Pregnancy after loss part 2

[LER2023]

After the lovely Hopingrae had created such a wonderful thread.

I wanted to carry this on, as many more women need that added extra support.

Previous thread: https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/pregnancy/5016264-pregnancy-after-loss-support?page=1

Hope everyone can find some support on this thread x

@moosey89 I'm so sorry to hear that it didn't go well. I don't want to patronise you or give false hope but surely the fact that there's a heartbeat could give a tentative bit of hope? I understand it seems identical to previous though so probably best to limit any expectations. I hope you do the genetic testing if it doesn't work out

@DaringlyDizzy welcome to the thread and sorry to hear of your losses. This thread is a great source of support as we've all been in the same boat. Unfortunately the early days are the most anxiety riddled and there's nothing you can do but wait. I'm almost 19 weeks now and still get days where I freak out abs have to get private scans. Previous losses remove any joy but it it's important to try and stay as positive as possible 🤞

@Sez281 thank you - not patronising at all. After my last loss (same scenario) I did tons of research and there's a less than 1% chance of it going well unfortunately. It's a really bad sign to have a really slow heart rate 😔

@moosey89 I’m really glad your hospital and GP have been brilliant, which is a silver lining in a truly terrible situation. I had genetic testing on my second loss, but it came back negative. They may also be able to refer you for mental health support if you’ve not had access to that already? Sending love. I’m just so sorry.

@moosey89 so very sorry to hear this update from you 😞 Sending you lots of love. I hope you aren't kept in limbo for too long. Great that the medical professionals are being as proactive and helpful as possible. I can't see why they would refuse genetic tests etc after what you've been through. It's just not fair 😞 Sending you a massive hug. 💗

@DaringlyDizzy welcome! So sorry for your previous losses and congratulations on your BFP. Absolutely get the nerves but hopefully this one will be your rainbow baby 🙏🏼

@moosey89 devastated for you, I can't begin to imagine how hard that must be...just waiting. If you don't mind me asking how far along are you? Was this a standard scan?

Not to take away from @moosey89 horrible situation today but I was wondering if anyone has taken their toddler along to EPU for scans? My midwife has said I am entitled to get them as much as I feel I need, and on a ad hoc basis if needed. There has been a few times were I feel a scan would have helped me but I haven't asked as I don't have anyone to help with my 3 year old.

@OnNaturesCourse thank you - 7 weeks, it was an early scan pre booked because of my previous losses. Except some spotting at 5 weeks I've not had any signs something is wrong. Just not a healthy bub it looks like 😔

I know my EPU asks for children not to come along for scans x

@moosey89 I am so sorry to hear that your scan didn't go well. Waiting and being in limbo is truly horrible and I my heart aches for you, especially after the other losses you have had. I can only hope that the worst doesn't happen for you, but if it does, I really hope you can get the testing and hope that you don't lose hope that you will get your rainbow baby one day💓🌈.

@moosey89 my heart aches for you 💔 it's so cruel to be left just wondering until your next scan.

I might give my EPU a call and explain I literally have no one to look after my DC, and my anxiety is killing me.

Feeling anxious today. I told my boss and it was really well received, she's been super supportive and we had a really deep long and personal chat. I am getting really hung up on my symptoms, I have had a few really bad days with nausea, sore boobs and some headaches. Today I am just not really feeling my symptoms as much, and I'm not even sure if I am having any at all, apart from some cramping (even more worrying), I know that symptoms come and go, and cramping can just be normal, but I just can't shake the thought that it means something bad.

@SunflowerDream I'm the same, my boobs don't feel sore today so I'm freaking out, trying to stay sane but it is hard, hope your ok x

@Mamaxo it's really hard to stay sane, I totally understand that! Some expecting mummy's on another thread I am part of shared with me that their symptoms come and go all the time - so trying not to freak out too much yet. It's just so hard not to think the worst... but I am hoping for the best, I am hoping the same for you too x

Hi lovely ladies, I'm a bit late joining from the other thread so place marking finally.

@moosey89 oh lovely, I'm so sorry about your scan, and I'm sorry you probably feel in limbo again. Sending you love and strength. Are you going back again for a follow up soon? Hope you're not waiting too long xx

@moosey89 I'm so sorry to hear your update. That sounds so difficult, and so unfair, to have to wait, but being almost certain it isn't going to end well. I hope you can take any time off if you need it, and have people to support you close by.

Asking about the genetic testing sounds like a good idea. I had some after my last loss and it helped me to feel like I was doing everything I could.

@OnNaturesCourse I think nhs tends to say no children at scan unfortunately. Private places will often allow children of that's an option? So difficult being stuck with child care, I feel for you.

I think I've missed a few joiners, welcome all to the thread! I hope you find it a good source of support. I second what @Sez281 said, the anxiety does settle a bit over time, especially after 12 weeks, but all the check ups, tests, scans I'm finding are all sources of worry before they happen. And that's ok. I had a high risk combined test too so had some extra testing (which turned out OK). One day at a time and eventually the weeks just start to pass. Hang in there.

I'm 16+3 had my midwife appt and heard the heartbeat today which was nice/quite a relief. We've got a private scan tomorrow so hopefully all will be well again.

@OnNaturesCourse I've never bought my daughter along to a scan but I saw a toddler in a buggy In the waiting room at my last one, and was surprised when my doctor asked me if I needed to bring her along to any scans (I'm under EPU but particular recurrent miscarriage track, so I don't know if that makes a difference though). Hopefully you get a helpful response when you ring, and find a way to get the scan.

@SunflowerDream that's great your boss was so supportive. I can imagine the symptoms coming and going causing lots of worry, even when we are told it's all normal. I have had quite strong symptoms since about 6 weeks and wish I could say I appreciate that and it's stopped me worrying, but my mind just finds something else to worry about!

On a side note, has anyone found progesterone makes their sickness worse? My tummy bug has gone now but my sickness has really ramped up and I'm struggling to drink most things without being sick.

Thanks everyone.

My unit doesn't allow children - going to be difficult as I have no child care Monday to Friday, and in a month I'll not have childcare on a Saturday either as DH takes on OT.

There is literally nothing I can do, and it's going to be a problem for my 12 and 20 week scans too (presuming I get that far..)

Going private is a good idea. But I can't do that for every standard scan.

Just reintroducing myself- I went quiet probably almost a month ago. I did read some updates (including @Hopingrae your NIPT results - I'm so relieved for you) but have missed loads.

I had a positive 9 week scan but had a subchorionic haematoma, which they said means absolutely nothing. When I asked another question about it he got quite short with me - reminds me why I don't like private scans.

I was gonna wait til my NHS dating scan but it's not til 13+3 which is just torturous to wait for. I'm 10+4 today and last night I just booked another private scan Saturday at 11 weeks. This one is a dating scan, and a different place as I've had the same ultrasound guy twice on a weekend and I don't want him again. I think a lot of medical professionals have no insight into the anxiety this causes, and i was thinking why does it matter why you're anxious or if you are supposed to be anxious, we all are on different journeys and if we are anxious can't we just be treated kindly?

Not sure if that even makes sense.

Nausea died down about a week ago. Its still there but less. I've told so many people now, because I'm so bad at keeping secrets. HR at work knows too which is a relief. But now I'm imagining this next scan goes badly. I don't feel like anything has gone wrong, and I'm trying to be logical about the dying down of symptoms as I am coming to the end of the first trimester now.

Not sure the point of this post. This trimester is so hard, coming to terms with another birth/miscarriage, going through the nausea, the exhaustion, feeling fat and bloated, mind elsewhere and feeling useless at work, and to the outside world you're barely pregnant because there is no bump. I'm desperate for the bump as i feel it will provide some kind of validation for all I'm going through, but really we shouldn't need that.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: why is there so little recognition in society of what women go through, with fertility, with miscarriage and baby loss. It feels like all this suffering is invisible, hardly talked about. As my friend who is an English teacher says, we have reams and reams of war poetry about the suffering of men with ptsd, but there is a war going on amongst women in terms of trauma, loss, mental health pushed to the limit in the childbearing years, and it's going on right now, but it's not acknowledged and we're expected to keep quiet and get on with it because it's "natural", as though our very natural reaction to all that we go through doesn't count for anything.

Not sure if I got any sort of point across in any kind of coherent way. Glad to be rejoining this space with women who get it and support each other, and acknowledge our reactions to grief and loss are normal xxx

Hope all of you are alright xxx

Not just grief and loss - birth trauma too - the whole thing! For me it's fertility problems followed by unlocated scan followed by missed miscarriage followed by haemorrhagic miscarriage followed by pprom followed by haemorrhagic caesarean followed by scbu followed by severe postpartum mental health issues followed by breastfeeding failure followed by more fertility issues. It all has just added up to make me a nervous wreck. I almost lost my marriage during that time.

I developed a phobia of blood drawing during my sons pregnancy and getting the blood taken last week was awful, they practically had to lay me flat. I coped really well so I'm proud of myself but I'm also thinking- what state am I gonna be in by the time my next caesarean comes around?

The nhs blood nurse was so lovely though. And my midwife was truly wonderful at booking in - so different than last time. I told her about my covid pregnancy and birth and she was - not shocked because she knew it was the wild west - but she assured me it was so different now. I'll see a consultant (they wouldn't let me see one despite my risks!!!), I'll be scanned every 2 weeks to monitor fluid levels, and I've finally worked out what the epu is for - because with my son when I had 7 bleeds in the first trimester they just told me to stay home and wait to miscarry. I honestly didn't know they did anything useful....

@MOGMOGMOG85 lovely to hear from you, and I can hear your whirlwind emotions in your post. I too had a challenging Covid pregnancy with my DC1, and am trying to tell myself that this is a new pregnancy in a different world, so some of those things you mention, like bleeding at home and being told to wait and see, won’t happen now. Have you been offered or had some mental health support? I am so sorry about your experiences, which sound so traumatic.

I also echo your thoughts about how hard and exhausting this all is. A friend had a little whinge about how hard the first trimester is (with her first) and I said ‘yes but this is my third first trimester in the past 9 months, and I just keep reminding myself I’m lucky to be this far’. I am trying really hard to worry about only those things I’ve got control over, but it’s really hard. Sending good wishes your way, and I really hope your next sonographer is sensitive and kind 🤞

@MOGMOGMOG85 a lot of what you've said has really resonated with me. I'm exhausted by it all.

@moosey89 I am so so sorry to read this. My heart is breaking for you. Sending a big hug. I know there’s nothing I can say to help but we are all here ❤️

@SunflowerDream @Mamaxo how far are you both now? I am 10+5 and my symptoms went away for a few days around 8 weeks then back with a vengeance for a week before almost completely disappearing 8 days ago now. That was just over 9 weeks and I’ve been so worried as that’s when Google says sickness can be at its peak. After reassurance on here from others that have had the same at the same time I do feel a bit better about it now. I’m still waking up several times a night to pee and I do get starving hungry often plus the odd bit of heartburn so there’s SOME symptoms but when that sickness goes it does make you panic. My scan isn’t until 13 weeks which is such a long time to wait so may have yet another private one this weekend.

@MOGMOGMOG85 hello! Agree with everything you’ve said, it’s such a lonely thing to go through and if it wasn’t for online forums I don’t know how I would have coped really. Sending positive thoughts for your pregnancy. I don’t have any children yet but I have been through IVF to get here so I understand on the fertility and loss part.

x

@T2024 I’ve just read you have a scan today… I am sending you all the positive energy for today. I’m starting to calm down from the panic over the sickness stopping. Thanks to you and a few friends who have had similar, I’m really hoping it’s just the placenta taking over. Yesterday I went shopping (something I couldn’t think of doing when feeling sick!) and for the first time I didn’t eat for several hours and I got super dizzy and had to sit down so I think that’s a good sign (obv went to get food then!). Also having some heartburn still and I feel the twinges down there which I’m hoping is the stretching. I still may get a scan this weekend though, just to be certain.
you’ve got me thinking on the TSH levels- Hoping the 3 tests they do is often enough. How good would it be to be super rich and be able to have alllll the doctors appointments and scans without going broke!? With the IVF, medication, private scans this one baby (if I have one) would have cost almost £13k! And I haven’t stopped having private scans yet. We owe most of that back to my family at some point.
Hope your scan goes well 💕

@Zlcb I am 6+3 today, so I know it's still pretty early and a lot of people don't even have symptoms at this point, it's just really concerning when you feel terrible one day, and the next totally fine - as I am sure you can relate to! My nausea really came back with a vengeance last night, so I guess that was reassuring, everything in this pregnancy is just so anxiety inducing...

@SunflowerDream oh I’m so pleased it’s come back! I completely understand- every second of every day there will be something that makes my heart skip a beat (not in a good way!) either the bleeding I had at 6 weeks or the loss of symptoms then spotting again then you feel a cramp and panic but it could be a good cramp! That’s such good news it’s back though 💕