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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Recently single as of last night whilst 26 weeks pregnant

189 replies

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 08/05/2025 14:58

Hi, my partner over nearly 4 and a half years split up with me yesterday night and I am currently 26 weeks pregnant. He said it hadn’t been working out for a while but every time I asked he said he was fine, loved me and wanted to get married etc. a few days before this his mother rang his sister crying and saying he didn’t look happy so he went over and they proceeded to tell him ‘do what’s best and makes you happy’ which I thought was me and the baby. This was around 8pm last night whilst I was in bed and he told me to pack a bag and leave but before I even managed to get downstairs he took my keys away and revoked access on certain apps etc. We aren’t married and he owns the house so I had no right to stay. I’m just so worried that my son due in August will be affected by my constant crying and being on edge. How could he do this to me / us and when I asked if there was another woman he said no he’s just not in love with me. He would only be staying with me for the sake of his baby. Please keep in mind I don’t have a spare room or any stuff at my mothers house so I’ll need to order a new bed, drawers etc and last night I had to sleep on the sofa. I am absolutely devastated and heartbroken that I’ll never find someone else to love and actually be married to in the future. I understand I’m only 27 years old and this baby was not planned but please if you have any advice let me know. I feel so stupid giving this man nearly 5 years of my life and he quite literally chucked me out without hesitation.

OP posts:
Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 08/05/2025 16:20

Keep in mind he will be 31 this year and I seem to be more mature than him at 27. If he doesn’t want to play video games then he spends a fortune on Lego without hesitation. I’m so sad I’ve let myself get to this point and hopefully will find someone far better in the future

OP posts:
Lulu89x · 08/05/2025 16:23

Stop worrying about other men in the future. Focus on yourself and your child Cut this loser off and do not allow him to swan in and out of your life as and when he feels like. The second the baby is born, put a claim in for child maintenance and prioritise your baby's wellbeing above everything else.

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 08/05/2025 16:23

If I put a claim in for child maintenance do I have to let him see the baby?

OP posts:
marshmallowmix · 08/05/2025 16:25

he sounds like a man child... spends a fortune on Lego!
what job does he do OP?

Silvers11 · 08/05/2025 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Not at 26 Weeks!!! FFS

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 08/05/2025 16:25

He’s a support specialist but earns 46k a year

OP posts:
selffellatingouroborosofhate · 08/05/2025 16:26

DenholmElliot11 · 08/05/2025 15:11

Just trying to outline all the options.

Ar least read the OP properly first.

selffellatingouroborosofhate · 08/05/2025 16:29

Tell your midwife what has happened, as he or she can signpost you to relevant help.

What a bellend.

Echomama · 08/05/2025 16:32

So lots of good advice regarding baby when born and housing etc.
I just want to add though, that you haven't given him 5 years of your life and it's not wasted. A change in that perspective is everything
I'm assuming you had happy moment in those 5 years and not every day was a slog?
You gave 5 years of being happy to yourself, you gave 5 years worth of life for life experiences and maturing to know what you want and what makes you happy. You gave 5 years to have what will be the biggest joy in your life (your child). Its just unfortunate that right now it's rough as hell.
You will get through this ❤

SocktopusEatsSocks · 08/05/2025 16:33

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 08/05/2025 16:23

If I put a claim in for child maintenance do I have to let him see the baby?

In the UK the two things aren’t legally linked. Unless he’s a major risk to the child, he will be granted access if he asks for it in court, and he is also required to pay child maintenance as calculated by the CMS regardless of whether or not he wants to be in the child’s life. The amount of money he owes you in child maintenance can be 0 if you have 50/50 care of your child but it doesn’t sound like that’s what he will want (and he wouldn’t get it with a newborn baby anyway).

Starlight1984 · 08/05/2025 16:39

DenholmElliot11 · 08/05/2025 15:10

Would you consider adoption?

Jesus?! Bit extreme, no?!

She's been dumped by her boyfriend and your best suggestion is that she puts her unborn child up for adoption?!

DefinitelyMaybe92 · 08/05/2025 16:42

Starlight1984 · 08/05/2025 16:39

Jesus?! Bit extreme, no?!

She's been dumped by her boyfriend and your best suggestion is that she puts her unborn child up for adoption?!

The same poster was suggesting aborting at 26 weeks earlier on in the thread (as if single mums don’t exist absolutely fine), entirely unprompted by OP. Can only assume they’re trolling.

Snapncrackle · 08/05/2025 16:43

Why are you even bothered about future relationships
Concentrate on yourself and enjoy your baby
ignore the dick head ex boyfriend

be prepared for another women to slot into your space soon
men like him rarely leave/end a relationship without having someone else lined up

TheFormidableMrsC · 08/05/2025 16:43

I’m sorry you’ve been discarded this way, it happened to me too except we were married and I had a toddler. There was an OW.

My advice is cut him off completely and his shitty family. Leave him off the birth certificate and give the baby your surname. Apply to CMS immediately after the birth. That’ll bring you in £400 odd a month. If he’s interested, he can apply for contact via court. Don’t tell him anything, don’t tell him when you’re in labour. Block him on everything.

You will be OK. You deserve far better than this low life. He doesn’t deserve your tears or your precious baby. 💐

BurningBright · 08/05/2025 16:45

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

It happened to me too. Well, similar. I was four and a half months pregnant when he broke up with me. In our case there was another woman.

My advice, for what it's worth:

Don't put him on the birth certificate. You can still put in a claim for CS and if he is salaried, he won't be able to not pay. If he wants to get himself added to the birth certificate, he can, but he'll have to put the effort in.

CS and contact with the child are unrelated. He should pay CS even if he has no interest in seeing the baby. And you don't 'have' to let him see the baby. However, the baby does have a right to know both parents, so please take time to think really carefully about refusing to let him have contact. I know it's really hard when he has behaved so terribly towards you, but your baby isn't a weapon. If he decided to take you to court for contact he would likely get it, so better to be reasonable if he wants contact so that you remain in control.

Having said that, you don't have to drive his contact with the child. It's his responsibility.

I would suggest that you block him on everything except an email address. Don't volunteer any information about what is happening.

Any communication he wants to have with you regarding the child must be in writing. That way you have a record of any demands/threats/unreasonable behaviours from him. But, and this is the key thing, you don't have to respond immediately. Any time you get an email from him you can give yourself time to think, get advice and respond in a reasonable, well thought out way. Ignore any email content that is unrelated to the baby.

Grey rock him completely. Do not beg or cajole. Focus totally on your wellbeing and that of your baby. He has shown you what and who he is, so rise up and look down on him as the maggot he is.

My 'baby' is eighteen now. We survived and thrived. You will too.

TheFormidableMrsC · 08/05/2025 16:46

Oh and no he doesn’t have to be on the birth certificate to claim maintenance. If he’s employed it’s a simple and fast process. Also, its
not pay per view, if he wants contact he can apply to court.

TicTac80 · 08/05/2025 16:47

Your ex is a cretin for what he did to you. Chucking you out like that with no warning and no time to get your things together. What a bastard! Unless there was some "in extremis" back story/situation that we're not privy to (like: he's just found you in bed with another guy), then you've got nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about, he does!! Don't blame yourself for any of it!

First off, you can get through this without him. He's shown you who he is and how easily he'd bail (I can't even get my head around that...no talking through things etc, just straight to dumping, bloody hell). You don't want that crap around you and your son.

Give yourself some time to get things straight in your head. Your life has been turned on its head in less than 24hrs. Let your friends and family know what has happened so that they can support you. My son's dad dumped me at a similar time when I was pregnant (I was 25yrs old and we'd been together 3yrs). There was an OW. I was heartbroken and a bloody mess. Don't do what I did and beg him to talk/come back/see things your way/try and sort things out. My ex and OW just turned nasty, which made things worse. His family were really close to me and were furious with him (I was lucky, they were amazing). I got practical stuff sorted, and told friends/family who were amazing. I managed to find a flat to rent and I knew job/Mat Pay would be ok. A lot of the furniture and bits I got were second hand or passed on to me.

Ex didn't go on birth certificate as we weren't married and he didn't come with me when I registered the birth. I'd not have your ex on birth certificate if I were you (i.e. register the birth without him!). Him being on birth cert will give him automatic PR (same rights as you). He can veto school choices, travel, all sorts...he can also refuse to return your DS if he was to have him for a couple of hours. You can still get child maintenance without him being on the birth cert (unless things have changed in past 18yrs!!). Check what things you're entitled to (child benefit, UC etc) and how/when to apply.

My ex eventually got in contact with me when DS was about 3. He sorted his shit out, apologised profusely to me (and our families!) and started to take a proper and active role in DS's life. After a good few years of him proving himself as a decent co-parent, and being respectful towards me, I arranged for him to be put on the birth certificate (it was easy enough for me to arrange at the registry office). But don't bank on this sort of thing happening.

If you need furniture etc, have a nosey on the freecycle sites and on FB market. You can pick up some fab stuff on there. Keep things simple for time being. Get on to housing/council/HA to register, and see if there is anything available/what wait times are - or if they can signpost you to secure rentals. Have you got much baby stuff? Again, keep that simple - babies aren't interested in lots of pricey things. Let your midwife know what's happened so they can support you. Please don't be scared, you'll do alright. I'm nearly 19yrs on from where you are now, and things are great - I have two beautiful kids, a good career, and life is good. x

LadyDanburysHat · 08/05/2025 16:49

I know you are heartbroken but he has shown you who he is and long term you are better off without him.

Even if he decided being with you was no longer what he wanted, how callous to throw you out immediately and not give you time to even think of gathering your stuff together. No reason he couldn't have said he wanted to break up but give you a few days or longer to move out.

Remember how he has treated you when you feel down.

Kinkyroots · 08/05/2025 16:53

It won’t affect your baby, please don’t add to your worries.

If you are happy to post what county you are in you may find some mn people who have furniture xx

MeganM3 · 08/05/2025 16:54

Sorry this happened. And if I were you I’d up sticks and start a new life where he won’t have much access to the child.
Clearly he has found someone else, no doubt.
Imagine if he goes for 50/50 custody of the child and gets it…

No way. I’d leave, live far away, keep him off the birth cert, earn money for yourself and not bother with his measly £300 a month or whatever it is that could open up a doorway to hell. You can and you will make it work. Give the child stability - access to father, occasionally, but your home should be child’s full time home. With a fresh start and a sensible head on your shoulders.. you will be absolutely fine.

IButtleSir · 08/05/2025 16:56

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 08/05/2025 15:11

I’m so ashamed at how it got to this point. I won’t be giving my son his last night but I’ll need him on the birth certificate for child maintenance will I not?

DO NOT put him on the birth certificate. He will still need to pay child maintenance even if he isn't on it. Please seek some legal advice to ensure you have everything in place that you and your baby need.

Also, since you are unmarried, you can only put him on the birth certificate if he comes to register the birth with you, which something tells me he won't be willing to do.

Also, please don't be ashamed- you have done absolutely nothing wrong.

He is the scum of the earth and I hope he gets what he deserves.

Pregnantandlookingforadvice · 08/05/2025 17:01

I’m not scared that I’m too young to do this alone at 27. Of course I want the baby but I have so much going on in my head I’m thinking I’ve messed up my life. I think I won’t put him in the birth certificate and let him come to me.

OP posts:
Sassybooklover · 08/05/2025 17:02

Aww sweety, my friend ended up in the exact same position. Although he left, rather than turfing her out, as the property was rented. She was 6 months pregnant, he was there for the birth and saw his son once after that, when he was 3 months old. She never saw or heard from him again. I will say that a year after her son's birth, she met someone else, who she went on to marry and have 2 children with. She was the same age as you, at the time of her son's birth. Don't despair on your future. I agree with other posters, present yourself as homeless to the council. At the very least, you'll be offered emergency temporary accommodation. I understand that your ex may have been unhappy, but he's got to be some cold-hearted arsehole to do what he has.

TicTac80 · 08/05/2025 17:13

Give yourself time for things to settle. Get the support from your family and good friends. You've not messed up your life. Things will become clearer and more manageable. I loved what @BurningBright said about keeping just an email for (child-related) communication with him. And definitely leave it to him to apply to Court for PR. I'd honestly leave him to it and just focus on you/your son. I'd not contact any of his family either - not after how they behaved.

For a birthing partner, choose someone you trust (like a best friend or your mum). I had my bestie come with me to the antenatal groups that the midwives ran. I got a bit sad as I was the only one there that wasn't with my baby's dad, but it was ok. Also speak to midwives about ensuring that you can have someone with you on the ward after baby is born. When my son was born, it was "dad's only", apart from short visiting times for other people. I'm hoping that rule is more relaxed nowadays so that people in your (and my then) situation could have a named person with them (who is not the dad!) for support.

IButtleSir · 08/05/2025 17:18

BurningBright · 08/05/2025 16:45

I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

It happened to me too. Well, similar. I was four and a half months pregnant when he broke up with me. In our case there was another woman.

My advice, for what it's worth:

Don't put him on the birth certificate. You can still put in a claim for CS and if he is salaried, he won't be able to not pay. If he wants to get himself added to the birth certificate, he can, but he'll have to put the effort in.

CS and contact with the child are unrelated. He should pay CS even if he has no interest in seeing the baby. And you don't 'have' to let him see the baby. However, the baby does have a right to know both parents, so please take time to think really carefully about refusing to let him have contact. I know it's really hard when he has behaved so terribly towards you, but your baby isn't a weapon. If he decided to take you to court for contact he would likely get it, so better to be reasonable if he wants contact so that you remain in control.

Having said that, you don't have to drive his contact with the child. It's his responsibility.

I would suggest that you block him on everything except an email address. Don't volunteer any information about what is happening.

Any communication he wants to have with you regarding the child must be in writing. That way you have a record of any demands/threats/unreasonable behaviours from him. But, and this is the key thing, you don't have to respond immediately. Any time you get an email from him you can give yourself time to think, get advice and respond in a reasonable, well thought out way. Ignore any email content that is unrelated to the baby.

Grey rock him completely. Do not beg or cajole. Focus totally on your wellbeing and that of your baby. He has shown you what and who he is, so rise up and look down on him as the maggot he is.

My 'baby' is eighteen now. We survived and thrived. You will too.

Edited

Excellent advice.