Gender disappointment - tell me good things about having a little brother for an older sister?

[annabelfr]

This is a VERY wanted IVF baby, so I feel pathetic being disappointed about having a boy when a healthy baby is everything we wanted for over a year, and obviously knew all along that it’s a 50/50 chance of boy or girl.

I found out today (via a Blue or Pink gender test) that it’s a boy. We’ve already got a little girl who will be around 4 at the time of birth, and I loved having a little girl. I also feel like two sisters will always be closer than bro sis. I’m worried about being the paternal grandparents as they always seem to be less favoured than maternal (in some cases understandably so, a freshly postpartum mum will want her own mum around and visitors like paternal grandparents only much later, same with her confiding in her own mum more, trusting own mum more with childcare etc).

any positive thoughts on a big sis, little bro combination, or on generally having a son?

I understand where you're coming from, OP. You've been hoping to be able to give your daughter a sibling and it's perfectly normal to hope that it was a sister so that there was a higher likelihood of her having a great support through life. All the posters who are accusing you of hating boys aren't getting it. I'm sure if your first was a boy you'd want your second to be too. What you want is for them to have lots in common and enjoy each other's company. This can and does happen with siblings of different sex.
The age gap will more likely be the cause of them not being close if it becomes the case.

All the posters who are accusing you of hating boys aren't getting it. I'm sure if your first was a boy you'd want your second to be too.

Except that's not what she's saying. She's saying that she doesn't want a boy because they don't want to spend time with her when they get married and have children. So it is not only a boy specific issue but she is already projecting that her son won't want to spend time with her while her daughter will. He's not even born yet. She's only 7 weeks into an ivf pregnancy!

Can’t believe people have this mindset.

We've also got older girl and younger boy. 3 year gap. I had a moment when I thought about the sibling relationship thing between girl and boy, and wondered if it is ever as close as two sisters. But I think it all come down to how much love you share as a family, and they then internalise. But you can never guarantee whether siblings will get on or not. Also, our little boy is way easier so far than our daughter was.,, he’s just a more laid back baby.

Also. On the grandparent stuff. I’m way closer to my husbands family than my own. And they’ve always done more of the childminding as my parents live abroad for most of the year. So it’s not always the case that the maternal grandparents are closer. That’s down to you to influence your relationships with your own children, if you’re close and well connected then they will both probably remain that way.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

This was me, I left the scan in tears. Anyone would have thought i had just received the worst news. My little boy is a Joy!! He is soooo easy compared to a girl, also sweet loving and kind. Wouldn't change him for the world. You will be fine

Tone deaf post. Please share this with your nearest and dearest and not hide behind the anonymity of posting in a public forum.

Ah this is lovely and I'm sure exactly what op and even myself want to hear. People who have actually experienced the feeling and gone on to have a positive outcome.

I was 4.5 when my younger brother was born

I’ve always been protective over him, and been the voice of reason he’s usually listened to.

Similarly, he’s always been super protective of me also.

We’ve always had a close relationship and I’m now 47 and he’s 43.

He’s the one who had a child. I never managed to. My nephew is idolised and is super close to my parents. Especially my mom. She has a super close relationship with her grandson. Always has had.

Myself and my parents were first up the hospital and to hold my nephew when he was born. We had (and still do have) a close relationship with my brothers (ex) partner. My brother split with his partner and has custody of his son.

I realise mine is a specific situation, but I guess my point is you never know what the future will hold with your child. Who’s to say your son will even be interested in women once he’s he older? Don’t overthink it. Enjoy having your lovely new baby.

I have a girl then a boy. Hasn't crossed my mind that he'll be more involved with his future spouse's family than me. He's 5. He's a gorgeous bundle of energy and fun. He brings me so much joy and laughter. It's an odd thing to focus on. Just try to enjoy your son when he arrives. My son is so much more cuddly and affectionate than my daughter. I wouldn't change having him for anything.

I realised that all along id been visualising two sisters, super close (just like my mum and aunt are), mum and daughter, girlie things, being close to my teenage girl, then my grown up girl and helping her mother her own babies, two sisters confiding in each other for everything, having similar interests, being built in best friends. And the gender test just crushed me

This just so weirdly specific. You seem obsessed with the idea of grandkids but again what if your daughter doesn’t have children? Will you be crushed and disappointed all over again? Or she might have children in her mid-40s. Or she might have children and they are all boys (I know a fair few women with all girls who have ended up with all grandsons!) Then what will you do?

Just enjoy your babies and stop thinking so intensely about a perfectly mapped out future because gender doesn’t guarantee anything!

I love boys, they are so straightforward and so much fun. Plus they absolutely adore mummy which is lovely. I think you can enjoy having both, I personally wouldn’t be disappointed. I had a little brother with a four year gap and we have been close the whole of my life, I wouldn’t change him for anything.

I was convinced I was going to have daughters. I only wanted daughters. I had dreamed of the daughters I would have. I bought clothes in readiness for daughters.

It could only be girls for me.

I had sons.

I knew the moment I met them that sons are the best. 😜

They have been the absolute sunshine of my life and I dont miss the daughters I thought I might have for even a nanosecond.

Seriously though.

Wait until you meet him.

Everything will change. 💙

I’ve got a girl and then a boy with a similar age gap. Honestly it’s just the best! My daughter loves her little brother so much and she’s been so good at caring for him. Boys tend to be so much more affectionate too, my son loves a cuddle and being close to me which my daughter didn’t so much once she got past the baby stage.

Once he’s here you’ll wonder what you were worrying about 😊.

My "good things about having a little brother for an older sister" story is that I have an older sister and we do not get on with each other at all. We never have. It started out as us just not really being friends/being close when we were kids and eventually became full-blown dislike and hatred (on her part towards me) once we were adults. We are so fundamentally different from each other.

I love her as she is my sister, but I do not like her.

Just because you have two girls does not mean they will be super close, nor does it mean they will both like "girlie things". (Incidentally, neither my sister nor I did.)

I feel that it is very normal to have gender disappointment and there is nothing inherently wrong with it at all. But your vision of two sisters who will automatically be each other's built-in best friends their whole lives is a fantasy.

It always amazes me how deeply people look in to things like this. I have a boy and a girl - never once occurred to me that they wouldn’t get on or about being a grandparent with a son. Mine get on sometimes, ‘hate’ each other sometimes. It’s just a brother/sister relationships. I have a sister and 2 brothers and get on with them brilliantly in different ways.

Just enjoy your much-wanted baby and don’t think too much about - or predict/stereotype - what relationship they might have. They could pleasantly surprise you

Oh my word, yes please be happy to have another baby! I shouldn't have clicked on this post but as I have, I feel compelled to say just be grateful, gender doesn't matter, you will have two children who will grow up together and learn about the differences.

Too precious to be even doubting this, just enjoy their relationship xxx

Boys are amazing! I have one of each and my girl is 6 years older, but they adore each other and are close.

Girl, boy, girl here. They are all different and all absolutely fabulous. Boy is a complete dream. I have very different relationships with each of them but adore spending time with all of them individually and together.
it’s normal, OP. I remember with my first, she was just under seven pounds and so delicate. There was a great hulking boy baby on the ward and I remember thinking how pleased I was I had this beautiful little girl. I was completely besotted.
Two years later when I had my son, I remember thinking how delighted I was that I had this fabulous strapping boy. He slept through the night at 11 weeks as he took on so much milk before bed.
You’ll adore him when he’s here. And he’ll adore you. Sons are fabulous. Mine lives in Australia now. I miss him but he’s having the time of his life. And I know he misses me. Good luck with the birth. You’re so lucky to be having this child.

I love having a brother! I'm 4 years older than him and aside from a few years when I was a teen (totally me, not him, he's always been lovely, I was just a twat!) and was a PITA to him, we've always got on really well. We run together, our families are really close, our daughters are best friends, his wife and I run a business together (and I love her more than anyone, she's my best friend!). Also, in terms of parental grandparents, in our case, my niece is much much closer to our parents than she is her mums parents, largely due to my parents being amazing, very hands on grandparents, they see my niece most days and our children are their world.

Now I read this back, I guess some people may find it a bit much 🤣 But we're all happy and it works for us! I just wanted to share because I don't think you need to worry. I have a boy and a girl with almost 7 years between them (also IVF hence the big gap, didn't want it that big!) and I really hope we are all as close when my children grow up!

When my mam was pregnant I remember her telling me I would have a brother or sister i was adamant I wanted a brother.

As a toddler I selfishly wanted to be Princess of the castle and not share my crown. I wanted a boy, because I felt that would be different, fun and not a competition.

For most of my life, I've loved no one more than him, played games i wouldn't have considered playing with another girl, had a boy always in my corner to talk to, to listen and support me from a perspective my girl friends couldn't give.

My reasons for wanting a brother all those years ago were immature petty and selfish. But I couldn't imagine a better sibling. Your children will be fine and they're bond will be shaped by what you encourage it to be

I really wish posters wouldn’t respond with lists of things that aren’t too bad about having a boy, or girl/boy combo. As if you should really have to explain to a functioning adult that it’s ok her baby is a boy.

Idiotic posts like this would be best left with no responses at all.

I can empathise OP. I actually have 2 DDs but I 100% wanted that. I didn’t find out the gender of DDs but I had already decided that if DD2 was a boy I would be TTC again. We want what we want … 🤷🏼‍♀️

I (females) have an older brother and older sister. I have always been closer to my brother than my sister and we still are as adults. I'd say it's a personality thing rather than a boy girl thing. There is 5 years between me and my brother. I hope your kids get on brilliantly - I sure they will!

And if it was another boy then what? More disappointment.

Honestly face palm