Pregnancy after loss part 2

[LER2023]

After the lovely Hopingrae had created such a wonderful thread.

I wanted to carry this on, as many more women need that added extra support.

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5016264-pregnancy-after-loss-support?page=1

Hope everyone can find some support on this thread x

@Jellybelly888 that's awful, I'm so sorry about your losses. They're so painful to go through mentally and physically.

Are you on thyroid medication when ttc as well as pregnant?

I'm subclinical hypothyroid, so it's the tsh level is the issue when pregnant. Had to go to a private gynecologist to get thyroxine as GP wouldn't treat subclinical level, had one positive test for antiphospholipid syndrome so they're assuming it was a cause too for previous losses, so I'm on blood thinners too. Xx

Hi,
I am new to here.
I had a missed miscarriage in January, found out at a early scan when I thought I would have been 9wks along, turns out baby stopped growing around 7 wks, I was devastated.
I have had two cycles since, I was 4 days late on Monday.. I did a pregnancy test and came back as positive. I didn't think I would conceive this quickly afterwards! I have since done 4 tests as I still can't quite believe it (only mild system tender breasts) Clear blue states 3+ weeks. We are really happy but I am also so anxious that im going to miscarry again. I phoned my doctors to see if they could do HCG levels but they just said to register pregnancy with midwife and I have to wait for booking appointment.. seems like ages away! I just hope everything goes well!! Trying to take it day by day, I would feel more reassured if I had symptoms.. I hope they appear in the next few weeks!

@1yearplan wonderful news! So glad all was looking good 🥰

@BreezyLemonHelper hope you're feeling tons better by now! Sick bugs are always vile and can see how worrying it would be for you. But I've heard of people being really poorly with them before as well as other things like bad COVID and pregnancy being absolutely fine. Hopefully all is well with little one 💗

@moosey89 I didn't arrange my booking in until after first scan and I'm yet to buy anything for this little bean - 27wks today!!! I am suddenly feeling the urge to go mad and sort the nursery though (and also slightly worried I've now left it too late to sort it all!!)

@T2024 welcome! So sorry to hear of your previous losses but that's great they've found a cause and that it should be something easy to treat 🤞🏼🙏🏼 I also had 3 losses last year, though in my case never got as far as investigations before this little bean surprised us. Even without any diagnosis etc we seem to have got lucky so fingers crossed it will be 4th time lucky for you too 💕 No real tips, just take it day by day and try to focus on positives and hope where you can. I found journalling all my thoughts and worries but also my hopes etc helped me a bit. Just getting stuff on a page and out of my head. It also gave me something to read back periodically to see how far I'd already come and which previous moments of fear and anxiety had been unfounded etc.

@K8C welcome and best of luck with this little rainbow bean 💕

Hope everyone else is doing ok 💗

@T2024 no test was done, it was an IVF pregnancy which is so tough. You take so much medication for ages then they do the transfer so you know exactly when you are pregnant which means the process is long. I had a scan at 7+5 but it had gone a week before. Complete shock as I still had all the symptoms really bad- much worse than this time which is making this so tough to believe it’s real.
Woken up today on day 5 of no sickness at all, scary and strange. Praying it’s what you said and it’s the placenta taking over 🙏
I think it’s because they stopped mid week 9 that’s the worry- everything online says week 9 the sickness is at its worse.
I have had hypothyroidism for years and they’ve monitored it closely through IVF- it’s mad how much work your body does when pregnant. My levels in January were 0.2 then by week 6 of pregnancy I was up to 2.4 (they only allow you to get to 2.5 when pregnant) so I’ve had to up it by 25mg already. They will give you regular blood tests to keep an eye on it- every trimester.
Really positive now that you have all the right medication and they will be monitoring you.
hahaha your hubby sounds just like mine- he thinks I’m mad to keep getting scans!
x

The nausea has really started kicking in over the weekend (now 6+5). Don't remember feeling this sick in my other pregnancies! Trying to see it as a positive but I'll be so gutted if my body is playing tricks on me. First scan in 2 days, I'm so nervous x

Posting to keep up with this thread. Not there just yet but I had a loss in April (Baby stopped growing at 5.5 weeks and we miscarried at 8-9 weeks) and we are currently in the dreaded tww now.

Took for granted after two successful pregnancies that my third wouldn’t just be straightforward. Before our loss I didn’t know many who had suffered a miscarriage but once we had ours a lot of friends started to tell us of their experience. So sad that it’s not talked about more, so I’m glad to stumble across this thread.

💕

@V1kster88 so sorry for your loss. Hope we see you here with your rainbow BFP soon 💗 It is a shame it's not talked of more. I had so many people come forward to share their experience after my losses and whilst it's still awful to go through it did help to normalise it and make me feel far less alone. Hope your recovery is going ok. X

I am in the same boat! I am 6wks exactly today and since yesterday have been feeling incredibly nauseous. I had no nausea or sickness at all with my previous pregnancy but it's hit me so hard this time!

I am thinking of telling my boss at work because if this carries on, I am not too sure how I can keep pretending nothing is going on. Also, if this one does end in a loss as well, I will need time off and will tell my boss anyway - thoughts on telling people at work? I won't be telling anyone else at work until I am well into the second trimester.

Thank you for the kind thoughts @1yearplan @SnookyPook/others . I hope it's easing a bit but spent the day in bed today, feeling rotten. It's hard to tell where the sickness bug is ending and the pregnancy sickness might just be ramping up!

And really glad your scan went well @1yearplan (delayed reply sorry!)

I'm counting down to my next scan this Friday at 9.5 weeks, trying to keep an open mind, though i have been taking any changes as negative and don't have a good feeling about it.

@SunflowerDream I think of you're tempted to tell them and you're struggling to cope at the moment, it could be helpful. Which option would leave you feeling the least stressed do you think?We agreed that my partner should tell his work, it was about 7 weeks, because I was really struggling (trying to look after a toddler at home, lots of early appointments, really struggling with symptoms), and they have been great. I also got a really positive and understanding response from my boss in a previous pregnancy. It helped me not worry bout taking the flexibility I needed.

Sorry I'm not very good at keeping up with all the new messages but come to this thread often and find it a comfort. I hope everyone I doing ok x

I lost you all briefly with the new thread - checking in and place marking.

@SunflowerDream our HR person and my line manager will be among the first to know for me, as I want to make some adjustments to my workload. Weirdly more people at work know about my losses than people in my ‘real’ life, so like you say for me it makes sense to tell them as practically I’ll need to tell them if this pregnancy ends in a loss too.

For everyone else, I’m thinking about waiting until 14 weeks or so?

@Zlcb, that's such a long process for ivf,its a rollercoaster. You're right, tsh level is so important, mine went upto 7.8 during one of my miscarriages last year, (wasn't on treatment then). The symptoms were awful, my heartrate would easily shoot upto 140 sitting down.

I know what you mean re symptoms, I'm nearly sure yours would be due to placenta take over❤

I should be 9 weeks Wednesday and my slight food aversion/nausea has gone, I've been googling to see if the placenta taking over could be the cause. Going to book a scan for Thursday to check how everything is going 🤞

Im so sorry for your loss, ive had 3 mc's now and currently waiting for the mc clinic! Theres such a taboo around mc's, i had told one of the girls at work who has no kids and not currently trying that id had 3 and she said in these words ' im so sorry you had to go through this, theres such a taboo around mc's that needs to he spoken about more, because theres so many people out there who have gone through it and dont feel like theyre able to share their experience so thank you very much for sharing your experience with me' shes a massive blabber mouth so wouldnt tell her much more but theres a few of the girls in the office who know. 2 of them which are now pregnant themselves and half way through.
Its such a horrible thing to go through unfortunately, nobody speak about it when they should. Not saying id shout it from the rooftops but i like to share my experience with people when they want to know. The whole conversation came up because i was off work around easter and she was like was you poorly? I kinda said to an extent heres what actually happened.

It should be spoken about more often because like yourself having children didnt quite know that it could happen.
But as you know all the ladies here have gone through the same thing and feel deeply for each other who have gone through the same.

@BreezyLemonHelper when I had my MC last year, I actually had a different boss but I didn't tell him I was pregnant, and then had to tell him anyway when I lost it. This time round I feel like it would be the best decision for me to tell my new boss soon - she's really lovely and we get on well so I can't see why it would be a problem, and I honestly feel like I could do with a bit of support from work now. Thanks so much for your advice, it's also really nice to hear a positive experience of telling work!

@Wise0wl Yeah that makes sense, I think when you have been through loss, and know how that affects you with work, you realise that there isn't really a need to wait to tell your boss/HR. I am thinking about 14-16 weeks to tell everyone else as well, if I make it that far, fingers crossed💓.

I'm also debating when to tell people. With my first two babies (livebirths) I told our parents etc around 4 or 5 weeks, then gradually most of our family knew by 10 weeks. Announced it to the world on socials at 12 weeks.
With my last pregnancy (my late loss) it was a surprise and we didn't tell anyone until I was around 7ish weeks (only parents) then everyone after the 12 week scan... Then she was gone by 16 weeks. I feel like I kinda missed out on the pregnancy I did have as I hid it for the majority of the time...
... But at the same time, I'm 8 weeks with this one now and only my DH knows. The idea of telling anyone makes it all feel too real as right now I'm almost not allowing myself to feel or act pregnant. I can't accept it, or trust it. Sometimes I think I'll keep it myself until 16 weeks but then I think if the worse happens I'll need all my families support again (couldn't have done it without them last time)

8+1 today and boobs feel less sore, still tired and on and off feeling sick. Can't help but feel like somethings wrong even tho we seen the heart beat a week ago. If everything goes ok this pregnancy this will be my last and tbh as horrible as it sounds I can't wait not to be pregnant ever again, my mental health is really suffering xx

@OnNaturesCourse the baby that we lost was also a surprise. A few people knew as well as family. I didn't ever announce my pregnancy on social media, but I did do a post about his loss, because I couldn't face telling everyone who knew individually.
I've got a detailed 16 week scan next week. All going well we're going on holiday at the beginning of June, it will be obvious I'm pregnant again in the pictures. I'm hoping I'll feel more settled after the 16 week scan. I'd love to be able to celebrate this pregnancy. It's just scary.

Not good news from my scan - measuring behind and a slow heart rate, exactly how my last miscarriage started. Could tell from the doctor's tone that they agreed it's almost certainty the start of another loss. I just don't know how many times I can do this 😔

Oh @moosey89 I am so, so sorry 💔 have they given any indication of next steps, and support for you?

Hi all!

I have a healthy son and had a few miscarriages after him but we werent TTCing actively. We have been TTCing for a year and had a loss in March - an ectopic. It hit me harder than the others. The others were surprises and the MC happened not long after I found out so i had barely had time to process. The ectopic in March was so hard as we had actively tried and I knew from 9DPO. We had 6 weeks of hope.

I am now 4 weeks pregnant and awaiting a scan with EPU in June. But am so worried. Cant help but think it wont ever happen and this is headed one way

@Wise0wl thank you. Follow up scan in a week (and then another week if it isn't quite over). I'm going to ask about genetic testing as both the last 2 pregnancies have been almost identical, and all the standard reccurent miscarriage tests were normal. It's on the NHS website that you can ask after 3 losses and this will be loss 4 (one of which was a very early chemical so I don't really count it as it was a different issue).

@moosey89 I'm really sorry to hear your scan wasn't as you'd hoped. I find the waiting really difficult. I hope you've got lots of support and love around you.
Tommy's the charity is quite helpful in terms of what you might be offered in investigating recurrent losses. Sending you all of the love.

@1yearplan thank you - yeah I've done most of the testing now to be honest as this will be loss 4, and I got offered them after loss 3 (my hospital and GP have been brilliant). It's just the genetic element now that I want to ask about as it feels off that my 2 latest losses are mirror images of each other.

@moosey89 i am so sorry to hear this. Sending you all the love at this shitty news. It’s so hard to stay strong in times like this, especially after 4 losses xx