Grad thread: TTC after loss carry on

[Wise0wl]

Hello all,

I just thought I'd set up a grad thread from our TTC threads, now there are quite a few people with their bfps so that we can keep in touch, and there's a forum for those on their TTC journey to check in with us!

I've sifted through the previous threads so think this is a reasonably full list:

*@SnookyPook
*@wyto
*@Aaliyahrae
*@SunSparkle
*@graceinc22
*@Gem0302
*@Bali200
*@Oxalis00
*@GeorgeR28
*@CluelessInLondon
*@HerbaceousPerennial
*@NphysT
*@GoldDustWoman90

I'd love to hear where you all are in your journey. I am approx 4 +2 (so very early!), after two MMCs. Feeling remarkably relaxed as, although I like a plan, I've resigned myself to the fact that there's little I can do to alter the fate of this pregnancy so until later down the line, I just sort of have to roll with it.

[Bali200]

Lovely to hear from you @Wise0wl, thank you for adding me to the thread and huge congratulations on the BFP! Glad to hear you are feeling relaxed about things, it’s true that worrying won’t change the outcome, I really hope that this is your sticky little bean! Are you on progesterone again?

As for me, I’m 25 weeks now 🤯 I feel like the first trimester was sooo long but since I had my 12 week scan the time seems to be flying! I definitely feel more reassured now I can feel daily movement and it seems like this is actually happening now 🩷 xx

[Gem0302]

What a lovely idea. Thanks for adding me @Wise0wl and a huge congratulations on your BFP. Glad to hear you’re feeling calm and taking that approach. I struggled massively in those first few weeks and do still panic now but not quite as much.

I’m 21 weeks now 😊 and got my 20 week scan tomorrow. The first 12 weeks were soooo slow but it seems to be flying by now.

[Wise0wl]

Hello @Bali200! oh wow! 25 weeks! How are you feeling? I’m on progesterone and I’m going to get in touch with the EPU closer to 7 weeks (mainly I don’t want to have a very very early scan and worry about what they can see, whereas closer to 7 feels a bit more definitive maybe?)

that is wonderful news @Gem0302! Good luck for your scan tomorrow. How are you feeling about it?

[SunSparkle]

thanks for adding me @Wise0wl and I'm happy to hear about your BFP. I really hope this is a sticky one for you.

I'm now 22 weeks today, due end of July/beginning of August. I had terrible anxiety in first and second trimester up until my 20 week scan where I seem to finally have relaxed into this pregnancy now. For any of those who have had loss before, don't feel like you're going insane because your anxiety about loss is through the roof. I had a lot of private scans but even that wasn't enough to settle me in. I think because my miscarriage was missed for 3 weeks I had really lost trust in my body.

I had hyperemesis again this time which is just now starting to dial down, and I'm finally excited and buying things like a pram and carseat and setting myself up for having our second (and almost definitely) last child. It's been a tough pregnancy mentally and physically.

Oh and we're having a boy! My daughter is very excited about baby brother coming along.

How are you feeling @Wise0wl?

[wyto]

Hi @Wise0wl, what a good idea! Lovely to catch up with everyone.

Congrats on your BFP, really hoping things go well for you 🙏🏻

I'm 27 weeks now with a baby girl 🩷 Doesn't feel real, but also in constant discomfort so does feel real! 😅

I have an anterior placenta which causes lots of anxiety with feeling movement and I think this is due to the MMC still, always thinking something will go wrong.

[Wise0wl]

Congratulations @SunSparkle! I can’t believe you’re 22 weeks! I’m so glad you’re getting excited and feeling more relaxed. How old is your daughter?

I have very sore (giant) boobs and am nauseous in the morning, but other than that not too bad. I’ve restricted myself to doing a FRER every other day until 5 weeks, then I do have a CB digital but might hold off on that as I know I’ll just get stressed about not reaching 3+. I just keep telling myself I can’t do anything! Like you with MMCs I also have no faith in my body that this will work out just because I have had some symptoms, but am trying to keep the anxiety at bay as best I can. I feel way less anxious right now than either of my two previous pregnancies which is something!

[SnookyPook]

@Wise0wl thank you so much for setting this up! Lovely idea and so nice to check in with everyone.

I'm now 20wks! Got my big scan on Thursday so slightly nervous about that but mostly much calmer these days! Agree with those who said the first trimester dragged and then time sped up. I feel like I'm flying through the second trimester tbh! Quite glad after the first one felt like it took about a decade to get through 😂

I'm pretty sure I'm feeling little movements occasionally now - looking forward to that being more regular and more certain! That and the growing bump have definitely helped to ease anxiety a bit, although I've still had occasional blips of trusting it all to be going ok. As @SunSparkle mentioned, having had a MMC that wasn't detected for a month really knocked my confidence in trusting my body I think.

Anyway, overall more excited than terrified for 20wk scan I think... contemplating asking community midwife to listen in with Doppler tomorrow so I'm not going in 'blind' - might help the remaining nerves a bit... Those who've had the 20wk scans, how did you find them?

So happy to hear from everyone! ☺️ Xx

[CluelessInLondon]

Thanks for setting this up @Wise0wl, it's so lovely to hear how everyone is doing - can't believe some of those BFPs that feel like they appeared on the TTC thread about 2 weeks ago are now 20+ weeks! Time flies! Glad to hear you are doing okay so far - I know what you mean about the CB digitals, I never got to 3+ in my last pregnancy and even though I know they aren't an exact science there was something really reassuring about seeing it this time (I waited until I was 6 weeks just so I could feel more confident that it would tell me what I was expecting!).

I had my dating scan on Saturday - baby was measuring a bit ahead so they dated me at 13 weeks and moved my due date to late September. All was looking good on the scan but now just waiting for results of the combined screening - that's kind of the last hurdle for now before we start telling people. It feels like a really big deal to have got to the point of almost being ready to tell people.

[Bali200]

@Wise0wl I’m feeling quite good thank you, albeit slightly uncomfortable already and wondering how I’m going to cope when I get even bigger 😂 yes that sounds like a great plan, I think scans at 6 weeks can sometimes cause more anxiety than reassurance from what I’ve read on here so holding out until 7 weeks means you should definitely see a heartbeat x

@SnookyPook I was still a nervous wreck ahead of the 20 week scan, despite having private scans every 2-3 weeks from 7 weeks, and even though I had started feeling flutters by that point, it felt like the final hurdle to me. I was more worried that they were going to find something wrong with her as I was still struggling to believe that my body was capable of having a healthy pregnancy but luckily all was fine!

The scars from the MMC really do run so deep, it’s been a tough ride but I’m starting to feel more excited now! Good luck for your scans @SnookyPook and @Gem0302- are you planning on finding out the sex? X

@CluelessInLondon congrats on the scan, it’s always reassuring to be dated ahead too, I was too even though I didn’t ovulate until cd20, not too sure how that happened and I’m low key hoping it doesn’t mean I’ll have a 10lber 😂 x

[SnookyPook]

@Bali200 yes I think that's it, more of a fear of what if something is wrong at this point. Yes, we're planning to find out. I've had 3 dreams it's a boy and also had people unanimously say boy on a nub theory group I did for fun after the 12wk scan so I'll be quite thrown now if it's a girl! 😄 But honestly will be delighted either way.

[Gem0302]

@Wise0wl I was feeling more excited about the 20 weeks scan but the last couple of days I’ve felt really anxious. I am feeling movements now which is reassuring.

@Bali200 no we aren’t finding out the sex. We didn’t with my son, the only part of my birth plan that went to plan was my husband announcing the sex to me and it’s something I’d like to do again. You’re right old scars do run deep and I feel quite similar to what you describe before your 20 weeks scan. Glad it went well for you and baby is looking healthy 🥰. Have you had much sickness at all?

@CluelessInLondon fab news to hear you were dated ahead and the scan went well. I did the same as you and waited for the screening results and then told people. Even then I was worried about sharing the news but i think that’s normal.

wishing you all wonderful and healthy pregnancies.

[SunSparkle]

@Wise0wl My daughter turned 3 in Feb so she will be 3.5 when baby gets here and she's getting very excited which is so lovely.

I too have an anterior placenta and until 19/20 weeks I wasn't feeling much at all. I was only holiday at 18 weeks and totally convinced that something must be wrong, and I wish I'd booked a scan before I went because I had so many intrusive thoughts while I should have been enjoying myself.

My midwife is ok but she doesn't connect with me emotionally and she doesn't seem to think my miscarriage experience was a big deal and yet for me, it's changed my experience of pregnancy massively and I wish she would just acknowledge it a bit more.

I too was so incredibly nervous before my 20 week scan - I was 100% convinced that something would be wrong. At my 12 week scan they couldn't get the nuchal fold measurement so I couldn't have screening for Edwards or Pataus and so I was convinced it would be bad news or no heartbeat. And thankfully the sonographer found it straight away! Back next week for anatomy scan round 2 as they couldn't get pictures of the heart or feet because baby was not budging from being curled up in a little ball.

Wishing everyone happy and healthy pregnancies and lovely squidgy babies at the end of it all.

[HerbaceousPerennial]

Thank you so much for setting this up @Wise0wl, so lovely to hear how people’s pregnancies are going. Giving me a little bit of hope that things might work out, and also that I’m not completely mad! I am in the absolute terror phase - early scan Friday at what should be 7-8 weeks, hard to be exactly sure for me as I don’t have regular cycles. I am so worried it’ll be another MMC. It’s compounded by the fact the NHS calculated my due date based on my last negative pregnancy test - which was 2 days before my positive because I had symptoms and suspected I was pregnant. So they’ll think I’m 6 weeks if something is wrong and therefore I expect will tell me to wait and see. I keep telling myself at least I’ll know one way or another then though. The hope is killing me!

[Bali200]

Hope your scans went well @SnookyPook and @Gem0302 💗 were your dreams correct @SnookyPook? Both myself and DP had a dream the night before the private gender scan that it was a boy but we’re expecting a girl. I also had a dream the night before my 20 week scan that they’d got it wrong and it was actually boy, again this wasn’t an accurate dream 😂

How lovely that you find out the sex at birth @Gem0302, I wish I was patient enough! Yes I suffered with nausea/sickness until 16 weeks and as soon as it eased off the heartburn kicked in! How about you?

Had my 25 week MW appt this morning and they struggled to locate her heartbeat at first, the anxiety I felt was awful, I don’t think the worry/anxiety is ever going to go away fully and it makes me sad that I’ll never get to experience the joy and excitement of pregnancy, but feel so grateful that everything is progressing well.

Good luck for your scan tomorrow @HerbaceousPerennial!

Hope everyone is doing well and looking forward to the long weekend! X

[Gem0302]

My scan went well @Bali200 thanks for asking. I got myself so worked up beforehand, but the sonographer was sooo good and talked me through everything whilst she did it. Baby was right on 50% percentile and everything looking as it should. I was very tempted to ask about the sex but didn’t! I had a bit of nausea in the first 12 weeks but was never actually sick. So I’m wondering if it means it’s a boy. Although i don’t really trust the old wives tales much. That sounds like a very nerve wracking experience with the MW. I often wonder if we would be less anxious if we just had no scans or appointments in pregnancy 🤣.

Good luck with your scan tomorrow @HerbaceousPerennial those first few weeks are torture. Got everything crossed for you.

It must have been a lucky thread to see just how many BFPs there have been 🥰

[HerbaceousPerennial]

Thanks @Bali200 @Gem0302 I’m feeling much calmer about it and pretty fatalistic. There’s no reason to expect bad news and if it is, I will cope. I’m cautiously hopeful 🤞

@Bali200 I’m so sorry you had that anxiety at your appointment but glad it went well. I do think anxiety is a normal part of parenting - I have a son already and I used to worry about him all the time and still do. But once they’re here, it’s offset much better by all the lovely bits. Helps when they’re funny too!

@Gem0302 glad your scan went well, at the moment I don’t feel I’ll ever enjoy one again. I’m glad your sonographer was good. It’s funny you mention about the nausea because I thought that too, I think there is a wee bit of truth in it - but I was really bad with my first pregnancy and he was a boy!

[Wise0wl]

Congratulations on a good scan @Gem0302 and good luck tomorrow @HerbaceousPerennial!

Sorry that your appointment brought the anxiety back @Bali200. those heart stopping moments with doctors and nurses while they do a scan or a test are the worst. ❤️

[SnookyPook]

Thanks @Bali200 - we are indeed having another little boy! 💙🥰

Structurally all was looking good and I was able to enjoy the scan and having a good look at him. The only thing is he's a bit on the dinky side (9th centile overall and head circumference/femur were below 5th centile) so we've been referred to fetal medicine for a rescan in a few weeks to check in. Hoping nothing too worrying. My DS was small at birth (although 50th centile at this stage) so hoping all fine and it's just a case of different bits now having growth spurts yet. It is a little hard not to worry though, even though I know the centiles are there because someone has to be on them. Just hoping things will have caught up a bit for our next scan so it's not an ongoing worry. We were due to have growth scans in third trimester anyway purely because of DSs birth weight so really hoping I just make smaller babies and it won't be a bit deal. Holding on to the fact that anatomically he was looking great and heart etc looked well developed.

How are you guys? X

[GeorgeR28]

Hey everyone! Thankyou for adding me in @Wise0wl 🤍 congratulations to you!

I’m 13+2 now and feel like I’m finally saying goodbye to the first trimester sickness. So lovely to see how everyone is doing 🤍

[HerbaceousPerennial]

Successful scan! Measuring in line with dates and a good strong heartbeat. Finally daring to feel a bit more optimistic although obviously not out of the woods yet. But there is hope 🤞

[Wise0wl]

Congratulations @SnookyPook!! Sorry about the worries about him measuring small. It’s good that they’ve referred you on and hopefully it is just that you make smaller babies 🤞

I’m doing ok at not managing to overthink things at the mo. I had convinced myself that things weren’t good but did another test that was a dye stealer so I feel a bit more reassured even though I know it’s not scientific and I’m only 4 + 5 so there’s a long way to go yet.

[Bugdem123]

Hey guys I hope it's okay for me to join! 10DPO today so still so so early but trying to be hopeful and positive - today I'm pregnant!

So glad we have an extension of our wee safe thread to come to 🩷

[HerbaceousPerennial]

Hooray! Welcome @Bugdem123 how are you feeling?

[SnookyPook]

Welcome @Bugdem123 ! Really hoping this is a sticky bean for you! 🥰

[Bugdem123]

@SnookyPook @HerbaceousPerennial thank you 🥺🩷

I'm feeling so many mixed emotions! I think I'm still in a bit of shock which is bizarre given we were very much trying!! I'm flipping between being really excited and hopefully to then just sheer terror. Someone said on the other thread something along the lines of "whatever is going to happen is already written in the DNA and been decided" and that's actually helping me so much. I also feel like this baby deserves me being as excited for them as I was for their sibling but then I get a big wave of terror. It's going to be a long 9 months lol.

Also have to laugh that the month I stop tracking and testing is the month it happens. How annoying that there might actually be something in the whole "just relax" thing 😂🙄