Recently single as of last night whilst 26 weeks pregnant

[Pregnantandlookingforadvice]

Hi, my partner over nearly 4 and a half years split up with me yesterday night and I am currently 26 weeks pregnant. He said it hadn’t been working out for a while but every time I asked he said he was fine, loved me and wanted to get married etc. a few days before this his mother rang his sister crying and saying he didn’t look happy so he went over and they proceeded to tell him ‘do what’s best and makes you happy’ which I thought was me and the baby. This was around 8pm last night whilst I was in bed and he told me to pack a bag and leave but before I even managed to get downstairs he took my keys away and revoked access on certain apps etc. We aren’t married and he owns the house so I had no right to stay. I’m just so worried that my son due in August will be affected by my constant crying and being on edge. How could he do this to me / us and when I asked if there was another woman he said no he’s just not in love with me. He would only be staying with me for the sake of his baby. Please keep in mind I don’t have a spare room or any stuff at my mothers house so I’ll need to order a new bed, drawers etc and last night I had to sleep on the sofa. I am absolutely devastated and heartbroken that I’ll never find someone else to love and actually be married to in the future. I understand I’m only 27 years old and this baby was not planned but please if you have any advice let me know. I feel so stupid giving this man nearly 5 years of my life and he quite literally chucked me out without hesitation.

Hi op i was in the same boat years ago but i was younger than you.
I had my baby and raised him myself without help no gran parents involved i only got a break when he went to school.
I never had any child maintenance either and tbh i wold never want any mans pity money.
I never stopped my ex he just did not want to be a part of our sons life and i was not going to chase a grown man to ask him to be a dad.
I was on benefits for a while until i got sorted.
What my son has got iv`e got it for him.
after a few years 2 months after his 6 birthday we packed up and left for thailand.
Not been back to the uk since.
I said on a an other thread my son is more fluent in thai than he is in english.
The only time his dad got in contact was when he heard we was leaving the uk and said he would take me to court my son is 22 now im still waiting for court papers lol.
Op its hard but it can be done.
My son knows the truth but is not interested in a man that did not want to know him.
He now works moved out him and his boyfriend are planning to get married next year.
There is so much his dad has missed and i wonder when hes an old man and lonely maybe he will think of what he as missed out on.
Never be ashamed head up and prove you can do this.

Don't look at CMS as "pity" money. EVERY little helps. Its not for you, its for your child. £300 is not measly either. That £300 a month will pay for nappies, wipes, formula etc. It is the VERY LEAST this douchebag can contribute to.

Oh my god, waking you up and chucking you out like you’re nothing?

There’s 100% someone else in the horizon. Maybe you didn’t know for sure, but your gut must have been telling you something was off if you constantly had to seek reassurance. When I was cheated on it was sort of the same thing, I had this nagging feeling something wasn’t right but I put it down to the wrong cause. When I found out, we had been discussing marriage just days before.

I’m really sorry he’s putting you through this.

@Pregnantandlookingforadvice I would not let him know when you go into hospital to have the baby. wait till you are home a good few days then inform him. he will be allowed to see the baby but no judge would let him take the baby overnight at this age. also, his mother has absolutely no rights to visitation even when baby is new. she does not get to visit or take baby overnight. she might get to see baby when the father has the child but that wont be happening very soon. the ball is in your court.

Thanks everyone, I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of this. He made promises days ago that he wanted kids, marriage, new house and holidays and then said he couldn’t go through with it. In August he said he was in a rut and feeling down but it wasn’t me, last night he went on to say he didn’t break up with me then because he owed me money. Still waiting to get my stuff on Saturday so we shall go from there and see how much he owes me for the fitted wardrobes etc.

@Pregnantandlookingforadvice I haven't read all the replies but a scan read of page 1 suggests you have had lots of practical advice.

You state you are worried about the impact of the stress on your baby. I had a split during pregnancy and felt exactly like you do. Fret not, baby came out just fine. You concentrate on looking after you and you will be surprised how resilient they are. FWIW I found meditation/mindfulness really helped. I hadn't intended to go down thay route but my head was spinning so much I dedicated 10 mins a day to calming my breathing which in turn settled bump, and then used that to help regulate heart rates in the early days when LO was still snuggling close up to my chest and wouldn't settle. Worked well but stick with it as it feels very odd when the rest of your world is crumbling.

Your ex is a real a@@e by the way. This is not your shame to carry.

Of course not. What an awful shock for you. What a dreadful thing to do to you. Talk to your midwife and tell them what has happened - they may be able to help with emotional support and housing. Babies have been born in war zones and turned out fine, so please don’t worry about the stress affecting your child. Find somewhere to live and focus on creating a home for you and your baby. It will be OK. Better than staying with this heartless man. Make sure he pays child maintenance.

No. If he denies paternity the court can order a DNA test.

I agree. You don’t want him in your life with parental responsibility. He wants to walk out on you at 26 weeks pregnant. He’s not fit to be a father. See a solicitor or CAB for legal advice.

It’s not nearly enough to be worth having an arse hole man interfering. Someone so cruel as to do what he has done.
If he pays child maintenance it opens up access to him having part custody. Which could make life a lot messier. Who’s to say in the future the court don’t allow him 50% and every other Christmas.
Besides, if you claim benefits, they work out your entitlement with the inclusion of the CMS so you might not even be better off.

I cried a river when I was pregnant because my husband was abusive and my child wasn’t affected at all. Don’t try to keep it in.

When my abusive husband was finally persuaded to leave, I was told that child maintenance isn’t taken into account because it’s often not paid regularly. That was in the days of working tax credits.

He’s the one who should be embarrassed. You’ve done nothing wrong.

Get your own Amazon Prime plan and cut him out of your life.

Just sorted my Amazon prime right now

It wouldn’t. I know from experience.

This man didn’t care about you so don’t do anything to help him out

collect your stuff and then block him on all platforms.

write to him informing him of the date you gave birth but I wouldn’t give extra details like weight etc

claim CMS the day the baby’s born

apply for child benefit then too

DO NOT put him on the birth certificate. It won’t stop you claiming Maintenece but gives him rights to stop you going abroad, moving away etc

DO NOT give the baby his surname

you poor thing. Unfortunately he’s a moron and now you are tethered to him for 18 years so start as you mean to go on, not getting walked all over or told what to do by him!

This. Find your anger OP. You owe him nothing.

In the long run, your child will be better off without a parent of such callousness in their life. It's one thing to decide a relationship isn't working - that's fair enough - but chucking the pregnant mother of your child effectively out onto the street without notice is the act of a psychopath.

Also if you possibly can, breast feed the baby for as long as possible, if he does try the court route it will delay his access to his child.

also look at whether you would be eligible for universal credit when back at work.

use a website called entitled to, and put your potential figures in

It doesn’t open access to nothing. Nobody can force her to allow him access, only the courts. And that goes with our without him making the CMS payments. I’ve witnessed the other end of this - my friend paying CMS to his ex fiance, she did not allow him to see their two children for six months.

TAKE. THE. MONEY.

Why shouldn't he be on the BC? It's his child as much as the OP's, and since he's said he wants to pay and be involved, it would be wicked and spiteful to leave him off.

We have no idea why he left. He said he was unhappy; perhaps it would be helpful to know why before jumping to conclusions and judgements.

Genuine question - wouldn't his name need to be on the birth certificate? If you can claim CMS without it, wouldn't the CMS claim give him parental rights anyway?

What is the purpose of not naming him on the birth certificate?

Firstly, I’m so so sorry that this has happened to you. I’m also so so sure that you are better off having a baby without someone who can act like this. Turning around and suddenly kicking you out is beyond immature and incredibly cruel. Neither of these things will make your life easier with a newborn/young child so do not think your life is ruined. You will be okay. You have plenty of time to set things up with your mum, then your baby will come and you will work out a routine that doesn’t have to cater for an immature, cruel partner. You’ll feel incredible eventually as becoming a mum can be so empowering. You literally grow a whole human and then keep it alive - you’re stronger than you feel right now.

A friend of mine had a similar shitty partner who was awful during the newborn stage and ended up leaving. She has since found a lovely husband, has a wonderful new life and another baby on the way. You’ll rebuild a life that is better than the one he was offering you, even if it doesn’t feel like that now. Have a good cry, that’s okay - you’re human! You’re def not the first pregnant person to have a reason to cry and your baby is kicking away in there telling you you’ve got each other.

Gives him parental rights which means he can have a say where the child goes school or deny her taking the child on holiday, moving etc without his permission.

For those who are saying it’s his child too etc. He just kicked his child/the woman who is carrying his unborn into the street in the middle of the night. Does this sound like a caring man? I don’t think so.