9 months pregnant and having severe health anxiety

[AprilBaby2025]

I am 31F and 9 months pregnant. I do have severe health anxiety (and OCD) and have basically spent the last many years worried about some sort of disease or condition. But that doesn’t make me immune to cancer.

But this time, I am so scared that I can’t get out of bed, I keep walking back and forth saying “this can’t be happening” and I even peed myself from the anxiety (not the pregnancy). I get like 2 hours a night of sleep.

I have melanoma and I know it.

I did have a long stint of melanoma obsessions back in 2020. It lasted basically until 2022. I was obsessing over every mole I had. Never went to get any checked out though due to my intense fear of doctors. I have a lot of large moles and just lots of moles in general. It’s genetic - both of my parents are very moley people with lots of different looking moles.

I have about 3 moles that are 1cm. One of them is under my boob, about 2 inches below my nipple. It’s in such an odd place so I never saw it before I started my mole obsession in 2020. So I have no idea when it actually started growing!! But in 2020, most of the mole was ever so slightly raised with an off centre portion that was just slightly more raised. It was/is 2 shades of brown (which is very common for my moles). I tracked this mole and my other moles for about 1.5 years. Never noticed any changes in it (and I took thousands of pictures comparing them). I moved on to another worry and didn’t really worry about my moles much since then.

A few days ago, I was obsessed about some pregnancy related skin thing so was over analyzing my stomach all day. Then I came across the boob mole again. I noticed that one part may have looked redder (although in hindsight this was likely just the lighting). But it made me analyze that mole again and it has CHANGED! The middle part that was slightly raised became slightly more raised and the entire mole became slightly more raised and “puffier”. Then I compared it to photos I took years ago, and although the mole looks fairly similar, it’s definitely a bit more raised and there’s one part of the boarder where it looks like one skin cell has darkened if that makes sense. And the centre raised portion looks like it’s now covering just slightly more of the mole. And another part of the boarder that looks like it is now slightly indented by like 1 cell. And a couple of teeny tiny black dots on the perimeter (this may have been there before, it’s hard to tell by the pictures).

I don’t know when these changes started. I have some really bad quality photos of it from exactly 1 year ago, and I don’t think it looks really different from the photos taken in 2020. But it could have just been very very slow change. I do remember briefly looking at the mole in June but I don’t know what I discovered. I may have been worried about it for like a minute back then?. I don’t know if I saw big change then. It could have started changing before pregnancy, I don’t know!

And I am 10000000% convinced I have melanoma. I know I do. That’s literally the only explanation for this. And even if it’s not, it’s by far the most likely explanation. And I know a lot of people have seen changes in “moles” but it turned out to not even be a mole. This one is definitely a mole. And on top of that, it’s a big mole and it’s raised which means the melanoma is no longer in situ and has penetrated deeper. I don’t even know when this mole started growing! I definitely had it 5 years ago but it looked similar to how it does now back then (just a bit less raised), so it likely started growing long before then.

My husband says he never noticed anything obvious with the mole (he sees it more than I do). But when comparing photos, it is obvious. The mole is puffier and more raised. And there’s only 1 hair growing out of it, near the edge.

I am about to give birth any day now and I am not even looking forward to meeting my daughter. I am so mad I didn’t see the mole appear when it did or see a doctor about it 4 years ago. It’s advanced at this stage (definitely at least a stage 2 but likely later).

I see my GP this week. I am literally paralyzed. I can’t get out of bed, I can’t eat, I spend all day crying and having meltdowns. I don’t even want to meet my daughter. I’m worried the doctor will look at the mole and be very concerned, which will make me worried more if that’s even possible.

I’ve read scientific papers and every website you can think of. There is NO WAY this mole is not melanoma.

Help. Any reassurance? How can I possibly get through the waiting period while enjoying life? This IS melanoma I just have to try to accept it and hope it’s not too late but it probably is. I can’t believe this is happening.

I would rule it out, and consider CBT therapy for your health anxiety, and poss some supportive counselling as a new mother…

I had a mole/large freckle on my boob that changed entirely during my first pregnancy. And then hasn't changed since. I think it's the sudden extreme boob swelling plus hormones

She might not have cancer but I think her anxiety is real and quite crippling.

Op it does sound like it could just be a supplementary nipple.

It is true that many, many people are dealing with actual cancer diagnoses so I think it’s best you just try to put this concern to one side until you have been seen by a professional and until then approach this as anxiety. As parents we have to learn to control our anxiety for the health of our children and you need to be trying to talk yourself down, not into a froth.

From looking at your other threads, you're always convinced that the situation is going to be bad. This is the health anxiety.
You're laser focused on the health anxiety thing, so you may be thinking its ABCDE when it isn't even the criteria of that, but even if its not abcde means nothing, its just get yourself checked. Of course check out the mole just incase, but the most likely, the most probable thing that's going to happen is this is going to be nothing or pregnancy has caused the changes. As soon as you can, ring up the Drs or change your therapist, and let them know that the health anxiety is completely consuming you at the minute. Honestly when that is tackled, life will be a lot better, otherwise when the mole is cleared as fine you will just jump onto the next health worry.

I'm so sorry about your husband.

You need serious help. If you are like this with your own health what will you be like with a baby. It's hard enough and worrying enough with a newborn fir people who ate not anxious.

Please seek serious help fir your baby's sake

Oh lovely… your moles change during pregnancy - I know I had one develop oh my breast when I was pregnant and my GP insisted I come back to see her to make sure it was ok. That was 10 years ago. I’m fine. This is an amplification of a long-standing fear of melanoma caused by hormones. I totally understand. I hope your GP ca. pot your mind at rest xxx

I also have OCD/health anxiety, so I really sympathise. Something I've learnt is that most melanomas develop on previously normal skin, not in a mole you've had for ages. So if you've had this mole since your early 20s, it's extremely unlikely to turn cancerous, especially as it doesn't get exposed to the sun. Pregnancy hormones on the other hand are extremely likely to cause mole changes, as other people have described. The problem is that with OCD there is no amount of reassurance from strangers that will convince you not to worry about this. Sending you love and courage x

I’m so sorry to hear about how difficult your health troubles are, OP. They sound truly crippling and I wish that you didn’t have to deal with them.

Have you stopped worrying about your BP now?

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you are anxious about being a mother. If it wasn’t the mole, you would be obsessing over something else that was fatal because you are so frightened of being a mum that you are fantasising about scenarios where you don’t have to be one. The reassurance you’re seeking isn’t helping because it’s not about the supposed melanoma at all.

You will be a great mum and you will cope. But you HAVE to start taking the pills and doing what your shrink says. Take it from one who had major pre and postpartum anxiety. It can and does get better if you get help.

Hi OP Im sorry you are going through this right now. Sadly, many people
replying on here won’t understand how proper OCD works (not the ‘I like to be tidy so I must have OCD’ type) but how real the obsessions are to people who suffer. I developed postnatal OCD and was so unwell by the time I got help, I knew the obsessions weren’t real deap down, but they feel so real.

Right now, you are reassurance seeking and spiralling over an obsession. As much as any of us tell you not to worry, you need to sit with the feeling and let it pass. I know how hard that is to do. I found 10 minute meditations I found online really helpful.

Your hormones are all over the place with being so close to your due date, I would recommend calling your midwife/doctor and telling them that you are struggling with your OCD and need some additional support. A mental health therapist doing CBT and/or Exposure therapy can work wonders xxx

My partner has OCD and I can 100% recognise the way you are speaking and your thought patterns. When I was nearing the due date in my first pregnancy, his OCD was the worst it's ever been.

It's easy for an outsider to say you are being irrational but in your mind this is completely real and there will be very little others can say to help - a forum like this will provide you with some momentary relief but then your mind will soon find another way to convince you all the posters on here are wrong.

What is really important is you are honest with your doctors and you get someone to help you find a specialist therapist in this area - the right therapist can help massively. You have the right to really question a therapist before you start with them to check they are the right fit.

However, the birth of our daughter really helped my partner change and get proper help - becoming a dad made him realise he needed to get to the root of the problem and he invested a lot of time into getting the right help. He does still have flare ups at times but overall he is better at recognising when he is being illogical and takes steps to prevent himself from engaging in compulsive behaviours.

Being a mum is amazing and I really urge you to put your energy into finding all the help you can get instead of using your energy to Google cancer.

No that has definitely been the hardest part of the pregnancy. I still worry like crazy especially before appointments. But now that I’m at term I’m less worried. Plus, I get other worries that replace it.

This ! Moles and other similar bumps that may not be moles, often change and get darker during pregnancy.
Just get it checked.

OP, please see your GP. The mole is likely fine but I think it's really important that they know how bad your mental illness has become. It's especially important as your psychiatrist seems to be under the impression all you need is something to take just before appointments, but it's clear that your OCD and anxiety are constant. 40% of maternal deaths in the first year after birth are due to mental illness (source). Tell them what you've told us: that you're so anxious you're unable to function. It's not normal to be unable to live your life to this extent - even in anxious situations - and life doesn't have to be like this. For your child's sake and yours, please get some help.

Yeah it's one thing to say I think I have it another to put IN THE TITLE pregnant with cancer

OP beware of Ativan it is very addictive.

You obviously have no understanding of ocd. I know someone who cut off their own hand because of the grip it had on their thoughts. Your trivialising of it as live action role play is in pretty poor taste.

It's bloody obvious op needs help, they know that or they wouldn't have posted.

I’ve been you, health anxiety and all.

They removed it, as I cried hysterically.

The surgeon called me personally with results. It wasn’t melanoma.

Hi OP, a number of people have highlighted the importance of psychotherapy and I’m interested that you have mentioned psychiatry and medicines a couple of times but not said much about therapy, aside form wanting to change your therapist. What is it that you don’t like about your therapist?
I’m also interested that when you feel ‘reassured’ your worry often shifts onto something else. This tells me that there are underlying factors influencing what is going on for you and I would think that therapy would be the most appropriate place to be addressing these.

If you're pregnant why do you have to state you're female !!

You need to do MORE to get this under control OP otherwise your babys wellness is going to be another extension of this illness.
The likely path if you don't is an anxious child with no resilience who is constantly 'sick'

Maybe you have no understanding of being affected by the horrors of cancer. Let’s agree to disagree.