Gender disappointment - tell me good things about having a little brother for an older sister?

[annabelfr]

This is a VERY wanted IVF baby, so I feel pathetic being disappointed about having a boy when a healthy baby is everything we wanted for over a year, and obviously knew all along that it’s a 50/50 chance of boy or girl.

I found out today (via a Blue or Pink gender test) that it’s a boy. We’ve already got a little girl who will be around 4 at the time of birth, and I loved having a little girl. I also feel like two sisters will always be closer than bro sis. I’m worried about being the paternal grandparents as they always seem to be less favoured than maternal (in some cases understandably so, a freshly postpartum mum will want her own mum around and visitors like paternal grandparents only much later, same with her confiding in her own mum more, trusting own mum more with childcare etc).

any positive thoughts on a big sis, little bro combination, or on generally having a son?

I also don’t understand posters who say things like ‘I have a 3 year old DD who is my world and I’m worried about this baby being a boy, I just have no idea what you do with one’ Um the exact same things you’ve done with your DD until this point??

I just can't believe you are worried about this to the point that it's making you so disappointed to have a boy. It's so far in the future, if it even happens. You also already have a girl.

Gently, I think you should speak to a therapist before your baby arrives - this isn't normal.

Funny. I was the older sister to a brother. I adored him and then he started to grow up. My childhood was so hellish because of him and he even ended up beating me up daily, that I had everything crossed all my kids would be the same gender. They were.

Sons love their mums so hard. I have a son and he's brilliant company, and I love him with more than my whole heart.

As soon as your son arrives, you'll realise gender is completely immaterial.

There's no guarantee sisters will love each other - it's often very complicated. I was much closer to my brother than my sister, growing up.

Thinking ahead to who'll get to see your grandchildren first is weird. My sister in law asked her mother in law to be her birthing partner though, even though she had a perfectly lovely relationship with her own mum. I accept this isn't the norm, but you DO have a daughter. You also seem very concerned to remain in the middle of your children's lives forever. That feeling might change but if it doesn't, I'm not sure it's healthy. You will have a brilliant relationship with your son. If you're not inserted into every big moment he has forever, you'll survive.

You're overthinking this...

Great come back, lol

It's all you deserve, lol.

Sister relationships can be very complicated- competitive and comparative. My sister is eight years older & we always got compared - she was pretty and slim whereas I was the clever one. This stayed with us both into adulthood & I’ve always been jealous of her looks & figure whereas she felt sidelined for her apparent lack of intelligence and just being a pretty face. In reality there probably isn’t that much difference between us. We have been close at times but we have also both had terrible fall outs. We both love each other & would always help each other if push came to shove but we’re not best friends or particularly close. It’s not uncommon for siblings to get compared and be competitive but I feel like same sex siblings are even more ripe for this.

And to add, my sister has always been much closer to our elder brother than to me. Not sure if this was age thing or she just preferred him 🤣

I’ve not RTFT but in case anyone else hasn’t already mentioned this very positive angle of having a boy after a girl (which I have): the boy, being younger, will naturally look up to the girl and this, in my experience, forms respect for females, making a sometimes tricky parenting job much easier. At the same time, in a mixed sex family the children are naturally less awkward (and less obsessive) about the opposite sex.

?! You're thinking about when you are a grandparent??
I have a son and he is the most sweetest, lovely, affectionate boy.

Op, if you are still around theres definitely a day you wake up and feel ok about it and its great you found out early because its more time to wrap your head around the idea.

My day was today at 28 weeks! In therapy i realised my disappointment came from a throw away comment by dp about how we better get used to being lonely as boys never visit when they grow up. (It was a similar throw away comment about death that triggered my severe depression the first time round.)

However now i have a name and today i finally went and bought him most of his clothes and folded them into his drawers i suddenly feel completely normal and even really lucky, i cant explain it.

If you're still reading you will absolutely get there and be excited soon enough.

My two have a 4 year age difference with my dd being the eldest. They are now 8 and 4. My ds is the most cuddliest, gorgeous little boy. He loves to come and give me random cuddles! I like you would have liked to have had two girls, however that was incredibly short lived and now I just love having one of each. My dd is gorgeous and wonderful and very strong minded which can be a challenge at times. I feel that my ds balances it out a bit and as they are getting older are getting a lovely bond. Congratulations!

We have older girl and younger boy - 2 years 4 months between them. They are 16 and 14 now.
I really love the girl-boy combo. Most of her friends are girls, but then she has her brother and a window into the world of teen boys.
He has a lovely tribe of lad friends, but he has his sister also.
She is my only daughter. He is my only son.
I think the fact that theyre different sexes automatically gives them their own unique special place in the family.

They have always been extremely close, from when she was 3 pushing him around the kitchen in his walker to now, when he is taller than her and they gossip about their own world of school and other gen z stuff that is totally a mystery to me!

She is full of advice for him about school and quite protective. He is very attached to her and although he doesn’t admit it he misses her if she’s away for the night. It’s going to be odd for him when she leaves for uni!

of course they also bicker and I would say there was a period when she was a young teen and he still at primary school when there was quite a gulf between them in terms of life stages. They didn’t get on so well then ….

(My ds is also extremely warm and affectionate. 14 now, taller than me, no serious teen strops as yet and still lots of bro hugs and kisses me goodnight. He absolutely loves me to bits and would give me his last bit of chocolate if I asked!)

I also echo the PP - my son definitely looks up to his sister. I’m hoping he will be a good boyfriend because he has been in a close relationship with a girl all his life.

My youngest is a boy - older sisters have been brilliant with him. They all play together and get on so well.

DS is so loving and affectionate, really sensitive and so kind and caring towards us all and especially our pets and wildlife.

Our DC have been fairly stereotypical in some ways, especially wrt sports and toys and I've personally loved experiencing such a broad range of interests and activities.

To buck the trend… I have a brother who’s 3 years 11 months younger than me. We don’t live in each other’s pockets but we played together as kids and even as adults have a sense that we look out for each other. We regularly invite each other to do stuff we’re mutually interested in (see a band, go to an event etc) and know we’d look out for each other. I would call him if I had an issue with my car and he’d be straight over to take a look. He calls me for advice on our parents (who have a few quirks!).

However, I moved out at 24 and have my own life and pop over to see my family at weekends. He still lives at home at 28, works in the family business so literally spends all day with my Dad- has expressed an interest that he wants to keep living in the family home, even if that means sharing with my DP and providing care as they get older. My DP definitely see his GF more than they see me! A few years ago I would have said they were all unhealthily close but actually he’s matured and they’re working through some bumps in the road in a positive way and it’s turning into a sweet relationship. I don’t live far away but am definitely the one more likely to move away for work etc! He is a total homebird and really close to our Mum. So I think it’s down to personality!

I have a girl and a boy. My daughter wanted a baby sister and cried when he was born and she found out he was a boy. They are 10 and 6 now and she loves him to bits. She still says she would have liked a sister but I asked her would she change him now if she could and she said no. He’s much more cuddly than her not sure if that’s a personality or a boy thing. I love having a girl and a boy whereas before he was born I probably would have said I’d have preferred two of the same too.

So, I'm one of many siblings and I did not grow up close to any of my sisters. Pretty much only ever liked one of them. Love all of my brother's though, we always got along so much better.

Currently have 2 girls and a boy, the two girls do not get along well unless no one else is involved, but the middle (girl) and youngest (boy) are best friends

I find these gender disappointment posts on MumsNet pretty offensive. You're disappointed over having a healthy baby, after IVF, because it's a boy? That’s not just sad, it’s steeped in outdated, sexist thinking.

The idea that two girls are inherently closer than a brother and sister? Gender doesn't determine closeness... personalities and how you parent does. And the whole “paternal grandparents are less important” narrative is just more gendered nonsense that reinforces tired old stereotypes about motherhood and emotional labour. It’s 2025. Families can (and do) look all kinds of ways, and relationships are built, not assigned by gender. Also you're projecting way into the future, assuming who your kids will marry, how their partners will behave postpartum, and that your kids will even have children. Seriously? You're disappointed in a baby because of some fantasy about who will let you babysit their theoretical kid in 30 years?

It’s also pretty unfair to your son before he’s even born to assume he’ll somehow bring less joy or connection than your daughter did. You're already putting weird limitations on him because of his sex, which is kind of pathetic, honestly.

If you want to wallow in disappointment over something as meaningless as gender in a healthy baby, that's your choice. But maybe think twice before airing it. Kids pick up on this stuff. He deserves way more than to be born into someone's disappointment because he doesn’t fit your Pinterest-board vision of two little sisters in matching outfits.

You are very fortunate OP, many congratulations, I only have sons, mine are adults now. In my experience sons are very close to their mums. Honestly you will never regret having a boy, I absolutely love mine to bits.

My son and daughter 12 and 13 are close

Lucky you. You get to bring up one of each.

One of each is a dream! Personally as someone who grew up with brothers it’s an even better dynamic, my SS finds the same, navigating teenage years with his brother is hard, but his sister and him are super close. Don’t get me wrong he loves his brother, but can get very frustrated that he wants to be like him.copy him as the older brother a lot of the time.

I think it’s something quite special if you are close to your brother. As a woman you generally have close female friendships over the years, and have women in your life who are practically like sisters to you. But less so the other way round. So there’s something very lovely about being able to have that sort of friendship and male company with someone.