9 months pregnant and having severe health anxiety

[AprilBaby2025]

I am 31F and 9 months pregnant. I do have severe health anxiety (and OCD) and have basically spent the last many years worried about some sort of disease or condition. But that doesn’t make me immune to cancer.

But this time, I am so scared that I can’t get out of bed, I keep walking back and forth saying “this can’t be happening” and I even peed myself from the anxiety (not the pregnancy). I get like 2 hours a night of sleep.

I have melanoma and I know it.

I did have a long stint of melanoma obsessions back in 2020. It lasted basically until 2022. I was obsessing over every mole I had. Never went to get any checked out though due to my intense fear of doctors. I have a lot of large moles and just lots of moles in general. It’s genetic - both of my parents are very moley people with lots of different looking moles.

I have about 3 moles that are 1cm. One of them is under my boob, about 2 inches below my nipple. It’s in such an odd place so I never saw it before I started my mole obsession in 2020. So I have no idea when it actually started growing!! But in 2020, most of the mole was ever so slightly raised with an off centre portion that was just slightly more raised. It was/is 2 shades of brown (which is very common for my moles). I tracked this mole and my other moles for about 1.5 years. Never noticed any changes in it (and I took thousands of pictures comparing them). I moved on to another worry and didn’t really worry about my moles much since then.

A few days ago, I was obsessed about some pregnancy related skin thing so was over analyzing my stomach all day. Then I came across the boob mole again. I noticed that one part may have looked redder (although in hindsight this was likely just the lighting). But it made me analyze that mole again and it has CHANGED! The middle part that was slightly raised became slightly more raised and the entire mole became slightly more raised and “puffier”. Then I compared it to photos I took years ago, and although the mole looks fairly similar, it’s definitely a bit more raised and there’s one part of the boarder where it looks like one skin cell has darkened if that makes sense. And the centre raised portion looks like it’s now covering just slightly more of the mole. And another part of the boarder that looks like it is now slightly indented by like 1 cell. And a couple of teeny tiny black dots on the perimeter (this may have been there before, it’s hard to tell by the pictures).

I don’t know when these changes started. I have some really bad quality photos of it from exactly 1 year ago, and I don’t think it looks really different from the photos taken in 2020. But it could have just been very very slow change. I do remember briefly looking at the mole in June but I don’t know what I discovered. I may have been worried about it for like a minute back then?. I don’t know if I saw big change then. It could have started changing before pregnancy, I don’t know!

And I am 10000000% convinced I have melanoma. I know I do. That’s literally the only explanation for this. And even if it’s not, it’s by far the most likely explanation. And I know a lot of people have seen changes in “moles” but it turned out to not even be a mole. This one is definitely a mole. And on top of that, it’s a big mole and it’s raised which means the melanoma is no longer in situ and has penetrated deeper. I don’t even know when this mole started growing! I definitely had it 5 years ago but it looked similar to how it does now back then (just a bit less raised), so it likely started growing long before then.

My husband says he never noticed anything obvious with the mole (he sees it more than I do). But when comparing photos, it is obvious. The mole is puffier and more raised. And there’s only 1 hair growing out of it, near the edge.

I am about to give birth any day now and I am not even looking forward to meeting my daughter. I am so mad I didn’t see the mole appear when it did or see a doctor about it 4 years ago. It’s advanced at this stage (definitely at least a stage 2 but likely later).

I see my GP this week. I am literally paralyzed. I can’t get out of bed, I can’t eat, I spend all day crying and having meltdowns. I don’t even want to meet my daughter. I’m worried the doctor will look at the mole and be very concerned, which will make me worried more if that’s even possible.

I’ve read scientific papers and every website you can think of. There is NO WAY this mole is not melanoma.

Help. Any reassurance? How can I possibly get through the waiting period while enjoying life? This IS melanoma I just have to try to accept it and hope it’s not too late but it probably is. I can’t believe this is happening.

Oh lay off her. She’s in the grip of a serious mental health problem. My mum actually does have terminal cancer and I’m not remotely offended by her post because she is clearly in a serious mental health crisis. She’s not pretending to be ill - she actually is, just not in the way she believes she is. You’ve probably never met people with delusional beliefs - I have and I WAS one. No one should have been offended by my beliefs because I had lost touch with reality.

You must seek some advice from your midwife/GP ASAP as your anxiety is out of hand. You must be so worried, but it’s highly likely you are over inflating this in your mind. Please do seek help for your mental health, as having a baby and being extra tired can exacerbate this, and you need to ensure you have the appropriate support

OP you produce more melanin when you’re pregnant. That’s likely why the moles have changed a bit. Have they got a lot bigger ? Darker with lighter round the edges, and uneven ragged edges ? Are they bleeding ? Itchy ? Sore ? If none of these things it’s unlikely to be cancer - just your hormones producing more melanin, making things more pronounced. I think you need to see your doctor to get some much needed help with anxiety and also to put your mind at rest that you haven’t got melanoma. There are some not very nice replies here - ignore them and do what you need to do to get some peace of mind and body. Can you contact either your midwife or your perinatal psychiatrist and tell them how anxious you are, or better still, show them this thread. I’m sure they will reassure you that everything’s fine.

Go see your GP and get it checked, but also ask for support with your health anxiety, particularly as you are about to enter the postnatal period when postnatal anxiety and OCD are very common.

I actually do have stage 3c melanoma, which started as a lesion and spread to my lymph nodes (it’s now been removed and with treatment, statistically I have an 85% chance of no recurrence in the next 5 years, which is as good as a cure). I am in month 4 of 12 months of treatment and doing well.

What I will say though is that it’s a very good sign that you’ve had it at least 5 years with only minimal changes. Melanoma is an aggressive and fast growing cancer. Mine went from nothing/no mole at all to maybe 1.5-2cm in diameter and at least half a cm raised lump in 16 months. It also caused a very obvious swollen lymph node where it had spread that was painful and itchy. I think it would be very unlikely that you could have melanoma for 5+ years and not know it.

There are lots of things it could be, but the best thing is to have it removed. When I was referred, I was seen at the hospital 6 days after my GP appointment and I had it removed for biopsy 2 weeks after that (30 minute appointment at the hospital that I was awake for, painless, Dh and the kids dropped me off and picked me up after). It would have been totally doable even if we had a new baby. So try not to worry, you’re doing the right thing, always get things checked, but this is also your anxiety taking over and the right time to tackle that too.

This. The OP is not being precious, she’s very unwell, OCD is a crippling illness. She’s also 9 months pregnant. Can people please lay off her.

To the above poster, I’m so sorry about your mum.

I had a mole that seemed to grow in size, split down the centre and change colour when I was pregnant.

I was sure it was some sort of skin cancer.

I had it referred and it was actually seborrheic keratosis.

It did meet all the criteria for referral but definitely not cancer so please don't be alarmed. It could be so many other things than cancer. Especially because you're pregnant and things do grow and get darker.

I still have it and it doesn't bother me.

OP please stop worrying. Stop pacing. Its likely nothing. Please think of yourself and your children.

Yes I know that and I definitely do not want to become addicted. So I ONLY take it right before appointments (so it use to be every other week and now just once a week). But I am hoping to find a good SSRI that works for me as well.

I have cancer and l don’t feel the least bit trivialised by OP’s posts. She has OCD and clearly needs help. That is no more and no less important.

I’m saying this kindly - your mental health should be your priority not the moles/blemishes. Get more help with your obsession/massive anxiety asap. Perhaps it will all settle down after you give birth, I hope so.

Another poster disappointed by amateur diagnosis leading to catastrophising - in very bad taste but I can appreciate how poorly you are @AprilBaby2025 in terms of your anxiety. You've only got to see a few of your other posts to realise what a mess you are in.

My question is, if you recognise what's the real issue, what are you doing about it and how are you helping yourself? You can't just keep throwing out armchair diagnosis and sucking up the attention and spiralling further.

You'll soon be a mum and your daughter deserves someone who will be there for her and not be focussed on her own health issues. So, what can you do tomorrow to take this forward? Whether gravely ill or not???

I have OCD and I’ve had a lot of treatment for it and this is spot on.

The OP might get temporary relief from
those posting about their experiences but then either that relief will fade and she’ll go back to being anxious about this or her anxiety will hop to the next thing to ruminate about.

Those posting about their experiences are trying to be helpful but it’s not in fact helpful because practicality speaking whether a poster did/didn’t have cancer isn’t relevant to the OP, and psychologically speaking you are feeding into the OCD reassurance seeking which actually just prolongs it.

OP I understand you have an appointment this week about your moles, so by strong advice would be to cut yourself off from reassurance seeking. Stop asking your husband, the internet or anyone else for reassurance.

You need to get a grip on your OCD, you are about to have a baby.

Given your level of anxiety … go to A&E.

Lots of my moles changed in pregnancy. I grew extra bits of skin even!!!

Kindly, you know absolutely nothing, other than you have severe, real, crippling anxiety. Don’t underestimate your hormones at this time either. Tell people you are stressed, worried. Share share share and share some more.
xxx

What is the dose on the Zoloft you’ve been prescribed? That’s Sertraline right?
Usually they build up your dose over time until it reaches a therapeutic level. Your starting dose will be relatively low and you’re almost due so I don’t think withdrawal effects in the baby are likely to be an issue. I took 150mg of Sertraline daily throughout my pregnancy and none of the obstetricians were in the least concerned, they said they have so many patients that do. I don’t think any special monitoring of the baby is done, I had gestational diabetes so they did some anyway for that, although really they just kept an eye on her as you’d assume they do for every baby. So talk to your medical team but I think it will be fine. It takes time to work so best to get started, but discuss with the doctor as obviously when people first take it the adjustment period can vary so they need to decide when is best if you are near due date and in your case.

Without respect you don’t appear to know anything about OCD. It is most certainly not “sucking up attention”. The OP is caught in an OCD loop and is reassurance seeking, it has zero to do with wanting attention.

Nobody in a mental health crisis needs to hear a response that someone is “disappointed” in them because or that her daughter deserves someone who isn’t focused on their own health issues.

The OP phrased her opening post the way she did because she is in a state of high anxiety.

Everyone has understanding of the horrors of cancer. Hence the thought pattern the Op is now locked in. It’s one of the most prevalent themes in OCD sufferers.

Maybe you have no understanding of the horrors of a serious mental illness. an illness that can’t be seen or quantified by testing etc. An illness that makes you lose touch with reality and encourages you to end your own life. An illness that people don’t understand and therefore the public think it’s the sufferers fault or they can control it.

it’s not a race to the bottom on who has the most suffering.

I had 3 moles that changed in pregnancy. One looked different from all other moles, changed in colour size and texture and I was convinced I had skin cancer. Had it checked and all is fine.
you don’t know anything until a professional has checked this out

I’m so sorry you are going through this. I used to suffer with severe health anxiety and spent a lot of time believing I had xyz. Randomly my ocd then morphed onto germs / contamination fixations and now I don’t really worry about health but I totally can understand how you feel because I’ve been there.

Please know it’s very common for moles to change in pregnancy - it’s hormone related.

You are seeing the GP who will most likely refer you because you are worried and to put your mind at ease.

In the mean time, please speak to your midwife about your mental health. It’s very common for anxiety and ocd to get worse in pregnancy and post partum, and you really need support.

Try and focus on your baby. Worrying changes nothing, trust me I know.

Good luck and be brave!

I've had melanoma - 1a and Insitu. I have impressive scars- but am absolutely positively well.

I've also had anxiety. CBT and the right person helped me massively- I would say this treatment was life changing for me.

In retrospect and given the stage of my melanoma, my anxiety was far far far more life impacting. It's hard to get perspective when in that state. Try and get help for this- focus on this. You are already getting a mole check next week..go see your GP about getting some help for your health anxiety and OCD.

I had a mole on my face that had after years of being the same size/colour become raised and changed colour. Both GPS I saw were concerned, the referral from the first got lost so I had to see a second. The consultant gave me a Saturday appointment to see me ASAP once the urgent referral finally arrived and said he was concerned after examination. Had it removed soon after and after all that it was benign...so you can't diagnose yourself as having cancer regardless of thinking it meets all the criteria
OP I know you aren't in a place where you can do this for yourself but for your baby could you contact the maternity unit and ask to speak to the mental health team? You are exhausted, frantic and up the walls with worry and that is not a fit condition to be trying to manage labour and then life with a newborn, and there's a chance your health anxiety about yourself will become about your baby baby and germs etc next and life will be so stressful for you. Or ask your husband to go with you to the GP/maternity to support you because it's a vicious circle of needing to speak about your anxiety will heighten the anxiety and the appointments heighten it anyway, maybe someone else would be helpful to both support your but get across to the professionals how far this has gone. How are they treating the specific anxiety around your appointments isnt helpful in the space you are in right now, and they need a clear picture of where you really are so as to help you and your baby

You've already been given a good SSRI, you need to start taking it. It was Zoloft which helped me out of the crippling anxiety I spent the whole 13 months of my mat leave crushed under. Stop googling and take the helpful meds you've already been prescribed.

Absolutely right. Does her psychiatrist know she isn’t taking her meds…?

Moles change in pregnancy.
Have it checked. That’s all you can do for now.
Mine changed in pregnancy, was seen within a couple of weeks by a skin specialist.
I had 3 moles removed as soon as I could. They were reported to be ‘fine’ but having them there made me anxious. I hope you’ll be ok too. It’s treatable if not.
This sounds like a MH thing.

OCD isn’t widely understood. I’d never have understood it if I hadn’t been through it.

I can understand why someone currently dealing with cancer would be upset by the OP’s initial post. But the OP is very unwell.

Also while I know people mean to be helpful posting about their moles etc I think it would be more helpful to focus on the anxiety. The OP’s doctor can assess her moles.

OP someone above recommended some relaxation exercises. In the short term maybe someone like that or white/pink noise to help clear your mind might help. And fresh air, eating and sleeping etc