Hope everyone is having a good weekend and feeling well 😊
I fell down a bit of a rabbit hole early, hours of this morning looking at success rates for a pregnancy at 44, quality of eggs, chromosomal abnormalities in the eggs of a 44 year old - I knew all of this already but after every miscarriage over the last 3 years (8 in total), I sort of try to forget. Then I'm back here, pregnant, and off I go again. Every one of my pregnancies has been natural conceptions from 41 to now - it's been almost easy to get pregnant, but clearly, my eggs are not playing ball.
Pregnancy tests show strong, but I know, I know that means nothing about how the pregnancy is going. Just confirms that there is one.
I've convinced myself this pregnancy will go in the same direction and not to get attached in any way - instead, I'm angry at myself that I'm putting my mind and body through this again, why? It's that delusional thinking of perhaps this could be a healthy egg, hence a healthy baby - aarrrgghhhh! Then it goes wrong, and every time I say that's it, I'm done. It's self-inflicted torture.
On the flip side, in everyday life, I'm a rational, balanced, professional, and accomplished person. Where does that rationale go with this!??
Ok, download over. I'm going to go and carry on cleaning my bedroom.