9 months pregnant and having severe health anxiety

[AprilBaby2025]

I am 31F and 9 months pregnant. I do have severe health anxiety (and OCD) and have basically spent the last many years worried about some sort of disease or condition. But that doesn’t make me immune to cancer.

But this time, I am so scared that I can’t get out of bed, I keep walking back and forth saying “this can’t be happening” and I even peed myself from the anxiety (not the pregnancy). I get like 2 hours a night of sleep.

I have melanoma and I know it.

I did have a long stint of melanoma obsessions back in 2020. It lasted basically until 2022. I was obsessing over every mole I had. Never went to get any checked out though due to my intense fear of doctors. I have a lot of large moles and just lots of moles in general. It’s genetic - both of my parents are very moley people with lots of different looking moles.

I have about 3 moles that are 1cm. One of them is under my boob, about 2 inches below my nipple. It’s in such an odd place so I never saw it before I started my mole obsession in 2020. So I have no idea when it actually started growing!! But in 2020, most of the mole was ever so slightly raised with an off centre portion that was just slightly more raised. It was/is 2 shades of brown (which is very common for my moles). I tracked this mole and my other moles for about 1.5 years. Never noticed any changes in it (and I took thousands of pictures comparing them). I moved on to another worry and didn’t really worry about my moles much since then.

A few days ago, I was obsessed about some pregnancy related skin thing so was over analyzing my stomach all day. Then I came across the boob mole again. I noticed that one part may have looked redder (although in hindsight this was likely just the lighting). But it made me analyze that mole again and it has CHANGED! The middle part that was slightly raised became slightly more raised and the entire mole became slightly more raised and “puffier”. Then I compared it to photos I took years ago, and although the mole looks fairly similar, it’s definitely a bit more raised and there’s one part of the boarder where it looks like one skin cell has darkened if that makes sense. And the centre raised portion looks like it’s now covering just slightly more of the mole. And another part of the boarder that looks like it is now slightly indented by like 1 cell. And a couple of teeny tiny black dots on the perimeter (this may have been there before, it’s hard to tell by the pictures).

I don’t know when these changes started. I have some really bad quality photos of it from exactly 1 year ago, and I don’t think it looks really different from the photos taken in 2020. But it could have just been very very slow change. I do remember briefly looking at the mole in June but I don’t know what I discovered. I may have been worried about it for like a minute back then?. I don’t know if I saw big change then. It could have started changing before pregnancy, I don’t know!

And I am 10000000% convinced I have melanoma. I know I do. That’s literally the only explanation for this. And even if it’s not, it’s by far the most likely explanation. And I know a lot of people have seen changes in “moles” but it turned out to not even be a mole. This one is definitely a mole. And on top of that, it’s a big mole and it’s raised which means the melanoma is no longer in situ and has penetrated deeper. I don’t even know when this mole started growing! I definitely had it 5 years ago but it looked similar to how it does now back then (just a bit less raised), so it likely started growing long before then.

My husband says he never noticed anything obvious with the mole (he sees it more than I do). But when comparing photos, it is obvious. The mole is puffier and more raised. And there’s only 1 hair growing out of it, near the edge.

I am about to give birth any day now and I am not even looking forward to meeting my daughter. I am so mad I didn’t see the mole appear when it did or see a doctor about it 4 years ago. It’s advanced at this stage (definitely at least a stage 2 but likely later).

I see my GP this week. I am literally paralyzed. I can’t get out of bed, I can’t eat, I spend all day crying and having meltdowns. I don’t even want to meet my daughter. I’m worried the doctor will look at the mole and be very concerned, which will make me worried more if that’s even possible.

I’ve read scientific papers and every website you can think of. There is NO WAY this mole is not melanoma.

Help. Any reassurance? How can I possibly get through the waiting period while enjoying life? This IS melanoma I just have to try to accept it and hope it’s not too late but it probably is. I can’t believe this is happening.

@AprilBaby2025 you must get medical help tomorrow/monday, you need to discuss medication with the psychiatrist and you must get mental health supervision in place including for the post natal period. Are you going to do this tomorrow? If you feel you can’t get your DH involved, has he read this thread?

If you feel you can’t make the calls I mean

I have an appointment with my midwife tomorrow. And an appointment with a nurse practitioner on Wednesday. My husband always comes along to every single appointment with me (I can’t do them without him).

Will you tell them about your health anxiety though, or will you look for further reassure regarding the mole?

Nurse practitioner may be able to do a referral to mental health team but it will take some. What is the purpose of that appt with the nurse?

Yes I will tell them about my HA. In fact, I will probably walk into the room crying and saying “sorry I have horrible health anxiety” which is how all of my appointments start.

Just curious. With mine, I never told them for fear they’d dismiss my symptoms. I do regret that, as it took way longer for me to seek help. They always marked “anxiety” on my notes though!

I really feel for you, it’s such a debilitating illness but you can make it out the other side, I know it doesn’t feel like that right now.

What have they suggested to help?

My midwives are fantastic and really try to listen to me and make me feel at ease. I always apologize for crying and they say “never apologize for that”. They are very nice. I struggle A LOT with getting my BP taken so they turn off the lights and try to ask me random questions to get me distracted. And my husband helps me breathe to create a really calming environment. They are also the ones who referred me to a perinatal psychiatrist, which I am so thankful for because usually the wait time for psychiatrists where I live is 1-2 YEARS but I got in within 3 weeks.

I don’t see my family doctor ever due to my fear (and the fact that I’ve always felt healthy so never felt the need to go) so I can’t say he’s helped much. But did prescribe me Zoloft a while ago and does seem very aware and compassionate with regards to mental health issues. I’ve only met him twice though.

That’s great that you have an appointment tomorrow and your DH can be there to support you. Perhaps he could make sure that an urgent appointment with the psychiatrist is arranged, because you don’t just need people to be kind and sympathetic, you need to have close ongoing expert help and monitoring. The job of perinatal psychiatrist exists for cases just like yours. You need and deserve their help.

The next few months are such a risky time for mental health, you will need all the help they can offer to keep you safe.

Eager to know why this was never offered to me on the NHS. I had severe health anxiety, and was given six poxy CBT sessions with a counsellor/CBT therapist.

A psychiatrist was never mentioned, and even I asked about being referred to the mental health team I was told they are declining most referrals and if accepted the wait is long!

I am very sorry you had that experience. I think the answer is that the NHS mental health support is massively inadequate and access is completely and scandalously shit.

I was lucky that when I had a massive flare of ocd it was probably before things were quite so bad and I was able to be under a local mental health team and see a nurse who could prescribe.

I think it can sometimes be easier when you are pregnant to get under the perinatal mental health team. It’s an absolute scandal if they aren’t even assessing serious cases. I am hoping where the OP is in Canada things are better.

Many women experience mental health issues for the first time after giving birth, going from someone with no history of mental health struggles to literally losing their lives to post natal psychosis. In a way forewarned is forearmed, if you know you have a propensity then medication can be in place and in theory at least quick access to the right people.

When I was pregnant I was actually quite mentally stable and didn’t feel the team could help me, but I was able to get a referral to them and get on their lists, and agreed over a telephone call that I would not need to see them unless things got bad but could contact them directly if so.

I’m in Canada. I just like these forums because I find them more active than a lot of the others. Our healthcare system has issues too, so I was surprised I got in so quickly. I also live near lots of research hospitals so lots of those resources available. But I think with pregnant women there’s more of a time crunch for these things.

Why aren't you taking the Zoloft?

I was scared that my baby would have withdrawal symptoms. I also read research that showed there was an increased risk of pre eclampsia In women taking Zoloft. But that was probably my anxiety speaking :(

You know it was your anxiety, plus I'm guessing a good measure of not wanting to be out of your comfort zone by taking the familiarity of the anxiety away.

As I said upthread, the stress hormones you are currently soaking your baby in are much worse for it than the Zoloft.

Take the Zoloft - it might take a week or so to bed in and another few weeks to see the effects properly but start now. You have to get on top of this, you can't live like this as a new mother.

Your anxiety is going to affect your baby more than taking medication that will help you feel better.

If you have any worries, please talk to the physician who prescribed them. They can walk you through pros and cons and explain why they think you would benefit from taking them.

I don’t think this is a decision you should be making while having high health anxiety and getting information from Google.

Were you able to discuss your concerns about risks vs benefits of taking Sertraline/Zoloft with any mental health professionals?

Withdrawal effects aren't inevitable - [majority of newborns don't get them and can be ameliorated by breast-feeding] and are mild and transient [less than 48 hours] if they do occur

It's not too late to have that discussion now

I did talk about them with my family doctor who prescribed them. But he’s away until end of April so I can’t meet with him before I have the baby.

OP speak to your psychiatrist and midwife and show them your OP. Don't wait for your GP or anything else, it's urgent.

Forget the family doctor then, this is urgent so you will have to see someone else. Hopefully by now you have seen the midwives and requested urgent review by the psychiatrist. If you are waiting a bit to for the consultation, tell them you have a prescription for Zoloft and should you start on it now. The Zoloft is not a concern for your baby, who is already fully formed anyway and also will hardly get any as you slowly build up the dose.

Was asking about discussing with mental health professionals not your GP

You can start taking them.
They've been prescribed.
Just take them.

I've never once seen a baby in withdrawal just from sertraline, not in 20 plus years in paediatrics. Not once. That's how rare it would be. And your mental health is important for the wellbeing of your baby.

Little update: I’ve been in therapy many times in the past. I’ve had ONE therapist I genuinely liked and saw small improvements with. I had him back in 2019. I saw him for a few months. He then left the practice to pursue something else. Well, I looked up best OCD therapists in my region and this guy showed up! It turns out he now has his own practice. I emailed him today and then he called me and we spoke on the phone as a brief intake call. He surprisingly remembered me. He said he use to be a psychotherapist, then went off to get more education and is now a registered psychologist. So I made an appointment with him for tomorrow morning! He specializes in OCD. He’s very expensive, but that’s because he’s a registered psychologist instead of a psychotherapist. So I am excited to meet with him again.

My moles are still driving me insane and I’m more convinced than ever I have advanced melanoma and genuinely cannot be excited or even think about our daughter because I just get sad :( it breaks my heart. This entire pregnancy has been so hard. I swore once she was born it would get better. But now this mole worry.

Fantastic news re the therapist.

I found this guy good to follow at one stage: https://www.instagram.com/markwfreeman?igsh=d3UwdXA0eTdlZzVv

The moles thought, sit with it and label it as an intrusive thought.

I lost time with my babies because of OCD and mental health issues. I can never get that back and I do not want that for you.

Do what the therapist says, put the work in. Do it for you, so that you get to experience being with your baby.

Therapy is a good start OP. You also need to take the meds, now, and show your OP to your psychiatrist and your midwife. This is a problem which requires a multi-pronged approach. You can get better for your DD, but you need to do that by taking all the steps,not just the one you think is least difficult. I'm not trying to be mean but I recognise the behaviour.

You know you haven't got melanoma, you know you've got extreme health anxiety and OCD. The mole is just a distraction. Try to ignore the big flashy neon distraction and pay attention to the actual job in hand. Again, not trying to be mean, I recognise behaviour.