9 months pregnant and having severe health anxiety

[AprilBaby2025]

I am 31F and 9 months pregnant. I do have severe health anxiety (and OCD) and have basically spent the last many years worried about some sort of disease or condition. But that doesn’t make me immune to cancer.

But this time, I am so scared that I can’t get out of bed, I keep walking back and forth saying “this can’t be happening” and I even peed myself from the anxiety (not the pregnancy). I get like 2 hours a night of sleep.

I have melanoma and I know it.

I did have a long stint of melanoma obsessions back in 2020. It lasted basically until 2022. I was obsessing over every mole I had. Never went to get any checked out though due to my intense fear of doctors. I have a lot of large moles and just lots of moles in general. It’s genetic - both of my parents are very moley people with lots of different looking moles.

I have about 3 moles that are 1cm. One of them is under my boob, about 2 inches below my nipple. It’s in such an odd place so I never saw it before I started my mole obsession in 2020. So I have no idea when it actually started growing!! But in 2020, most of the mole was ever so slightly raised with an off centre portion that was just slightly more raised. It was/is 2 shades of brown (which is very common for my moles). I tracked this mole and my other moles for about 1.5 years. Never noticed any changes in it (and I took thousands of pictures comparing them). I moved on to another worry and didn’t really worry about my moles much since then.

A few days ago, I was obsessed about some pregnancy related skin thing so was over analyzing my stomach all day. Then I came across the boob mole again. I noticed that one part may have looked redder (although in hindsight this was likely just the lighting). But it made me analyze that mole again and it has CHANGED! The middle part that was slightly raised became slightly more raised and the entire mole became slightly more raised and “puffier”. Then I compared it to photos I took years ago, and although the mole looks fairly similar, it’s definitely a bit more raised and there’s one part of the boarder where it looks like one skin cell has darkened if that makes sense. And the centre raised portion looks like it’s now covering just slightly more of the mole. And another part of the boarder that looks like it is now slightly indented by like 1 cell. And a couple of teeny tiny black dots on the perimeter (this may have been there before, it’s hard to tell by the pictures).

I don’t know when these changes started. I have some really bad quality photos of it from exactly 1 year ago, and I don’t think it looks really different from the photos taken in 2020. But it could have just been very very slow change. I do remember briefly looking at the mole in June but I don’t know what I discovered. I may have been worried about it for like a minute back then?. I don’t know if I saw big change then. It could have started changing before pregnancy, I don’t know!

And I am 10000000% convinced I have melanoma. I know I do. That’s literally the only explanation for this. And even if it’s not, it’s by far the most likely explanation. And I know a lot of people have seen changes in “moles” but it turned out to not even be a mole. This one is definitely a mole. And on top of that, it’s a big mole and it’s raised which means the melanoma is no longer in situ and has penetrated deeper. I don’t even know when this mole started growing! I definitely had it 5 years ago but it looked similar to how it does now back then (just a bit less raised), so it likely started growing long before then.

My husband says he never noticed anything obvious with the mole (he sees it more than I do). But when comparing photos, it is obvious. The mole is puffier and more raised. And there’s only 1 hair growing out of it, near the edge.

I am about to give birth any day now and I am not even looking forward to meeting my daughter. I am so mad I didn’t see the mole appear when it did or see a doctor about it 4 years ago. It’s advanced at this stage (definitely at least a stage 2 but likely later).

I see my GP this week. I am literally paralyzed. I can’t get out of bed, I can’t eat, I spend all day crying and having meltdowns. I don’t even want to meet my daughter. I’m worried the doctor will look at the mole and be very concerned, which will make me worried more if that’s even possible.

I’ve read scientific papers and every website you can think of. There is NO WAY this mole is not melanoma.

Help. Any reassurance? How can I possibly get through the waiting period while enjoying life? This IS melanoma I just have to try to accept it and hope it’s not too late but it probably is. I can’t believe this is happening.

Yes, thanks. I will definitely take the Zoloft tonight and give it a good try this time. Last time I stopped taking it after a month (I chickened out because of the baby and I didn’t see improvements). If I don’t see any improvements after a couple of months this time, I will speak to my family doctor again.

That's great OP, good for you. I didn't get the Zoloft until I was in quite a bad way and for the first 3-4 days felt a bit crazy on it, then it seemed to settle in. I had to increase my dose but combined with therapy and going back to work after mat leave (I need the structure of work, I did not do well without that), I got better and so can you. You can do this.

So glad about this. As someone who is 8 months pregnant, has ocd at a significant level and actually has a current diagnosis of melanoma this was not appropriate. I hadn’t reported but it was bothering me which is actually why I logged on today. Good call.

OP I’m glad you’re getting specific help from a psychologist. Recognise the intrusive thoughts for what they are. Moles naturally change in pregnancy and it makes sense to have someone check it out but it’s unlikely and I know it’s easier said than done but not worth consuming yourself with something that hasn’t happened.

Glad to hear you are getting some help, I really hope it’s works for you.

I am sorry if I’ve missed this but have you actually seen a doctor? I see you are not in the UK but surely if you are struggling to get an appointment you have online/private services? Would it not help for them to look at it and reassure you?

Trust me, unless you get help, which you appear to be doing, you will just move onto the next thing. You will spot another bodily feeling and focus on and convince yourself of some other terrible disease, I was stuck in a spiral like this for years!

My family doctor is away on vacation for the next couple of weeks. But I saw the nurse practitioner, who’s very experienced, today. Of course, due to my health anxiety, I was crying so much in there. I showed her the mole. She said she wasn’t concerned by it, but she would refer me to a dermatologist so they can just keep track of my moles. But I still don’t believe the NP that she wasn’t worried about the mole, because it’s an ugly mole and she probably just said that to make me feel better since I was crying so much. It has all the melanoma signs. Every single one.

I am still 1000% positive the mole is melanoma that I’ve had for years and has now spread. I realized I can feel one of the lymph nodes in my armpit slightly. And it may be a few months until I see a dermatologist. I think the cancer has spread for over 5 years now and I am quite late stage at this point. I still can’t be excited about meeting my daughter. I didn’t notice the mole until 5 years ago (because of the location and I never looked at my moles). But it was already big and well formed by then so likely developed much earlier.

yes, you are correct that I do move from one worry to the next. I actually spent several days obsessed with a non-mole skin thing right before the mole. And that’s when I saw the mole again (when I was obsessing over my skin for another reason) then I moved right from that worry to the mole.

But I still don’t believe the NP that she wasn’t worried about the mole, because it’s an ugly mole and she probably just said that to make me feel better since I was crying so much

A registered nurse did not risk her PIN and her livelihood just to make you feel better. You know that's not true.

I think the cancer has spread for over 5 years now and I am quite late stage at this point

Nope. I do cancer stuff for a living. You have not had melanoma for 5 years. You have pregnancy-related skin changes, as you've been told multiple times on the thread.

I still can’t be excited about meeting my daughter.

This is the crux of it OP. This is you displacing your anxiety about being a mum onto a mole.

You didn't tell her the extent of your anxiety about this did you? Contact your midwife and your psychiatrist and show them your posts so they can help you.

I'll say it again: 1) you have not got cancer 2) the stress hormones you are bombarding your baby with by choosing not to get help with your anxiety are more harmful than the medication you are choosing not to take.

Wow it’s so incredible that you’re 100000% sure you have very advanced cancer that you’ve had for the last 5 years because my best friend didn’t have a clue she had cancer until 2 weeks before it killed her. Remarkable.

I was crying the entire time so she saw how bad my anxiety is. However, my husband was with me and also told her I have severe health anxiety and OCD. I also told her that it’s so bad I need to take Ativan before appointments (I did not take it before this appointment as I don’t have many and reserve the pills for my midwife appointments). So she definitely knows how bad it is, and then she wrote that in my chart so when I come in in the future they will know.

i really was excited about meeting my daughter and I really want to be. At this point I’m just sitting at home waiting for labour. But I can’t stop thinking about not being around to watch her grow up.

My family doctor is away on vacation for the next couple of weeks.

you need to book in with another dr if he’s away for weeks do they not have a replacement or a way to book in with another and be like health anxiety is taking over my life and causing me depression.

But I still don’t believe the NP that she wasn’t worried about the mole, because it’s an ugly mole and she probably just said that to make me feel better since I was crying so much. It has all the melanoma signs. Every single one.
this is your health anxiety talking, the nurse has given you her professional opinion not just to make you feel better. Melanoma signs even every one of them does not equal melanoma. There can be many causes for changes, such as pregnancy hormones

I think the cancer has spread for over 5 years now and I am quite late stage at this point. I still can’t be excited about meeting my daughter

this is the health anxiety talking, you don’t have late stage skin cancer, your mental health is low because of the health anxiety which is causing anxiety and depression, this is what you need to tackle. You need to take the medicine prescribed for anxiety and book in with another dr while yours is away

Did you specifically tell the nurse practitioner everything you’re now saying about being convinced it’s advanced and you won’t see your child grow up? Or did you assume she could read your mind and know the depths of your anxiety/intrusive thoughts from your crying? Have you also told your husband all this?

There is not another doctor to replace him while he’s away. The nurse practitioner is the replacement for the doctor while he’s away. Each doctor has a roster of patients. And there is not another doctor to take on the patients when one is away. There just aren’t enough family doctors to patients to do that. So many practices have nurse practitioners which can do much of what family doctors can do and they take over when the doctor is away.

I started taking the Zoloft a couple of nights ago.

Yup I did. I was crying and telling her I’m worried it is now advanced since I’ve had the mole for over 5 years and it’s raised so it has probably spread at this point. And then I turned to my partner (in front of her) and said “I won’t get to watch our baby grow up”.

The NP said the mole would look a lot different if I had cancer for 5 years. But I don’t know, it looks really bad to me.

It sounds like professionals aren’t as worried as I would expect them to be about how your anxiety and ocd is manifesting. I wonder if your husband can contact professionals and raise his concerns with them?

But I don’t know, it looks really bad to me.
you’re not a medic, it looks bad to you because you have health anxiety and this is the current thing you’re focused on.

as PP said it might be helpful to either book back in or get a phone call spot and get dh to do the explaining of how badly the anxiety is affecting your life as maybe it’s not coming across as how severely it is affecting you when you’re explaining

But what would the practitioners do if they knew how badly it was impacting my life? I am in therapy (just started with a new psychologist) and I am on an SSRI. Genuinely curious what else they could do for me.

OP, I say this kindly, but you are looking for reassurance from this thread and it will only feed your anxiety. Once your mole will be looked at by dermatologist and confirmed it’s nothing, you’ll move onto something else.

You need to see a psychiatrist or a therapist specializing in OCD (for example EMDR can be really really helpful).

You are not going to get better if you won’t seek more help for your anxiety.

You are stuck in a circle of anxiety looking for constant reassurance.

Yes my new psychologist specializes in OCD.

They can titrate and combine medication so that it has a quicker and more marked effect than what your GP prescribes for anxiety. They can potentially fast track you to specialist therapy. And they can properly understand and work with the level of illness you currently have.

You cannot continue like this. Show your posts to the specific professionals who can help you, because crying in nurse appointments and making vague references to not being here to see your child grow up is not conveying the level of illness you have. If you can't do it for yourself do it for your child. Frankly I'm amazed your partner hasn't done something at this point because you are very unwell and not currently in a fit state to parent.

OP many people on this thread are genuinely worried about you and your future, not because they think you won’t be there for your child because you are going to die of cancer, but because they fear you won’t be there for your child because of the disease that you 1000% have: a severe anxiety disorder and OCD that you are not getting on top of.

I can tell you from my own experiences that parenthood is a massive trigger for anxiety flare ups, and it is so so important to get back some control. I have the same as you but to a lesser degree; I can rationalize better now
but I still get physical anxiety spirals (muscle pains, chronic hyperventilation, sleep problems etc)

I had two high risk pregnancies and deliveries, a preterm birth &nicu time which made me an anxious mess in the beginning and some of it is still there and will always be but I am actively working on this because I can’t let it ruin my childrens’ lives. My eldest also has anxiety (as a part of ASD but I’m sure growing up with a nervous mother didnt help things) and it is my biggest regret that I may have exposed him to my own anxiety as a baby and toddler. I try to be gentle with myself because the circumstances provoked a lot of the stress, but I still do all the work to show up for my kids and that means regular therapy sessions and medication when needed (I take meds (benzodiazepine)sometimes when the stress-load is unbearable for me and I can’t function anymore,for example when my DS spent a night in hospital last month with asthma)

To the posters who react angrily towards OP telling her she is overreacting, or feel hurt because they are actually suffering from something serious:
an (untreated) anxiety disorder is a serious mental health condition. It is the disorder speaking and not her, so please don’t be so harsh. This is not meant to compare the severity of cancer vs a mental health crisis, but to remind you that both are diseases you didn’t ask for and unfortunately the attitudes mental health problems are met with only make them worse.

@OyWithThePoodlesAlready84 your comments to others upset by this are misguided. I have OCD, have done for years and I’m very horribly aware that it’s life changing. Just because someone has cancer doesn’t mean that they don’t understand mental health and I don’t think anyone is saying that. You say you have an understanding of OCD so can you imagine what a cancer diagnosis does at 7 weeks pregnant? Can you imagine what being told your lymph nodes are showing signs of it does at 22 weeks? I wouldn’t wish for you to understand, I wouldn’t wish for anyone to.

Granted I’ve not read every comment but any I’ve seen have been directed to mumsnet about changing the title of the thread which thankfully they have. Mental health is serious - EVERYONE’s mental health is serious which is why people are perfectly entitled to be trigggered and flag a thread with the title that it had to mumsnet as having an impact on their mental health. I also personally don’t think it does much good bringing this up again to the OP. A misguided mistake was made and it’s fixed, it’s done.

OP I agree with @goldenretrieverenergy who mentioned EMDR. The treatment almost doesn’t make sense but if you can throw yourself into it with a good practitioner it can be so effective. Also trust in what the NP is saying to you. Certainly get a second opinion when you can but the NP doesn’t tell you things just to make you feel better.

Are you able to access any peri natal mental health resource via your midwife? I think it’s important that they are aware and are working with you on this. For both your sake and that of your future child.

I had loads of mole changes during pregnancy and lots of new moles appeared.

you need to get help with your health anxiety. Trust me, I’ve been there - and bad. You have to because when the baby comes I fear it will get worse. Reach out to the gp tomorrow. They can help!

Got an appointment with a dermatologist for 10 weeks from now, which is actually really fast. But the dermatologist was probably concerned based on the nurse’s description of the mole. I have no idea how I will get through the next few months. The mole is giant and thick and raised. And early melanomas are always flat. It’s been raised for 5 years. If only I had seen the original mole grow and not notice it after it had already formed. And if only I saw someone about it several years ago.

I was referring to some of the earlier messages in which some posters were quite mean, and some where posters mentioned the OP was hurtful to them with her message in general which I personally believe is quite intolerant, saying something along the lines of “ you don’t have the right to be anxious because I am ACTUALLY sick” IYSWIM.
I don’t believe that making your own suffering more important than someone else’s on their own thread is helpful, even though it’s meant as a reality check. I think everyone else including OP understands that cancer is worse, but her being in a mental health crisis that make her believe she has cancer makes her message what it is and people shouting “you’re overreacting!” don’t understand how HA works. To her the threat is real and if it were that simple to just not overreact it wouldn’t be a disorder.

re your suggesting I wouldn’t understand ocd and the news of cancer at 7 weeks pregnant; I am not sure what you are getting at there but I am very sorry if this is what happened to you and I hope you are ok. I had life threatening complications both pregnancies/deliveries, not cancer, but do think I understand how scary it is to have you&your unborn child’s life at risk.

I think the comments about the title being off and misleading were right and I am glad they changed it.

@OyWithThePoodlesAlready84 I haven’t read the earlier ‘mean’ replies and don’t intend to. There’s no point in clogging up OPs thread with this though. You obviously understand the point on the title which is all I ever mentioned.

Wish you well.

No OP, the fact that you've been given an appointment in 10 weeks shows that THEY ARE NOT CONCERNED - if they thought you had cancer you'd have an appointment in 2 weeks, not 10. But you are just ignoring everything that doesn't fit your narrative, because that's part of your mental illness.

You have no idea how you'll get through the new few months - well you'll have a new baby to care, and your life will be very different to how it is now. So you need to address your mental illness now.

Show your posts to your psychiatrist. People who can help you need to know how ill you are.