Grad thread: TTC after loss carry on

[Wise0wl]

Hello all,

I just thought I'd set up a grad thread from our TTC threads, now there are quite a few people with their bfps so that we can keep in touch, and there's a forum for those on their TTC journey to check in with us!

I've sifted through the previous threads so think this is a reasonably full list:

*@SnookyPook
*@wyto
*@Aaliyahrae
*@SunSparkle
*@graceinc22
*@Gem0302
*@Bali200
*@Oxalis00
*@GeorgeR28
*@CluelessInLondon
*@HerbaceousPerennial
*@NphysT
*@GoldDustWoman90

I'd love to hear where you all are in your journey. I am approx 4 +2 (so very early!), after two MMCs. Feeling remarkably relaxed as, although I like a plan, I've resigned myself to the fact that there's little I can do to alter the fate of this pregnancy so until later down the line, I just sort of have to roll with it.

@Notsure31 the first trimester is so so tough. I lived from scan to scan (I had one every week!) and I also had time off work because I just couldn't function with all the anxiety. That's really good you've seen a heartbeat nice and early. I have everything crossed for you. When is your next scan? X

Congratulations @ThelastRolo20 ! Amazing to think back to the days of ovulation testing and all that - now here you are. Welcome to the world, Jessica!

@HopefulH it’s at epau on the 27th of January when I will be 9 weeks hopefully. I’ve debated getting a private scan before then as it feels like so long to wait, but scans make me so anxious and I don’t like the thought of being given bad news in a private scan then having to have another in epau anyway. But also I don’t want to get to the scan at epau and find out it died much earlier. I hate the idea with my last mmc I was just carrying on for 2 weeks without realising my baby had died inside of me.

Hi everyone, happy new year! Sorry for being totally AWOL from this thread for the last couple of months - I've been reading all of the lovely updates but just don't seem to have been able to sit down for 10 minutes and actually post something!

@Oxalis00 @Wise0wl @Bugdem123 @ThelastRolo20 Huge congratulations to all of you on the safe arrival of your precious rainbow babies. ❤Hope all mums and babies are doing well and enjoying lots of snuggles now that those longed-for little one are finally here.

@HerbaceousPerennial @samilicious @UrsulaSings123 How are your pregnancies going now? It's been lovely seeing all the positive updates on scans and how things are progressing - can't be too long to go for any of you now!

@Moosey898 How are you doing now? Hope all is okay since getting your BFP. ❤

How are everyone else's babies getting on?

Maddie is now over 3 months old and it's crazy how much she's changed - after about 8/9 weeks she became this really chill, smiley baby always cooing and gurgling at us and I started feeling like we were more of a team rather than just fighting against each other all the time. She sleeps like a dream and has been doing 11-12 hours through the night since she was about 12 weeks old, although she hates daytime naps so there's not much downtime in the day and it's hard to get anything done at home! Even though she is mostly lovely and I absolutely adore her, it's been really bloody hard at times, especially when my husband went back to work - there have been times when I've questioned whether I made the right choice and if it would have been better never to have had a baby, I've been massively self-critical and convinced that she didn't like me or find me a comfort when she was upset, and felt totally inadequate when she wasn't gaining enough weight because I felt like feeding her was the number one thing I should be able to do. Moving to combination feeding at 2 months was a real game-changer - she started gaining more weight and it made feeding much less stressful and frustrating for both of us, so I wish I had just done that from the start. And my message to anyone having any similar frustrations is - stick with it, it will get better and you will find your own way that works for you and your baby.

Sorry for the long post, that's what happens when I don't keep up with everything for a couple of months! Sending lots of 2025 love to you all.

@CluelessInLondon unfortunately I had my 4th missed miscarriage diagnosed at a 10 week scan on Friday, had surgical management Monday.

After a diagnosis of a rare set of chromosomal abnormalities in December (2 weeks after we found out I was pregnant), we've decided this is the end of our TTC journey as the chance of a successful outcome is really low.

@Moosey898 I'm so sorry to hear this, sending you lots of love and strength. I think it's incredibly brave to confront the end of the TTC journey (as well as so brave to keep going despite experiencing multiple losses) - I hope you can give yourself plenty of time and space to grieve and heal, and that life delivers joy to you in lots of other ways when you are ready. ❤️

@Moosey898 so very sorry to hear that my love. Clueless put it beautifully above. Sending lots of love your way and I hope that you find ways to make peace with your journey. Also, even though your little ones never made it Earthside, I hope you can take some comfort from knowing that they will always be with you - Babies leave us with traces of their DNA in our bodies even when the pregnancy ends early 💗 Sending you an enormous hug. X

@ThelastRolo20 congratulations on the safe arrival of Jessica! Enjoy all the newborn snuggles 🥰

@Notsure31 sending a big hug and lots of strength as you navigate the tough first trimester. I relate so much to that shock of finding out you were carrying a baby for two weeks not knowing they had already died and being oblivious as my first loss was a MMC on a similar timeline. The scan decision is so personal. I ended up finding it more stressful not knowing if baby's heart was still beating versus the anxious time at the start of each scan. Just go with what feels right in the moment 💕

Hope everyone else is doing ok?

Can't believe it but Samuel will be 6 months old in a couple of weeks! He was only 12lbs4oz at last weight check a couple of days ago so is still dinky but he is thriving. Cardiology sign-off appointment in a couple of months hopefully. We get wonderful chuckles and smiles and he charms everyone he meets 🥰 Starting to think of weaning so preparing for messy times ahead and grateful that we have a greedy dog who will undoubtedly position himself under the high chair! Lots of love to you all x

@Moosey898 I’m so sorry for your loss. You’ve made an incredibly brave decision and I echo everything @SnookyPook and @CluelessInLondon have said already. Without wanting to sound too hippyish I am sending you love and peace, I hope you and your partner are being taken good care of as you come to terms with this.

@CluelessInLondon so good to hear from you and it sounds like you’re finding a bit more equilibrium now? I found the first few months incredibly hard if it’s any comfort, I felt like I was failing at everything and I know I didn’t feel the way I should about DS. But with hindsight, I was doing a great job and it sounds like you are too. Even though I felt like my whole life and everything about me had been shaken about and tipped out every which way! Deeply jealous about maddie’s sleep though!

@SnookyPook that’s great news about Samuel, the best things come in small packages! A dog seems to be an invaluable tool when weaning, I used to take DS round to a friend’s for lunch (she was also weaning I should add) so her dog could help with the clear up.

All well here, baby is a mover and shaker which has been very reassuring. DS has been in hospital so I’ve been trying to stay as calm as I can, for him and for baby, and hoping this isn’t affecting her tucked away inside me. 24 weeks on Friday which also feels like an important milestone.

@CluelessInLondon I’m so thrilled that things are looking up, 3 months! The first few months are hard, especially so when you’re doing it for the first time and have limited frames of reference. We so often judge ourselves more harshly than we would judge others.

@ThelastRolo20 congratulations! I’ve had two c sections and recommend staying on top of the pain even if you don’t think you need the meds. I hope you have a smooth recovery and enjoy those newborn snuggles 🥰

@SnookyPook Fab news that Samuel is thriving, 6 months have flown by! Please keep us updated with the cardiac update, I’ve everything crossed for you 🤞

@HerbaceousPerennial So sorry your DS has been in hospital, how’s he doing? 24 weeks is a fantastic milestone ❤️

DD is almost 6 weeks and the time has flown. She’s got reflux and cries quite a bit more than DS did but I’m much more confident in myself this time round, which helps. It’s bittersweet how fast it’s going as I’m 99.9% certain she’s our last, but I also know how fun it is when they become cute toddlers and funny little kids and you see their personalities shine through!

@moosey89 I’m so sorry to hear you’ve endured another loss. You’ve been incredibly unlucky… It really is so unfair. Credit to you for making a positive choice amidst all the shock and heartache. I hope you and your partner can find new paths forward together.