Recently single as of last night whilst 26 weeks pregnant

[Pregnantandlookingforadvice]

Hi, my partner over nearly 4 and a half years split up with me yesterday night and I am currently 26 weeks pregnant. He said it hadn’t been working out for a while but every time I asked he said he was fine, loved me and wanted to get married etc. a few days before this his mother rang his sister crying and saying he didn’t look happy so he went over and they proceeded to tell him ‘do what’s best and makes you happy’ which I thought was me and the baby. This was around 8pm last night whilst I was in bed and he told me to pack a bag and leave but before I even managed to get downstairs he took my keys away and revoked access on certain apps etc. We aren’t married and he owns the house so I had no right to stay. I’m just so worried that my son due in August will be affected by my constant crying and being on edge. How could he do this to me / us and when I asked if there was another woman he said no he’s just not in love with me. He would only be staying with me for the sake of his baby. Please keep in mind I don’t have a spare room or any stuff at my mothers house so I’ll need to order a new bed, drawers etc and last night I had to sleep on the sofa. I am absolutely devastated and heartbroken that I’ll never find someone else to love and actually be married to in the future. I understand I’m only 27 years old and this baby was not planned but please if you have any advice let me know. I feel so stupid giving this man nearly 5 years of my life and he quite literally chucked me out without hesitation.

I’d go straight to the council and present yourself as homeless, so you get a property of your own for yourself and your child, rather than sofa surfing at your mum’s.

Ensure he isn’t on the birth certificate, and obviously don’t give baby his surname. File for CMS the day the baby is born, and ensure you’re getting any other benefits you’re entitled to.

It’s really difficult, but he no longer has any of your interests at heart, so treat him like a complete stranger.

I'm sorry op, unfortunately many of us end up finding out the hard way that those old fuddy duddies that say you shouldn't have children before the protection of marriage are right and not old fashioned at all.

We all hope that the man we love will always do the right thing, unfortunately they often don't.

As you aren't married and the baby isn't here yet I'm unsure if you actually can do anything. Hopefully someone will be along in a mo who knows more.

This.

There is 100% definitely another woman. No question in my mind. So treat him as a hostile witness.

At 26 weeks?!

my advice would be to terminate the pregnancy
did you read that she’s 26 weeks?

She's 26 weeks, that wouldn't be legal anymore.

Unfortunately I can’t terminate at 26 weeks and frankly the little guy is moving constantly I would never have the heart to do so.

At 26 weeks?!? Firstly, that’s not possible, and secondly even if it were, what an appalling thing to say (“your life would be better going forward”.) OP has not suggested that she is considering anything of the sort.

Would you consider adoption?

I’m so ashamed at how it got to this point. I won’t be giving my son his last night but I’ll need him on the birth certificate for child maintenance will I not?

Just trying to outline all the options.

No to adoption, my mum can help out where needed and I would never want to do that. She has room at her house but it’s the cost of a new bed, drawers etc whilst going through probably the worse time of my life

Personally the sort of shitty human that dumps a 6 months pregnant woman won’t pay maintenance
think carefully about putting him on the birth certificate
you mention your mum - cab you stay with her ? Do you work? there was good advice about presenting as homeless
so sorry but you will, in the long term, be ok

He’s the one who should be ashamed

That wouldn't be in the best interests of the baby. No OP, he doesn't need to be on the birth certificate for you to claim child maintenance. Just go through CMS once the baby is born. If he goes on the birth certificate, he will have parental responsibility, which he can use to control you. Prevent you going abroad, moving with the DC etc. If he wants to be a present parent, he can go to court and be added to the birth certificate but it is better to do it this way as it requires him taking responsibility.

No. You don't. You can leave him off (and I would) and file for CS. If he has doubts, he can request a DNA test. He can also request to be put on. But at birth, you decide. He can't register the birth without you but you can without him.

He has already said he would pay child maintenance but we shall find out. Yes I can stay with my mum for a good time at least thankfully. Yes I work and the maternity pay is quite good as I am a Project Manager but started out within the last year so it’s all up in the air at the moment.

It’s a bit of a tricky one, OP, as there are nuances to this. He could challenge it if you left him off (how involved does he want to be?). Yes, having him on it would help in terms of seeking financial support, but it does also give him rights RE where the child goes to school, medical decisions etc. It could be worth giving Citizens Advice a call.

So temporary accommodation is sorted
You have a job
friends to have a very good cry with?

He said he wants to be involved and see him etc I’m just not sure how much yet. I’ve had to book a removal van for Saturday to get my stuff back. He hasn’t messaged me today so I’ll hold off for now. I’ve had a good cry and actually still crying typing this message whilst talking to my friend.

This. Contact the housing dept and explain what happened yesterday. That your dm doesn't have a bed for you and you are sofa surfing.

Cut all contact with your ex. Block him on every channel.

I'm so sorry OP. I cannot conceive the utter spinelessness of a man who would throw his heavily pregnant girlfriend on to the street at zero notice. The man isn't worth the space he stands up in. A total w*nker. (not a word I often use). 😡

Do not make contact with him or anyone in his vile family until the baby is born. He is not your friend and there is nothing to be gained by contacting him. Put in a CMS claim immediately after your baby is born. Inform your ex in writing of the birth of his child.

But for now, focus on you and your well being. You will come through this and be better off for not having such a pointless waster in tow. Good luck xx

That is terrible OP, was there any hint of this from him tat this was coming?

To turf you out when you are pregnant is appalling...I do wonder if he has someone else.

Good that you have a job and a place to stay for now with your mum.

He told me there wasn’t but honestly I don’t know what to believe anymore. I asked numerous times if we were ok etc and he said yes and future plans and then boom he hit me with this last night. I’m constantly crying and I’m so worried it’s affecting my baby boy but I can’t help it.

You poor thing what a horrible human being your ex is, if it's any consolation at all, my ex was truely heartless too but strung me along.

I wished I'd had the pregnancy time alone rather than worrying about him. You can do this, particularly as you have a good job, keep going