been confirmed on 2 scans even though the nub theory all came back girl so extra disappointment.

7 weeks is fantastically early to get your head around it and i bet by 12 weeks you wont even care at all congratulations!

My brother is my best friend

Kindly, this is the issue. In both your families, you've made it the norm that girls are the ones to stay in touch, keep the family together, arrange things etc.

It doesn't have to be this way and not all families are like this - I get on brilliantly with my MIL and spent all morning with her and my two DC today. I also don't do all the organising and keeping in touch - my husband's perfectly capable of doing this. (There's also no guarantee your girl would even want this role in the future.)

Raise your boys to value your husband's family as much as your own and chances are, he'll replicate it when it's his turn.

What is this awful negativity around boys? Demonising them before they’re even born? I truly despair at this world these days.