Due December 2024 - thread 2

[CatCaretaker]

Follow on from the first thread here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5032929-due-december-2024?page=40

@LilyJessie @Twinkletwinklelil thank you both. It is frustrating feeling like you’re not being listened to and talked down to.

I will add that I am a healthcare professional myself so not completely ignorant to the risks. I have done my own research too.

Of course if I arrive in labour and things aren’t looking great with me or the baby I will do what I’m told to keep us both safe like last time. But to automatically rule me out because of my BMI without giving it a chance to see how I am in actual labour is what has annoyed me more than anything.

When you’re in pain and tired it is harder to fight for yourself, that was how I felt last time. Like I had no control or say in anything.

Anyone else struggling with the weight gain? I feel like I'm just expanding in all areas now. My face I notice it massively... I've gained a chin for sure 😂 my back, my legs, my hands and feet just about everywhere. 5 weeks to go... can't wait to go on a diet 😂😂

I think I have geographic tongue, does anyone else?

It says on Dr Google the changes in hormones can cause it, but it's quite unpleasant tbh

My tummy is enormous, I went swimming today and I am shocked by my reflection

Can't say I've noticed a difference elsewhere particularly. It might be extra water weight as well

Honestly I wouldn't worry about it too much

Last time I was postpartum I lost over a stone immediately after birth, then 7lb in lochia and the rest of the weight breastfeeding (plus some) 9 months pp and I didn't do any dieting whatsoever

Trust me the last thing you want to do after having a baby is diet, it's like survival mode trying to figure out how to be a mother, survive with the sleep deprivation, the change in your relationship with your partner, all the feelings that come up.. and I'm not just talking about the newborn days, it goes on much much longer than that

Please don't worry about dieting

Yes!! I had this a few months back! I freaked out to begin with because my first thought was tongue cancer until I googled it.
I had no idea it was linked to hormones though! Crazy what our bodies do during pregnancy.
Mine has now resolved itself so hopefully yours will too.

Regarding the weight gain, I don't even know how I've gained so much! I'm usually super slim, can eat and eat and gain no weight. During pregnancy it's just clung to me like glue!! My job has me super active too, I'm usually hitting 10,000 steps or more a day. I'm not over eating but maybe indulging a little but more often than I would have before due to feeling crap and tired...
when I say diet, I don't mean a crazy restricted diet. But I'll be much more mindful of my portion sizes and what I'm putting in my mouth than I have been being. X

@MaybeBaby2024
Siobhan Miller discusses this in her HypnoBirthing book.
She says that your birth partner has to be your advocate throughout, and to make sure you have the time to make the decisions that are right for you and baby 💜

@LilyJessie Thank you, DP and I have discussed it, he knows what I want and I’ve told him he needs to advocate for me when I can’t!

I really don’t like to make a fuss or be awkward and I’m normally not someone to go against medical advice, but my blood pressure has been perfect throughout pregnancy, glucose tolerance test came back negative for gestational diabetes, baby is average size. So if their only reason for wanting to monitor me the whole time is my booking BMI then I think that’s a bit weak tbh.

I haven’t gained any weight at all in this pregnancy. And yet women who had a lower BMI than I did at booking could easily have put on 3-4 stone by the time they give birth, which would put some of them at a similar weight to what I am now. So why am I considered a higher risk and they are not? 🤔

All very frustrating.

@Lunamoon23 I googled the same! Yes it's quite unsettling, I hope it goes, it makes me feel gross

Your body is doing its job, also don't forget you are carrying baby, placenta, blood, water it all adds up and the extra fat is for feeding the baby

Every time you feel bad about your weight just remind yourself you're growing an actual person!! I think it's so underrated that we are literally making people, it's amazing

Wait till your little one is here, when my daughter was a baby I noticed right away she had my thumbs 👍 my partner was saying tonight she has my feet as well, I know it sounds weird but I feel so proud 😂

That will be you soon, noticing all these little things about your baby that are you and your partner ♥️

@MaybeBaby2024

I actually disagree with the other comments.
I'm sorry they've spoken to you like this.

I would be interested to hear about the statistics for shoulder dystocia in women with a higher BMI, perhaps they can provide those for you since they expect you to birth on the labour ward when you want to be in the midwife led unit?

Honestly I wouldn't listen to their advice at all, it's BS. You've just explained the Labour ward is literally upstairs so why on earth can't you be in the midwife led unit making use of the birthing pool?

Yet they'll happily offer you some opioids with a smile on their face whilst making you lay on your back, which we all know is the most unhelpful position for birthing and I don't know about you, but with my first I found that excruciatingly painful

If you are a medical professional then you will know that this advice isn't personalised for you, it is about guidelines and let's be honest, their general opinion and bias

@MaybeBaby2024

Also I totally get not wanting to make a fuss, but don't ever forget this is your body and your baby, not theirs. Nobody knows better than you, that's a fact.

Everything your saying is perfectly reasonable and measured

@RedRobyn2021 exactly!

My first was back to back and lying in the bed the whole time was excruciating. I wanted to be on my knees, walking around, bouncing on a ball, ANYTHING else, but wasn’t allowed to. And I was too tired and in too much pain to put up any fight. Plus the drugs they gave me made me feel like I wasn’t fully present for most of it.

But yeah I would understand the hesitancy if the midwife led unit was in a separate building. But it would take literally less than 2 minutes down the corridor and up one floor in the lift to get me into theatre or wherever very quickly if things went wrong.

You are entitled to have a proper discussion about the risks and benefits of your choice of place to give birth, which it doesn't sound like you have had.

There is a great website called Birthrights which I would recommend having a look at: birthrights.org.uk/factsheets/choice-of-place-of-birth/#birthcentrechoice

On this subject it says:

What if the birth centre says I’m too ‘high risk’?
Birth centres often have rules, called admissions criteria, that say people with ‘high risk’ pregnancies cannot use the centre.

These are not legal rules and they cannot be applied in a blanket way. The centre should use them only to guide them when making a decision about who can use the centre.

The birth centre must only refuse to allow you to use the centre if they feel they cannot provide you with safe care. The centre must have a good evidence-based reason that shows you or your baby are at high risk of harm when giving birth without the support of a hospital obstetric ward. The centre must be able to show that it cannot safely manage that risk. They should consider the risk on a case-by-case basis, looking at what the risks are in your personal situation.

Hope that helps!

This is really good advice @MaybeBaby2024. Could you book an appointment with a consultant midwife? I have gestational diabetes and the normal consultant is trying to push me towards induction or c-section, but I want a VBAC so I’m fighting back as everything is under control atm, baby is growing well and nothing alarming. One midwife told me that the consultant midwife will actually look at my pregnancy and advise on the best plan, rather than the general advice that comes from the consultant.

@MaybeBaby2024

I hope we have all helped in empowering you to make decisions that are right for you and your baby.

It is you and baby that are the most important people in that room, no one else!

@Firsttimetrier @LilyJessie Thank you both.
I’m actually not sure how I would make an appointment with a consultant midwife, but something I can look in to.

Has anyone bought a nappy caddy?

I'm trying to decide on one, I didn't have one with my daughter but definitely want one this time

I've got 4. 😂😂
My sister brought them for me. I've got one for our bedroom filled, one for the nursery and one for downstairs. The fourth I've filled with my postpartum bits for in our ensuite so it's all handy and neatly put away, or if I need anything I can just ask my DH to bring me the caddy instead of trying to explain what it is I need.
My best friend has used them for both her kids and swears by how handy they are to have dotted around the house xxx

I don't have one of the nice basket caddies as we'd have nowhere to put it (tiny box room nursery) but I have a thing that hangs off the side of the cot that holds nappies and has a wee tray on top for wipes, cream etc. it's nothing fancy but does the trick.

This thing: amzn.eu/d/9ejkUBN

@Lunamoon23 that's a good idea for the postpartum caddy!

Thank you!

Just to help;
I've filled it with my frida mom disposable briefs, couple pairs of high waisted pants, sanitary towels of varying sizes, Breast pads, facial wipes, intimate area wipes incase I want to freshen up between showers, deodorant, face moisturiser, peri bottle, eye patches, lip balm, nipple cream and pain killers. So even if I'm trapped in bed feeding etc, I can get hubby to bring it to me and get what I need. I've also stuck some of the above in my bedside table bottom draw incase DH is asleep or out and I need something within reach. Xxx

@Lunamoon23
I actually had a tear up today when I got on the scales at the gym after swimming. I sound exactly the same as you. I definitely haven't been "eating for two", but where I used to say no to the office biscuits or chocolate I have been having them more often than not because I feel tired and crap. Only one here or there but I suppose it all adds up.
I feel huge now. Absolutely huge. And I think I look it too.
Sort of all just happend in the last 2 weeks!!
I'm so lucky to be pregnancy and I know that, but I am feeling huge and I'm worried about it!!

I've stopped with the scales now after I got on them about 6 weeks ago and was utterly disgusted. While I know some is attributed to baby, placenta, water, extra blood, boob growth. The HUGE jump from pre pregnancy to then, floored me. I knew if I continued I'd become obsessive.. and introduce unhealthy habits.

But I think we're completely validated in hating seeing the number of the scales and seeing our bodies change drastically even though pregnancy is a blessing. Our bodies are doing a lot and it's amazing, but it's also an extremely hard transition that's so out of your control is can be really hard!

It doesn't help by customer comments like ' you sure there is only one in there ' ... I've got 4 weeks left on Monday. I don't know what people expect. I don't even feel like my bump is huge! But I feel huge...

Not long to go, we've got this hand hold xxxx

I didn't go down the caddy route but I got this for our downstairs so I can fill it and wheel it around as needed. It has space for two packets of nappies two packets of wipes, dummies, a little tub for creams etc, a placemat so I can put my juice and bottles there plus 3 changes of vests and clothes for baby. Oh and a few blankets.

www.ikea.com/gb/en/p/raskog-trolley-black-90333976/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=surfaces&utm_campaign=shopping_feed&utm_content=free_google_shopping_clicks_Kitchen&gStoreCode=265&gQT=1

@Lunamoon23 "It doesn't help by customer comments like ' you sure there is only one in there '"

When are people going to stop commenting on other people's bodies!! Especially while pregnant and we don't have any control over our weight etc. argh.

We're nearly there xxx

I know it really infuriates me...
It's usually by older women who had kids 30+ years ago and have forgotten what it's like to be pregnant and grow a whole human.
It's very ignorant. And I find it really hard to bite my tongue and remain professional.
The ironic thing is aswell, I've been told at every appointment he's measuring small. (Not dangerously so, but on the smaller side). My bump doesn't feel that big to me, not yet. It feels and looks what I'd consider average from other pregnant women I've seen and I see them on the daily in my job..

It's the weight elsewhere that bothers me most. My face, ass, legs. But I keep telling myself I've got 4 weeks left... 4 weeks 😂😂😂