Daughter just not accepting of pregnancy

[HereWeGoAgain38]

Hi everyone

Just wondered if anyone else had been in a similar situation and could offer some advice! I was a single mother to my daughter for years before my partner moved in a year ago. She's 14 now and I'm about 14 weeks pregnant. I told her straight away and she's just closed down and won't talk but has been really rude to me and my partner. She's changed overnight with this news. I've just forced her to talk and she says she wants to live with her Dad and not see me and the baby when it's here. He lives in a different county so it would mean changing schools etc. I know she's really upset and angry but it's really really affecting me, she's always been the centre of my world and now she's rejecting me. It's affecting how I'm feeling about this baby and bonding with it and my mental health is rock bottom. I just don't know how we're going to get through this, everyone keeps telling me she will come round but I just can't see it happening, she's so stubborn. Has anyone experienced something similar?

To be honest some English dialects are difficult for me! I'm in the US! Just like some in the southern US. And totally different cultures even.

But how much time she has spent with dad does matter.

I was in your daughter's position and I was beside myself with rage about the pregnancy until my brother was old enough to smile at me, then it changed. Even sitting here now more than two decades later I can really remember how it all felt, being so worked up that I couldn't have become any more angry if I tried. One thing that did make it worse was mum falling over herself to try and talk me round, which lead to her making a series of crazy promises she couldn't/didn't keep. She also said that if she had a girl she was going to give her one of my names, which I think she thought would help but was actually showing a red rag to a bull. She was full of pregnancy hormones, I was full of teenage hormones and it was just a horrible time all round.

My advice is to give her space, don't force any pregnancy related talk or activities and try and keep conversations light. Also if you can put yourself in her shoes and think back to your own puberty (which is a crazy time even without suddenly acquiring a sibling) this may help you empathise with her and lessen the feelings of rejection a little.

I’ve sent you a PM op!! X

You have made it very clear she is not the centre of your world any more. Why should a 14 year old welcome a baby half-sibling? What did you expect? IMO people should always prioritise their existing children and you are not doing so now.

My kids have a decade and 12yrs between their sister from
ky husband’s first marriage. She cried when we told her that baby no1 was on the way. Many years later she’s delighted to be part of a big family and adores her siblings. She’s a lovely young woman. We are a close family. Shower her with love and give her time.

Wtf. Imagine if a 6 year old had this sort of visceral reaction to a new full sibling. Would people tell the woman to abort and pretend it was a miscarriage to keep the kid happy? Would they fuck. There’s women on here saying they want a fourth and fifth child and it’s all “you go girl”, not telling them to sit down and consult any existing children. Because it has naff all to do with a child whether their parent has more children. Some comments on here are disgusting. I bet the DD will feel mortified in a few years at her reaction and will absolutely love her new sibling.

OP, this thread is full of trolls. Please ignore and leave.

A 14 year old doesn't want an annoying baby/toddler around and she also knows that's the end of your attention for her, don't be surprised if she goes off the rails.
In time she may grow to like her sibling but you can't expect it straight away.

What child over about 5 does actively want an annoying baby or toddler around? Yet people still have more children because shock horror, it’s not up to the child to decide on the family size.

You're expecting a teenage girl, who is still very much legally and emotionally a child and is dependent on you for everything, to act with an adult's level of emotional maturity when you've turned her life upside-down twice in one year by moving a man into her home and becoming pregnant by him. You are expecting too much of your daughter by adultifying her in this way.

In her position, I would fear suddenly being expected to babysit for you and having to take on an unreasonable level household duties at a time in her life when she is taking the exams that will decide her career path. Even if you don't parentify her in that way, if she doesn't like babies, just having one in the house will be hell for her.

What an obnoxious comment.

@Nobodywouldknow much worse for a teen though! I've been that 14 year old

Exactly this.

There are going to be so, so many people in the next generation of adults who cannot function unless the whole world revolves around them and their every need. It's terrifying.

She's getting a younger sibling, not being sent to her death. I can't believe how many adults are feeding the drama and hysteria.

Her DC is 14, she can go and live with her dad in another county and move schools, basically her existing daughter's life uprooted for OP's baby with a new partner. How is defending the best interest of an existing child, a teenager girl making me a troll and anti women or whatever you're trying to hint at?
I would say it was a miscarriage so the daughter doesn't feel guilty and burdened by it and I would abort so that I protect the best interest of my existing child. Obviously, some people on here are very prolife, I am prochoice and I care about the welfare of the existing child who has the legal right to ask to live with her dad however this decision might end up damaging op and her DD's relationship forever, the daughter needs her mother to be present at this critical time of her life.
I think the comments dismissing the daughter's concerns are insane, she is 14 not 7 she can and will be able to go to live with her and could end up spiraling as a teenager feeling rejected in favour of this new perfect baby.

So I'm sorry if you found my comments centring the wellbeing of her teen daughter over a new partner and a 14 weeks foetus as vile.
I now see this thread is in pregnancy so you're all coming from a certain agenda of wanting babies, prolife or currently pregnant. I think the views would be more balanced and useful if it were posted in Teens section.
By the way, you don't need to post that you've reported. Pathetic schoolground bullies.

Don't be ridiculous. People have children all the time without the existing ones becoming traumatised.

She will get over it. Some 14 year olds have genuine heartbreaking struggles. Having a little brother or sister really is not the end of the world. She will cope. OP should be kind and understanding but shouldn’t apologise to her.

Troll hunting is against the rules. The thread is getting ridiculous.

Have the baby, life is all rosy. Happy now?

My what a sheltered life you must lead.

If the worst thing that has ever or will ever happen to OP’s DD is having a sibling, that’s a sheltered life!

The situations aren't comparable:

1. A six-year-old isn't going to be taking life-changing exams with a new baby in the house keeping her awake half the night.
2. A full sibling doesn't come with a sub-text of "mummy's not interested in you any more now that she has her new man's children" that half-siblings come with.

Even if we pretend that they are comparable, having been parentified in the form of being left without adults in the house to look after my younger sibling at an age where it wasn't developmentally appropriate for me to be put in that position, had I known at four when my mum got pregnant with my sibling what was coming, I'd have screamed the house down. This girl is old enough to understand that "new baby" means "babysitting and a whole lot more".

If you read my previous post you will find that my mum died when I was a kid, my dad remarried, they had a baby when I was 16 and, when I had matured a bit I was glad that they had. When I shoved off to uni and then work, off into the big, wide world, I was happy that he was happy.
My life has definitely not been sheltered.