Pregnant but baby's dad won't let me have a termination

[OneHeartyScroller]

Hi,
First time posting. Really need some advice!
I am currently very early on in pregnancy after failed contraception. I have spoken to the baby's dad about it and he is determined I am not to have a termination. I really don't think I am ready for a child at the moment, but he is determined I am going to have his child. Me and the dad are not together but he says he will support me and we can co-parent the child. Advice please??

Its your body and its your choice. He can't force you to continue the pregnancy. He's happy to co- parent but his wants don't outweigh yours. You do what is right for you. Invariably, you will get left holding the baby irrespective of know involved he wants to be.

He won't let you ?
This 2024 not 1930's

He may want a baby - understandable, but not the point.

He does not get to 'let' you have a termination.

Your body your choice.

You are in a controlling situation with a man who does not respect that.

I'll tell you what I tell my 13 year old. No one can tell you to get an abortion or to not get an abortion. Not even me. No one has any say over your uterus but you.

His type will never be good father material, despite what he’s saying. Block him on your phone and make your own choices.

Neither do I. But sometimes timings just aren't right. Certainly wasn't right for me as a naive 17 year old who got next to no support from her DM, and she knew I'd be unable to cope in social housing. Years later after a miscarriage at 21 and then not meeting the right man etc to have DC with and fertility issues too, I do kinda wish I'd had the opportunity to have my baby at 17 and see how it worked out. I think the father (and ex boyfriend) of my baby at 17 would've liked me to have tried our relationship out and have the baby (he was 21 or 22) but I really was emotionally very young. Luckily he had no more input.

OP as I said before should do what she likes. With no pressure from the 'boyfriend'.

He can’t stop you. And I agree wholeheartedly with other posters here - his attempt at controlling what you do with your own body is a massive red flag. I wouldn’t trust him not to disappear as soon as he realises what raising a child actually involves and that co-parenting with an ex partner will be a potential deal breaker for future relationships. Block him and do whatever is best for you - if he harasses you in any way call the police.

You aren't even together, I'm sorry but he doesn't get a say. Get the termination if you want to. If you think he will get aggressive, say you miscarried. He doesn't get to say what you want to do with your body and your life.

Absolutely not, you need to do what YOU want to do. This is your body. Men have no idea at all what having a baby and taking care of a baby requires. He is completely delusional. And he will bail for sure. Please do what's best for you!!!! I've had a termination before, if you need someone to talk to.

THIS!!!!

I would terminate JUST because he thought he could tell me what to do, how dare he!!! I would run from him no matter what.

Get the abortion and do what’s right for you. It’s your body.

if it’s easier for you, tell him later that you miscarried. Then never speak to him again

this doesn’t sound like someone you want to be saddled with for the rest of your life

She did reply. She thanked people for the advice and said she would do what's best for her.

Its entirely your choice - please do not speak to him or contact him again. Who does he think he is say ‘you can’t have a termination’ what a prick!

Take care and prioritise yourself x

And how is he going to stop you? Lock you up?

Your body. Your life. Your choice. He does not have the right to prevent you and is being massively unsupportive in trying to do so. Please do listen to all this sound advice and support here and do what is right for you.

How will he know? Just tell him you had a chemical pregnancy/ miscarriage/ false positive.
Then leave him.

You do what you want, obviously. If you can't see that you have control over your own body then I'm sorry to say, you're a lost cause.

Your body, your business. It is even simpler considering that you aren't together. Even if you were, it would still be your prerogative to terminate the pregnancy, but it also would be his to end the relationship over it. But if you aren't even a couple, his feeling is even less relevant. I would tell him one last time that you are going ahead with this termination and his input is not required nor appreciated, and if he cuts up rough just block him on everything and move on.

He literally cannot stop you. He's not even in a relationship with you. Do what you want (and bear in mind him saying he will co-parent now is VERY different to him actually co parenting

There are many men who are serial impregnaters promising each woman this is the real one, they will support etc. Then once the baby is here run for the new woman and the next baby. Don't fall for it.

Don't tell him afterwards. It's none of his business if you decide to terminate. Safest option is to say you've miscarried.

@Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain don't think much about the what if. You did what you thought was the best for you. We can't change the past and barely know about our own future.

We agree, OP should be making the decision with no judgement or pressure form others.

Hi OP, I'm a man who once had a partner who had a termination that I'd have preferred she not have.

Here's the thing, my ex has no idea that I wish she'd not had that termination, because pressuring her in that way would be wrong.

When we found out she was pregnant, we talked through the options together, what life would look like if we had the baby, and then I told her that whatever decision she made, I'd support her. And then when she made that decision, I supported her.

You owe this man nothing, so do what is right for you.

The hubris of these men 🙄 Do what you want. It's nothing to do with him.