Gender disappointment - tell me good things about having a little brother for an older sister?

[annabelfr]

This is a VERY wanted IVF baby, so I feel pathetic being disappointed about having a boy when a healthy baby is everything we wanted for over a year, and obviously knew all along that it’s a 50/50 chance of boy or girl.

I found out today (via a Blue or Pink gender test) that it’s a boy. We’ve already got a little girl who will be around 4 at the time of birth, and I loved having a little girl. I also feel like two sisters will always be closer than bro sis. I’m worried about being the paternal grandparents as they always seem to be less favoured than maternal (in some cases understandably so, a freshly postpartum mum will want her own mum around and visitors like paternal grandparents only much later, same with her confiding in her own mum more, trusting own mum more with childcare etc).

any positive thoughts on a big sis, little bro combination, or on generally having a son?

Nope. I’d have been happy with DD, DS, DS or DD, DS, DD…like I said. We want what we want 🤷🏼‍♀️

No it is specifically about boys. That's the way I read it anyway.

My baby boy was 6lbs, a family member had a girl a couple of weeks before who was almost 10 lbs. My little boy looked so tiny and delicate next to her. Boys aren’t always bigger, you can get great hulking girl babies too.

Ironically, my mom said that when she told me I was getting a little brother I stamped my foot and said “No! But I wanted a sister! 😩” 🤣🤣

And yet all these years later I’m so glad I have a brother. I love having this protective brother, who would go to war if anyone harmed/hurt his big sister. Like having my own personal bodyguard 😂

Yes, tiny 6lb boy over here too! He looked like a sumo wrestler at the age of 6 months though, and now at 4 is tall for his age and skinny.

I know this. All babies are wonderful and unique. I was talking about love. My babies were all quite different but in that moment after birth I was completely besotted and delighted with them. When I had DD1 I couldn’t imagine anything more perfect. When I had DS1 he was perfect too. The OP can’t imagine feeling the same about a boy as she does about her DD. It was an example of the irrationality of love and how it’s possible to feel something in the moment that you can’t previously imagine. It’s a personal experience. It’s not an edict. I wasn’t making a point about birth weight in general. Context is everything here.

I feel sorry for you OP. It's a shame that you are going through your pregnancy with those feelings, it's almost like you're resentful. IVF is brutal, I wouldn't have gone through it if my goal was only to have a girl, rather than a healthy baby of either gender.

In some parts of the country, and in some countries overall, sonographers aren't allowed to share the sex of the baby due to the risk of abortion (though ordinarily it's due to a rejection of female foetuses, culturally). Doesn't matter which way round it is though, it's really sad for babies regardless that people can feel this strongly about their sex, when becoming a parent should be seen as a privilege regardless. I'm also IVF pregnant and haven't found out the sex because I really don't care either way. I really think that if people weren't told what the sex was, the concept of "gender disappointment" (which I've literally never heard of until using MN through my pregnancy) wouldn't exist. Because surely nobody could anyone look at their newborn and "disappointment" be the first thing they'd feel?

Additionally, the OP later admitted she's only 8 weeks pregnant and has learned this from an early blood test (unless I've misunderstood or missed a detail from my scanning of the thread). I'm not trying to be cruel here, but the pregnancy is in such early stages that there is no guarantee that there will even be a healthy baby at the end of it yet. I certainly didn't start actively planning life with my future baby until I was safely past the 20 week scan. Never mind thinking about being a grandparent in the future - focus on getting to the milestones of a healthy pregnancy first. Imagine how awful it'll feel if you've been on here complaining about the sex of the baby and, god forbid, it doesn't even end up arriving safely.

I'm sorry to be blunt but I just can't get on board with indulging this crap. Babies and toddlers are starving/being bombed to death in other parts of the world, and some Western women are losing their shit over their baby having a penis.

So it’s you that’s disappointed not your daughter?
The title of the post makes it sound like you’re having to explain to a young child!
I was in opposite situation, had a girl, cried when I found out I was having another girl.
i wanted one of each, I wanted to see what my “son” would look and be like.
I realized how unfair that was as I was youngest of two girls (plus I had a dad who made it clear he wanted a son-in fact he had one but he died as a baby and would sometimes say he wished my brother lived instead of me or my sister).
all the stereotypes are irrelevant, two boys or two girls might have a great bond, or they might hate each other, same goes for one of each.
Your girls may be girly, sensitive and quiet, your boys may be boisterous, loud, and brash-or vice versa!
In this age, gender seems to fluid anyway so does it matter what’s between their legs?!

Totally agree. I’m 36 weeks pregnant after ivf and I’m still not relaxed to be honest, having had a previous missed miscarriage. The last thing on my mind is my role as a grandparent in the future.

37 weeks here @TheIceBear - we're almost there, and so close to meeting our babies. Best of luck to you. xx

It was as if you're saying you were so grateful after comparing her to a bigger baby boy? I bet he was adorable, big babies usually are. You probably had mum glasses on.

A woman i know had an 11 pound girl.

I’m sorry if it came across that way. That was not the intention. It was a private thought not expressed at the time which I expressed here in order to try and let the OP see the wonderful irrationality of love. I won’t do that again as it seems to have caused a lot of people to become personally offended by the comment. I’m sorry if I have offended anyone. It was not my intention. I’ll bow out graciously from this thread and wish the OP well for the birth.

Gosh I didn’t realise you’re only 7 weeks. I’m sorry but I just cannot get my head round being so focused on sex at what is still, quite frankly, quite a precarious stage of pregnancy. I realise it’s possible to worry about more than one thing at once, but having experienced pregnancy loss (at 16 weeks) and gone on to experience another pregnancy, the idea of worrying about sex at all is just unfathomable to me.

And you’re really overthinking the grandparent thing. A particularly odd thing to be thinking about so much when you actually have a daughter.

I have 3 sons, so it sounds as if you would pity me. I’m not going to waste my time saying boys are great, as you’ve obviously convinced yourself that people like me are never going to see their grandchildren 🤷‍♂️

I’m the eldest out of me and my sister, there are 4 years and 3 days between us. We are not really close as we live about 60 miles apart we do talk just not often but we will keep others secrets.
my son is the eldest of my 2 my daughter is the ‘little one’ they are 21 & 22 and are very close but also son gets on daughters nerves sometimes. He has complex disabilities and daughter takes on the role of elder sibling and can be very protective. I don’t think it matters if your kids are same or different sex it’s how they are brought up.

I really think that if people weren't told what the sex was, the concept of "gender disappointment" (which I've literally never heard of until using MN through my pregnancy) wouldn't exist. Because surely nobody could anyone look at their newborn and "disappointment" be the first thing they'd feel?
I agree. Scans are medical procedures to check viability/ anomalies, not a precursor to planning gender (sex) reveal parties or so people can plan their shopping. I think all this gender disappointment comes from that, but the problem is that the genie is out the bag, and people who either abort babies on the grounds of sex or are desperate for one sex or the other aren't going to be the type of people to 'wait and see'.

I wanted a girl with ny first pg, I’m the youngest of 2 girls and it was lovely growing up with my sister, I adore her. But I had a boy and it has been a wonderful life with him, I then got a girl 4 years later. Absolutely no regrets, they’re 23 and 19 now and being their mother has been such an honour. Yes, it maybe would’ve been easier with 2 of the same but there have been other rewards, that I’d never give up. My DS and DC are really close now they’re older, so much love between them. You’ll love it!

Kinda explains the hatred for men on here, unwanted from birth!

I have 3 boys and 2 girls💖 all were pretty similar during early years the boys were a bit slower to reach milestones but they were all so cute and funny, the boys feel more empathy for me in their teenage years......the teenage girls have been very difficult, behaviour and almost no empathy😔
Your kids are (mostly) a product of what you put in.........nurture them well and they will be blooming beautiful boys or girls.......congratulations to you and your family😘😘
PS you will love playing with Thomas trackmaster sets🤣🤣🤣

I'm currently pregnant with my second, I also have a girl already.
I also cannot imagine having an boy because I am so used to a girl I worry what we'd do and have the worry if I can love as much as my first (I've read this is a common fear)
I haven't found out the sex because to me once they hand you your little baby there is no way you could feel any kind of disappointment and surely all you will feel is love.
This is what I find sad about people finding out the gender.

Don’t be bloody ridiculous!
My mother cried for days when I was born, she wanted a boy. We laugh about it now and have done since I was little, she’s shown me nothing but love my whole life.

I don’t know a single man who is hated by his mother, I do know plenty who can do no wrong as far as their mothers are concerned.

Me and my brother were best friends. Fought like cats and dogs at times but still best friends.

I have a girl and a boy but 7 years apart so not really friends but they get on OK, and DD is a great babysitter.

Don't be bloody ridiculous yourself!

Just grow up!

My son and daughter got on well and played happily, with only eighteen months between them. As adults my son is definitely the more thoughtful, kind and caring of the two.