Gender disappointment - tell me good things about having a little brother for an older sister?

[annabelfr]

This is a VERY wanted IVF baby, so I feel pathetic being disappointed about having a boy when a healthy baby is everything we wanted for over a year, and obviously knew all along that it’s a 50/50 chance of boy or girl.

I found out today (via a Blue or Pink gender test) that it’s a boy. We’ve already got a little girl who will be around 4 at the time of birth, and I loved having a little girl. I also feel like two sisters will always be closer than bro sis. I’m worried about being the paternal grandparents as they always seem to be less favoured than maternal (in some cases understandably so, a freshly postpartum mum will want her own mum around and visitors like paternal grandparents only much later, same with her confiding in her own mum more, trusting own mum more with childcare etc).

any positive thoughts on a big sis, little bro combination, or on generally having a son?

@eustoitnowassuming my children have their own children at a similar age that I had mine (yes I appreciate it’s not a guarantee but we’ve got to assume something) I would be in my early 60s. Unless my DS goes for a much younger woman it would be biologically impossible when I’m 80.
So yes id still hope to lead quite an active lifestyle and see my grandkids, help out etc when i become a granny!!

I have one of each and they're actually super close. He brings such a fun energy to our family. I have a sister and sadly we're not close so there's no guarantee of that with having a girl anyway.

I have a younger brother (no other siblings). I wouldn't change him for the world. At various times in our lives he has been my playmate, my friend, my flatmate, my inspiration, my confidant. He is one of the people that I know I could call day or night for a favour and he would do whatever he could to provide it.

I loved him when we were kids and while we did argue, we got along most of the time and I have always enjoyed spending time with him. We laughed so much together.

I loved him when we were teenagers and he grew into an even funnier, caring and generous adult.

I love him now we are adults and I have no doubt, as we grow old, I'll carry on loving him and being grateful for knowing him.

No siree, you could not pay me enough to be without him in my life.

I have a younger brother and we get on really well. My SIL has an older sister and they barely see each other.

Thank you for all your answers.
I won’t be able to respond to each individually unless there’s questions clarifying the situation but I have read every single one and it’s giving me hope.
I hope there will be little competition or jealousy, and I will try to raise them as best mates for life

The positive is - you're having another child.

Everything else is baggage. There’s no guarantee siblings will get on whether they’re same sex or not.

Enjoy your pregnancy, love your boy and your girl. Be there for them. Don’t stress about things that are 20-30 years in the future. It’ll be fine.

@annabelfr in life you can mirror the relationship you know or you can break the mould.

I'm from a family with difficult mother daughter relationships. Despite being late 30s completing 2 degrees and having a successful career, a loving relationship and a wonderful daughter but in my mother's eyes my greatest achievement is my weight as dress size. I'm 5 months pregnant and was recently congratulated on still fitting in regular clothes. My daughter was 7 days old when I was asked if I had lost my baby weight yet. Through pregnancy I was asked on a weekly basis how much I had gained.
I have made the decision to bring up my daughter without this focus and without her worth being tied to her size.

You have a great opportunity to bring up the type of boy that is thoughtful and considerate to his family, to one that treats women with respect and is a good rounded person. The past doesn't have to be replicated in the future.

My mil will be staying with us when baby arrives to support us through the early days, especially as my partner needs to go away with work quite early on. No way in hell could I have my mum to stay for more than a few hours!

Very strange thread. Sounds AI to me. I hope so anyway. Get a grip

I remember this feeling - and I felt so guilty for feeling this way.

But I was more worried about the decade long age gap between my 2. My eldest is a girl. She adores her younger brother and they have a cute relationship. There is also “no competition” - which is a term I’ve heard from some of my female friends that have brothers - as it’s a conversation we have a lot when my DD is around (she always asks them).

Im close with my sisters and I have sisters. I have friends with younger brothers and they have the cutest relationship as grown ups. My mum also has a big family of brothers and sisters and she absolutely adores them! She gets on with their wives too so it’s actually sweet when you think about it as a way to extend your family. But that’s mikes away so don’t worry about that.

Im sure she will adore her younger brother.

You may not become a granny.
Your kids may be in same sex relationships.
Your kids may live on the other side of the world.
You might decide to go off travelling with your toyboy.
Stop trying to pigeonhole everyone - life doesn't have a script.

I have a daughter followed by a boy and it is epic.

My daughter absolutely adores her little brother, and he completely idolises her. They do fight like any siblings, but they play together so nicely too. I think it's a nice balance having one of each. And my little boy is such a mummy's boy, he loves me so much and gives the best snuggly cuddles!

I had a girl and then a boy. Their relationship has been utterly wonderful all the way through. Genuinely hardly any bickering which amazes me. They played together loads when they were little and they have always really made each other laugh. They are young adults now and very close.

It's okay, OP, people like you raise their boys well. It's disappointing but it will pass.

I'm the oldest of 7, I'm very very close to my brothers, I tolerate my sisters.
My oldest two are boy and girl abs they are so close too.

Lots of research shows men are more likely to leave the family unit if their offspring are solely female.
Enjoy your son.

I have two daughters ...both very close .......after a 7 year gap I had a son.
Both daughters worship the ground he walks on ....and he them .

As opposed to girls?

Try not to stress about it op. Your reaction is much less extreme than mine and even i am slowly coming around to the idea. As my dm said this is your son it doesn't mean he will end up like any of the men you know and focus on the great things he could become.

Very little research shows that and the difference is miniscule. There will be reasons such mothers possibly being more protective towards daughters and not tolerating shitty fathers around daughters, etc.

Disengage parroting skills, engage critical skills.

@disappointedfoxi feel like my reaction is pretty extreme, I am very disappointed. May I ask what yours was when you say extreme?

Well said @paranoiaofpufflings 💙

I have two four-year age gaps with girl-boy-girl (and then another boy to even things up, lol), and it's worked out brilliantly even though it wasn't particularly intended, and I too worried that the age gaps would be too big.

In fact it's super-easy, because the older one is past the baby stage so less jealous and can make themselves useful fetching things while you're glued to the sofa feeding. The older ones treated the younger ones as a cross between comrade-in-arms and their own personal pet, and the younger ones did get used to being lugged around the place in a somewhat undignified manner. The older ones have also liked having an excuse to regress a bit on occasion.

As they got older there have been phases where any given pair of dc had more in common and less in common, but that evens out as they get older. My oldest two are now 30 and 26 - they lead very different lives, but have a lovely close relationship, and often meet up when they're in the same city, know each others' friends and confide in each other (probably moaning about their parents, lol).

Don't overthink it - it's a great age gap. The only possible downside, particularly if you go on to have more, is that big age gaps mean the whole child-rearing thing goes on for a long time - when my youngest dc left primary school I calculated that I'd had at least one child in primary for 19 bloody years. But otoh you don't have that thing that parents with two dc 18 months apart, where one minute you have full house and then - whoosh - they've all gone.

Swings and roundabouts.

I am a single mum of two boys. I love having sons. They now tower over me and I love the male energy in the house, they are both really cool guys.

I guarantee you will adore him.

He might be gay, or not want or be able to have children. His MIL might be dead, no contact with daughter live 1000 miles away or not be interested. You’re worrying about something that may never happen.