Due December 2024 - thread 2

[CatCaretaker]

Follow on from the first thread here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5032929-due-december-2024?page=40

I've ordered loads of bits this morning 🙌

New mattress
Vests for 1 month and 0-3 months
Booties to keep feet warm for preschool drop off and dog walks
Ergobaby embrace carrier 🤩
New changing mats
Portable changing mat
Nappy caddy

I am also going to look at getting a second hand Tuppence & Crumble star wrap on Vinted, it was so useful for my daughter in the carrier, but I haven't got a newborn size

It'll be at my house (if I'm home) but my sister is on cooking this year.
I'll be doing planning and prep work with her though as I'm a massive control freak 😂

Regarding the midwife visits. Mine mentioned about a visit on my second day home, and I think I must have pulled a face because she quickly followed it up with, of course that's optional... If you feel okay and are finding baby and feeding is going okay you don't have to have this. I thought it was abit intrusive having someone over a day after you've got home. Especially given I'll be having a csection, I don't really want to worry about having someone I don't know come over and ask 21 question's, unless I am finding troubles with baby feeding etc I'll be declining that visit. She then also mentioned 5/6 days later about a appointment for bloods to check for diseases for baby, she said this is usually in a hospital but given I'd have had a csection it can be arranged as a home visit if I don't feel able to get myself into a car and stuff.

@RedRobyn2021 can I ask why you felt put off by the HV first time round?
Also I looked on Vinted and saw the night lights too so think I'm going to get one! For £10 it's worthwhile I figure! X

I have what might be a stupid question... but I've got two of the love to dream swaddle suits for baby. If I use that at nighttime, would I also use a sleeping bag? Or would the swaddle suit suffice? I have one 2.5tog sleeping bag currently and don't know whether to buy another or if it's not needed? Of course if baby doesn't take to the swaddle I'll buy some then. But if they do is it pointless having multiple? X

@Lunamoon23

Well my HV came to visit before I had my daughter and I found her incredibly patronising, it really made me cross and put me off completely.

I had good aftercare with my private midwife who didn't sign me off until 4 weeks pp but still the HV was insistent she had to come round

Then she contacted me about an appointment which I said wasn't suitable, she just turned up at my house anyway. I wasn't there but my partner was, it seemed like she was trying to catch us out? Very odd behaviour seeing as she had already met me and I'm a perfectly normal person

In the end she wasn't so bad, she was supportive of breastfeeding, but it was very much a box ticking exercise. Like when I contacted her for help with nutrition after we had to cut out eggs and dairy from my daughter's diet (she turned out to be allergic to both unfortunately) she never came back to me.

When my daughter was 2 we had another visit from a new HV and she insisted on seeing my daughter's bedroom, which I again found really odd and I didn't like it but equally the way she phrased it was in a way where it felt rude to say no.

I'm sure there are HV's out there who hit a note where they are supportive and a great help, but the vibe I got from both of these women was like they were trying to catch me out doing something that didn't fit their criteria rather than actually wanting to be a support.

I feel a bit bad because it must be a really hard job, but also I kind of want them to go away and leave me to it.

Also be aware that some can give some pretty questionable feeding and sleep advice, so take what they say with a pinch of salt and do your own research,

I think it's because to be a HV you have to have worked in nursing for a certain amount of time before training to do this job and a lot of them seem to be of a certain age with a lot of outdated advice.

The swaddles are tog rated, so we just used those without a sleeping bag 😊. We moved onto a tommee tippee grobag around 3 months.

Hi, I'm commenting so I'm on the new thread.

33 weeks today, really need to start sorting out hospital bags / washing things / organising things. We've been busy and away and now that's all done it suddenly feels like our Christmas due date is very close!

@RedRobyn2021 oh I'm not surprised you felt that way. That is odd.. and almost makes you feel like you have something to hide and they're acting suspicious. I wouldn't like that at all..
I'll be honest, I haven't heard great things about the HV's from any of my friends who've had baby's. They say they're intrusive, pushy and/or useless. So already not looking forward to that..

@Firsttimetrier thank you! That's really useful xxx

@RedRobyn2021 sorry to hear you had a negative experience with the HV.
I have a visit from mine tomorrow which has made me very anxious as no one I know in my area has had them visit before due date never mind at 32 weeks. Read so many negative experiences and my community midwife has been quite hard to take so not sure how I will get on with HV.
DH and I are both very normal people so nothing to worry about but just so anxious about it all.

Has anyone else seen HV before birth?

Like I said I had a visit when I was pregnant with my first! She was patronising and annoying, but she wasn't scary or anything. Just imagine an interfering older lady and that's pretty much my experience

They have zero power so don't worry about it, you could see about having your partner or mum there if you feel a bit anxious?

@Lucylaughing it does seem to be creeping up doesn't it!

@xx11x I haven't heard of a visit before birth no, not in my area anyway or amongst my friends who've all had children. I just got send my health visitor (red book) through the post. Which I have to take on the day of birth to the hospital etc and they will fill in along the way.

@RedRobyn2021 I didn't think it was the case they have zero power though, I thought they could raise concerns with social services etc which is taken pretty seriously. Not that that would be the case @xx11x but I thought that's why they check things like the home environment/bedroom, where baby is sleeping etc.

@Lunamoon23

Sure, in the same way a highway's maintenance van can report you to the police for speeding

Your neighbour can report you to the social services if they wanted to, a HV is just a more formal visitation

They actually have very little to power themselves

I just find it all very intrusive

With my 2nd DC it was during lock down times, or just after actually, and on the 2nd visit we phoned the team the morning of our appointment to say we were all in isolation awaiting covid results as had very close contact. Midwife still turned up on the doorstep. I assumed she wasn't coming given our earlier phone call so had just settled down for a sofa nap, DH answered the door and explained the situation and that I was just nodding off..she stood on the doorstep and insisted she MUST see me and baby, pretty much barged her way in 😳 that's why I wonder if I can actually refuse the visits or not, maybe if I say ahead of time it would be less of a safeguarding issue I guess.

I’ve got an antenatal visit with the HV next week. Not sure why- I assume to make sure I have an appropriate home for a newborn?
With my first I found them very up and down- 1 diagnosed my daughters silent reflux in 2 minutes when 2 midwives and 2 gps missed it. And another was friendly but just a bit useless!

I’ve been thinking about this, and it’s just occurred to me that you can’t use a swaddle with a sleeping bag, because in a swaddle, baby’s arms are restricted, but their arms need to be loose in order to use the armholes of a sleeping sack safely.

So one can’t use them together?

Yes where I live an antenatal Health visitor appointment is normal. I think only with your first baby though? If I remember rightly she just went through safe sleep advice, talked about my plans for feeding baby, asked questions about my mental health and what family support I have.
The health visitor I had with DS1 was great, but she’s left now so dear knows who I will end up with with this baby.

Also, has anyone been feeling pressured into a birth they don’t want?

I had a growth scan this week, baby is measuring on 25th centile, so is a normal weight for this stage of gestation. Other than a BMI of 35 at booking I have otherwise been in good health and no complications. Im in my early 30s, this is my second baby, first was born vaginally.

The doctor doing the scan asked me where I plan to give birth, I said I would like to go to the midwifery led unit (at my hospital this is the floor below the labour ward so a quick and easy transfer if things were to start to go wrong) because I would like to use the pool for labour and be able to move around.

My first labour I was made to lie on the bed the whole time and be monitored which was awful for me, but I understood why (Meconium when my waters went).

Doctor just tilted her head at me and said they would prefer I gave birth on labour ward so they can monitor me and that because of my BMI there’s more risk of shoulder dystocia.

Maybe I’m being unreasonable, but it just bugged me. They won’t even give me a chance to try and labour and birth the way I want to. I think they’re being overly cautious, but it makes me not want to give birth in the hospital at all.

Hi just wondering if anyones had this before, im 32 weeks 3 days and had some spotting for the past 2 weeks when i wipe. Ive been to the hospital multiple times to be checked and everything has been fine. Urine came back clear swab came back as thrush but i had treatment for this 2 weeks ago. Everytime I've rung the triage recently they've said to get in touch if i have clots or more than a £2 coin amount, im just wondering if anyone’s experienced this and what it turned out to be in the end. Should mention i have been having tightenings which i have told the midwife but they’ve said this is normal and is likely to be braxton hicks. All babys movements are normal as well.

Yes. But this time the hospital have tried to help me get exactly what I want. Unfortunately you’ve got to accept that if you have factors that are going to make you high risk and there’s any risks to baby then they’re going to want to monitor more - maybe have a conversation with them about what you want and whether there’s a middle ground?

I have a growth scan this week because I measured 98th centile when baby has been a steady 50th all the way through,, all the hard work to get myself into MLU may now be lost if they think baby is too big (when it very rarely is the case!!)

Can anyone relate to this? A growth scan can change your risk level or am I just worried for no reason?

On the topic of home visits, I have a Health Visitor visiting at 36 weeks (first baby). My midwife said there will also be a home visit on Day 3 but they only give an AM/PM slot and if it falls over Christmas, they could be rocking up on Christmas Day!

This is one of my concerns. But the more I think on it the more I am like well if I'm not home, I'm not home (my concern is I'll be at my parents!)

@MaybeBaby2024

Well, technically you're entitled to have whatever birth you want to have and no one can force you otherwise.

Personally, I would listen and digest their reasons for wanting you to be in a hospital, and then ask they listen to your reasons for wanting a midwifery led birth at a centre i.e. the restrictions on you last time and how it's impacting you this time.

I would be clear that you feel this time you need to feel heard and respected more. Sounds awful being forced to lay down. You should be able to move around if I feel I want or need too... Nothing should be forced.

Ultimately, the goal is for you both to be safe and sound, and I personally would always side with medical advice. But knowing your rights and advocating for what you want is important, and perhaps this time round, even if it ended in hospital again, you can be clear in your birth plan as to what you want from the hospital.

@Twinkletwinklelil
I believe a growth scan can change the risk level yes, if they're a particularly big baby.
Irrespective of that, you're entitled to the birth that you want to have. Make sure you discuss it at length with them and don't feel pressured to make quick decisions on anything.