Recently single as of last night whilst 26 weeks pregnant

[Pregnantandlookingforadvice]

Hi, my partner over nearly 4 and a half years split up with me yesterday night and I am currently 26 weeks pregnant. He said it hadn’t been working out for a while but every time I asked he said he was fine, loved me and wanted to get married etc. a few days before this his mother rang his sister crying and saying he didn’t look happy so he went over and they proceeded to tell him ‘do what’s best and makes you happy’ which I thought was me and the baby. This was around 8pm last night whilst I was in bed and he told me to pack a bag and leave but before I even managed to get downstairs he took my keys away and revoked access on certain apps etc. We aren’t married and he owns the house so I had no right to stay. I’m just so worried that my son due in August will be affected by my constant crying and being on edge. How could he do this to me / us and when I asked if there was another woman he said no he’s just not in love with me. He would only be staying with me for the sake of his baby. Please keep in mind I don’t have a spare room or any stuff at my mothers house so I’ll need to order a new bed, drawers etc and last night I had to sleep on the sofa. I am absolutely devastated and heartbroken that I’ll never find someone else to love and actually be married to in the future. I understand I’m only 27 years old and this baby was not planned but please if you have any advice let me know. I feel so stupid giving this man nearly 5 years of my life and he quite literally chucked me out without hesitation.

Thanks for keeping in touch.

Update for everyone - I went over for 10:30am this morning and he had packed up all of my stuff like he couldn’t wait to get rid of me. His sister and her husband were there for reassurance as was my mother and brother but there was no big scene. Worse thing was that the removal man turned up late just after 11am and his clutch had gone so we only managed to get some stuff in the car and left it for today. My ex and I both cried as expected and he apologised for the way he broke up with me and made me leave but he confirmed we are fully separated. I asked him why he didn’t love me and he couldn’t tell me just End of Feb/March he didn’t anymore. I said let’s keep our distance and not talk and perhaps he can try hard to love me again. I can’t put into words how devastated I am never mind being 26 nearly 27 weeks pregnant. He said don’t hold out in hope which to me isn’t very good but I love this man so much and I am in pain and hurting so much.

He said ‘don’t hold out much hope’? That’s atrocious. He’s treating you like a piece of shit. I’m so angry for you. As others have said, your set up is good (family support and good job) so you should be ok alone. However, it must have knocked you flying to be treated like dirt by someone you loved. I’m sorry this has happened to you.

I know and yet I still love him so much. I feel so stupid because of my hormones but he really was my everything.

You’re definitely not stupid. He is. You were just a loving partner who was committed to him; you aren’t the one who’s done anything wrong or been stupid.

In light of his current treatment of you then I hope you can kick him to the curb and enjoy your life with your baby son.

Would I be silly to hold out hope that we might rekindle?

I don’t think you will be able to just turn off those feelings so it won’t be silly to feel that you still love him. At the same time, he clearly doesn’t love you so it would be an awful relationship to re-enter into.

So I don’t think it’s stupid to feel that you love him but I think it would ultimately be a bad choice to rekindle.

OP, I know you can't turn emotions on/off and you're hormonal. However, look at the way he's treated you? He woke you up at 8 pm, took your key off you, and told you to leave. You barely had time to grab anything, and ended up having to arrange to collect your belongings today. This is not the behaviour of a man, who loves you. Even if you got back together, you'd be forever walking on egg shells, wondering if he's going to throw you out again. How could you possibly trust him again? Forge a new life for yourself.

New mum here and I can say based on my experience, you will be so in love with DC when he/she arrives that you won't care about your ex or other men. Personally, I would follow advice about not having him on the birth certificate 100% and not giving him any more updates about the pregnancy or the DC when it's born. What he's done is beyond horrendous and I really hope your anger makes an appearance soon and you realise that he doesn't deserve to ever hear from you again.

Yes, you would. You cannot take this man back after the abominable way he has treated you.

OP, it’s early days now. You’re on a rollercoaster of emotions. I get why you’re feeling the way you do, but I’d not be looking to rekindle. He has treated you in the most appalling way. Just focus on you and your baby.

I think he’s definitely have someone. To chuck you out like that, cannot be simply because he doesn’t love you and he just understood that now. No way. Similar situation happened to me, when the man told me he no longer wanted to be with me. I was so heartbroken. I just couldn’t and didn’t want to believe. Our relationship wasn’t ideal but still. I asked why and he just said it’s not working out. I moved out, I was hoping for a long time he will come back, he will change his mind. Bear in mind we were on and off for few years before we moved in together. Later on, I found out he actually started dating another girl. On my amazon account which was connected to his speaker (I didn’t know that as I thought I delinked it), I came across this recording which was made literally couple of days after I moved out, the recording was made by a women saying a remark about their having sex. I couldn’t believe it, felt so stupid that I thought he will change his mind… Was a good life lesson for me.

Good luck, OP, I know it’s hard to think about it now, but one day, you will have 0 emotions towards him and this will be a distant memory. You will understand and see how badly he treated you. How selfish he is for doing this. And yes, you will meet a man once you’re ready. What’s meant to be yours will come to you. Lots of hugs. You will be fine xx

You have done NOTHING wrong. You will be an amazing mummy and that POS has done something disgusting to kick out a pregnant mum on the streets. Big hugs

I just feel humiliated after that long together and a baby on the way how could someone who is nearly 31 do this to me. He lied about how he felt and told me this late on in my pregnancy. I hate him but love him at the same time.

Like why doesn’t he want me and what’s wrong with me? I’m so angry but more upset not just for me but my little baby boy as he will grow up in two different households. I hate that this is happened and I really hate him. He’s currently out with his friend tonight drinking. If I knew this was ever going to happen to me I would have stayed well clear but it has and I can’t change anything. I know I will be an amazing mother to my son but the pain is all still real and I’m hurting like mad

Please don’t even go there. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Maybe that’s the best thing that could happen that his relationship is over?

You trusted him, trusted to have a baby together and now you’re on your own. It’s hurtful. But that’s not your fault OP. He made his mind up. Who knows why he made such a decision. Try to remember all bad things that happened, arguments, disagreements, things he did that was annoying. Think if you were truly truly happy with him? You can’t rely on him, that’s for sure. Try listening to music, it did help me. Try focusing on something else. He is not worth even one of your tears.

Thank you, I really appreciate it.

He would tell me he put me first always but honestly he would put his family and even when I complained nothing changed. We didn’t argue very much I’m just in shock still. I was truly happy with him, but he never proposed so that should have been the first red flag. He said he would by end of 2025 but then all of this happened it’s never going to happen. I’m so disappointed not just in him but myself for letting this happen. How could he do this to us after the years we spent together. He was so quick to pack my stuff up and get me out of there it’s made me realise I never had a chance.

He’s done that so quickly so he wouldn’t need to speak to you, to explain himself, to see you being upset, to take the responsibility for his actions. It was very convenient for him. You’re out and he can just live his life like nothing happened. He will make a story in his head that approves everything he’s done. He also had an ok from his sister and mother which probably makes him feel less guilty. I think you need to have a very good reason to end the relationship so quickly e.g. abuse, drugs etc Something really significant should have happened. If it came out of the blue, he is either a good game player who could have been unhappy for years and just managed to hide it from you or… there are other factors which influenced him. That’s why I thought of a third person. Because that would totally make sense for him - he is unhappy with you and another person would make him happy. So he just had to chuck you out and start living his life. Sorry if it sounds harsh. Don’t mean it that way. You know you will find out the reason one day.

Also, you don’t need to make any decisions just now, like CM, if he has right to your baby etc. You have plenty of time to do that in the future. Give yourself time to process what happened. Just take one day at the time. Buy the furniture you need, make the space looking nice and cosy. You can even buy second hand stuff for a time being. Find some films to watch, or books to read. Or start thinking and researching what kind of pram you need, or which cot you’re going to buy. Make hospital bag list. Make a list of what you need to buy for a baby. Lots of baby clothes are on Vinted. Focus on your baby. He is the biggest gift in life. Maybe think of his name if you don’t know it yet. Once baby is here, you will never be alone.

Don’t worry, sometimes the truth hurts so I never took any of what you said harsh. You’re right he does need to have a very good reason to end our relationship but all he said was he wasn’t happy and didn’t love me anymore. I’m trying my best right now and looking forward to meeting my son that’s the only thing keeping me going.

Just take it day by day OP, just like you are doing, and you will get there. And don't beat yourself up: there's nothing wrong with you....but there appears to be a shit load that is wrong with him:
-You have mentioned he always put his mum and sister first - imagine having a relationship with someone where you are bottom of the pile of your OH's priorities, particularly with kids in the picture too. Looks like you dodged a bullet there.
-Look at how awfully he has treated you. 5yr relationship, living together, promising you the world....then throwing you out with absolutely no warning, no talking through of concerns/unhappiness etc. Either he's the world's best actor, or he's had his head turned. Either way, that isn't the sort of person that will make you feel safe and secure. I always thought that most normal people would voice their unhappiness and at least try to to work on figuring things out, rather than going straight to, "right, you're dumped, get out now". If you did get back together, you would forever be worrying about the next time he pulls a stunt like that. Even with the legal protections that marriage gives, you'd still worry. It's just not worth it.

Years ago, when I was in your position, a lovely friend of mine told me that things would be ok, that my baby was a gift and that I have got the way better deal than ex. My mate was right. My DS is fab, he's a lovely boy who is doing well. He had a fab upbringing, surrounded by people who love him ---> that is down to me, family and friends. He's 18 now and knows who has always been there for him (I've not had to say a word). My ex (DS's Dad) is still overseas so main contact is through FaceTime, phone calls, messaging and the occasional visit. Ex has missed out hugely, and I know that is something that he now regrets.

Also....definitely start having a nosey at cool baby stuff, and furniture and just brainstorm nice things like that. I found that really helped me at the time!!

I’m so silly, I’ve messaged him today already but no response. I told him I missed him but I feel like I can’t move forwards because I don’t want to and it’s so different when you have a baby on the way. I genuinely thought he was the love of my life and yet I’m still pinning for him.

@Pregnantandlookingforadvice Please try to find your anger. This man booted you and his unborn child out with a moments notice, because he could. He's happily gone off drinking this weekend without a care. He doesn't love you and many men who basically wanted out would still jib at such behaviour because it's appalling.

This is going to hurt, it's dreadful but you will get through it and please, never let yourself be in such a position again.

Hi All,

Not sure if anyone will still read this post but hoping someone will. I had my little boy on the 6th of August and he’s perfect. I did not allow my ex at the birth so had my mum as I had a planned c section, it was so hard seeing all these happy families around me. Anyways I registered my son last Wednesday and my ex is not on his birth certificate. I’ve also submitted a CM claim as I cannot trust my ex.

Little update on the ex - He’s a completely different person. He says it killed him missing his son’s birth and his first milestones but he’s not even helped, made any effort or even asked how in coping. As hard as it is I’ve realised he made his choice and he will have to live with that but I keep telling myself what sort of man couldn’t even try and work on things. It’s probably my hormones but I still get upset at least once a day as my son looks like him so it’s hard. I’m devastated still and I am ashamed that I don’t get that happy family or the partner helping me out.

This is more of a rant than anything else so whoever reads this thank you x

Congratulations on your beautiful boy. You can do this.

Thanks for the update. Congratulations on your beautiful son.